Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Urban Meyer Raped Florida

Come play for me and I'll suck your schlong like this!
On Monday, Matt Hayes of The Sporting News revealed a fairly long exposé into the stylings of one Mr. Urban Meyer. I’m not going to link to it because I still have no idea what the purpose of his article was (actually, here it is). Hayes is basically implying that Meyer is the sole reason why Florida is average now.  As if it's possible to be in the national title hunt EVERY year (this just in: it is not possible).  We already know that Meyer is cutthroat and gives no fucks. We already know that Urban walks the ethical fine line with pompous grace. Hayes isn’t trying to destroy the Meyer/Ohio regime before it truly begins. So I’m not quite sure what this accomplished. You aren't going to win big consistently by recruiting the Amish.  But there are some definite themes worthy of my thoughts and today we’ll talk about those.

Urban Meyer is pretty awesome at operating in gray areas on the recruiting trail. Haters are going to hate his recruiting practices forever. It’s because he is ELITE at it, no doubt. The thing here is that during the courtship of uber-tard Stefon Diggs, Meyer may or may not have been selling against his old school due to the off-field problems in Gainesville. The problem is that those off-field issues/culture mostly happened under his watch. This is hilarious and anyone smarter than Mo Claiborne can see through this charade. But I respect the moxie. He’s got the short-term memory of an ELITE closer in baseball. You’ve got to forget about the past. Your friend from two years ago can be your enemy today.  He says that he still loves the Gators but you know that deep down in his black heart he wants them to die like he will later this year.

He let his players off the hook at Florida even though they were using drugs. This is pretty shitty actually and I hope that his one year sabbatical from coaching changed his perspective. Faking injuries in order for failed drug tests to remain under wraps?  Really?  Obviously, his job is to win first and all of the other stuff is a distant second. If Cheech Marin is bringing blunts to practice with him but still displays 4.3 speed on Saturdays, that was not a big deal to Urb. But it probably should have been; because after all, the more you let these kids be animals, the quicker that everything will implode. And that sort of happened. I guess what it comes down to is if you are going to be a dictator then BE A DICTATOR.

Urban treats his players differently based on their athletic prowess. I’ve never understood the problem with this. Jimmy Johnson did the exact same thing with the Cowboys. You most definitely give Santonio Holmes more leeway off the field than you do Commenter Daniel. It makes all the sense in the world. If Holmes gets a DUI while impregnating 4 chicks at the same time, you sit him for one half against Indiana. If Daniel does the same thing, you get him an olive tray for his wedding. I don’t see what the big deal with this is. Treating people the same way is OVERRATED. I treat my commenters differently. Grumpy gets way more wiggle room than Dut. It comes with the territory.  By the way, Percy Harvin sounds like a huge asshole.

Urban Meyer is kind of a hypocrite. Yeah, his value system doesn’t really match with his actions but so what? As Andy Pettitte is proving, spending time with your family is not that great. Health be damned. If what this article says is true then Urban really isn't that much of a bad ass and he is much more of a doormat behind closed doors.  We'll see how things have changed now that he's up here.

Again, this didn’t really do anything for me. The purpose behind this piece is still confusing. Can anyone figure out why this was even written?  It's not like Florida is now Rice.  I don’t know if it’s something in the water here but I don’t really hate Urban Meyer. I kind of like how open and honest he is. He TOTES hates all of the offensive linemen in the program and he says it pretty much every week. That’s awesome. Basically, I wanted to cover the main points of this waste of time and allow you a chance to praise/spit fire at Urban. Done and done. Way to waste everyone’s time and get my hopes up, Matt Hayes, you jerk.

If Hayes wants to get Urban fired or something, just wait until 9/2 when the frontpage headline of The Dispatch says: MEYER FIRED AFTER 72-0 LOSS TO REDHAWKS.  That has a nice ring to it.

39 comments:

Anonymous said...

That article was retarded. I've seen more biting reporting in this blog than that heap of shit. Lets have ten nameless people come forward and say he had preferential treatment and drug cover ups. I'm sure a lot of it was true to a certain extent, as I don't think you will find many schools where preferential treatment isn't being used. But most of that article was reaching. The Diamondbacks winning four in a row topped this on my give a shit meter.

Also, Ellstin fucking Limehouse.

Ide

Grumpy said...

I too read the article and I don't find it reaching at all. It describes his coaching style and the culture at a program he ran. Executives tend not to change their management style. If I was an Ohio fan I would have some concerns.

GMoney said...

You've got to give that AD from Arkansas some credit, that was not the easy way to handle that mess. Fuck Bobby Petrino.

I still don't understand why Matt Hayes wasted three months on that article. It offered up nothing.

Limehouse's cleaver is the absolute best. When Christophuuuuuh was trying make "Cleaver" with the guy from Wings, he should have casted Limehouse as the lead over Daniel Baldwin (and Ben Kingsley). GREAT season of Justified.

Grumpy said...

How can you say the article offered nothing? I didn't know about 3 players testing positive for drugs and being listed as injured for a bowl game to cover up their drug use. I didn't know the inmates were running the asylum. I didn't know injured players were run off and lost their scholarships when they could no longer contribute. I didn't know Percy Harvin was in charge of conditioning.

