Wednesday, May 30, 2012

It Was A Year Ago Today...

INVISIBLE DICK IN MOUTH!!!
On May 30th, 2011, the college football coaching fraternity lost one of its most esteemed members when Gentleman Jim Tressel was shit-canned by Ohio State.  I'm sorry, he "retired".  Oh, what a glorious day that was.  We laughed and laughed and laughed at how corrupt the Fuckeyes were and still are (probably).  But the dust has obviously settled after a completely worthless interim season and after one more waste of time, Ohio should be ready to roll again.

So my question for you today, Fuckeye fans, is this: Now that a little time has passed and the ship seems to be back on course under new leadership, what are your opinions on Jim Tressel now?  If I recall, there wasn't too much negative feedback here toward Tress compared to what else was out there among the mouth-breathers.  I'm just curious to see what some of you think about him now.  I only ask because it is the one year anniversary and the radio guys were discussing yesterday when would be an acceptable amount of time to welcome him back (they sort of settled on the 20 year reunion of the national fluke team).  Thoughts?

I've got the rest of my posts planned for the week so you're just getting a couple quick hitters today.


*The Miami Dolphins are this years Hard Knocks team - Whatever.  No one else wanted to do it other than Jacksonville and I'd rather watch the Frankfurt Galaxy over them.  There are only three things surrounding the Dolphins that I care about.
--Is Reggie Bush a cocksucker or a pussy slayer?
--Will Joe Philbin acknowledge my post inferring that Tom Rinaldi murdered his son?
--Will Dan Carpenter apologize to me for costing me a fantasy title two years ago when, in week 16 (or 15), he missed four field goals and I lost by 11 points?
The Dolphins fucking suck.

*Nick Fairley is the worst - Two arrests this offseason!  Now we see why no one wanted him two years ago.  It was not a savvy pick by Schwartz, it was a terrible one.  At least Fairley's contrasting mugshot photos were hilarious...just like his play on the field.

*The Stanley Cup playoffs begin tonight - Whoever wins this will have a Miami University alum hoisting the Cup (Andy Greene for the Devils or Alex Martinez for the Kings).  I like that.  And although I usually root for all things Jersey to embarrass themselves, I just can't root for LA.  I hate Jeff Carter that much.  He embodies every characteristic that a sane person would hate in a pro athlete.  I guarantee that he would hang out with the HarBRAHS.

*Ohio State and Marquette are like a screen door on a submarine - Cool idea but I have no idea why these two schools are targeted to play basketball on an aircraft carrier in Charleston, SC.  UNC/Sparty was sweet.  This?  MEH!

*Fuck you, New York media - It took me longer than most, but I am sick and fucking tired of hearing about Tim Tebow.  He is no longer a Tenor to me.  I don't hate him, but I am no longer on his bandwagon.  He is just sort of there now.  And this is through no fault of his own.  Just like everything else in my life, I blame Peter King.


*Good God, it's happening - Did you hear about that guy in Florida who got arrested because he was tripping bad and was attempting to eat some guy's face off?  It's a good thing that I already know that we're all infected!  That zombie should have started the apocalypse off with a bang by going after Lori and Carl Grimes first.  I bet that their stupid faces are delicious.

OK, that's it for today.  Now let's all pray to Nick Gilbert that he still has the magic touch and can deliver the Unibrow to the Cleve this evening.  I didn't proofread this at all so if there are any typos, it was your fault and not mine.  Just know that.

36 comments:

Grumpy said...

Tressel is/was a cheater and a liar. If it were my school he would never be welcome back.

About 90 days until the Urban Meyer era begins 0-1.

Anonymous said...

I dont hate him. He gave us a ton of great years and a championship. And Maurice Clarett. That was some good comedy. We got a new coach that looks to be eveey bit better than Tressel so in exchange for that one shitty year, id say we came out ahead.

Zombie Apocalypse is here, ready yourselves. The picture of the victim was just gruesome. However, fuck the homeless, that wouldn't have happened if he were naked indoors instead of in a highway.

Ide

GMoney said...

I guess that if one good thing came from Tress, it's that coaches should know now that selling your soul to an 18 year old kid (TWICE!) is a horrible idea.

Verlander lost again last night. MVP!

Anonymous said...

