Wednesday, June 06, 2012

Holdouts: Just A Little Less Annoying Than Lockouts!

Booger forgets what sport he officiates...CLASSIC Booger!
As we are still firmly entrenched in the vast wasteland of the NFL offseason, guys like me sort of cling to scraps when it comes to potential blog posts. I was dicking around on the internet this past weekend (likely on sites involving Amy Ried HIGH FIVE!) and I had SportsCenter on in the background. It felt like I had hit 1.21 jiggawatts because they were, ONCE AGAIN, talking about Darrelle Revis holding out from Jets camp for more money. Do you remember how terrible that saga was two years ago? Well, apparently, it’s back. I hope that you’re ready for the sequel, this time with 100% more Tebow!!!

Is there anything worse than holdouts? Well, other than lockouts, of course. The second that someone even mentions that a millionaire athlete wants more money; I have already tuned them out. I don’t want to hear about that. Those things interest me about as much as Grumpy having shower sex. To reiterate, that does not interest me at all. But then again, we’re all dying out here just waiting for fantasy draft season to start up. Sorry, gentlemen, but we’re still two months away from that. And here we are…forced to do this. For today’s topic, I’m going to ignore Revis Island and analyze five big time players that are upset with their financial situations and figure out what exactly they deserve for compensation and what SHOULD happen.

Drew Brees – It amazes me how horribly the Saints have handled this but then again they have done nothing right this year. Do they really think that Brees is expendable and not worth ELITE money? They do realize that their only other option is Chase Daniel, right? I mean, seriously, they got really lucky that the Dolphins were stupid and chose Culpepper over him six years ago. They got him for 60 million then, it’s time to make it right for the player now. Paying for past performances is normally a horrible practice (Hi Brian Cashman!) but, in this case, just give him what he wants already. It's not like he's getting worse or has neck AIDS.  Enough is enough. Four years and 100 million seems fair to me…make the guy the highest paid player in the league already. He’s earned it.


Wes Welker – He needs the Patriots more than the Patriots need him. On 25 other teams, Welker is almost worthless. But in New England, he is a machine. And that’s part of the problem. Welker knows that but he probably doesn’t want to admit it. That’s why he “has 9.5 million reasons to not hold out”. There has to be a happy medium here—something like 3 years/24 million ought to do the trick.

Ray Rice – On the other hand, Baltimore needs Rice way more than he needs them. Rice is only 25 and is clearly one of the top 3 backs in the league while being an every down, game-breaking stud. This is probably the least tense situation listed today because it appears that both sides want to get this done. Rice would probably have no issue signing elsewhere but the threat of Ray Lewis’s knife plunging into his back over and over will likely keep him a Raven for life. Four years and 50 million and then let him go before he hits 30…BOOM, done.

Mike Wallace - We have talked about this a few times before and my opinion has changed slightly.  I still think that the Bengals should have given up the chance to draft an OG from Wisconsin and handed that pick to the Stillers for Wallace but whatever.  The Bengals have no balls.  This screams "grass is not always greener" to me for both parties.  Wallace and the Steelers really do need each other.  His presence makes them so much better and would be very hard to replace (don't you even think about mentioning Antonio Brown as a #1 receiver).  And he wouldn't be better in any other offense.  He wants Fitty money, he should get V-Jax money.  Give him the exact same contract that Jackson got from Tampa (5 for 55) but add a dollar so he can talk smack to Mr. DUI.


Matt Forte - This one is really tough for me as an impartial football fan.  He definitely deserves to get paid for carrying that offense since he's been in the league.  But the new Bears regime appears to be smart and realizes that running backs, even those as dynamic as Forte, aren't the reason that you win titles.  With the Bears bringing in Michael Bush (an above average RB), this seems like it is not going to get resolved any time soon.  Honestly, it feels like the Bears are going to let him walk.  Considering that he wants Chris Johnson money, that might not be the worst thing.  They should try to deal him for a first round pick as soon as possible.

