Friday, June 08, 2012

Ahem...May I Have Your Attention Please:

                              "FUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOU!"

You dumb motherfuckers. Your day of reckoning has arrived. Buckle up and pay what you fucking owe because each one of you fuck face shit talkers gets your own paragraph. Brady, Grumpy, Prime, LS, Damman and that one guy with the shadow beard who occasionally shows up to fellate Verlander are exempt. Good job on keeping your mouths shut for once.

Seal – “Any post that once again proves Iceman is an idiot is good by me. Seal”. Any post that outs Seal for the moonshine swashbuckling hillbilly anal queen that he is is ELITE. You can shut the fuck up now. I give you permission to go get a glass of chocolate milk and get back to doodling in your Hannah Montana coloring book while the adults talk sports. Stick to what you know...wet dreams where Calipari pays you a grand to be the receiver in a Kentucky basketball bukkake film.

MuDawg - I still haven't forgot about your "Hawks Conference Swag" comment.  God, that was fucking dumb.  That has nothing to do with Spurs/Thunder but deserves another mention so we can all bask in it's tardness again.

Drew – This is strikingly odd. Drew was pretty mild throughout this whole thing and I couldn't really dig up anything horribly egregious. That, combined with our new found common ground on how big of a faggot Kevin Garnett is gets you a pass. I never thought I would see a day where a “fuck you” post wasn't headlined with a Drew paragraph...

Ide – I would tell you to suck my dick but I fear that you might enjoy it too much. Your first comment on the May 31st post detailing how dominant the Spurs are should have just been replaced by a fat black guy shitting into your mouth.  Great analysis, shit head.  I would be more interested in listening to you do a play by play of Peter King attempting to titty fuck himself.

G$ - How does if feel to be the dumbest writer on the website you created? Let's break this down insult by insult, shall we?

Even if Iceman put on a Jerry Sandusky costume and walked into an inner-city elementary school, he wouldn’t be more wrong than he is about the Spurs.

Gargle my butthole hairs. I guess thinking with your brain is outdated and old fashioned. I bet you get outsmarted by your own bowel movements.

They’ve won 20 games in a row

/air wank Like I said before. Big fucking deal. It OBVZ meant a whole shit load! Didn't it!! Shocking how beating up on the Cleveland Cavs and Utah Jazz of the world doesn't prepare you at all for real playoff teams down the stretch.

have zero weaknesses

You know...except for finding an answer for Durant, being able to fast break with younger teams, closing games in the clutch, winning on the road, defending the 3 ball, properly defending the pick and roll. Outside of that, you nailed it buddy!

the best coach in the game

Who hasn't made the NBA finals in five years. Sounds like the best to me.

and a strong home court advantage

As long as you subtract game 5.

Spurs/Heat is going to happen unless you are stupid like The Iceman and want to believe that a team that has won 20 in a row will now lose 4 of their next 5

You HAVE to regret writing that sentence.  From now on you should have to get my approval on all comments here.  The new rule is I proof read all your shit to keep you from looking retarded.

Last and certainly not least...Mr. Ace. Fuck you, you homer dick shiner. This is all you needed to know about this series that would have saved you the embarrassment of always being wrong. The Thunder have just as much talent, just as deep of a bench, played tougher opponents in the playoffs and are much MUCH younger. It was only a matter of time before geriatrics caught up with the San Antonio Nursing Homes. Perhaps it would have been possible for you to see that if you weren't so devoted to taking Tim Duncan 5-ropers across your eyeballs at every possible moment. I'm done with you. Go back to taking dry anal penetration from Ginobili's warty European 4 inch baby dick while making LOLZ Eagles Super Bowl predictions. Next year don't be so fucking stupid.

Thanks for playing everyone.  I will now take my rightful spot as the smartest person on this blog...which is about as rewarding as being the sexiest transvestite hooker with AIDS.  So even though I will never be considered one of the smartest fuckers in the world, I can sleep well every night knowing there's at least roughly fifteen shit for brain mutants that will never surpass me and my ELITE knowledge. So fuck you, suck my balls and never question me ever again.


Grumpy said...

Iceman brings the high heat. ELITE post.

GMoney said...

I was, uh, misquoted. All of that stuff? I never said it! YOU LIE!

Fuck all of those people (and there were a ton) that just assumed the East was over after game 5. Miami may be poorly coached and spineless, but they still have way more talent and youf than Boston does. You jinxed it for all of us.

Ol' Chub Tits was brutal last night.

Looks like my preseason prediction of OKC/Heat is going to happen. That is the only prediction that matters.

If you really need another reason why Cavs fans still hurt over The Decision, see last night. Those kinds of performances were taken away in an instant and replaced by Luke Harangody. That would make anyone salty.

GMoney said...

And another thing: the Spurs would have been just fine had Tony Parker not turned into a bitch once Coach Scott Parker put Thabo Whogivesashit on him. The only thing that I'm guilty of is having faith in the French.

And Scott Brooks totes turns into a werewolf during a full moon.

Gloat all you want but as long as OKC keeps their foot on the gas in the Finals then I will be as happy as Justin Verlander at The Dollar Tree.

Anonymous said...

