Monday, May 21, 2012
Kerry Wood retired - It really is unfortunate that Kid K's body did not live up to what he should have been as a pitcher. I always liked Kerry and the two months that he pitched in New York, he was terrific. Then last week, we heard that he was going to retire at the age of 34 after his next pitching opportunity. He got that shot on Friday afternoon against the White Sox and it was just terrific. Wood came in, faced on batter, struck him out, and then got pulled. Cubs fans are a pretty stupid bunch but they owned that moment and gave one of their own the send-off that he deserved. If you didn't get chills watching Wood walk off of the field for the last time then you don't get sports. I'm willing to bet that Prime and Reba were on the verge of tears. That was awesome. To me, Kerry Wood's march from the mound to the dugout was THE moment of the baseball season.
The Yankees are fucking garbage - This team is going nowhere. I have already come to grips with it. Sure, they have been destroyed by injuries this year more than any other team, but that is hardly a viable excuse with the talent still on the roster. It would be a different story if they were blowing save after save, but they aren't. The problem is the offense and the fact that the entire team is anti-Jack Hannahan's. It seems like every fucking game they go 1-10 with RISP. That is very annoying. Russell Martin sucks the fattest Canuck cock on the planet. Nice contract year, jerk, way to make me forget about Jesus Montero. You know who doesn't get the scorn that he so rightly deserves? Mark fucking Teixeira who is God fucking awful and is just getting worse every year. I can't wait for his albatross of a contract to end in four more long years.
Justin Verlander blows - What kind of cunt can't even no-hit the Pirates! I sent that text to Drew after Jabba The Shortstop couldn't crawl after a ball that any other SS could reach with ease. His reply back to me was that Verlander is on pace to have more no-hitters than Nolan Ryan...NBD! Talk about a meaningless and stupid fucking stat! Way to go Drew, you SO DUMB. You know what? I'm on pace to have as many perfect games as Roger Clemens, Greg Maddux, and Terry Schaivo. True story! Speaking of the Tigers, I don't get this team at all. How are they still under .500? I guess it's harder than you thought it would be to out-slug the opponent when you have poor defense and garbage starting pitching outside of the top 2. I like to think that Brandon Inge tattooed a curse against his former team on his forearms after they cut him.
Chris Perez is not smart - Obviously, no one who works for the Indians can be pleased with the lack of support from their terrible fans, but it's probably not the best move to publicly call them out like the moron closer for the team did on Saturday. He said something to the effect that poor fan support is why players don't want to play in Believeland. No, Stupid Rage, people don't want to play in The Cleve for the same reason that has stood the test of time...the Rust Belt kind of sucks. I highly doubt that Perez's blunt honesty is going to light up the turnstiles. Way to piss of the few people that even know who you are, Chris. By the way, fans have every right to boo the home team if said home team is playing like shit or Freddy Garcia can't get out of the 2nd inning for the 6th start in a row.
Aroldis Chapman is as good at pitching as Tyler Hansbrough is at traveling - This weekend was pretty much the first time that I've been able to focus on this guy and he so sick. SO SICK.
Curt Schilling is broke - 38 Pitches needed the government's help to make payroll this month. This makes me laugh because I hate Fake Blood and that he was probably against bail outs. I guess it's OK when violent video games get saved but not the automotive industry.
Francisco Cervelli is my homeboy - Remember last summer when I went to a Clippers game and met The Million Dollar Man? Of course you do, that is a legend that will never be forgotten. Well, I made my trip back to Huntington Park on Saturday as the Clippers did battle with The Empire State Yankees (formerly Scranton but the field in eastern PA is being renovated this year thus the AAA Yanks are playing a nomadic schedule this year which has to suck). They only had standing room tickets available but that was fine (it WAS Star Wars Night after all!). I got to see Matt LaPorta hit an opposite field bomb and Jack Cust hit a dong that went out of the damn stadium. We moved down to seats about 5-6 rows up from the on deck circle in the 8th. I was drunk at the time so I made it my mission to get Cervelli to acknowledge me from the stands. Frankie's single in the 9th ended up being the game-winning RBI and when he was running out to take the field in the bottom of the 9th, I made my move. I stood up proudly showcasing me "ELITE" t-shirt and bellowed "FRANCISCOOOOOOOOOO!!!" as loud as I could while pointing at him. Cervelli saw me and gave me a few quick (but noticeable) positive head nods! Damman can confirm! I think that the people sitting around us, who were aware of my objective due to my traditional loud drunk talking, were very proud of my accomplishment. I am now best buds with a World Series winning backup catcher (at least I think he has a ring)! AAA Baseball...there is not a better entertainment bang for your buck.
How many of you can say that you lived out your dream that you had for 12 minutes before achieving it? I CAN!!! Plenty of talking points today, let's get after it. But if none of these float your proverbial boat, my guess is that if Big Brother wants me, I will find out this week. I'm starting to get nervous. No, not about whether they want me or not but more because I asked Andy K to draft my DFL team if I am in LA for a few months. Terrifying.