The refs are also on strike?  The hell?  Where am I going to get my sweet, sweet Jerome Bogar destruction of the English language now!!!  Anyway, in conclusion, I pay Brees and Ray Ray.  I compromise with Wallace and Welker.  And I separate from Forte.  But that's just me...thoughts?

33 comments:

The Iceman said...

Couldn't disagree more with Forte. This guy's been trying to get a new deal for 2 years now. And the whole time the organization's message has been "get on the field, do what you do and we'll take care of you." Forte did just that. He played out his shitty contract (and played well, mind you) with class thinking the Bears would hold up their end of the bargain. Well...they didn't. They've basically been lying to him this whole time which is the shittiest of shit moves. Forte may deserve that money even more than Brees.

Not paying Brees his money would be a bigger mistake than jean shorts. Luckily as a society we've recovered from that...can't say the Saints would be that lucky. Side note...I do believe Brees picked the Saints over the Dolphins thus forcing Miami to go with Pep. But I'm not 100% on that since my memory is pretty foggy at 5AM and my ambition to look it up is about the same as Grumpy's boner STREMPH.

Brady made Welker and if Welker fails to remember that then send him back to football hell in Miami where he can rot for eternity. Welker is replaceable and I'm sure WR's are banging down the door to play with Brady. He has zero leverage here.

Ravens need Rice more. He's a top 5 back on any team.

Wallace is still LOLZ for wanting Fitz money and even more LOLZ for truly believing he deserves it. Nate Washington money is more realistic.

Grumpy said...

Does Iceman get up at 6:00 to jerk off?

Antonio Brown will be a #1receiver; he runs better routes, catches the ball in traffic and is the go-to guy when they must have 1st down yardage. So far Wallace is a one trick pony. Leave the Steelers analysis to someone who actually watches them.

After proper medication my boner will match anyone here.

Anonymous said...

Grumpy - u said that exact same shit about Antonio Brown a few months ago and you were wrong then, nothing has changed.

Ubaldo shuts down that "incredible" Tigers offense. Wow you guys must be struggling if you can't hit him, I was just waiting for him to blow that game.

Does anyone in basketball bitch to the refs more than Lebron and Wade? It's miserable to watch them.

Seal

The Iceman said...

My flight back to Ohio leaves at 7:50...6:50 yout time. Which means I get up at 5AM...4AM your time. And yes...I was jerking off. Mind your business. Just because I'm a Browns fan doesn't mean I don't watch the Steelers. At minumum I watch them twice a year while they're destroying the Browns. More realistically I watch about half the games if the time doesn't interfere with a game I would rather watch. Know the enemy, right?

Believe it or not, I actually agree that Brown has the potential to be better than Wallace. Wallace is Heyward-Bey with better hands.

The Iceman said...

Seal...yes. Paul Pierce, Rajon Rondo and Kevin Garnett.

Anonymous said...

Rondo is still ELITE for calling them out during halftime last game. Great game last night though. Game 6 will be fun.

As much as it pains me, the Steelers hold all the cards with Wallace. No one will take him for what he wants and Browns numbers will likely pass Wallace detracting from his value. There's always injuries we can pray for. I do.

Grumpy, the only thing worse than talking about the Steelers is talking about the Steelers with their fans. You could be 4-12 and still talk like your team is prined for the Super Bowl. And totally not in jest like us Browns fans.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Iceman - I agree, but since I am rooting for them for the first time in my life, I was trying to ignore that.

Seal

The Iceman said...

Ugh. Seal, I could never subject myself to rooting for Garnett and Pierce. Pieces of shit to the highest degree. I would put my hate for those fuckwads against any Cavs fan hate for Lebron.

Grumpy said...

Yeah Ide, but find me the last time the Steelers were 4-12. People in glass houses etc.

Iceman is ELITE; he gets it about Antonio Brown. Brown is a better all around receiver than Wallace right now. Even Ide says Brown will likely pass Wallace, and Ide is clearly brain damaged.

Wallace has no choice but to sign the tender for 2+ mil; otherwise he makes 1/2 mil. That's why holding out is stupid; the team holds all the cards.

GMoney said...

