Monday, April 16, 2012

MLB After Two Weeks (Very Creative Title)

Our home and native land.
Since I am currently spending most of my limited creativity on other projects (you will hear more about this at a later date), I figured that today we can talk about the 2012 baseball season after 8 or 9 games.  It will be as if what has already happened will continue through the rest of the Summer!  Let's all be short-sighted idiots that overreact to everything!  You know that Ozzie Guillen guy?  He actually gives money to a group of scientists that are trying to spread cancer!  TRUE STORY FACT!  Anyway, just a bunch of bullet points today featuring my always ELITE opinions.

*Damman and I were sitting at a bar on Saturday and we both said the exact same thing at almost the same time:  The Toronto Blue Jays have the best uniforms in the history of sports.  Those things are the greatest.  I love the white line through the numbers and letters and the red maple leaf.  AWESOME look.  And the Blue Jays are pretty good, too, as long as Colby Rasmus could ever get his head out of his ass.

*Someone needs to tell Phil Hughes and Freddy Garcia that they have a month to stop sucking dicks before Pettitte and Pineda come back and take their jobs.  And when will Mark Teixeira ever fucking figure out how to hit a baseball in the month of April.  Shit is getting old.

*Runner-up for best uniforms are the Baltimore Orioles with the smiling bird on the hat.  Old school logos are almost always better.

*We couldn't even make it through one week without Bobby Valentine flipping out on the Boston media!  As I keep saying, this is going to end early for him.  Now that Ellsbury is out indefinitely, they are only going to get worse since the bullpen sucks and HAVE YOU SEEN THEIR OUTFIELD!

*The Tigers are good.  We already knew this.  They are easily the least likable team in baseball.  We know this as well.  Here's my question though: Shouldn't Max Scherzer be better than this?  He has very good stuff and has been around long enough that he SHOULD be an ace by now.  I don't get it.  If I enjoyed southern rock and owned stock in Franco American, I would be pissed at how inconsistent Scherzer is.

*The Twins are worse than I thought.  The Royals and White Sox are a little better than I thought.  The Indians?  Well, I think I nailed it with them.  The offense sucks and the pitching is pretty good.  I have no idea what Johnny Damon is going to do for them.  Hell, they should have signed Damon in January and cut Grady Sizemore loose.  That would have made much more sense.  How about that brawl on Saturday night!  Wank.  It's hard to take someone seriously as a tough guy when Jack Hannahan's robust bald spot is the focal point.

*Why is Tim Kurkjian hosting the Sunday afternoon Baseball Tonight?  That is not in his arsenal at all.  Speaking of which, stop wondering if Albert Pujols will figure it out.  He's Albert FUCKING Pujols.  There is nothing wrong.  Here's an actual question that needs to be addressed: Is Yu Darvish any good?

*I thought that the Nats were a year away from being a real contender, but that might be too late.  Their pitching is unreal.  Looking at the rest of the NL East, they don't have more holes on the roster than anyone else.  The Phillies can't score.  The Braves are terrible.  The Mets have played well so far but you know that they will fade fast.  I honestly think that the Nats can make the playoffs this year.

*The Marlins are a goddamn mess.  Between Ozzie and Josh Johnson being awful and Heath Bell being a worse version of Joe Borowski, my preseason NL champion looks mighty shit-tastic so far.

*There are three good teams in the Central and three awful teams.  I still think that Ryan Braun will have a bad season amidst all of the distraction and boos that will follow him.  I don't know if the Reds can score enough although good for them for locking up Votto and Phillips long term.  I mentioned this around World Series time last year but since I own him in fantasy it bears repeating: dropping Arnold Mr. Freeze lines when referencing David Freese is awesome.  CHILL OUT!

*It's a damn shame that Brian Wilson and his greatness is likely going to need a second Tommy John surgery.  I didn't even know that this was possible.  I thought that once you had it, you didn't need it again.  The Beard must be a pioneer.  I would assume that his career is probably over now and that's a shame.  Also, does anyone know why Tim Lincecum sucks?

*I don't buy the Dodgers at all.  They still have a lineup with Kemp, Ethier, and 7 outs.  Chris Capuano and Aaron Harang are actually starting for them.  They will tail off.  That being said...

*It's over.  MY GUY, Chad Billingsley, pretty much has the Cy Young locked up already!  Between Bills and Jon "The Nose" Niese, Ohio can not be stopped. What the hell is going on?  Defiance represent!  Two of the most dominant pitchers through the first week and a half of the baseball season went to the same shitty high school in northwest Ohio.  Insane.

I think that that about covers it all for today.  If there is anything that you would like to add or challenge me on, you know where to put it.  The Iceman is in Texas for the week so he shouldn't ruin things today.  That's a bonus!


GMoney said...

I take it that all of my usual contributors got knocked out by Jack Hannahan this morning...

Anonymous said...

Sup Sup Sup!