I root for the buckeyes in the BIG10 but am not a die hard buckeyes fan - and I still like Tressel. He won games and recruited the guys it took to win games. He backed his players like every coach should do in shitty times, even though he probably didnt agree with it. But in his situation, he had to. If he doesnt, no one is going to want to play for him. He is no different than any coach out there, and genuinly seems like a good person.

Seal

Anonymous said...

I'll try to hit on everything...lots of good stuff.

*I still love Tress and sadly don't think we'll see another dominant period like that at OSU. I'll even miss Tressel-ball to a certain extent. I will not miss the coaches he kept around him on the offensive side of the ball though. Tress did a lot of great things, for the most part the players stayed out of trouble off the field, teh academics were WAY up compared to the Cooper Era and he's a good man. In the end he got the boot/tarred and feathered for covering up his players getting a little bit of cash and tattoos for their belongings from some white trash drug dealer. Whatever. If there is a ten year anniversary (I don't think there will be) honoring the national championship game, I hope he'd be there just to piss off the righteous sports media again.

It sure is fucking nice that we replaced him with Urban Fuckin' Meyer though. Train keeps rolling.

*Douchebag Extreme Brian Hartline is gonna be on Hard Knocks. Yup, that's gonna be terrible.

*Way too earyl to label Fairley a terrible pick. I don't really give a fuck that he's been arrested twice this off-season. He's probably got a 2 game suspension coming his way...whatever. By all accounts he's in phenomenal shape and ready to roll this year. Last year he had a broken foot. He's gonna beast this year. If he keeps getting arrested then he will take himself out of the league...who knows.

*I'm rooting for the Kings and it's due to a 17 year grudge that I've held against the Devils for knocking the Wings out of the Cup in 1995. That was some serious sports heart break...so fuck them even if it means rooting for a team that I normally wouldn't.

*I can tell you why it's Ohio State/Marquette....because, Ohio State moves the fucking dial. I think UConn was supposed to do it and then they backed out. I don't know why Marquette is there, but maybe other teams weren't willing. I just can't wait to see Buckets shoot Buckets on a ship. BUCKETS IS ON A BOAT MOTHAFUCKA.

*Welcome back to the Tebow side. Let it be noted that I never called him by his other name.

*Supposedly, the Florida zombie was high on bath salts. I've read a lot of crazy things about these bath salts. Grumpy should do them one day and report back.

--Drew

Grumpy said...

I've done far worse than bath salts back in the day and never ate anyone. Actually, I did eat some people, just not their faces.

MUDawgfan said...

Still waiting for that cocksucker Nick Fairley to get arrested for the late hits and cheap shots he layed on Aaron Murray. What a complete cunt.

The only thing I have to say to Nick Fairley is:
"I'll have the Sausage Egg and Cheese platter, raisin toast and hashbrowns scattered, covered, diced, and peppered please - Iced Tea to drink"

The only thing that dumb motherfucker is qualified to do is work at Waffle House.

Anonymous said...

Tress did so much more good than not, it's not even close. On and off the field, the guy was a class act and did a lot of things for charity that nobody knew about. Yeah, he fucked up at the end but it should not tarnish all the great things he did on and off the field for ten years. Drew is right. We may not ever see a ten year run of dominance like we had under Tress. He's welcome back anytime. I think they are talking about doing something for the 10 year anniversary of the championship team this year (I can't fucking believe it's been 10 years already), but I don't think Tress would come back this soon even if he were invited.

Grumpy obviously gets his news exclusively from ESPN and Mark May.

Buckets on a boat should be good.

-Damman

GMoney said...

Actually, I did eat some people, just not their faces.

YOU ARE DISGUSTING. We didn't need to know that.

Even if they threw together a ten year anniversary (on say, CHAMPIONS LANE perhaps?), wouldn't the show cause prevent him from coming anyway???

Tress was a victim of his own ego and that his way could do no wrong. It happens. He'll be back. It will be awhile and some of the Bucktards will never forgive him but that is what makes them tards. Let's face facts here, Jim Tressel and his ELITE skills as a Replay Specialist helped lead the Colts to two wins last year.

Brian Hartline = RATINGS

Anonymous said...

Drew, it appears you have an ax to grind with Hartline. Is there a good college story behind this?

-Damman

Mr. Ace said...

SPURS.

The Iceman said...

Tressel got what he deserved. He did some shady shit, knew it was shady and tried to cover it up. You're wrong, Seal. There are tons of coaches out there nothing like Tressel.

Relax, Ace. That's what the number one seed is supposed to do at home. Go drink some soy milk while you settle down.

