Thursday, April 12, 2012

Open Forum: Let's Talk About Ethnic Foods

Not pictured: my throbbing food-rection
Drew was right when he was the only one that answered the challenge for blog topics yesterday...we haven't talked about food recently.  That's BULLSHIT!  Well that needs to change and it will change right now.  Now we all know that "American foods" such as burgers, hot dogs, mac and cheese, chicken wings, and ribs are delicious, I would probably rank the US of A maybe third or fourth when it comes to my favorite regional eatings.  What I'm trying to say here is that other areas of the world have given us gluttons such tasty options.  Today, I rank those options.

Editor's Note: I was initially going to spend today hammering home that Chicago-style pizza is superior to all others (thick > thin...just how you like your dicks) and a pie should be cut into slices, not squares but the post wouldn't get much further than this sentence.  So I'm just going to throw it up here instead.  If you disagree, don't worry, you're just really really wrong and ignorant.

I may be slimming down into a heavenly icon of fitness (ran into Clark Kellogg the other day and he called me "SVELTE"!), but I still know how to put it down, big fella.  I KNOW what I'm talking about when it comes to food.  Anyway, I'm rambling, here is my ranking of all things Ethnic Foods.

Honorable Mention?: Middle-Eastern, African, Thai, Indian.  They exist.  I have not tried it though.  I doubt that I ever will.  I have no regrets.  I don't like fiery diarrhea.

7. Japanese - I'm just going to include sushi here.  Sushi is OK.  Nothing more/nothing less.  It's just there.  You never get a sufficient amount for what you pay for though.  Plus, if Bill Parcells saw you eat it, he would murder you.

6. British - Limey food gets a bad rap but it isn't that bad as long as you can handle the taste of Worcestershire sauce as a main flavoring agent.  I love fish and chips.  I really like shepherd's pie.  One of these days I'm going to try bangers and mash.  It's not bad at all.  Plus, if you're eating British food in America, you are about 99% guaranteed to be in a pub that serves awesome beer.

5. Greek - It's a little bit of an acquired taste to go Greek as they use a lot of ingredients that aren't really featured much in traditional American cuisine.  I will fight anyone that disagrees that gyros from street carts are not the best. 

4. Italian - I just don't dig pasta as much as probably most of you do.  Maybe that's because I've never really had fresh pasta or something.  One of these days, I suppose.

3. German - Ah yes, my heritage (at least I think it is).  Any man that does not enjoy sauerkraut is not a man.  Sausages, kraut, potato salad, pretzels, and cream puffs...FUCK.  YES.

2. Chinese - There is nothing better than finding an excellent little hole in the wall Chinese restaurant that is likely in some weirdo strip mall.  Chinese food rules.  Mongolian beef and War Su Gai are my current picks to click.

1. Mexican - This is not up for debate.  Until somebody can come up with a better offer than complimentary chips and salsa, no one will ever top the Mexicans.  But don't you dare serve me cold salsa.  That stuff better be room temperature or else I will know that you are a fraudulent Mexican.  If I can understand what the smiling waiter is saying, then I know that the restaurant is a joke.  Mariachi band or GTFO!

What do you think?  Favorites?  Hates?  Any ethnic restaurant recommendations (YES PLEASE)?  This post has only served to remind me that I haven't ran the Audubon at Schmitt's (as seen on Man Vs. Food) in way too long.  I need to fix that soon.  My blood has been flowing almost too well recently.

41 comments:

Grumpy said...

Flip 1 and 2. Should have gone with porn.

Anonymous said...

No. Mexican is by far and away the best ethnic food ever. I could (and usually do) eat it everyday. Chipotle? Fuck yes (also, if you eat it right, it is a kick ass health food). Taco Bell? Dorito Loco. When I went to Chicago last, I went to Rick Bayless' restaurants, and was not disappointed.

Much like G$s slope food recommendation, I find that the hole in the wall Mexican places that probably hasn't even passed health code, serve up some of the best food around. Best I've had came from a place near UNC's campus. It had a screen door to enter it and 2 of the 3 hinges weren't connected. And I'm quite sure the servers were around 12 years old.

Thai food is good. Since you love Chinese, there is ZERO reason you wouldn't love Thai as well. Same basic flavors.

