Tuesday, June 12, 2012

NBA Finals Preview

                                             "Those are boobies."



I had three options going into tonight's post.  Stanley Cup closeout game, preview the NBA finals or just post a fleet of pictures of me sucking my own dick.  Considering that we all have some sort of vested interest (well, most of us) in Heat vs.Thunder and only Dut is itching to see those dick sucking pictures...I figured let the people speak and go with the majority here.

First let me say that after careful thought, I think this series is going to be closer than I originally anticipated.  The Thunder play a little soft on defense but they protect the rim better than almost any team.  At the other end, the Heat play a physical type defense the Thunder have yet to face and out hustle almost every team to loose balls.  It's going to be physical and there is going to be a lot of Dwhine Wade pouty faces in the direction of the officiating.  I hope Joey Crawford officiates this series and I doubly hope he shows up in his KKK Imperial Wizard whites.  Let's check the match ups.

Durant vs. Lebron - Push.  Anyone who says anything other than push eats poop.  Lots of poop with hair and blood in it.  When you're talking about two guys that are clearly on another level talent wise than everyone else on the planet, you can't give a clear cut advantage.  Sure, Durant may be a better closer than Lebron but we've all seen Lebron take over games when he's locked in.  And tell the Celtics mangled shit pipes that Lebron isn't locked in right now.

Westbrook vs. Chalmers - Westbrook.  I mean, I would be a complete skid mark if I picked Chalmers here, right?  Right.  And I'm not.  But the gap is closer than people think.  Chalmers is a weird player.  He looks really, really good some nights and others just disappears.  I don't think he'll ever put it together and get to that next PG level, but he's better than he gets credit for.  Chalmers is a good shooter, excellent at the stripe and if he can take Rondo to the hole at will...he can do the same with Westbrook.  The only downside is that Chalmers can't guard Westbrook.  Because no one can.  Westbrook makes any defender look like they're twelve beers deep on no food.  It's pure filth.

Harden vs. Wade - Harden.  I went back and FORF on this one and ultimate landed on the guy with the hobo beard that probably has last night's Popeye's chicken buried deep within the hairy infrastructure.  Harden had nards of fucking steel against the Spurs last round and does so much damage as the 3rd scoring option.  He doesn't need 30 shots to get his like Wade and doesn't take nearly as many ill-advised fall away 20 footers while double teamed.  Harden is an underrated bitcher though and has been known to get untimely technicals.  But, there's no way the student out-bitches the teacher.

Ibaka vs. Bosh - Bosh.  Bosh may be a complete beav on defense but his offensive game is so much more advanced than Ibaka's.  Bosh has transformed into an ELITE 3-point shooter as of Saturday and helps keep dickfaces like Kendrick Perkins from squatting in the fucking lane for eternity.  The real advantage is Bosh gives you pristine FT shooting while Ibaka shoots a blistering 66% from the line.  Ibaka can block anything that comes near the tin and is a great defender but I'll take a good rebounder and good scorer over an ELITE defender any day.  No matter how big of a fur burger Bosh is on the other end.

Bench STREMPH - Thunder.  This was a no brainer based on the fact that the Thunder have the 6th man of the year.  Derek Fisher has found a way to be way less old and far more likable now that he isn't fighting off Ron Artest prison rape attempts in the shower.  The Thunder also get bonus point for not having Eddy Curry and both of his floppy tits on their sideline.  Plus any bench that employs Mike Miller loses all credibility with me.  As established before, we should kick Miller out of the white race.  He's making us all look bad with his trailer park tattoos and Justin Verlander posters on the inside of his locker.

Brooks vs. Spoelstra - Uhhh.  Push.  Because they're both bozos.  Listen.  Make no mistake about it...these guys are average coaches.  Period.  The way Tim Legler publicly blows Spoelstra you would think Legs' next move is to give Spoelstra his Varsity jacket.  Swallow his load already and move on.  Give Brooks or Spoelstra the Pistons, Wizards, Cavs or Bobcats are see how "great" they are.  And by "great" I mean "fired in a year begging for their old assistant's job back".  The Heat and Thunder have four of the top ten players in the league right now.  I hope to high holy Christ these coaches can win some God damn games with this kind of talent.  NBA coaches have zero to little impact on whether or not the team wins.  I mean...give me the fuckin white board.  I know how to draw Durant at the top of the key with the ball with everyone else tucked away in the corner furthest from the basket.  I'll even add word balloons from my stick figure mouth that read "Stay the fuck out of the way and go let Durant be awesome."  Simple.