You follow this stuff more closely than I do so maybe none of it was news to you, but I found it revealing.

MUDawgfan said...

One of the most pointless articles ever.

Florida began their decline because they lost the OC and DC. Charlie Strong and Dan Mullen were fantastic teachers and coordinators. They were replaced with people who were less talented, thus the decline began.

If he goes to Ohio State and hires poorly, he'll have the occasional 8-9 win season (which would be a 7 win season playing an SEC schedule).

He recruits his balls off and gets the most out of his playmakers. Florida fans are pissed he left because he wins, not because of the mess he left in his departure.

The Iceman said...

Why don't you ever talk about Brady Hoke on here? Oh yeah...because he isn't a scumbag.

Anonymous said...

G$ with a spot on piece. That is EXACTLY why I didn't think it would be a good topic...just because I thought Hayes topic was dumb.

I don't feel like white-knighting for Urban, frankly because he has done nothing for me yet other than put together a nice recruiting class.

I do have some problems with Matt Hayes though. Matt Hayes has been an OSU football hater for years. He is also a University of Florida graduate that lives in Orlando. It doesn't take a brainiac to figure out which way he was going to go with an article about Urban at Ohio State. To show just how two-sided he is....he ranked college football coaches like four years ago. He had Urban as the # 1 coach in the nation and Tress at # 8. Now he seems to hate Urban....and Tress at # 8 is fucking laughable which shows how much biased he is.

He also LOVES him some unnamed sources in that article. Multiple NFL players, including Bills TE David Nelson, were tweeting that a ton in that article was complete bull-shit. Also, that assitant Billy Gonzales released a statement yesterday that the whole Percy Harvin story was completely false. So, you've got that whole...people with real names saying stuff was false vs. people without names as the sources thing going on too.

So....whatever. I'm as excited as Ape at a homosexual vegan buffet about the Urban Meyer Era beginning.

G$ hit the nail on the head.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Iceman...probs because Brady Hoke has never won anything other than a hot dog eating contest, while Urban is a two-time national champion rock star in college football.

--Drew

GMoney said...

G$ hit the nail on the head.

Thanks for the morning erection, Drew!

Grump, while I want to believe that what Hayes says is accurate, I simply don't/can't. We've been burned too many times by assuming that investigative reports are all true.

Iceman, I still love The Hokester. When is he going to start doing the media rounds again so I can laugh at his Peter Brady voice?

One more thing that is off topic: How awesome is it that Ozzie Guillen's excuse is that he thinks in Spanish and the message gets mixed up when he speaks in English! His brain needs a translator.

Bitchfist said...

Frankly, the "exposé" that Hayes wrote could have been written about any program in the country. This kind of stuff might not be apparent to the casual fan, but to current and former players, coaches, and sometimes even administrators, the allegations that Hayes made aren't all that shocking. Hell, Haywood did some of the same things at Miami.

GMoney said...

Also: Mike and Mike asked Mort (why him?) if Arkansas would pursue Gentleman James Tressel now. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe that he has a fairly extensive show-cause hanging over his head and would only be permitted to coach collegiately again if the school can prove that no one else would take that job. That is not going to happen ever. Of course, no one mentioned that on the radio because they know dick.

I'm sure that those logical Ozark folk would be tickled pink if their new coach has a proven track record of getting slaughtered by the SEC.

GMoney said...

"Bitchfist", you are my favorite commenter.

The Iceman said...

Hoke's 1-0 vs. Ohio, Drew. He's obviously won something.

Anonymous said...

Iceman...Hoke won a nail-biter against the worst OSU team in 100 years/a coach that everyone here laughed at all year long. Congrats!

Bitchfist is a great name.

G$...I don't remember all the things exactly, but Tressel's show cause isn't as bad as you are making it out to be. UCLA actually gave him a lot of thought this past year. It wouldn't be teh easiest way to coach...but, he could do it.

I tuned into those retards for a few minutes this morning and they were actually talking about Tressel coaching the Saints this year...not Arkansas. But, maybe they threw his name in the ring for both.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Oh, maybe it was New Orleans then. Whatevs it still didn't make sense.

I didn't realize that there were different degrees of show cause. Are you making shit up again?

How about the Blue Jackets getting buttfucked by the NHL again! God forbid we go one year without Edmonton picking first. Three fucking years in a row they've won the lottery. That is absurd. Hopefully, they decide to address their terrible blue line and realize that they already have enough talent up front so that we can get Nail. Otherwise, Fail 4 Nail will be replaced by FAILED 2 GET NAIL.

The Iceman said...

The worst Ohio team in 100 years still has more talent than a pile of Bitchrod's manure pile of recruits. Good try though.

Anonymous said...

Worst OSU team in 100 years...that is a FACT Iceman...whatever makes you feel better tho brah. Danny Hope beat them too.

G$...I am not making things up. There are different limitations placed on each show cause.

--Drew

Grumpy said...

I'm willing to cut Ozzie Guillen some slack. English is a second language for my wife and I have seen her say some pretty funny things because she thinks it in her native language and says it in English.