If a shawarma is Middle Eastern then it's not bad. Those things are tits. It's basically a chicken gyro (available at most street meat vendors) with a really good sauce.

Never had Indian food. Never plan on it.

Pizza. Chicago is definitely better. However, after moving here, I do see what all the fuss is about with NYC pies. And, I actually understand what Johnny Drama was talking about with the mozzarella in NY. Lombardi's pizza is the best thing sliced bread. But nothing tops bringing home a frozen Giardano's pie from Chicago on an airplane. $20 and it takes 8 hours to thaw out, so it can even make the drive home. There is NO reason not to buy one of these every and any time you're in Chicago.

Is black food considered ethnic? I do love me some fried chicken.

Also, it's Autobahn (like the speed limitless highway in Europe) not Audubon (the faggot bird society).

Ide

The Iceman said...

Bangers and mash made me weep tears of joy the first time I tried it. It was in this hole in the wall London pub that' has served it's own beer recipe for like the last 100 years...or something close to that. It was probably top 5 dining experiences of all time.

I had Curry for the first time when I was in Jacksonville. Meh. Good not great. I enjoyed watching my brother get shot down by the 18 year old waitress way more.

FULLY agree with Ide on the Mexican restaurant. I'll risk Montezuma's revenge for a kick ass Mexico eatery no one has ever heard about.

I can swing either way on the pizza crust debate. Both are delicious options. The deal breaker for me is the sauce. If your sauce blows the entire thing is ruined. Myles Pizza in BG is other worldly in my opinion and remains at the top of my list. There's also a deep dish joint in Toledo called Pizzapapolis. I would say it's just okay. Not worth getting rushed by bums or stabbed for the gum in my pocket for a trip downtown.

GMoney said...

Fun Fact: Rick Bayless is Skip's broseph. You can see where all the talent in that family went.

I had a feeling that Ide would chime in like he's Johnny New York. Next you're going to tell us that bagels taste better there because of the water, homo.

Speaking of which, I would really like to try an actual authentic Italian joint sometime where Fat Tony is sitting at one of the booths and the meal takes 2 hours. Just once. Plus, meatballs are delicious.

I don't put "black food" or soul food as ethnic much like I don't consider the ELITE cajun food to be ethnic.

Grump ranks Chinaman food over Mexican? Bitch please and I say that as a guy who is picking up Chinese for the wife tomorrow. I knew that I found a good Chinese place by me when I walked in, stepped up to the counter where there was an open view of the kitchen, and there was some scary looking old Asian guy wearing a stocking cap in the middle of Summer. He looked like he was a stowaway on a freighter ship. AUTHENTIC!

Anonymous said...

Bagels are for faggots.

Ide

Grumpy said...

Most Chinese places don't have it on the menu, but ask your local place if they'll make you Chrystal Chicken. The best.

Anyone who can't appreciate a warm bagel right from the oven, topped with cream cheese and lox, just doesn't get it.

Anonymous said...

This is a great topic.

On pizza...let's face it...pizza is hard to fuck up and tasty as hell. If I had to pick one for a meal I'll go with a sick ass Chicago deep dish pizza tho. The best in Columbus is Fabian's in the Short North...took my parents there last Friday. It's delicious and pretty well priced too.

Out of the food you haven't eaten, I've had Indian and Thai. Thai is like a fancier/spicier version of Chinese food...me likey quite a bit. I like Indian food, but I don't seek it out. There is an excellent Indian restaurant in Grandview called Aab India. They actually ask you waht spice level you want your food cooked in on a scale of 1-6...pretty cool.

I pretty much agree with your rankings, but I'd put Greek food in front of Italian food. I'm not a big pasta guy either. Gyros and Greek salads are delicious...so is Baklava...Baklava is a heavely dessert.

Schmidt's is fucking awesome.

It does boil down to Chinese vs. Mexican though.

My favorite place to get Chinese food in Columbus is Tai's Asian Bistro....it's right on Lane next to Piada and stuff. They give you a TON of food and it's always for less than $ 8. Absolutely delicious.

I'll always take Mexican though. You just can't go wrong. I'm always substituting chorizo into my Mexican meals when I can too. I'm an El Vaquero whore and they treat me extremely well there. Two things they don't advertise at El Vaquero...

