However, the idea isn’t necessarily a bad one once you ignore the fact that this was pretty much what The Harris Poll was supposed to be and ended up meaning baby shit. It would be a great idea to assemble a group of voters (a small group) and make them sit in a room every Saturday and watch football games to determine who deserves to be slotted where. Hell, put them in a room with a big table like the Sons of Anarchy clubhouse with 15 flat screens and endless chicken wings and get this shit right. Bias is never going to be eliminated (EVER) unless you just go strictly based on what the computers say and no one wants a Macbook Pro to set the football final four.
I am on board with this idea (although it needs a lot of work—don’t worry, I’ve done the work). Here are some things that I would consider to be musts if a playoff committee could ever be put into practice:
*Accountability – Every ballot by every member needs to be made public
*Mandatory Media – Yeah, fucker, you’re going to sit in front of the camera and explain why you fell for Frank Beamer’s shit AGAIN
*Variety – I don’t want just old coaches sitting around and falling asleep in their recliners
*Little Bias – As you will see below, most of my choices for my committee are long out of the game
*Out of the Game – Speaking of which, none of the chosen few should be involved with college football
So with those guidelines in place, allow me to unveil my Bowden Playoff Committee…
Ex-Coach – Bobby Bowden! Well, it was his idea after all. Plus, he sort of reminds me of my late grandpa. However, every hour someone must yell WIDE RIGHT directly into his (assumed) ample ear hair.
Ex-Ass Coach – Mike McQueary! It’s not like old ginger dick is going to be coaching ever again anyway. You might as well get some use out of him. He will probably end up being the bitch of the group; getting fresh beers and whatnot.
Ex-Commentator – Keith Jackson! Is he still alive? I think that he is. I’d like to think that he and Bowden could tell some ELITE stories. And Keith has seen it all.
|Football is the greatest.|
Ex-Superstar – Orenthal James Simpson! I already wrote about this years ago. Foresight; I has it.
Ex-Analyst and Current A.D. – Trev Alberts, University of Nebraska-Omaha! It’s my “team”, dammit, and I need someone who will poop all over the Buckeyes. I will never ever forget Trev’s rant about Ohio “being a nice team”. What an asshole this guy is! He’ll be a perfect fit.
Ex-“Analyst” – Craig James! After securing 4% of the vote in his bid for a Senate seat and thus giving up his job at ESPN to pursue this pointlessness, The Pony is now out of work. For as bad as he is at living life, he isn’t THAT bad at breaking down the games. He’s just an awful person and an even worse helicopter parent. BUT HE BELIEVES IN AMERICA!
|THIS WAY TO THE MGM GRAND!|
That right there is a solid group of 8 that is ready to take college football to the next level. Oh shit, what about a potential tie in the voting process? No problem, we’ll just bring in the greatest running back in the history of the world, MISTER TRAVIS PRENTICE, to break the deadlock. What time is it? TRAVIS TIME! Actually, I should probably have this entire committee liquidated and just have TDTravis decide who gets to be in the playoffs. Thoughts?