So my prediction is Thunder in seven.  It's not that I really think this will go the full seven, it's more that I really want it to go the full seven because I think this series is going to be pretty fucking awesome.  And I want Brady to have to endure basketball for as long as humanly possible.  Because Brady sucks.  Last thing...since Prime brought it up yesterday, why don't we get a head count of who is still doing the MSFL this year.  I'm in.  I know it's too early to pick a draft date but we can hammer out some details and any changes we want to get made.  My change proposition is that we eliminate the TE position since we have a RB/WR slot and a flex spot.  If Grumpy is dead set on starting Heath Miller every week he can put him in the flex spot.  Alright assholes...do your thing.

30 comments:

Grumpy said...

HEATH! I'm in for MSFL.

For those who missed it, Iceman and his brother had a cat fight yesterday on Facebook over the details of some story that nobody cares about. What are the chances their parents raised two morons?

The Iceman said...

He can be a bit of a drama queen sometimes. I was simply trying to make a funny when he stepped in and insisted I had the details wrong thus taking the focus away from the true point. He thought buying 200 one dollar scratch off tickets would win him his money back and then some. The deets aren't important here...just how dumb of an idea it was.

But neither one of us are Steelers fans or support rapists so I guess they raised us better than some people on this blog.

GMoney said...

I've been kicking this idea around recently but is Mario Chalmers on the same diet as Paul Pierce? Sure, he's not fat but he gives off a chunky vibe. Have we dawned a new era of Chub Tits? Plus, I think that he is a terrible player and everything that he does is pure dumb luck.

Coaching...there is a reason why the same handful of guys seem to hog all of the titles. Can you imagine how awful it must be to deal with these guys everyday? It has to be the worst.

You know I'm in. But we'll get rid of tight ends over my dead and raped corpse. Shit, the way the game is now, we should get rid of the RB spot and add 2 TE positions. Just get rid of one of the flex positions.

OKC in 6 and I can't wait to hear that fucking building tonight.

Anonymous said...

Heat in 7. LeBron beasts all series long. Cavs fans whine for two weeks. The series leaves LeBron haters grumbling and kicking dirt.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

That was my original idea. Get rid of either the rb/wr or flex. Ace wanted to keep both flex spots and ditch the TE. I don't give a holy hell which on it is as long as it's one of them. That league starts way too many guys. Especially for an auction league.

Chalmers does have that face pudge look about him. I would say he probably dips into the Krispy Kremes a little too much. But I cant ever see him drinking pig fat smoothies like Pierce. Just like most things in life...the original is always the best. Pierce is the one and only Chub Tits.

Anonymous said...

In for the MSFL. We should keep the TE.

I'm actually looking forward to watching this series. That hasn't happened since Jordan was in the NBA.

-Damman

GMoney said...

You know, as hard as this is to say, if Miami does win this year then the guy has absolutely earned it. He's played like Roy Helu, Jr for the last 6 weeks (that's good). I would be sad and angry, don't get me wrong, as a jilted ex is wont to do, but I could tip my cap if he keeps playing insane.

I just don't want to live in a world where Jeff Carter and LeBron win titles in the same month. That would be too much for me to handle.

OKC drafted Byron Mullens. I change my vote to OKC in 4 just because of that.

The Iceman said...

Holy shit, we've turned a corner. This is the most I've ever been impressed with G$...and I've heard his El Toro story.

Since it appears people want to keep the TE then I vote for only one flex spot instead of two. Anyone else?

Prime99 said...

Keep the TE and ditch a Flex spot. As mentioned yesterday, I'm clearly in.

I have to cheer against the Heat, even though there are reasons to dislike the Thunder. Should be an entertaining series though.

GMoney said...

I am impressive 24/7/365.

Prime, explain your reasons to not like the Thunder please. I don't like Derek Fisher and their owner is a total scumbag, but that's about it.

Completely off-topic but I ended up watching a lot of them this weekend, but how about Kent State going to the College World Series? That is incredible! NO ONE from the midwest ever goes to Omaha. Good for them. I would lose my shit if Kent State and Stony Brook played for the title.

