|Not pictured: my throbbing food-rection|
Editor's Note: I was initially going to spend today hammering home that Chicago-style pizza is superior to all others (thick > thin...just how you like your dicks) and a pie should be cut into slices, not squares but the post wouldn't get much further than this sentence. So I'm just going to throw it up here instead. If you disagree, don't worry, you're just really really wrong and ignorant.
I may be slimming down into a heavenly icon of fitness (ran into Clark Kellogg the other day and he called me "SVELTE"!), but I still know how to put it down, big fella. I KNOW what I'm talking about when it comes to food. Anyway, I'm rambling, here is my ranking of all things Ethnic Foods.
Honorable Mention?: Middle-Eastern, African, Thai, Indian. They exist. I have not tried it though. I doubt that I ever will. I have no regrets. I don't like fiery diarrhea.
7. Japanese - I'm just going to include sushi here. Sushi is OK. Nothing more/nothing less. It's just there. You never get a sufficient amount for what you pay for though. Plus, if Bill Parcells saw you eat it, he would murder you.
6. British - Limey food gets a bad rap but it isn't that bad as long as you can handle the taste of Worcestershire sauce as a main flavoring agent. I love fish and chips. I really like shepherd's pie. One of these days I'm going to try bangers and mash. It's not bad at all. Plus, if you're eating British food in America, you are about 99% guaranteed to be in a pub that serves awesome beer.
5. Greek - It's a little bit of an acquired taste to go Greek as they use a lot of ingredients that aren't really featured much in traditional American cuisine. I will fight anyone that disagrees that gyros from street carts are not the best.
4. Italian - I just don't dig pasta as much as probably most of you do. Maybe that's because I've never really had fresh pasta or something. One of these days, I suppose.
3. German - Ah yes, my heritage (at least I think it is). Any man that does not enjoy sauerkraut is not a man. Sausages, kraut, potato salad, pretzels, and cream puffs...FUCK. YES.
2. Chinese - There is nothing better than finding an excellent little hole in the wall Chinese restaurant that is likely in some weirdo strip mall. Chinese food rules. Mongolian beef and War Su Gai are my current picks to click.
1. Mexican - This is not up for debate. Until somebody can come up with a better offer than complimentary chips and salsa, no one will ever top the Mexicans. But don't you dare serve me cold salsa. That stuff better be room temperature or else I will know that you are a fraudulent Mexican. If I can understand what the smiling waiter is saying, then I know that the restaurant is a joke. Mariachi band or GTFO!
What do you think? Favorites? Hates? Any ethnic restaurant recommendations (YES PLEASE)? This post has only served to remind me that I haven't ran the Audubon at Schmitt's (as seen on Man Vs. Food) in way too long. I need to fix that soon. My blood has been flowing almost too well recently.