The Iceman said...

Bitchrod recruits, Drew. BITCHROD! You cannot deny this.

And what would the missus first language be, Grumpy? Please say Pig Latin....

Grumpy said...

Russian. She's a mail order bride.

Brady said...

I was pretty confused at this article as well. It was either sour grapes or this dude was really reaching for a story to beat his deadline.

Urban is no saint. I pretty much lead the "Urban is a cheater" charge during his run at florida. Howevah, you can't win today without bending the rules here or there. If the fake injury/drug test allegation is true then thats a problem. But all of the other accusations of the circle of trust and preferential treatment to better players happens on every campus. YAWN....

Anonymous said...

Grumpy...is she really Russian? You seem like a guy that would marry an Hispanic woman...you also drink Coronas.

I'm not cutting Ozzie any slack due to the fact that he likes Venezuela's leader Chavez who is very similar to Castro. He knew what he was saying.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

SHOCKING that Brady is allowing a slimeball to be a slimeball at Ohio after hypocritically crucifying him for years before. At this point nothing shocks me when it comes to Brady and ethics.

Brady said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brady said...

I'm sorry that you're stuck in the 18th century ICE but "ethics" don't win championships. Ask, oh I don't know, every major college football coach ever. I'm sure even that fat slob at Michigan University is engaged in some sort of nefarious activity during recruiting. GASP! Will you ever be able to look at those piss stained uniforms the same ever again?!

Get off your soapbox there chief. Just accept the fact that shit is going to happen that the quakers would probably frown upon in modern college football. I've accepted it. You should too

Prime99 said...

I've accepted it as well, which is why I mostly watch NFL. I probably only watch some college football just so I know what the fuck you guys are talking about.

College fans comparing cleanliness of programs would be like Freddie Mercury laughing at his friend for getting herpes.

Grumpy said...

So the argument that "everybody does it" makes it acceptable?

Jeff said...

It's more of the mind set that if you aren't cheating, then you aren't trying and if your name isnt john callipari or nick saban then you need to cheat better.

Brady said...

I really don't care if Urban treats his better athletes different or texts some recruit during a "non contact" period. Just win. That's all I care about.

As I stated earlier, covering up drug test with injuries is serious and absolutely unacceptable. If that is somehow proven then he deserves everything that is coming. Short of that nothing in the article is worth worrying about. Those writers are butthurt over Florida taking a nosedive. It's pretty obvious.

GMoney said...

I believe the great Bobby Heenan made "if you ain't cheatin', you ain't tryin'" famous. Excellent quoting there! Also a great analogy about a dead gay guy with AIDS! +1's for the both of you.

This offer is only open until 3 pm but I'm struggling for a topic for tomorrow. After 3 I will force myself to write something terrible and irrelevant to anything. Please inquire within if you have any ideas.

Anonymous said...

Any food thread would be appreciated. We haven't discussed something other than sports in a while. I'm sure you can think of a fun food topic.

Also, LOLZ at Jalen Rose making Skip Bayless look like a complete fool....and Rose is a retard which makes it even better.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I don't see what's wrong with Meyer or any coach saying a player is injured when they really flunked a drug test. The main thing is that they are actually drug testing AND suspending these players for these failed tests right? I actually think some of the heat these kids get from media/fans when they fail a drug test is pretty over the top. He still did the drug testing...they did get suspended...they just didn't get tarred and feathered by teh media and fans over it. I don't really have a problem with that.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

So did you come to peace with this holy epiphany you had after Meyer came to Ohio, you hypocritical dick scab? That's my issue, Brady. You crush Urban for being a sack of shit at Florida because he was fisting your favorite team every other year, then Urban decides to coach your team and magically you don't give a single fuck about all the shit you killed him for a short period ago? You were probably the dude that cheated on his girlfriend every other weekend then got pissed when you caught her in bed with another dude, amiright?

Grumpy said...

Iceman wins.

I know it's past 3:00, but a post about porn would be nice.

GMoney said...

Grump, I'm on "stay-cation" from 4/23-27 so as long as Showtime is still airing the AVN Awards, I will do that again that week.

Drewseph, thanks for the inspiration. Tomorrow is written...we will be getting our food on.

Verlander clearly blows!

Brady said...

Yeah I was pissed he was winning titles and kicking the shit out of OSU. However, I never once declared that OSU was the pinnacle of compliance.

The guy is from Ohio, said OSU was one of his dream jobs and transofrmed a worthless recruiting class into a top 5 school in 2 months. I suppose I can let bygones be bygones.

The Iceman said...

So you admit your raging hypocrisy then. That's all i really want to hear from you...you're a massive hypocrite.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Drew about the cover ups. While it is bad, the school obviously knew about it and clearly did the right thing. Covering it up in the media so they don't make a whole thing out of it is fine with me, and perfectly acceptable. People are missing the point. They are covering the reason for the disciplinary action, not the action to avoid the discipline. Huge difference.

Correct me if I'm wrong about Justified last night, but was that Vic Mackey's wife as the Jesus loving mom?

Ide

GMoney said...

It was. She is the worst. Quarles should have given her a taste of his rail gun.