*They have a spicy salsa that you can ask for. It's fucking money.

*You can get fried jalapenos. I'm not talking poppers. I mean they dice up jalapenos put and fry them up. They are delicious.

Fun topic.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I guess this fits in with ethic food.

But, everyone here keeps a bottle of Siracha sauce in their kitchen correct? I discovered this sauce about six months ago and I can't get enough of it. It is the best hot sauce in da world. I put it on almost everything. I'm thinking about keeping a bottle of it in my car so that I can put it on whatever I get at any time. I even put it in my soups. GET YOURSELVES SIRACHA SAUCE.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Sriracha is a staple for sure. But it is usually relegated to Asian food. You are spot on about Tai's. They also own Yau's near the Bier Stube and that place is just as good. Texas Pete is my hot sauce of choice. Tabasco blows.

On that El Vaquero tip, don't get too cocky around there about spice. I did, and they did that fried pepper thing you spoke of. Except for me, they used habeneros. Pretty sure my asshole bled out the next day.

Let me indeed reiterate one thing: Bagels are gay. Lox is good and all, but I usually don't keep enough smoked salmon on hand to warrant it. I never use cream cheese or butter on my toast/bagels. Apple butter or eggs yolks please.

Ide

GMoney said...

I'm a Frank's guy and I put it on EVERYTHING. I've even started putting it in salads. I actually was given two huge bottles of the stuff for Christmas last year (I actually asked for it). I am an idiot.

I, too, am an El Vaquero whore. I've tried the others and no one else compares. It is just so much better. Although there is a new Mexican joint that looks pretty nice in the old Damon's on Cemetery Rd that I would like to try. I forget the name though. My favorite party of El V's is that not one waiter speaks any English at all and you just have to yell numbers while they smile their border-jumping grins at you. That never stops being funny to me.

Grump, what is in this dish that you speak of? I'll order it tomorrow if it sounds decent.

I have to give Ide some credit. Without his guidance, I would have never tried Romeo's sausage and potato pizza which is like the best thing ever. Bagels are solid though. Jalapeno bagels are tits.

Anonymous said...

Japanese: I am a huge fan of sushi. I had never tried it until maybe 2 years ago, but have liked it ever since. Sushi is really easy to fuck up, though. You have to make sure you go to the right restaurant. I always say that if you walk in and see other Japs eating there, then it is probably good.

British: Its ok. I don't look at this genre as a very unique one.

Greek: I am a big fan of gyros. Acropolis or Greek Express are good in Columbus. Appolo's is always clutch, as well.

Italian: I would have this ranked higher. It is just such a versatile food group that doesn't just end with pasta and red sauce. Think about it; whenever you have a large group going to eat and you want to appease everyone, you always go italian, because you know everyone will like at least one thing on the menu.

German: I love German food. There is a restaurant my grandpa took us to down in Florida that is authentic as you will get in the U.S. Straight off the boat! However, he did tell me a story one time about how he went there and the only people who weren't authentic were the black people in the kitchen. He jokingly said to the waitress, "I'll bet they aren't from Germany!" to which the waitress replied, "Yes they are. They're from the Black Forest"

Chinese: I like it, but I don't crave it like other foods. Give me China Dragon in Napoleon any day over No. 1 Chinese or some other rathole.

Mexican: Mexican is really hard to fuck up. It is essentially the same 5 ingredients wrapped in different size tortillas that grilled, fried, or just left uncooked. Which makes it even more meaningful when you find a Mexican restaurant above the rest. Even though its a chain, I will choose El Vaquero over any other on any day of the week.

Pizza: Deep dish! When made correctly, it blows NY Style out of the water. I have been to the PizzaPapalis Iceman mentioned. For the area, it is good. You will not find a better deep dish place in N.W. Ohio, but it still doesn't compare to the Chicago staples.

-Lil' Strut

GMoney said...

LS, Appollo's is the goddamn truth!

And China Dragon is the best. Their almond chicken is incredible. Plus, they love Buke's mom.

It's just so hard to find good Italian in the culinary hotbed of central Ohio. Actually, does anyone have a decent recommendation that isn't Carrabba's or Buca?

Anonymous said...