The zombie dude was having a cocaine hallucination episode according to police. It also took shooting him 6 times (I believe) for him to stop. I didn't hear for sure but I'm assuming the zombie guy is dead. The pictures out there are just disgusting. If I were the guy with the missing face I would've wanted the police to fucking end me. That guy will never look normal again.

GMoney said...

Iceman, you forgot one small detail about the zombies: Carl still sucks.

NBA tomorrow, chaches, so save it.

Speaking of terrible former Buckeyes, Anthony Gonzalez got cut by the Pats yesterday. What a turd.

Anonymous said...

Iceman....most updated article I've seen is bath salts...whatever.

G$...you just need to stop talking about show causes, because this is the second time that you have shown complete ignorance on teh subject. A show cause would do absolutely nothing to prevent him from being honored at some 10th year anniversary celebration. I don't think they are going to do it just to avoid the whole topic while it's still "hot". But, Gene has proved to be a PR abortion so maybe he will.

Damman....Hartline is a HUGE douchebag. If you've ever seen him out in public then you would know. I do know a decently funny story about him though. I know he got engaged after his last year at OSU to some real rich blonde chick from OSU with some fake titties. He bought her a MONSTER ring....they seperated last year because he found out she was fucking some other Dolphin....some crub. I think they are divorced now.

Grumpy...I was told over the weekend that Mike Adams was smoking weed at a backyard party over the Spring Game weekend at a buddy's house. That was the weekend before the draft. He's more dumb than I even thought.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Anthony Gonzalez got admitted into the Stanford MBA program and has quit football.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

"Speaking of terrible former Buckeyes, Anthony Gonzalez got cut by the Pats yesterday. What a turd."

Probably because he was in Put-In-Bay this past weekend, drunk off his ass taking pitures with some girls in my office.

Iceman, you are a fucking bias idiot. Obviously you are going to say that. Yeah, the coaches out there that arent like him are Jerry Sandusky and coaches who cant beat their rival. See Rod, Dick and Carr, Lloyd.

Seal

The Iceman said...

Seal,

Hoke: 1-0

Anonymous said...

Thanks, I know his record. It also really backs your arguement for shitting on Tressel. You can admit Tressel is a good guy, go ahead.

Seal

Mr. Ace said...

LOLZ ICEMAN

Tressel was letting the inmates run the asylum. That shit doesn't last forever. And lets not act like it was just the tattoos scandal that happened during the Tress Era. There was plenty more shady shit than just that.

He did seem to be a good guy off the field and give a lot to the community. I am glad he is gone, honestly. I would much rather face Urban Meyer.

GMoney said...

Drew, that is why I asked about the show cause and continue to do so. I was under the impression that he was banned from having anything to do with the university. A reunion of sorts would most certainly be backed by the school and thus be a no-no for him then, right? I'm asking because I don't know. Get off my nuts. I don't roll like that.

I don't think that Tress let the inmates run the asylum at all. Howevah, he did let the wrong inmates weild way too much power. That sort of power should have went to football titans like Commenter Daniel and not the ghetto trash that he gave it to. Howard Schnellenberger and Dennis Erickson let all of the inmates free, Tress just let a few bad apples spoil the bunch. Does that make sense? I think it makes sense.

FYI, I think that Damman, Reba, and myself are looking for a FOURF to play golf at 8:40 on Friday morning at Raymond...if you're interested, let me know. I don't want to get stuck having to ride around in a cart for 4 hours with a black guy wearing jeans.

Anonymous said...

The Pistons have such a small chance at winning the Unabrow Lottery tonight, that I'm more watching just to root against Cleveland winning it. I do hope the Pistons new owner Tom Gores is the one that is sitting there though. I'm sure he'd show up with an awesome amost completely unbuttoned shirt on. He is one weird mothafucka.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

G$...No....he is not banned from doing things like getting honored by the university. TP though is....TP is banned from everything.

I agree with you. He let some of the superstars have too much power, but it was not the whole team.

How about T.O. getting cut from his arena team AND getting his ownership stake taken away.

--Drew

Grumpy said...

Drew, I was told you were sucking dick in the restroom of the Bexley Theater. That's as credible as your Mike Adams story.

GMoney said...

Golf slot has been filled I'm told. Your loss.

Either way, Drew, I don't think that he's egotistical enough to show up around here that soon.