What YOU think about Wallace is irrelevant. My point is that they both work pretty damn good when the two are together. The Steelers passing game will go to shit without him and so will his career. He needs to put his ego aside and accept a V-Jax like deal.

I'll believe that Antonio Brown is more than a #2 when he does it. And I say this as someone who is keeping him on a fantasy team so you know that I want him to be ELITE for 2 bucks. Teams gameplan around Wallace, they don't for anyone else in that offense.

As for Forte, the Bears have fucked around so long that, to me, it just shows that they aren't going to pay him. Would they trade him to the Bengals for a first rounder and a 4th? Why am I always playing fantasy GM for Cincinnata? Could you imagine the Bingles with Forte though? Insane!

I am cautiously optomistic for tomorrow night's game. I still have trouble rooting for KG though. My fist pump on Pierce's facial three to Bron was pretty intense. It was an odd night at the mansion.

Anonymous said...

I don't give a fuck what any of these NFL players do....although I guess I do hope Forte gets sent packing.

I can't even figure out who I want to win this Celtics/Heat series...I'm just enjoying it. The Heat are such douches....yet, KG is the ultimate douche and Pierce is a bitch that is also clutch. Tomorrow night's gonna be awesome either way.

--Drew

GMoney said...

What a perfect setting, too. The Garden has hosted a wide array of LeBron's playoff failures before, why not one more???

By the way, last Thursday I wrote an OVERRATED post about the Spurs and Heat being a lock for the Finals. Neither team has won a game since. I am the ultimate jinx.

Anonymous said...

This game 6 has an eerily similar feeling to a game played where Lebron's team should have won the series and got upset. He also pretty much quit and played like shit. Looking forward to see how he plays tomorrow.

Seal

Anonymous said...

Brees deserves to be paid more than anyone you listed, if for no other reason than his responsibilities and playing environment drastically changed when his head coach/offensive mastermind was suspended for the year. Brees will be running that offense more than any offensive coordinator will. Lets also not forget that he is more responsible than any other player for making New Orleans relevant again. Pay the man!

If I were Ray Rice, or any ELITE RB for that matter, I would always be holding out for more money if I were still producing. RB's careers are arguably limited more than any other position on the field due to the damage their body takes. They need to get as much money as possible while they still have legs. Especially if they are ELITE.

If I were the Patriots, I would tell Welker to fuck himself. They could find no less than 10 guys who could match his skill set for less than he wants and who would love to play with Brady.

I agree with most everyone else on Wallace. The man deserves to be paid, but not like the #1 WR in the NFL. However, I disagree that the Steeler's don't need him. Having someone like him, along with Brown, who can take the top off a defense really opens things up.

-Lil' Strut

Prime99 said...

"Getting paid is a forte, Each and every day, true player way"

This that line from "No Diggity" is not about Matt Forte? It should be.

I have no idea what is going to happen with Forte. My heart says to pay him, and my head says running backs are replaceable.

GMoney said...

Exactly. A guy like Wallace opens up the middle due to his ELITE speed and safeties having to RESPECK it. This, in turn, allows below average Heath Miller to catch passes and your stupid fans to scream HEEEEEEEEAAAAAAATTTTTHHHH which is not even a real or catchy thing to yell out (I believe that I've covered that before).

Basically, Steelers fans are the LeBron of sports fans. Just awful.

Anonymous said...

Seal- who is calling the tigers offense "incredible"? They're one of the worst in baseball. Ubaldo leads the lead in walks... Yet the tigers managed just one against him. I give ubaldo 0 credit for last night. He was consistently down 2-0 only for the tiger hitters to hack at a bad pitch and pop out.

The heat are done. Now nobody has a reason to watch the finals.

Dut

GMoney said...

I watched the bottom of the 9th last night and Cabrera's barehand play was absolutely insane. Yet STO never showed a close-up on the force out. Was it a good call? Nice terrible work, STO. The biggest play of the game and you just ignore it.

Prime99 said...

To the Heat- "Good job! Good effort!"

Brady said...

Brees deserves a HUGE contract. Nobody in the league deserves big money more than him.

