Thursday, April 19, 2012

Does The Hokester Have A Rebuttal and Other Stuff

When is SMU's "Hillbilly Jim Appreciation Night"?  And yes, that is Larry Brown's ABA era moose-knuckle.
I’ve got a bunch of quick hitters that I want to address today and that will comprise your bathroom reading for Thursday. But first, did you hear that Tom Crean offered a scholarship to Eric Gordon’s little brother? Oh, don’t worry; the kid is just an 8th grader. MIDDLE SCHOOL! Tom Crean is the worst. There is nothing dirtier than college sports recruiting. It is a filthy business and just one of ten million reasons for why professional sports are superior. FACT. By the way, I don’t care about Pat Summitt retiring due to dementia at all. I’m a cold-hearted sonofabitch! Also, Pizza Face Smotrycz is going to Maryland while Jordan Sibert is getting Flyer’ed Up. I am a real news breaker! Anyway, on with the show…

Larry Brown is going to SMU for 12 games before quitting – I suppose I get WHY they would do this since they are joining the Big East and want to make some sort of splash, but it is still confusing. Larry Brown is old as shit. He’s more decrepit than Grumpy and we all know how senile that guy is! Apparently, he convinced the HEAD COACH at Illinois State to be his ASSISTANT (and coach-in-waiting) while getting some of Worldwide Wes’s boys to also join his staff. Is this the beginning of a new power rising from Dallas? Probably not but it makes a program that no one gives a damn about at least somewhat interesting. Although I do wonder what will happen to Kahoots now that Larry Brown has left his post there to coach basketball again. Won’t someone please think of the strip club that really isn’t a strip club!

Are you watching the NHL Playoffs? You should be – If you enjoy cheap and dirty hits as much as I do, this has been incredible so far. I’ve actually memorized what the channel numbers are for NBC Sports Network and CNBC. By the way, TV ratings are WAY up this year which is good (GOTTA SEE IT LIVE!). There is something for everyone to enjoy. Whether it be horrible and nonsensical discipline from Brendan Shanahan or the giant gash of Sidney Crosby or the numerous former Jackets on Phoenix or the reignited Tim Thomas/Obama feud or my deep hatred of TJ Oshie or the fact that Ottawa and Florida both exist or, my favorite, PEKKA RINNE OWNING RED WING ASS! Rinne is the TROOF. When does he send the Wings home for the Summer?  Is it tonight or tomorrow?  This first round has it all. I am enjoying the shit out of it. Fuck Detroit. Fuck Drew. Fuck The Sauls, too. Why not, I’m on a roll.

Phil Fulmer wants another chance to fail – This guy is a terrible coach. He always has been. Now he wants to be handed the Arkansas job. They’re probably dumb enough to give it to him. Let this be a lesson that the South is the dumbest place on Earth. I see that that Dorrell broad finally resigned from the school. What was she waiting for exactly? Actually, she probably saw these Fulmer rumors and realized that she had no desire to lick his fat scrote. Good thinking, whore.

The Ultimate Dantonio does not fear The Hokester - "We're laying in the weeds," Dantonio told Brian Bennett. "We've beat Michigan the last four years. So where's the threat?" BOOM! FUCKING ROASTED! I like this. Dantonio ain’t afraid of shit. And I truly enjoy the slow subtle shift from a college football conference to the late 80’s WWF. Bret Bielema is the Brooklyn Brawler in this analogy. LIT-TLE BRO-THER!!!

Jim Irsay is a cocksucker – I am a real man that does not cheapen my reputation by joining Twitter so I only hear about how annoying the Colts owner is via a second party. He apparently is on there all the time posting random song lyrics and being a general douche. Now he says that he knows who the Colts will take but he won’t tell anyone. Oh that’s cute. The owner of an NFL team is also a 13 year old girl. Adorable!