Nick Gilbert is going to win. We're due after the Clippers got #1 last year. It's our turn! BELIEVELAND!!!

The Iceman said...

You said the only coaches out there not like Tressel are ones who can't beat their rival, Seal. Hoke has beaten Ohio and he doesn't recruit shit heads. How does that not back what I was saying?

Drew, if we win the Unibrow sweepstakes I'll drive to Columbus and get us shit faced on my dime. I also hope Gores and his Zoolander haircut are both in attendance. He's just the weirdo we need, I think.

Anonymous said...

Iceman. If another Terrelle Pryor-like kid popped up....and Michigan needed a QB...Hoke would most definitely offer him a scholarship. That's idiotic to think he wouldn't.

I look forward to getting drunk on your dime.

Grumpy...no need to get so mad that Mike Adams was still smoking weed the week before the draft. You can be mad at yourself for buying into his story, but we already covered a month ago why you were dumb for doing that.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Sorry I'll be fishing in the WV hills tomorrow so I won't be able to comment but I gotta get an NBA dig in that's been brewin....G$ you can copy and paste it into tomorrows if you'd like...

I want to know how/why our NBA analyst Ice isn't bought into the Spurs yet, even to this very day....

Are these not the same Spurs that have the best coach in the game (who has one of the highest winning %'s ever), have multiple titles with the players on the floor, have one 20 straight games with rested experienced players, are UNDEFEATED IN THE PLAYOFFS (I know they haven't played anyone like being 2-0 up on the Thunder)....AND are the 1 seed in the mighty west?

Just curious...I'm not even a Spurs homer I'm just a sanity homer.

- J Saul

Anonymous said...

*won

The Iceman said...

I'll address everything JSaul said in the next NBA post. I don't want to steal G$'s thunder.

Drew...Hoke has passed on top talent due to character issues. And by passed on I mean didn't bother recruiting in the first place.

Anonymous said...

Iceman- where are your examples of players hoke has passed on? Also, hoke has had 1 f'ing recruiting class. It's a little too early to say he doesn't recruit shitheads. All major programs go after the same retards.

The hiring of urban f'ing meyer has made the tressel stuff a lot easier to get over. The good outweighs the bad in the tressel era and it ain't even close. I'd welcome him back today.

Espn just loves posting Ohio state on their front page. Today there's a post about a Michigan commit (not even highly ranked) burning an osu letter and posting it on twitter. You stay classy. Maybe hoke should stop recruiting this shithead?

Dut

The Iceman said...

He's ranked in the top 100 Dut. But you're right...no one wants that guy. The reason he burned it (if you actually read the article) was to squash the rumors he was flipping his commitment to Ohio. And it was a harmless stunt, pal. Relax. It's not like he was selling memorabilia to feed his "starving" mother or to help pay her "electric bill". PRAISE GOD!!

GMoney said...

Cowherd, just an hour or so ago, was talking about the letter burning and told Ohio fans to get a sense of humor already. If Cowherd said it, then you know that is TRANSCENDENT!!!

But he makes a decent point I suppose. You loved Boren for leaving Ann Arbor because of some weirdo family atmosphere thing but get bent out of shape over a little amateur arson. God, why can't both Ohio State and Michigan fans just die already.

Welcome back, Dut, see you again in three weeks.

Fishing in the WV hills...hoo boy, don't forget your Tigers hat and Tigers tank top and multiple Tigers fishing lures.

Anonymous said...

Iceman...Tulley-Tillman was never rumored to be flipping to OSU. He says he burned it because he was "mad" that OSU offered McCray. Also, Tulley-Tillman almost fell out of the Rivals 250 that was updated today...he's at like 235. He looks like a fucking pear.

Hoke offered a scholarship to Joe Mathis...a DE out of California that USC fans swear is a Blood. This kid has even done interviews and when asked why he wears red hats has said it's his "flag". So, don't give me that shit.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

"Everyone was saying that Mike McCray and I were going to flip to Ohio," Tuley-Tillman said in reference to himself and fellow Michigan commit McCray, a linebacker from Trotwood, Ohio. "My mom showed me the letter, and it was more of a personal thing [to burn it].

From ESPN.com who has him ranked 97th overall.

GMoney said...

Judge Joe Mathis???

Anonymous said...

Nobody was saying that that Pear looking mothafucka was going to flip to OSU. He's as guilty of being a retard as he is of arson.

--Drew