Prince Fielder is ELITE at popping up pitches in huge situations. And he's fat.

That barehanded pick by Cabrera was fucking epic. We were watching the Tiger feed and they showed the close up a few times. It was definitely close but I think they made the right call. Shit, after that kind of play you kind of have to give them the out.

I agree with Seal. I watched the whole game last night and Wade/Lebron are miserable pricks. They are constantly complaining and throwing their hands up in disgust. Just play the fucking game assholes. Boston needs to end this thing on Thursday so Cleveland can laugh and point for another year.

Brady said...

KSK's new photo of Peter King is probably the best thing I've ever seen.

Anonymous said...

Prime - Awesome comment!!

Did you guys hear that kid saying that (Good job, good effort) as the heat went to the locker room. I was waiting for one of them to rip his head off.

Seal

GMoney said...

I did not, Seal, Prime's comment had me totes confused. But now that I know, that is the best. Heat fans know nothing.

Anonymous said...

What more can you expect from a fanbase that runs out of the arena with 3 minutes to go in a Game 1 victory?

Ide

Anonymous said...

I did hear that, seemed like that kid was in the hallway on the way back to the locker room haha....

I find it interesting how much I am pulling for the Celtics, the team who pulled a Heat awhile ago by grouping 3 stars and winning a title....I even felt joy watching Peirce eye one in Lebrons face...and I hate Paul P.

I guess the Souf Beach announcement really took the Heat to a new level of Hate.

- J Saul

The Iceman said...

Paul Pierce is the worst. He flings his fat body into people in an attempt to pull a Reggie Miller cheapo foul and when the refs are wise to his bullshit he jiggles his jelly tits at them in disgust. Garnett isn't much better. He fuckin cries about EVERYTHING. Even after a replay shows his blatant moving screen or clubbing a shooter's arm in the act he reacts in a way that would suggest he was just given a $1,000 fine for jaywalking. Fuck that whole team. Even down to Keeyon Dooling who somehow thinks he's transformed himself into a superstar in his 12th year in the league.

Anonymous said...

How could anyoen not have heard "Good job, good effort" kid if they were watching? It was definitely a kid...I actually thought it was nice how he was trying to keep them upbeat. I guaransheed he was no more than 8 years old...so, he doesn't know what type of cocksuckers they are.

I'm with Iceman in the KG/Pierce hate, although I hate KG more than Pierce. I really, really, really hate KG.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

I mean...it's really tough for me to separate the two, Drew. Let's call them 1A and 1B. I think KG hatred is the most common ground we've shared on anything. Everything about that guy is bullshit. All the way down to his faggy screaming and douchy knuckle pushups. The best thing about KG winning a ring was the completely embarassing interview he did after. "Dreams do come true!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! /sound a wet pussy makes. Fuckin fag.

GMoney said...

Name a superstar (or just an above average player) that DOESN'T whine though. I can tell you one thing...Ryan Hollins is not a crier!

I don't like the Celtics at all and never have but, as the cliche goes, "the enemy of my enemy is my friend".

You may laugh at KG's stupid dreams do come true thing, but that wasn't as dumb as Pierce dumping Gatorade on Glenn Rivers' head while the game was still going on. Wrong sport, asshole.

JSaul, the C's assembling their Big 3 was very much different (and aided by Ainge dealing with retarded GMs in Seattle and Minnesota). Don't lump them in with Team Collusion.

Prime99 said...

Are we sure the kid wasn't being sarcastic? Either way- that clip is damn hilarious!

Anonymous said...

Prime....that kid had not hit puberty with that voice. There is no way he was smart enough to mock them like that.

Iceman....while I've got no problem with your 1A/1B for those two douchers, I'm sticking with more hate for KG. I mean....Time Duncan HATES KG....Tim Duncan doesn't hate anybody...that's proof of how much of an ass-hole the guy is.

--Drew

Joey Crawford said...

Tim Duncan hates me. Only because I hate his kind. And by his kind I mean blacks.

Anonymous said...

I admire Joey Crawford.

Ide