G$...You need to get yourself some Siracha sauce.

Weird thing about El Vaquero. The one I frequent (I'm pretty sure I will be going there by myself tonight after this discussion) is the one on Riverside Dr. They have the lone gringo staff member of any El Vaquero I've been to. He is a homosexual white man named David that is the bartender there. He's an AWESOME bartender. Once I sit down, he's already coming back with a Dos Equis Amber and some spicy salsa for me. Love that homo.

Strut...I've found that the best sushi in Columbus is Haiku. It's trendy...which isn't my style...but, the sushi there really is delicious.

How about Japanese Steak Houses? Those are fucking deliciuos as well.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Trattoria Roma in Grandview next to the Giant Eagle on Grandview Ave. Martini's/Marcella's are ok if you go to the downtown locations. And Brio or Bravo are always clutch.

I forgot about that Romeo's pizza. That thing was maybe the best pizza aside from the one Buke, Kempton and I created at Hounddogs that somehow made it to the menu. Sausage, bacon, ham, pepperoni, onions and sauerkraut with the Smokin' Joes crust. Best served shitfaced and 3am.

Ide

Anonymous said...

G$...my favorite Italian restaurant in Columbus is Marcella's.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

Sushi deserves more respect! As LS mentioned, it is easy to fuck up and I might be privy to better sushi because of how much closer I live to an ocean. Who knows?

Thai food is great. Start with Thai fried rice or Pad Thai, then go from there.

Mexican is the champ. I could eat burritos every day and not look back. Unfortunately, I would then weigh 400 lbs. Best Mexican restaurant? Any dirty place in San Diego.

Lastly, Chicago pizza is by far the best.

Anonymous said...

My favorite Sushi in Columbus is Sushiko in the Crosswoods off 23 and 270. You couldn't go wrong there. Their lunch specials also included $4 rolls, which is a great price.

I like Japanese steakhouses, because of the food and the theatrics. Lets be honest, watching a Jap throw a shrimp up in the air and having it land in his shirt pocket without breaking eye contact with you is pretty damn impressive.

G$, I always liked Mia Cucina in New Albany. I know occasional commenter Rex is a fan, as well. I think if you go on Wednesdays it is 1/2 off bottles of wine.

-Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

Haiku is great. The white kamikaze roll is really spicy and has a wonderful name. Sushiko is good, I used to live right down the street from there. But for sushi, nothing beats Benihana's in Polaris Monday through Thursday. $29 all you can eat sushi. I made them pay in spades for that move.

Ide

GMoney said...

-Rex sucks. He barely shows up anymore. His opinion is invalid.

Prime, perhaps you were "Jackin' It In San Diego"???

We've been talking about good food today but is there a worse food than Ohio State Pizza on Hudson? That has to be the worst food ever made. I think that they actually have rat as an ingredient.

Grumpy said...

Chrystal chicken is large chunks of chicken, breaded and then dipped in a sweet glaze and deep fried. Looks like Sweet and Sour Chicken, but the glaze is better. Like I said, you usually have to ask for it. I've only seen it on one menu.

And Crab Rangoon is the best appetizer.

Ide, bagels are gay but you eat them with apple butter? That's beyond gay.

The Iceman said...

Prime...ever had Sombrero's in California? I think it's mostly southern Cal. I tried going there last time I was that way but it never happened for me. We mostly spent our days injesting 2,000 calorie In N Out meals. Worth it. I've heard mixed reviews about Sombrero's. Thoughts?

I'm pretty sure I speak for everyone when I say that I would literally eat a human turd if it were covered in that cheesy white sauce the Mexicos serve as a side with chips or warm tortillas. El Camino in Toledo puts that shit on top of a bed of refried beans. I'm sure the room is probably split with refried beans but I fucking love them. That combo of cheese and beans is so good I would punch out a cop for a chance to eat it.

Anonymous said...

The best Mexican dish I've ever had was at a restaurant in Bakersfield, CA two years ago. Here is the link to the menu and click on "specials". http://www.molcajetesbar.com/menu.html

They have this dish called "Molcajetes"...and it's a fucking cauldron of food served to you at 320 degrees. They all come filled with rice, cactus, beans and cheese. On top of that I got it filled with red sauce, chicken, Angus beef, grilled chorizo and special Mexican sauce/ Incluye pollo, carne Angus, chorizo y salsa mexicana

FUCKING UNREAL

--Drew

GMoney said...