Pretty good thoughts on the start ofthe year. I dont like the Blue Jays unis as much as you do tho.

Scherzer definitely is inconsistent. I mean he had the abortion of a game against the Red Sox...and then followed that up with 11 or 12k's against the White Sox.

Mark Texiera is funny in April.

How many steals will Dee Gordon have this yar? He's at 7 already.

Matt Kemp is awesome. #KEMVP !


Anonymous said...

The Tribe offense was ELITE this weekend with the likes of Casey Kotchman and Shelley Duncan hitting bombs all weekend. Even the shittiness of Ubaldo could not slow them down.

The Tiger starting pitching is far from ELITE outside of Verandeer.


GMoney said...

Scherzer is always going to strike people out but it's just odd at how mediocre he is.

Yeah, not a good call when the Tribe put up double digits the last two days. Whatever, I stand by it.

I didn't watch one pitch of the Yankees/Angels game last night but according to Prime both Timmy Tens and Wade were there. Good and Evil in the same building...

Why wasn't "HUGE YANKEES FAN" LeBron James there???

Drew, it's OK, you're just TOTES wrong about the Blue Jays unis.

I was on the tread yesterday at the gym and was flipping between the White Sox and the Red Sox games. Basically I'm just reminding everyone that Ken Harrelson is still the absolute worst in the business. Steve Stone is not much better.

Prime99 said...

Not just in the same building, Tenor was in the front row and Wade was one row behind, one or two seats over! At least they know who gets the front...

I love the Orioles uniforms. They are probably my favorite.

I also picked up Mr. Freese. He is pretty COOL for a Cardinal.

Lincecum will probably be fine, but I really do think Giants made the right move in locking up Cain if it ends up being an eithe/or decision.

Anonymous said...

Lincecum is scaring me. I need him to perform to keep my fantasy team's era under 5! I heard his velocity was down. If so, not good.

The tigers starting pitching will be fine. Scherzer has a stretch every season where he can't make it out of the 3rd inning for about 5 starts in a row and then he snaps out of it. Verlander, fister, and porcello are a pretty solid 1-3.

Miguel Cabrera has been SOLID at 3rd so far. He's already made more plays in 9 games than most figured he would in the entire season. Now he just needs to learn how to hit again.

The Indians offense is ELITE. I might go watch Johnny Damon play for the clippers this week. And by watch Johnny Damon, I mean throw Joel zumaya like fastballs at the pitching game.

I ran into greg paulus at bar louie this weekend. He seems like a nice fella. I asked him how much pussy he got at duke... And he said he had a girlfriend the whole time. What an idiot.


Anonymous said...

I've heard Paulus is a nice guy.

Rumors that Tenor is gonna be in Columbus this week or next to lift/hang out with his boy Urban.

Damon is playing for teh Clippers this week? Interdasting....may go take a peek.

Porcello has been great in his two starts this year.


Anonymous said...

Fuckin' Dut...the Clippers don't even have a home game until 4/24.


GMoney said...

Nothing brings out Dut like baseball talk.

*I lost a lot of respect for Tenor if what you say is true. But I will teach him a thing or two when it comes to throwing stacks around if the rumor of him coming to C-Bus this week is accurate.

*Rick Porcello is hot garbage. FACT.

*Cabrera's barehand play yesterday is routine for every other 3B on the planet. But he made the play so it doesn't really matter, does it, G$???

*Dut hangs out with Greg Paulus. How sad. That will teach you to stay out of The Plugged Nickel.

*Who goes to a minor league baseball game to watch Johnny Damon? Is Roddy Piper going to be there? Your fastball still sucks. That machine was racist against me.

GMoney said...

HA! Dut shows up once a week just to lie to everyone!

Anonymous said...

G$....One of the Yahoo baseball experts picked Washington to lose in the World Series in their pre-season predictions. I laughed at that....but who knows.


Brady said...

I feel much better today with the Indians sweeping the Royals to get back to .500. It's going to be tough to hang with the Tigers all year but we need to stay around the even mark to have a chance.

The HR that Hafner hit yesterday was fucking incredible. 481 ft.! That was a legit bomb there son!

Hannahan is my new favorite player. I don't know what was going on Saturday night but he was ready to fight. I still find it funny that we lost our starting pitcher, manager and starting 3B after Choo was thrown at first.

GMoney said...

Maybe the Royals pitcher is a big advocate against Drunk Driving and wanted to teach that Korean draft dodger a lesson??? If you think about it, Choo is a pretty horrible person.

I am very disappointed in all of you today.

I'm calling his shot for him. A-Rod passes Steroids Griffey Jr tonight for 5th all time with a dinger off of Carl Pavano. There will be no Tenor in atTENORdance though.

Anonymous said...

Yeah you nailed it - The Indians are third in MLB in runs scored, They cant hit.


Prime99 said...

Rome is talking about potential Vancouver riots if the ginger twins get swept by the LA Kings. G$, maybe a post on what situations are "ok" for city riots.