Monday, June 25, 2012

The End of Jerry Sandusky is Nigh

Never a bad day to wear SUEDE!!!
In case you were wondering what an awesome person like myself was doing on Friday night, well, I spent three hours watching the NHL Draft.  That's right, the NHL Draft.  Sure, I had never heard of any of the people that were selected that night but I had to make sure that Blue Jackets GM Scott Howson was still embarrassing himself.  He was!  Anyway, it was all worth it when the news broke around 10 pm:


For as stupid as this country's legal system can be, they got it right this time and they got it done fast.  Jesus Christ, the 4 beaners that murdered Sean Taylor are still awaiting trial for some dumb fucking reason and that happened five damn years ago.  I don't think that anyone was surprised by this; Sandusky was always going to prison.  Hell, even his idiot lawyer Joe Amendola seemed to not be trying to win.  That guy is a terrible lawyer.  I can't believe that he is still allowed to practice law.

Just off the top of my head, I can't think of a worse human being in this country in my lifetime (that hasn't killed anyone).  I mean, come on, we all know the stories by now.  Taking advantage of your position in life and raping boys for decades is about as bad as it gets.  There will be a special place in Hell for a guy that:

*had sex with double digit+ boys
*used his charity as his own pimp service
*somehow convinced his wife to cover up the damage and stand by him throughout all of this mess
*taught many poor souls how to properly shower
*taught many poor souls how to properly grapple in the shower
*believed that giving young boys raspberries on their stomachs was not wrong
*And this might be the saddest--raped his adopted son

Jerry Sandusky used the goddamn adoption process as his own personal sex slave auction.  If this stuff doesn't piss you off then you have no soul.  This is the worst of the worst.  I heard on ESPN that after the verdicts were announced, he just turned to his fucking idiot wife Dottie, shrugged his shoulders as if to non-verbally say "Oh well", and then was taken from the courtroom in cuffs.  His hands were cuffed in front of him (probably to hide his boner).

The bad news here is that the path of destruction that Sandusky waged for decades is still littered with ruined lives.  The good news is that this fucking monster is going to die in prison and won't be able to hurt anyone else again.  At a minimum, I think I saw that he'll serve 60 years with a maximum of over 400.  I like these absurd numbers.  I want the judge to come back during sentencing and say, "I sentence you to 81,000 years of incarceration".

So with all that being said, it's time to fire up the old commenter draft again.  I know enough about prison from books, Oz, and movies to know that rapists don't last long in the clink.  No one respects kid diddlers.  He was found guilty of his atrocities on 6/22.  Sentencing is expected within 90 days.  For the time being, Sandusky is under suicide watch while in solitary confinement.  So let's take a guess that The Tickle Monster finds his way into Gen Pop around mid-September.  When does Jerry Sandusky get killed?  It's going to happen.  It's like LeBron winning a title; it isn't if but when.  I'm going to double up on my recent victory in the NBA Lockout Arrest Draft and go with a sentimental pick for me...

September 30, 2012.  G$'s birthday.  A fine present for me indeed.  He isn't going to last long at all in there.  So pick a date and see if you can successfully forecast when a real shithead meets his deserved end.  And I really don't want to talk about this cocksucker again until the day after he gets killed in prison, so whatever you have to say about Captain Raspberry, get it out of your system now.  And, as usual, feel free to spout off about whatever else you may want to talk about today.


Anonymous said...

Remember when you defended Joe Pa and said he should definitely keep his job?

I'm gonna go with 8/5/19 with a death due to natural causes. He's gonna be living the rest of his life in solitary confinement. I'm sure someone might get to him for a few punches, but I don't think he's going to get killed in prison. He's too high profile.


Grumpy said...

I'm with Drew; he won't be in the general population. Natural causes, but 12/23/17.

If I have to remain on the header could you at least get me out of that Ohio sweatshirt? Everybody knows I would suck Ben's dick, but would never be wearing Ohio gear.

Anonymous said...

Can I call "The Tickle Monster" as my G$FL team name this year?


The Iceman said...

Hell, I'm a gambler. I'll say he dies January 20th, 2012 by his own hands. People really dedicated to offing themselves are really hard to stop...even in prison.

Sandusky, when not destroying the lives of our youth, seemed like a fairly dedicated family man. After he runs the holiday gauntlet and spends his first Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's in prison away from his family, I think that's all the push he'll really need to take the pussy way out.

GMoney said...

I would guess that The Tickle Monster is a very popular name this Fall.