Watching Sir Chub Tits fail last night was fabulous. Just because you hit one lucky 3 over Lebron doesn't mean you get to gloat like the seriesis over. The look on Lebron's face last night tells me this shit is over.

Anonymous said...

Agree with Grumpy...that was an ELITE post. Probably the best one Iceman has and ever will post here.

You all got served.


Grumpy said...

Iceman knows NBA like Bo knows hip replacements. Fun watching the Celtics get old last night. They're done.

MUDawgfan said...

This post is STRAIGHT FIRE.

Nice way to start the weekend.

GMoney said...

I think that if there is one thing that these playoffs have proven it is that prematurely burying teams is not a good idea. Don't get me wrong, I am leaning that way myself, but Boston won't be intimidated on Saturday night. They'll be their usual fake-tough.

Mike Miller: least likable guy ever??? I feel like he poorly represents us white people.

I did not care for this Iceman post. Bring back the HarBRAHS!

Prime99 said...

That was ELITE hate. I'm glad that I have no sting opinion on Tony Parker and Tim Duncan. They are boring and kept me out of this post.

KG is bringing missiles , AK47s, bombs, and heavy artiliary Saturday... And they will probably still lose.

Anonymous said...

If you would stop doubting my SKYLLZ you wouldn't force me to write posts such as these. You did this to yourself!!

The Mike Millers and Jason Williamseses of the world really are tarnishing the good name of the white race. We all don't look like Willam DeFoe with trailer park tattoos. That's just Mike Miller.

I'm still saying Miami wins although I expect to see a better effort from Chub Tits and the Fuck Faces. Their horse face coach does a better job of getting this team motivated than he does at donating sperm to birth overrated basketball players.

GMoney said...

My favorite part of last night's game was a tie between:

*Chub Tits not being able to drive by the Boshtrich because he drank too much gravy so instead chucked up a fadeaway piece of shit and

*KG posting up Shane Battier constantly within three feet of the rim, receiving the entry pass, spinning, and then heaving the ball at the backboard/rim as hard as he can. Classic!

I just had an e-mail conversation with a person whose last name is WILLFAHRT. Best name ever? I can't stop giggling like a bastard.

Anonymous said...

Oh snap


Anonymous said...

I'm rooting for the Heat on Saturday. We need to see a MIA/OKC NBA Finals. BOS/OKC would suck.

I think Saturday will be decently close as well.


GMoney said...

Drew, Iceman made a good point to me via sext message the other night...would it be that horrible to watch the Thunder HUMILIATE Boston???

AND we would get rid of the "Not 7"-time World Champs in the process!

Prime99 said...

Totally agree with that. Go Celtics... For now.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I'd rather watch good basketball games than the Thunder whooping ass. I'd actually probably lose interest in that.


Brady said...

Nice! I somehow escaped a "fuck you" paragraph.

Brady said...

Oh wait, I was exempt. Never mind....

Anonymous said...

There's always the next "fuck you" post, Brady. I'm sure you'll do something in the future to deserve it.

There are few things in life more satisfying then watching the Celtics get housed. How great would that be if the Celtics made the finals...then got fucking swept? I'm getting hard just thinking about it.

Anonymous said...

Ha! Good post, Iceman. Ill take mine, its well deserved. You better take advantage of the one and only time you are right and all the rest of us are wrong.

I hate him, but Lebron looked like a completely different player last night. Wade shouldnt even play when Lebron is playing like that.

So much for the Belmont being fun to watch this weekend...


GMoney said...

I'm with you, Seal, it brought back some pretty fond memories. But then I regrouped and started loathing him again.

Do you know what else is sad? It wasn't too long ago when the Pistons and Cavs were the two best teams in the East. I'm going to go have a good cry and dump now.

Obviously I'm rooting for the Celtics tomorrow only because the Heat COULD beat OKC. The Celtics can not. And since my end goal is the Thunder winning, that would be my most preferred outcome.

GMoney said...

What the fuck? 4 sports-related stores at Tuttle mall and none of them have RGIII jerseys in stock! I was all fired up as today as I was going to complete my wardrobe. WEAK!

Don't worry though, Finish Line is selling an Indians #36 HERBERT FUCKING PERRY jersey for whatever reason. It has probably been on display since 1994.

Anonymous said...

Why would you buy a jersey from the mall? You realize that you TOTES would save a bunch of money by buying that jersey on the internet right? Just about everything is cheaper on the internet.


GMoney said...

Drew, they're all a hundred bucks no matter where you go. I understand the awesomeness of online shopping but I was planning on using this $100 gift card on it (rendering it basically free) and since taxes would push the total over the hundo, the mall will split payment. The internet will not. Don't worry, I just bought one online without that gift card anyway. Fuck it, I'll use that card for gas or something less ELITE than RG3 THREADZ.

In other Redskins news, 2011 Pro Bowl MVP DeAngelo Hall is doing God's work:

(What was the last) Dream you had
DHall: I don’t know. I blacked out last night. From drink.

(What was the last) Beer you drank
Blue Moon last night! I was watching the OKC game, in my house just drinking by myself. Drinking by yourself, that’s what gets you the most.


Grumpy said...

Speaking of RGIII, I saw him interviewed this morning and the more I see of that kid the more I'm rooting for him to be successful.

Anonymous said...

*sigh. Pistons and Cavs being good. *tear