Tuesday, June 12, 2012
I had three options going into tonight's post. Stanley Cup closeout game, preview the NBA finals or just post a fleet of pictures of me sucking my own dick. Considering that we all have some sort of vested interest (well, most of us) in Heat vs.Thunder and only Dut is itching to see those dick sucking pictures...I figured let the people speak and go with the majority here.
First let me say that after careful thought, I think this series is going to be closer than I originally anticipated. The Thunder play a little soft on defense but they protect the rim better than almost any team. At the other end, the Heat play a physical type defense the Thunder have yet to face and out hustle almost every team to loose balls. It's going to be physical and there is going to be a lot of Dwhine Wade pouty faces in the direction of the officiating. I hope Joey Crawford officiates this series and I doubly hope he shows up in his KKK Imperial Wizard whites. Let's check the match ups.
Durant vs. Lebron - Push. Anyone who says anything other than push eats poop. Lots of poop with hair and blood in it. When you're talking about two guys that are clearly on another level talent wise than everyone else on the planet, you can't give a clear cut advantage. Sure, Durant may be a better closer than Lebron but we've all seen Lebron take over games when he's locked in. And tell the Celtics mangled shit pipes that Lebron isn't locked in right now.
Westbrook vs. Chalmers - Westbrook. I mean, I would be a complete skid mark if I picked Chalmers here, right? Right. And I'm not. But the gap is closer than people think. Chalmers is a weird player. He looks really, really good some nights and others just disappears. I don't think he'll ever put it together and get to that next PG level, but he's better than he gets credit for. Chalmers is a good shooter, excellent at the stripe and if he can take Rondo to the hole at will...he can do the same with Westbrook. The only downside is that Chalmers can't guard Westbrook. Because no one can. Westbrook makes any defender look like they're twelve beers deep on no food. It's pure filth.
Harden vs. Wade - Harden. I went back and FORF on this one and ultimate landed on the guy with the hobo beard that probably has last night's Popeye's chicken buried deep within the hairy infrastructure. Harden had nards of fucking steel against the Spurs last round and does so much damage as the 3rd scoring option. He doesn't need 30 shots to get his like Wade and doesn't take nearly as many ill-advised fall away 20 footers while double teamed. Harden is an underrated bitcher though and has been known to get untimely technicals. But, there's no way the student out-bitches the teacher.
Ibaka vs. Bosh - Bosh. Bosh may be a complete beav on defense but his offensive game is so much more advanced than Ibaka's. Bosh has transformed into an ELITE 3-point shooter as of Saturday and helps keep dickfaces like Kendrick Perkins from squatting in the fucking lane for eternity. The real advantage is Bosh gives you pristine FT shooting while Ibaka shoots a blistering 66% from the line. Ibaka can block anything that comes near the tin and is a great defender but I'll take a good rebounder and good scorer over an ELITE defender any day. No matter how big of a fur burger Bosh is on the other end.
Bench STREMPH - Thunder. This was a no brainer based on the fact that the Thunder have the 6th man of the year. Derek Fisher has found a way to be way less old and far more likable now that he isn't fighting off Ron Artest prison rape attempts in the shower. The Thunder also get bonus point for not having Eddy Curry and both of his floppy tits on their sideline. Plus any bench that employs Mike Miller loses all credibility with me. As established before, we should kick Miller out of the white race. He's making us all look bad with his trailer park tattoos and Justin Verlander posters on the inside of his locker.
Brooks vs. Spoelstra - Uhhh. Push. Because they're both bozos. Listen. Make no mistake about it...these guys are average coaches. Period. The way Tim Legler publicly blows Spoelstra you would think Legs' next move is to give Spoelstra his Varsity jacket. Swallow his load already and move on. Give Brooks or Spoelstra the Pistons, Wizards, Cavs or Bobcats are see how "great" they are. And by "great" I mean "fired in a year begging for their old assistant's job back". The Heat and Thunder have four of the top ten players in the league right now. I hope to high holy Christ these coaches can win some God damn games with this kind of talent. NBA coaches have zero to little impact on whether or not the team wins. I mean...give me the fuckin white board. I know how to draw Durant at the top of the key with the ball with everyone else tucked away in the corner furthest from the basket. I'll even add word balloons from my stick figure mouth that read "Stay the fuck out of the way and go let Durant be awesome." Simple.
So my prediction is Thunder in seven. It's not that I really think this will go the full seven, it's more that I really want it to go the full seven because I think this series is going to be pretty fucking awesome. And I want Brady to have to endure basketball for as long as humanly possible. Because Brady sucks. Last thing...since Prime brought it up yesterday, why don't we get a head count of who is still doing the MSFL this year. I'm in. I know it's too early to pick a draft date but we can hammer out some details and any changes we want to get made. My change proposition is that we eliminate the TE position since we have a RB/WR slot and a flex spot. If Grumpy is dead set on starting Heath Miller every week he can put him in the flex spot. Alright assholes...do your thing.