Maybe I'm just a novice on this topic, but I didn't think that one could spend years in solitary; that eventually they all go into Gen Pop? I think that OJ is with the rest of the masses now (not a FACT).

I think it's great that he was seranaded by some of his fellow inmates after the verdict when he returned to his cell although I can't remember what song they were singing to him.

Well, the RA Dickey unhittable ride was fun while it lasted...

The Iceman said...

I pray Sandusky's first night in jail is exactly like the fat guy from Shawshank Redemption's first night. Minus the whole getting savagely beaten until dead by Hadley thing.


RA Dickey = Jeremy Lin??

GMoney said...

RA Dickey is white and knows how to drive...bad comparison. But let's hope that Jerry meets "The Sisters" or at least Nasty Nate. GIMME THAT COCKTAIL, FRUIT!

Here is a HUGE question: Yesterday was the 5 year "anniversary" of Chris Benoit murdering his wife and son and then hanging himself with a nautilus machine. Who is worse: The Canadian Crippler or The Tickle Monster???

I guess that that would make today the 5 year anniversary of Vince McMahon shitting all over himself and airing a 3 hour Benoit tribute show while the reports started rolling in about how he did it.

Anonymous said...

I don't think he will be released into general pop...too high profile.

The Tickle Monster is worse...more lives fucked with.

Iceman is so dumb...LOLZ...predicting that Sandusky will kill himself six months ago.


Prime99 said...

Iceman's prediction is indeed a highlight today.

I'll go 10/31/2013 Blythe hands of an inmate dressed as the Cookie Monster.

Starting a new job today, so we will see how much it affects my commenting...

GMoney said...

I picked my birthday later this year but my runner-up choice was 11/29/1994. I'm like Iceman; I don't understand how to work a calendar.

GMoney said...

Prime, good luck with the new job but just know that you MAKE time for commenting. You don't want to get lumped into the same heap of shit as Dut and Mr. Ace, do you?

The Iceman said...

Whatever assholes. You know what I meant. And since I'm not Grumpy and am not used to being up at 6am, my brain wasn't cooperating. What's next? Policing my grammar?

Anonymous said...

Only reason I was up at 6a.m., is because I woke up over an hour early today due to my stomach telling me it was time to release some explosive diarreha. Not the best start to a Monday.


GMoney said...

Are you Indians fans (after an AWESOME series in Houston) ready for a nice harsh dose of reality over the next three days?

Anonymous said...

On a hilarious related note: Dana Jacobson was molested as a child. Further investigation reveals that the babysitter who did it is fucking insane and is now a fag. I made that last sentence up, but that is where I imagined that story going while I read it.

My fantasy team took a dark turn this week when I started a Cleveland Indian.


Anonymous said...

The person that molested Dana Jacobson has also been arrested for molesting baby horses.


Anonymous said...

It could get ugly in the Bronx this week. Starting with Josh "Batting practice fastball" Tomlin tonight. We avoid CC thankfully. Does Kuroda suck? I haven't heard anything about him this year. Look for a perfect game out of Petitte on Wednesday.


GMoney said...

Kuroda has been more hit than miss this season but when he's off, he is awful.

Phil Hughes is ELITE at giving up dingers so those sitting in the RF bleachers tomorrow better wear a helmet.

Dana Jacobsen has the arms of a 500 pound man. Those things are repugnant. Considering her alma mater, I'm guessing that it was Brian Ellerbe that made her a woman.

The Iceman said...

There is a defintely maybe possibility that Sullinger might maybe possibly not be drafted in the lottery. Possibly maybe. But more maybe than possibly. I'm 50% definite on that.

GMoney said...

Sullinger should just show up anyway and sit in the stands with all of the weirdo foreigners. He and Evan Fournier can become BFF's. Words can not describe how giddy I get when some 9 foot tall Latvian gets drafted late in the 2nd round, stumbles down to the stage, and gets his picture taken with Adam Silver. Always hilarious.

The Iceman said...

"He wants the opportunity to play," Satch Sullinger said. "He knows he'll play in the NBA. All it does is give him motivation. This just keeps him hungry and he'll earn it. It's a business. He's going to play in the NBA, whatever number he goes doesn't matter. He's going to be like a top five pick in the NBA"

This was probably my favorite part of this article. Sullinger a top 5 player in the NBA, eh? When I grow utters, and get milked.

GMoney said...

Satch is a moron, but he didn't really say that. Play like a top 5 PICK is way different than a top 5 PLAYER.

What you should be laughing at is MUDawg's Hawks hiring Danny Ferry to be their GM.

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