|Somebody get Bogert here a tree to chew on|
Dawwwww HORSEFEATHERS! My kitties lost another series yesterday to them Yankee bastards. We're over two months into this dadgum season and my boys are playing a bunch of angry coons at my pappy's moonshine still! We just can't seem to put anything resemblin' a winnin' streak together. Fer Pete's sake, we're lookin' up at the White Sox! That is not what I had hoped for at this point. Have you ever been to their stadium? That is NOT my kind of place at all. You can't even find a bar that plays David Allan Coe within an hour of that yard. I don't know if that's a darn crime but it should be.
Before I go any further, TEAM MCCOY! That sumbitch Hatfield deserted the troops and, most importantly, THE CAUSE! Had that bastard stuck around with Randall McCoy then maybe Derek Jeter and A-Rod would not have taken me deep! You know, because this great game would be more "Ty Cobb-ish" if you catch my drift.
Anyway, it was yet another average performance by me yesterdee. I knew that I didn't have my best stuff when, on my way to the yard, my rebel flag AND my Ron Paul bumper stickers flew off of my monster truck. I told this to Skip before the game but he was more concerned with his Marlboro reds. That darn Skip goes crazy when Prince eats his cigs! Speaking of our big free agent, damn does he suck. Bring back Sean Casey...at least he was white! I'm at the point now that if I don't strike everyone out, I just know that no one behind me is even wearing a glove out there. They all suck.
It was an honor to be there and bid farewell to Magglio yesterday though. No one supported asshole dictators in Venezuela better than that Juan Valdez. I'll miss him. Although I really shouldn't because he never had any tamales when I asked him to give me a tamale every day. Where was I? Sometimes I have a hard time staying focused without my oxy.
Oh yeah, another loss. I'll tell ya somethin', Money Shotters, this team has me more angry than my Uncle Tiny eating day old biscuits! I'm half tempted to get my fourth Tasmanian Devil tattoo just to show the fellas that I'm super serious! This losin' has GOT to stop and since I'm not man enough to do it myself, maybe the awesome power of Taz can!
The worst part about yesterday's average outing though was seeing my fourth cousin Roy get arrested after he ran out onto the field in the bottom of the 9th. He thought that he saw a squirrel and got excited. I had to tell him that the Coors Original had gotten the best of him and what he saw was Ramon Santiago. Boy howdy, you should have seen the look on his face!
As for me and yet another garbage start from my arm, I'll recover. We gutter trash are a resourceful bunch. I'll head back to my kinfolk and keep whittlin' my pappy a Father's Day fishin' lure. He's going to love it. The catfish won't know what hit 'em!
Before I turn off my Dell for the night because my missus is complainin' about me hoggin' all the dial-up down here in Verlander's Holler, I've got just one more thing to say to you all...KURT BUSCH FOR SPRINT CUP!!!
Thanks, JV! As I mentioned on Friday, I had the displeasure of running into Dut on Thursday and he was quite adamant that the Tigers are done this year. The more and more that this season drags on, the more that it's hard to do what we all love to do and call him an idiot. It's June already...it is about time to start playing well.
One more thing, Iceman flooded my FB wall on Saturday night after the Thunder evened the Western conference finals. Clearly, he likes to smell his own farts. Well, smart guy, I got so shit-faced on Friday that I was asleep at 9:45 on Saturday night so I have no fucking clue what you're talking about. And if I didn't see it, it did not happen. Boom!
One more thing one more time...FUCK YEAH TIGER WOODS!