Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Nick Swisher Sure Does Smile Alot

The fuck?
Wow. After yesterday’s “Fun Run with the Undead” and the rest of the week revolving around the NBA Draft (deal with it), that just leaves today for me to fill with decent content. Since the mediocre Cleveland Indians are currently in New York facing my AllWeDoIsHitHomeRunsAndWeWon’tWinShitInOctoberDoingThis's. Now I’m not going to bore you all to tears and analyze how awful Josh Tomlin is or how a team can be assembled as if left-handed pitchers don’t exist because that would be a rotten post. Instead, I’m going to talk about smiling. That’s right, ya ‘eard me!

I am well aware of the hypocrisy that I’m about to show. I know that I often go on and on about how much I loathe Tony Romo because all he does is grin and name his son “Hawkins” and wear his Starter hat backwards like an asshole. It’s hard to say exactly why I hate his happy-go-lucky sideline demeanor, but I do and that is good enough for me. Where was I? Oh yeah, Damman posted this on my FB wall Monday night during the opening game of the series.

I’ve come to realize that I despise Nick Swisher. Does that douche ever not have a huge smile on his face? Nobody can possibly be that happy all the time. It’s as infuriating as watching Damon and Kotchman hit back to back.
This isn’t the first time that I’ve heard people complain about Swisher’s jovial nature. Hell, John Kruk pretty much came out and said that he hated him on Baseball Tonight about a month ago because he thinks that it is way over the top--so much so that it shows up the opponent. Now I don’t know about all of that, but I assume that you would at least want to hear my take as a guy that roots for Swisher Sweet on a daily basis.

Look, I like Sir Swish. When he came to the team in 2009, he gave them a new attitude that was long overdue. While I think shaving cream pies are REALLY GAY, it was better than the old Yankees who showed zero emotion and acted like accountants (boring). He was sort of a breath of fresh air so to speak. Some media types warned that just like in Oakland and Chicago, his act would get old and eventually, they would have to cut ties with Swisher. So far that has not happened. He is still the guy that plays a passable RF, he can hit, and the fans love him.

Now with all of that, you get a lot of “DUDE BRO”-style interviews, exaggerated smiles, and tongue-wagging toward the fans. It comes with the territory. I’ve learned to accept this as just part of him even when I think it is, at times, unnecessary and makes me roll my eyes. But that is who he is as a person and a ball player. I’m not here to try and convince you to like Nick Swisher or argue that you’re wrong for hating the way that he carries himself. He is a modern day Brett Favre (without the douche and cheap denim) in that “he’s just having fun out there”. I don’t think that it’s fake. I think that that is just his personality. This is the same guy who gives a ton of money to Ohio State (paid for the field turf installation even though the last thing that that athletic department needs is more charity) just like George Steinbrenner did/does still so you know that he has weird priorities. I don't care for my Yankees supporting the Fuckeyes.  And he’s married to this…
I was disappointed by the lack of sexy photos of Joanna Garcia.
Yet it does feel like he is constantly The Joker this season. I don’t think that he’s ever not grinning. And thus, I totally understand why the usual Yankee haters might hate him the most. Sometimes it does feel like he could be laughing at your guys and that would be a bush league thing to do. I’m just glad that he’s been on the team for the last few years (and this could be the last year since he is a free agent at season’s end). While most find him annoying, I’ll just keep assuming that he’s a good DUDE BRO who enjoys what he does for a living and has a real connection with the fans. Not every athlete wants to be a loathsome, vile asshole like Dwyane Wade, Kevin Garnett, and Jose Valverde. 

There you go; something to talk about today. Laugh at the Indians slow collapse or share your feelings on Swisher or whatever the hell you want; it’s fine by me. As teased last week, The Iceman and I did an NBA lottery mock draft which will be coming straight at you like DC The Brain Supreme tomorrow and I may do a live journal of the Draft for Friday.  Whatever happens, you will be entertained.

53 comments:

Grumpy said...

Unlike today.

The Iceman said...

Miles Austin. For some reason his 1,000 tooth smile really really bothers me.

There's nothing more satisfying than an Indians collapse on the heels of EVERY fucking Indians fan clamoring on about how much "talent" this team has and how this year is gonna be different. Same old shitty Indians. Same old sad bastard fans.

GMoney said...

That was some blown call by Mike Dimuro last night, huh? Fortunately, it did not matter because the Indians are terrible and Dewayne Wise is ELITE.

Hopefully, Brady can swap live-tweeting with live-commenting the sweep this afternoon. I know that I've got my broom out.

Grumpy adds nothing.

Ice, they were all still jaded from last season. I didn't get that same vibe this time around.

The Iceman said...

You don't talk to the right Indians fans. Spend extended time around Brady. You'll see...

MUDawgfan said...

