|A promotional still from "Buttman's Buttler Cabin Adventure"|
Opening Day was yesterday. How is your team looking? Up until about Tuesday of this week, I thought that the Yankees and Rays opened up yesterday. Later I learned that it is actually today. I am a great fan. How about my boy, Johan (or as John Miller would call him, “yo-HAAAAAAHHHHHHN” because he has no idea how to pronounce Latino names)? Is “Latino” proper nomenclature these days? Hold on, wait, I don’t care.
Hey, The Masters is going on RIGHT NOW! A Tradition Unlike Any Other should be intriguing yet again this year as long as two of these three (Tiger, Phil, and Rory) are in it come Sunday. I normally like to live blog the final round but my mom is coming to the mansion and bringing steaks (a tradition that I would like to start…want to visit, bring meat) so that is out. You know I’m on Team Tiger because I’m a winner and a fan of interracial porn. PHIL IS QUEER.
In case you haven’t been paying attention, the Cavs are fucking atrocious again. They have lost 9 in a row and none of those games have been close. I think that they set a record earlier this week for losing back to back home games by more than 35 points. With Kyrie hurt, Donald Sloan is now logging huge minutes at point guard. Don’t worry; no one knows who Donald Sloan is. But there is a silver lining here: the Cavs currently own the 4th worst winning percentage in the league which means that my dreams of Anthony Davis and MKG aren’t out of reach yet. BELIEVELAND!
Donovan McNabb is a black faggot. Anyone else find it hilarious that he’s all over ESPN talking about how much Shanahan sucks and that RG3 will fail in DC without acknowledging how much he sucked with the Skins? McNabb is such a goddamn hypocrite. I hate him. I should be more pissed at his out-of-shape ass but if it weren’t for him, I never would have fallen in love with The Sex Cannon and we wouldn’t be on the verge of winning the next 12 Super Bowls. Still though, get fucked, Donovan.
Dwight Howard is the worst. Normally, I hate everything that comes from just below Stan Van Gundy’s flavor saver, but how great was it that he just came out and boldly proclaimed that Averageman tried to get him fired this year! Classic! Howard is a shithead. He is and never will be at the same level of low post greatness as Luke Harangody (back from the D-League!).
Hey, my alma mater might be doing something! Earlier this week, OU acted quickly after John Groce’s departure and brought Jim Christian back to the MAC while Central Michigan hired Keno Davis. In my opinion, both of these are very good hires and the schools executed them quickly. Miami, on the other hand, has waited over a month to replace a guy that they should have known was retiring years ago. I’m told that the final three candidates for our job are Ohio State assistant Dave Dickerson, Tennessee State head coach John Cooper (can he beat Michigan?), and Arizona assistant James Whitford. My money is on Whitford but JUST NAME SOMEONE ALREADY GOD DAMMIT!
That will do it for me this week. Enjoy the golf, baseball, Frozen Four, yard work, my doubleheader tomorrow, casual buttsecks, or whatever this weekend. Feel free to discuss anything.