|Oh, hello there, nearly nude Kate Upton|
Memorial Day is officially (I guess) the start of summer. I know that the pool in my neighborhood finally opens this weekend so that’s enough proof for me. One thing before we get started and this goes to the zero ladies that read this site: If you have any doubt at all if you can pull off a bikini in public then you CAN NOT pull off a bikini in public. This is a huge issue in the Midwest. Nobody needs to see your inadvertent impression of Paul Pierce minus the stab wounds. I know for a fact that I can not work the Borat man-kini (great visual though) so I don't wear one. It's pretty simple logic, heifers.
Anyway, with the start of the summer months comes skimpier clothing options which leads to more excellent and vivid spank bank material. The point of today’s quick post is for all of us creeps to share what we like and dislike regarding the summer fashion trends of women that want nothing to do with any of us.
YES! - Short white shorts! As one of America’s finest “ass men”, I’m a huge fan of anything that focuses my attention on the turd cutter. In my personal opinion (Demetrius!), short white shorts are ELITE! Is she free-balling? Thong-diggity? What’s going on down there? And then I become self-aware that I’m two inches away from this chick’s ass and have been for 45 minutes. Good times.
NO! – Big Sunglasses! I hate big sunglasses and I feel like Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton brought this plague to America’s youth. They take up half of a broad’s face and sometimes more! It’s next to impossible to tell if the girl that you are eye-banging is even relatively attractive. They might as well be wearing a mask. Big sunglasses, you go to Hell. You go to Hell and you die!
Time for the rest of you sketchy pricks to share some turn-ons and turn-offs. Don’t worry; we’re not here to judge. Unless, of course, you say “little boys—YES!” Don’t say that. Let’s teach women a lesson today on how to give us throbbing boners. It’s what Memorial Day is all about.