I watched more college baseball this weekend than I have in my entire life and I worked for the baseball team in college for three years. Stony Brook and KSU were just too appealing.

Prime99 said...

A championship to the Thunder is to Seattle as a Raven's championship (2000) is to Cleveland.

James Harden's hair (all of it) is the conglomeration of the Rutgers women's basketball team's hair.

Durant and Westbrook wear those dumb glasses just like Wade and James.


Derek Fischer will now have 6 championships.

Scott Howard- I mean Brooks- never gave Boof the attention she deserved. A little recognition and she'd do ANYTHING for him in the sack...

GMoney said...

I've always been on Team Boof. Pamela was a total gash.

Anonymous said...

An update from the Sandusky trial for everyone...

Dan Wetzel ‏@DanWetzel
Victim 1 testified Sandusky would blow on his stomach before engaging in act. Then one day, sat up, looked at boy "and said, it's your turn"

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

I guess I just wanted the MSFL to be a little different than other fantasy leagues. Multiple flexes allow you to either have your team WR or RB dominate...or TE dominate if you so choose. But I guess if you all want to be queermos we can drop a flex.

GMoney said...

We are already a different league. One of our owners skipped the draft last year to go watch Train sing Meet Virginia LIVE.

Having to sit through the Sandusky trial has to be the worst job ever.

Anonymous said...

Is there any chance that The Money Shot can get an exclusive interview with Sandusky during this trial? I know he's not giving interviews, but if anybody can get one I think it's this blog.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

In my experience when people try to make their leagues "different" they usually make them sucky.

There just isn't enough talent out there to properly fill all of the positions that need to be filled on the current roster setup. Especially in an auction when you run out of cash at the end. Trying to find contributors for a $1 is nearly impossible.

It's pretty ghey when you're forced to start Tomlinson or Jabar Gaffney every week in one of your flex spots. I would rather start Gaffney's monster dong instead of Gaffney.

Brady said...

I will casually check out the game tonight during commercial breaks in the battle for Ohio part one. It's going to be like playoff baseball in June!

Prime99 said...

Iceman- that sounds like the rant of a man who had an awful team last year. Marmalard for the win!

GMoney said...

An interview with Sandusky, eh? Let me see what I can do. No promises but sounds like a Monday post as it would require an entire weekend to piece together all of the quotes and attempted tummy blows.

Brady is the Steelers fan of Indians fans. Let that sink in for a minute.

GMoney said...

Prime, congrats on the Cubs getting Jorge Soler. He's supposed to be pretty good. Clearly he isn't smart though since he picked the Cubs over the Yankees.

Brady said...

"Dershem says she also met with Sandusky. She says he denied having sexual contact with the boy but did acknowledge lying on top of him and blowing "raspberries" on the boy's stomach."

That quote may be creepier than reading about actual blow jobs.

I'm clearly not from rural appalachia, have missing teeth or run my own meth lab up in the "hills". Linking me in any way to Steeler fans is just plain wrong G$.

GMoney said...

I'm no legal expert or anything but I'm pretty sure that live-Tweeting an Indians game is the internet's equivalent of waving a terrible towel.

Brady said...

Tweeting out awesome observations and relevant information is nothing like waving a piss stained rag around for hours.

I'm actually semi-happy for Pittsburgh in the baseball world. The Pirates have long been curb stomped much like the Indians and it's nice to see perenial bottom dwellers rise up for once. Will it last? Probably not but it's fun to be in first place for awhile.

The Iceman said...

I did have an awful team...and it's all because of that fucker.

Marmalard will rise in 2012-13

Anonymous said...

Fantasy football talk brings me out of the woodwork. I need to retain my crown, thanks Mr. Tenor and continue my overall dominance of fantasy football. Heat in 6. Lebron > Dur can't play defense.

----Lange

Anonymous said...

Brady..at Rib Fest we all laid down in a circle and blew rasberries on each other's stomachs before AND after dinner. It's definitely normal. We even found a lucky child who was there on his birthday and included him. One more thing you missed out on.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

LOL Drew! Although, I can't laugh too hard because I also missed out. However, distance is a better excuse than being locked up at home.

Grumpy said...

Brady is still a pussy.

Brady said...

Rasberry fest '12. Make it happen guys. Make it happen.

Damnit Grump, I've said I was sorry AND I was a pussy a thousand times! I pledge to never miss a MoneyShot sponsored event ever again.