Friday, June 15, 2012
OK, so apparently D-Lo Brown drilled Joey Votto in the back with a pitch 3-4 years ago. Crafty Dut (who is not crafty at all) waited until the time was right for revenge and decided that Wednesday was perfect. He had Latos burn a 96 mph fastball up around Lowe’s head. It didn’t hit him but the message was received loud and clear. Nothing really transpired on the field after that but they waited until the microphones were in their faces to really let loose on their true feelings. Let’s go to the tape and breakdown who won this battle!
Lowe – “This goes back to my last year with the Los Angeles Dodgers (2008). He made up some phony story. A lot of people got involved. People almost got fired over it. You can ask him right now and he’ll say she has no idea what you’re talking about. But just watch the game. Mat Latos has nothing to do with what has gone on. How would he know? Why in the world would you throw a 96 miles per hour fastball, first pitch, inside to a pitcher? Ask him.”
--Can someone please explain to Derek what a “grudge” is? If Dut believed that you hit his superstar on purpose then why you so mad bro? In Lowe’s world, if he hits a better on purpose, you are only allowed to retaliate back at him if the pitcher throws less than 96. Make sense? Good!
Baker - “This is something I want to make a public scene or a public spectacle out of. He’s the one who brought it up. He had some really choice words for me, but I don’t care if he respects me or not. I don’t care what he says. Doesn’t matter.”
--Oh Dut, no one respects you. I think that he may have left a word out of his first sentence. Does he or doesn’t he want to make a public scene? Because, to me at least, he most definitely appears to want to make a spectacle out of this minor skirmish.
Baker again - “Then he takes exception to a ball inside that didn’t hit him. Then he hits Brandon Phillips. I’m not denying nothing. I didn’t tell (Latos) to hit him, but I did tell him to buzz him and make him uncomfortable. And that’s what happened. Nobody hit him, but then he hit our guy.”
--Dusty makes a good point once you weave through his love for double negatives. Maybe Lowe spent too much time around Manny and thus always overreacts to balls that don’t hit him.
Baker is on a roll - “Since he made it public, go ask him what he said and what he did. Since he is such a big man who likes to run his mouth about himself. Man, I don’t care. A lot of people don’t respect me, but he doesn’t respect himself. The word was, that whatever he did and said, he was probably drinking at the ballpark at that time, three or four years ago. So he doesn’t remember what he said, or what he did.”
--Best quote right there. Dusty calls him a “big man” and follows that up by certainly pronouncing it “mouf”. Then he goes into how nobody respects anybody and then finishes up with a wild accusation of Derek Lowe pitching while drunk. That right there is AWESOME.
Lowe - "Three years, I've always come up with men on base. This is the first time I came up with no one on base. Dusty, I was pointing at him because I knew why it happened, and he shook his finger like he had nothing to do with it."
--Derek Lowe points at the Reds dugout like the Royal Rumble winner at the Wrestlemania sign. Dusty Baker is baseball’s Dikembe Mutombo. FACTS!
Baker! - “I wasn’t shaking my finger to say I had nothing to do with it. That means, ‘Don’t mess with me or my team.’ That’s what that means. So he better learn sign language.”
--Dusty IS Dikembe! I wonder if he owns a pair of those God awful early 90’s African tribe-inspired Adidas high-tops? Who thought that Mutombo should get his own shoe anyway? Derek Lowe is the least deaf-friendly pitcher in baseball according to the Reds skipper.
Latos - “If I wanted to hit him, I would have hit him. Flat-out. I would have hit him. It wouldn’t have been something that was close. It was 96 and inside, a two-seamer. I throw inside to pitchers and I’ve never heard a veteran pitcher whine so much. It is whatever he wants to think and we’ll let him play into his ego. If he wants to whine about it, let him whine about it.”
--Pretty tough words for a guy whose slutty-looking wife tries to fight his battles on Twitter. Latos wouldn’t be asking all of these whine-related questions if he knew that Lowe’s middle name was “Dwyane”.
Latos - “Lowe doesn’t throw hard enough for it to hurt, so I wasn’t too worried about it. If he wanted to retaliate, he could have. But he didn’t. That’s pretty crappy, to be honest.”
--BOOM! One T Mat just threw the hammer down! Not only is Derek Lowe a pussy, but he’s also a huge fag!
Dusty, what is that book titled ‘Have We Lost Our Common Sense’ doing on your desk? - “I haven’t started reading that book yet.”
--It’s funny because he’s black and probably can’t read!!! LOLZ!!!
So who won this war of words, fastballs, borderline Ebonics, and bizarre grudges? They all come off as petulant children and since this entire exchange is hilarious, I deem “America” as the true winner here. I’m sort of upset that none of these guys busted out a “That’s a clown question, bro” like Bryce Harper so eloquently said. And if you are looking forward to the next time that all three of these babies get together for a good old fashioned game of beanball, then look no further than Monday night when the scene shifts to Lake Erie and we get Lowe/Latos PART DEUX. Tremendous.
Feel free to chime in early and often about game 2 and remember to make alternate plans on Saturday so that you have an excuse for standing up Iceman. Yankees (16 out of 20, pissfaces!)/Nationals this weekend? Yes please!