The NFL schedule has been released; it does not matter – Yes, I watched a good chunk of the coverage on ESPN and NFL Network on Tuesday night. I am part of the problem. It’s fun to see when your team plays all of their big games though and when they will be on primetime. The Redskins play the AFC North and NFC South this year which would be tough even if they were a good team (which they are not although they will be entertaining as fuck). A couple of games stood out to me though: at Pittsburgh (prepare to see a repeat of last year’s preseason dominance, bitches!!!), Carolina (Cam AND RGIII!), at Cleveland (get a good look at what you could have had at QB, queerbates), and of course, at Dallas on Thanksgiving Day. I can’t wait for that. The best holiday of the year will be Griffin’s first national exposure against our most hated rival. Awesome sauce. Thoughts on your team’s schedule (as if it matters right now)? Any road trips planned? After texting my dad about the Thanksgiving Day game, he replied with a “Let’s Go”. I’m not sure if he’s just pumped or if he is considering going to Jerry’s World. That would be intense. I would definitely shit on the floor there.

If you think that I’m dumb enough to go up to Cleveland in Redskins gear in mid-December, you are nuts. First of all, I’m not going to sit on Lake Erie when it’s 4 degrees outside to watch those two teams play and every Browns fan is an asshole. So that’s the end of that discussion. By the way, the other night the Pistons led the Cavs after 3 quarters by 50 points (100-50). Unbelievable, I guess that Manny Harris just isn’t cutting it. And thus, your Thursday post is complete.

37 comments:

Grumpy said...

How about a road trip to Pittsburg for Steelers vs. Skins?

Larry Brown is the greatest coach in the history of basketball. FACT!

GMoney said...

Hmmmmm I don't know about Larry Brown being the best ever. Have you ever seen footage of Walter Behrman???

No road trip. No way. I have no desire to ever go to a Steelers game. Plus we're going to lose badly.

GMoney said...

By the way, how do the Pistons beat the Cavs by 39 and then 24 hours later lose to the Hawks by 32!!!

Welcome back, Kyrie (and Luke Harangody)!!!

Anonymous said...

How are the Redskins going to be so fun to watch? Because they draft a quarterback who hasn't played a down yet? Have they signed a bunch of FA's that I am unaware of?

-Damman

Anonymous said...

NHL has been must see TV. It saddens me that Columbus won't be on that level for at least another six years. While I nightly pray for a terrorist attack in the Penn series, it has been amazing. Still waiting for someone to end Crosby's career for game 3 (how great of a game was that?!). Plus, my Bruins are looking solid still!

Ide

GMoney said...

How are the Redskins going to be so fun to watch?--Ah, so you're the guy that didn't watch one down of Cam Newton last year. And you will be the only one not interested in checking out RG3 as well. Really? This was a stupid question.

Ide, Ilya Bryzgalov might be the worst goalie ever. That goal that he gave up last night before getting pulled was TOTES LOL. He was moving around like Yokozuna. If you want the Jackets to "improve", we need to root for the Canucks to win 3 more and send LA home and thus giving us a second fairly high first rounder. Plus, you know, fuck Jeff Carter.

Anonymous said...

I'm working from home today, so I'll be here all day.

Start from the top....

*Why didn't you mention Eric Gordon's brother's name? His name is Eron. How do you name one kid a normal name like Eric...then name the brother Eron? Crackheads I tell ya.

*Fuck Larry Brown. He cost the Pistons back to back titles with his job flirting during the NBA Finals. Never forgive...never forget.

*I had a bad feeling about this Wings series before it started...next game is tomorrow. We had won 5 or 6 first round series in a row, which is incredibly hard to do in hockey. I still have hope. The good part is that we have arguably the best cap situation in the whole league this summer. Over $ 21M to spend with all our good players already resigned outside of Lidstrom...will be better next year after adding a super stud like Praise or Suter.

*G$ is right...you are completely missing out if you haven't been watching these playoffs. They have been AMAZING. Must see TV every night.