I'm a man who LOVED Starter Hats and Starter jackets back in the day. I can't imagine what duds they had running the company that they weren't able to parlay their success in the early-mid 90's into some type of long term agreement with Pro Sports leagues.

I had a buddy in middle school that had a Detroit Redwings starter jacket. Kid had never been north of Kentucky, but he grabbed the first jacket he could find and wore it proudly. Starter was electric back in the day.

My personal starter collection:

2 Starter jackets - Florida State/replaced by the Atlanta Falcons

2 Starter hats - Georgetown hoops (???) and then the Atlanta Hawks

1 poorly made UNC "replica" starter jersey (admittedly, looked nothing like UNC's uni's)

Anonymous said...

Those same old shitty Indians are doing what all Indians fans thought they would do - slowly lose this lead. Every Cleveland fan not only accepts this, but we expect it. No one on this site said "this year is gonna be different." Iceman is the worst. Go talk about zombies, you fucking douche.

Also, THE TIGERS ARENT EVEN .500! What is even more distusting is that you guys have to look for A BAT by the trade deadline to help that lineup! What a joke.

Remember when one Tigers fan commenter said early in the season after a couple games for the Indians to enjoy the view of the Tigers from behind and they thought we would go wire to wire in the cellar? Go fuck yourself.

Swisher reminds me of Hines Ward. Enough said.

Seal

Anonymous said...

Grumpy....suck it.

MUDawg....it's Red Wings...not Redwings. You learned something today.

I love Swish for the following reasons....

*Great Buckeye and as G$ a very charitable one.

*Dude spent his honeymoon visiting troops in the Middle East.

*He is an Eskimo Brother with one of my best friends (obviously not the hot actress he is married to)

*He tried to force his way into another one of my best friend's dorm room our Freshman year while he was looking for a cheerleader that was hiding from him because he was shitfaced and aggressively horny.

*A month ago when that fan ran onto the field in Detroit....Swisher was in the OF. Kid ran up to Swisher and asked for a fist bump. Swisher fist bumped him and said after the game...

“Well ...” Swisher said. “He’s going to jail, so why not?”

That's fucking cool. He wasn't a big faggot about it like Girardi and Texiera were.

Even though Swisher is a Yankee, he's cool. Deal with it.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Seal...how much do you want to bet that the Tigers finish with a better record than the Indians?

--Drew

GMoney said...

Hines Ward? That's harsh. Even for you. I haven't seen Swish suckerpunch an opponent yet and have his idiot fans defend it as a clean play.

Starter gear was ridiculously huge in the 90's. That brand should have never become irrelevant. If I could find my Redskins coat, I would still wear the shit out of it.

Anonymous said...

Drew - did you just read my post? I know the Indians will never keep this up. But im obviously going to shit on the Tigers right now for how much they have underachieved. I would even go as far as saying they still win the Central this year.

Seal

Anonymous said...

(The Tigers that is) about winning the Central.

Seal

GMoney said...

It would fit in better tomorrow but I know that Drew can't wait to brag about how "smart" Joe Dumars is for unloading the horrible contract (one of many) of Ben Gordon for the horrible player of Corey Maggette. It's a good thing that Joe D will have that financial flexibility again soon so that he can spend it wisely this time. How about a 70 million dollar contract for Steve Blake now???

Anonymous said...

LOLZ at how mad G$ is that the Pistons are one Charlie V amnesty away from a get out of NBA jail free card. Notice that he brought it up...not myself. Shows how mad he is. Pistons gonna have over $20M to spend in summer of 2013.....deal with it.


--Drew

Anonymous said...

I'm all about guys enjoying themselves on a baseball field. But on routine fly balls to right, Swisher bounces around like Richard Fucking Simmons and points to the crowd. I kind agree with Kruk that it really could be seen as showing up your opponent.

How terrible is Johnny Damon and Casey Kotchman? But Kotchman is great with glove and Damon provides great veteran leadership!

-Damman

Prime99 said...

I have always liked Swisher. He was fun to watch on the A's and has remained pretty cool. Besides that year on the White Sox- he was awful tat year.

The Iceman said...

Hey Seal. Did you see the part where I said to hang out with Brady for an extended period of time? He seems to be a pretty fucking big Indians fan who comments here and totally bought into what was happening this season. Next time clean the Calipari sperm out of your eye sockets.

Also...I'm not a Tigers fan you inbred, toothless hillbilly fuck. I hate baseball. Maybe if you paid more attention here and spent less time surfing the net for pictures of Adolph Rupp in stripper thongs you would know that. Dildo.

Anonymous said...

Iceman - I have never seen anyone try as hard as you to be funny. Also, it doesnt work.

You cant back up your arguements with facts, you back them up by telling people to clean jizz off their face or stop being gay some how. Cool dude.