Grump, great call on Ide being a homo hypocrite. More apple butter please, Lance!

Crab Rangoon is indeed ELITE!

Iceman, you've got a fellow "beanman" here. Since the missus hates them, I always get hers. Double beans!!!

Drew, all food should be served in a cauldron.

Prime99 said...

It was the only thing left for me to do...

Anonymous said...

Woah, what's this heresy? Apple butter is certainly not gay. And I don't put it on bagel. It is/was widely made by Amish and black slaves, two of the most heterosexual sects of hard working people in the history of the US, unlike steelworkers or anyone in Cincinnati.

Ide

Prime99 said...

I'm not sure I've been to Sombrero's down south, they aren't up North to my knowledge.

My consistent favorite is a small chain in the Sac area called Dos Coyotes- Ranchero Burrito Plate? Yes please! It is more Tex Mex rather than straight Mexican, but unbelievable.

If I want really dirty Mexican food, there is a 24 hour hut by nearby called La Garnacha. I have to prepare my asshole before going there though.

Prime99 said...

This Chrystal Chicken sounds similar to General's Chicken. If so, that is delicious.

Anonymous said...

Thai food should be on the list.

Cuco's on Henderson is my go to Mexican spot. Place has some sick burrittos that are like twice the size of a Chipotle. I miss it...because Mexican is by far #1.

- J Saul

Anonymous said...

I need to get to Cuco's....my girlfriend likes it, but I've never been.

I do like bagels. I pretty much always get salt bagels...Bruegger's has an awesome jalapeno cream cheese to put on them.

The city next to where I grew up has a TON of Jews. There are bagel shops on like every block of that city...those bagels were ELITE. Always better than chain bagels.

--Drew

Grumpy said...

"I never use cream cheese or butter on my toast/bagels. Apple butter or eggs yolks please."

Ide, in your own words.

Another vote for refried beans. Feelings on carne asada? I know it's basically just pieces of steak, but all the onions and peppers give it a great flavor.

Anonymous said...

oh, well played.

Anonymous said...

I, too, am a big fan of the refried beans. I could eat plate after plate of that shit if it were covered in queso.

I am familiar with the El Camino restaurant referenced by Iceman. Back in law school we would go there on Thursday nights for $5 margarita pitchers. I personally hate margaritas, but to be able to get super shitty on $10 was a good deal. Also, by the end of the night, it was completely kosher to drink straight out of the pitcher.

-Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

G$ - my morning poop usually only allows me enough time to lurk. HOWEVAH, Mia's does serve up a mean lasagna. And you can usually find OSU asst bball coach Jeff Boals there.

-Rex

The Iceman said...

I just had to experience this fuckin bullshit...what self respecting pizza joint opens at 4pm? The answer is none. Those hogshit places can GTFO.

Anonymous said...

Where da fuck is Mia's?

--Drew

Anonymous said...

It's in new albany.

GMoney said...

-Rex! Way to show up and stand up for yourself! If Jeff Boals approves, then you know it's good. I guarantee that he takes high class escorts there.

Is Cuco's an El Vaquero type place of a Chipotle? Chipotle sucks by the way. I have covered this before though. White people should never make a burrito. EVER.

Anonymous said...

It's a real deal Mexican shop. In a little strip mall. No habla english.

Its true about Chipotle, the one on OSU's campus had real deal Mexicans and it was great. The ones up here in Michigan...not so great. Same goes for any fast food place, lower quality works, the lower quality food, and its already low quality food....

- J Saul

GMoney said...

It always made me laugh that in Naptown during the mid to late 90's, only black people worked at Taco Bell while all the Mexicans worked at KFC. STEREOTYPE-BUSTIN'!

Dut is a homosexual.

Anonymous said...

It's on Henderson Rd. across from City BBQ. It is really good indeed. There is a taco shop around the corner on Godown and Bethel called Los Gauchos Tacos. Really good stuff, and their pickled habenero's are great. Also it's super cheap.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Ide has been killing it today!

Dut is indeed sucking dicks at a pickle park right now.

--Drew