Monday, April 30, 2012
So today I'll hand out my G$s (winners) and Duts (losers obvz) from the 2012 NFL Draft. This isn't a difficult concept to follow although I'm quite certain that I am the only internetting writer doing this today.
Dut - Ron Jaworski. Yes, I was a bit surprised with the Redskins draft Kirk Cousins in the 4th round. But I knew that taking a second QB was probably going to happen because John Beck is SHIT. I was not expecting them to take a guy in the 4th round though. Apparently, neither did Jaws who was extremely quick to declare a QB CONTROVERSY in DC. Let me tell you something, Jaws, you are fucking stupid and I hope that you get pussy cancer. There is NO controversy at all here. We love RG3. He is our guy. Even if he goes 1-15 next year, it will not matter. Considering that the demography for Redskins fans is about 98% black, no one is going to be clamoring for Kirk fucking Cousins to become the starter. NOBODY.
First of all, since when was Kirk Cousins good? His biggest weakness is that he can't throw a ball more than 20 yards. His only STREMPH is this perceived leadership. If he was black, he would not have been drafted. FACT. But people seem to love him so why not try to groom him for a few years and then hope that he tears up the preseason and another team wants to trade a second rounder for him down the line. It worked with Matt Schaub and Cassel and Kolb. Everyone calls Bill Belichick a fucking genius when he pisses away a pick on Ryan Mallet but now a multiple Super Bowl winning coach is stupid for doing the EXACT same thing? FUCK YOU, RON. You know nothing. Nice job getting fired from Monday Night Football. Go watch more Arena League tape and break down more garbage that no one cares about. Asshole. You are wrong. WRONG I SAY!
G$ - Redskins and Colts. We won't waste a lot of time on this because these are obvious. Good job by these two awful teams to take care of the most important position in the game. I don't really care for the Colts drafting two tight ends, but there is a reason why we don't work in front offices. It's because most of these guys no way more than we do.
Dut - Pete Carroll. He has no idea what he is doing. At least he drafted Russell Wilson in the third round much to Jon Gruden's delight. Not Racist Gruden went on a pretty tremendous rant about how awesome Wilson is even though Mel and McShay kept reminding him that QBs under 6 foot tall have a zero percent success rate. It was great. And I was TOTES coveting Russell Wilson's wife. She is tremendous.
G$ - The Steelers. Goddamn these guys. They just seem to have perfect fit players fall to them. Obviously, them taking Mike Adams in the second round is HILARIOUS and AWFUL, but they did well everywhere else. I like the pick of Sean Spence only because it reminds of Jeff Gilooly co-conspirator, SHANE STANT!
Dut - Lions. If you recall, I hated their draft last year and, so far, I was right on about that. Fairley was underwhelming, hurt, and high. LeShoure has no knee. Titus Young takes precious passes away from Tron. I didn't like this draft either as it pretty much ignored the glaring deficiencies on defense (secondary and linebacker). Reiff was a solid pick but they didn't really have another choice. Despite Iceman's crush, Ryan Broyles was a total waste. Why are you adding receivers still!!! I get the whole BPA philosophy (which is why Cousins is a Skin) but eventually you need to worry about other things than the passing game which needs no more help.
G$ - Eagles. Dammit. Excellent job by this loathsome franchise to greatly improve that rotten front 7 on defense. Nick Foles is fucking terrible though.
Dut - Browns fans. You don't know anything about football. You need to come to grips with this. When you trot out your "perfect scenarios" for the Draft, you only show the world how retarded you are. This sort of applies for every fanbase actually. If your team drafts a RT that you've never heard of before and ignores the receiver from the SEC, THEY ARE RIGHT AND YOU ARE WRONG. They watch tape while you just watch highlights while drunk. Those dumbasses that are all like "DURRRR Brandon Weeden is a bazillion years old and we got fleeced by the Vikings" are the worst.
G$ - Dolphins. I actually thought that they did really well with Tannehill and Jonathon Martin. You could do a lot worse than Martin and Jake Long as bookend tackles.
Dut - 49ers. It took less than a year for Jim Harbaugh to start smelling his own farts and letting his ego destroy him. With Crabtree, Moss, Manningham, Vernon Davis, and Kyle Williams already in the fold, where exactly does AJ Jenkins fit in? And why are you drafting a third down back in the second? This team was not THAT close to a Super Bowl title. Those were terrible picks.
BIG FUCKING G$ - Bengals. I don't know how they keep doing it. Between the rotten ownership and minuscule scouting staff and employing John Cooper, the Bengals should not be drafting really well for the third straight year. They flat out WON this weekend. I didn't even like the Dre Kirkpatrick but it didn't matter because everything else that they did was amazing. They got a great guard, two very fine DTs, Mohamed Sanu (who can play), and Orson Charles who will compliment Gresham very, very well. I can't believe that I'm going to say this but the Cincinnati Bengals are a year or two away from being a legit Super Bowl contender. I mean it.
Well, let me have it. Challenge me on my Cousins rationale and Bengals love if you must, but know that you will not win these arguments. Before we go, how about Ron Zook! Dude may be an awful coach, but he can recruit his ass off. 4 players in the first 3 rounds! ELITE! Hail Zook!