"There's nothing more satisfying than an Indians collapse on the heels of EVERY fucking Indians fan clamoring on about how much "talent" this team has and how this year is gonna be different. Same old shitty Indians. Same old sad bastard fans"

That is not directed at Brady only.

Seal

GMoney said...

Plus, Swisher spent numerous college nights at the Bier Stube so you know that he is ELITE.

Drew, I am not mad at all. You still have 5 guys on the roster that deserve to be amnestied. Cap room is great if people want to play there. People don't though. And Joe Dumars is still Black Millen.

And for those that don't know, an "eskimo brother" is someone that has also fucked the same person that you have. So Brad Pitt and Billy Bob Thornton are eskimo bros via Angelina Jolie and Shook's Son and Mr. Ace are via Uncle T's rectum.

The Iceman said...

Seal. I'm glad you don't find me funny. Because you seem to be in the minority on everything around here. That means I'm doing something right.

I talk jiz and gayness to Deal because that the language of the Kentucky fan.

Brady said...

First off, I never said "this year is going to be different" or that we have "a ton of talent". I was enjoying the good start to the season but was waiting for the other shoe to drop like most Indians fans.

Why do you think the Jake is only getting 15,000 a night for home games? It's because we all saw through the bullshit PR and ridiculous lineup that the Tribe puts out there every night.

That all being said, the Tribe is in a terrible division. All five teams are within 6 games of eachother. I don't think anyone has the team to run away with this thing.

I still have faith that the Tribe can pull it together. To do that however, Masterson and Jiminez MUST pitch like front line guys and our 12 year old GM HAS to go get a right hand bat. You can't go through a season with an all lefty lineup and expect to win anything. Oh, and the players we do have, must play up to whatever potential they have and stay on the fucking field (lookingat you Hafner/Sizemore).

I will have the game on at work today so I'm sure I'll have any number of awesome observations once the tribe gets down 3-0 in the first inning.

The Iceman said...

"First off, I never said "this year is going to be different" or that we have "a ton of talent"

I have Facebook posts and text that suggest otherwise, Brady.

What's the Jake?

Brady said...

You may have posts about winning a particular game or being happy about an estended run of good play. You DO NOT have anything saying "playoffs" or "title".

Anonymous said...

The Jake is the nickname for the Indians stadium (Progressive Field, I believe). It was a genius bit of marketing, actually. The old owner who died, was named Jacobs Field after the owners Richard and David Jacobs. They got away on the cheap by signing a 15 year lease agreement on the name, knowing full well that the nickname "The Jake" would stick well beyond the 15 years regardless of what shit organization decided to buy rights to it.

Believe it or not, I didn't actually have to google this, I knew it from back in 1995, when I last cared about baseball. And, I agree, that it is the coolest fucking name for a stadium in the history of life.

Ide

Anonymous said...

G$...Plenty of players want to play for the Pistons...due to being one of the best organizations in NBA history. Just wait and see.

Brady...don't turn that game on. Usucko will suck.

--Drew

GMoney said...

No, the coolest and most fitting stadium name is "The Protruding Anus" for Fenway.

I'm told by all Indians fans that I know to expect a perfect game from Pettitte today. CAN'T WAIT!

And still, that catch call by Mike Dimuro last night was hilarious. Even though he was TOTES wrong, Hannahan still can't go out there and motherfuck the guy.

Brady said...

Bottom line is the Tribe's lineup is laughable rioght now, our pitching staff is hit or miss and they can't sell out half the stadium. HOWEVAH, the Indians are only 1.5 games out of 1st on June 27. If offered that deal before the season started, I would've taken it in a nanosecond. A week ago the Tribe was flying high on a 4 game winning streak. This week they suck. It just takes one good week of baseball to trun the tide.

Those two calls in the game last night were laughable. The Indians probably don't win anyway but those calls made it virtually impossible for them do compete. The "foul ball" let in 2 runs and the "worst call in human history" left 2 guys on base for the Tribe. It's hard enough to win in that little league park without the Umps sucking the Yankees off.

Excellent description of the Jake, Ide. Couldn't have said it better myself.

The Iceman said...

The Jake...never heard of it. I only know Progressivd Field.

The Iceman said...

*Progressive

GMoney said...

Oh Christ, here we go again with the little league park stuff. You get to play there, too, you know.

Jesus, watch the YES replay and not the camera angle that STO didn't even have. That play in the third was definitely fair. But you probably like siding with Matt Underwood and his constant whining and misinterpretation of the rules anyway.

Anonymous said...

Is there a worse person in Cleveland right now than Chris Perez?

Ide

Anonymous said...

Chris Perez is actually pretty ELITE. He speaks the truf.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Sabathia to the DL. Suck it G$.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

Sabathia to the DL for inflamed love handles?

GMoney said...

We'll survive. After all, we're actually over .500. Although if this means that Freddy Garcia is back in the rotation then I am disappoint.

Chris Perez must really hate being liked. It's like trolling Indians fans didn't work so he decided to up the ante by insulting the Browns and defending LeBron. Perez might be the best troll to ever troll.

The Iceman said...

Seal gives Perez a run for that title.

Brady said...

I like Perez but he better keep converting saves to keep getting away with that mouth. I would also like to see him tone down the celebration after he K's somebody. That shit is going to get one of our guys a 95mph heater right in the back.

Come on G$! That was clearly foul. Rick Manning was the one going crazy over the call. You know, an actual baseball player and good color guy. Those two calls were killers.

I love the fact Hannahan went out and told that dipshit he fucked up the call. I'm sure he threw in a comment about that "fair" ball as well. Jack may be balding and isn't the most intimidating guy but I wouldn't want to fight him. It's nice to see somebody bring some fire to this team right now.

I want to see Seal vs. Iceman. Those two are going at it today!

Anonymous said...

CC to the DL? Shit, I have to throw in that ace I have been trying to trade for the past week.

Ide

MUDawgfan said...

https://fasinfrankvintage.com/shop-online/starter/starter-jackets/deadstock-cleveland-browns-starter-jacket-2xl/


Pretty solid Starter Throwback for Browns fans. Definately on the pricey side, but it's in great condition.

G$ - not sure how you could say no to the $99.00 NY Yankees classic!

https://fasinfrankvintage.com/shop-online/starter/starter-jackets/new-york-starter-jacket-sz-l/

GMoney said...

OMG Brady! After that first correct call where they were whining, they came back from commercial and said that after looking at the YES feed, the ump got it right. Apologize to everyone now. Even Rick Manning, an actual baseball player and good color guy, said that that call was the correct one.

If you want me to get out my rule books and just start posting them word for word here, well I won't do that, but the threat is there.

Anonymous said...

Brady, you could not tell anything from the STO replays. Bumblewood and Manning originally were pissed but they said after looking at the Yankee broadcast feed which had a view straight down the line, that the ball looked fair. Not sure if you missed them saying that. Not like it mattered anyways.

The other call was obviously terrible. The worst part was the fan holding up the ball immediately afterwards. The ump must have thought,"eh, I don't need to actually see the ball. Looked close enough."

-Damman

Anonymous said...

Good job, good effort apparently counts for acrobatic drops.

Ide

The Iceman said...

Totally off subject. But is there anything more infuriating than a white kid talking ghetto? I argue that's tough to beat.

GMoney said...

Iceman, it is why I hated The Killing. If you're white saying "moms" and "little man" is not appropriate. Actually, that goes for all races.

Brady, you better just take the rest of the day off since I CRUSH YOU! But you could kind of see the "fuck it, I'm sticking with the out anyway" look on Dimuro's face.

Brady said...

I did miss them changing their mind after seeing the YES feed. I was busy cooking dinner or wrastlin' my dog on the floor. Whatever. Hannahan, Acta and Santana all had a problem with it. Not saying they aren't bias but it was a pretty close play and the Ump had that "I don't fucking know" look on his face. I bow to your superior knowledge TODAY ONLY.

Nice to see Eric Chavez, of all fucking people, coming up with a big 2 out 2 RBI double to give the Yanks the lead. This series just keeps getting better and better.

Brady said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brady said...

I can't get the Tribe on the radio for some reason so I've got the gamecast up at work. I just saw this description of our last play.

"Aaron Cunnigham sacraficed to first, C. Kotchman to third, L. Marson to second."

If that doesn't make you want to send mail bombs to Chris Antonetti, I don't know what will.

GMoney said...

It could be worse, asshole, you could have just lost your two best starting pitchers today. Eric Chavez hits happen sometimes; losing 40% of your rotation in three hours doesn't. Quit being a pussy.

Brady said...

Yeah I'm feeling really bad for the Yankees losing starting pitching. I'm sure they just won't buy themselves out of trouble if it turns out to be bad.

Anonymous said...

Brady, I would much rather prefer the above Cunningham scenario over the guaranteed "Aaron Cunningham struck out swinging" that was sure to happen. He helped us score two runs! Just be glad he didn't spike himself.

Girardi is flying thru his bullpen today. 4 pitchers to get thru the 5th.

-Damman

GMoney said...

You sonofabitch! NO ONE deserves to have Freddy Garcia happen to them. I doubt that Pettitte misses more than a start anyway unless he has osteoporosis and his ankle just shattered into a billion pieces.

Brady said...

Another great flame out with the bases loaded to end the game! Way to work the count there Asdrubal.

GMoney said...

SWEEP! Well that was fucking easy. I was sure that Soriano (well past due to have a massive blow up) was going to blow that.

You guys are terrible.

GMoney said...

Oh sweet...Pettitte is out 6 weeks with the broken ankle that I assumed wasn't real. Someone find out if Kei Igawa is still alive.