*They actually bought out that Dorrell chicks contract. She got like $ 20K or something. Hopefully, they cut her health insurnace so her ex-fiance can beat the shit out of her now and she will have to pay for it on her own.

*Dantonio's obsession with Michigan is pretty wild. There may not be a human that hates them more than he does. It's impressive.

*I refuse to believe that someone is more of a man by being on Facebook than they are on twitter. Jim Irsay's a douche though too.

*Lions have 3 or 4 primetime games this year. Week 2 Monday night...Schwartz vs. Harbaugh!

--Drew

Prime99 said...

How did the Penguins score 10 goals last night?!? I saw the score on TV while I was out at dinner and though it was a misprint or that I aw seeing things.

South Park was pretty damn funny last night. Cartman drinking Double Dew was excellent. Long story short, it was a funny fucking episode.

Anonymous said...

1/2 the goals last night were lols. That last one where the goalie fell flat on his face had me in stitches.

Ide

The Iceman said...

Good. I hope Dantonio keeps talking shit. We all saw where that got Mike Hart. Get ready to lose to Michigan for the next thousand years, choad.

I'll color in a children's coloring book before watching hockey.

The Browns are projected to lose their first 13 games. Nice to see that we can't even trick ourselves into thinking we have a .500 season in the works this year. Hey Matt Barkley! How do you like snow and smog?

Anonymous said...

I didn't say that RGIII wouldn't be fun to watch. Its just that its not GUARANSHEED like you make it out to be. Yes Cam was the tits last year, but did anyone see it coming? No. All I'm saying is that just having a black QB that can run doesn't automatically make your team must see tv or make him a lock for the HOF. Vince Young and Akili Smith can attest to this. Just pump your breaks a little bit, son.

Oh and when was the last time Mike Shannahan developed a quarterback? I'll wait.

McCoy vs RGIII will be epic.

The Browns get their one national tv embarrassment out of the way early this year, so that's good.

-Damman

GMoney said...

14, Iceman, 14. I don't know what non-tard person would pick the Browns to beat the ELITE Redskins. It was probably Todd McShay.

You enjoy your coloring book. I'll just continue to enjoy some of the funniest and dirtiest cheap shots that I've ever seen. And they are happening ALL THE TIME because Brendan Shanahan is awful at his job.

How do the Wings have all that cap room AND great players? Great organizations are the worst.

It's strange that Rex Grossman got more primetime games last year than RG3 is getting this year. I guess that just proves what they say...SEX SELLS.

Prime, DEW THE MATH!

GMoney said...

YUUUUUGE difference between fun to watch/must see and HOF. Granted, RG3 is a lock to get to the Hall and all, but I never said that.

Shanahan made Jake Plummer decent (not easy) and Elway never won shit without him. FACTS!

Say what you want about Vince Young (because he was pretty terrible) but he was quite enjoyable to watch.

I would say that a QB who won the Heisman trophy, has world class track/cop speed, and throws one of the prettiest deep balls that you've ever seen pretty much defines something that you want to watch when he's on. You are alone in this debate.

Anonymous said...

Wait a tick...VY was fun to watch? College football VY? Yes. NFL VY? I suppose if you really enjoy 16-13 games and him going 13-31 for 125 yds.

Bottom line, I'm going to wait for RG3 to play a down before I order the Sunday Ticket so I can watch every Redskin game.

-Damman

Grumpy said...

Damman's right, that Vince Young? Just terrible. And if he goes off his meds he could kill himself at halftime.

GMoney said...

Hey, I liked watching NFL Vince for the same reasons I like watching Tenor...the game is always going to be close, there will be plenty of LOL moments, and somehow he will find a way. Plus, the couple of times a game when VY and CJ ran the option was awesome.

You aren't ordering Sunday Ticket anyway, you liar. You're going to have the nerve to sit there and tell me that the Redskins don't interest you at ALL??? Bitch please. That is such a lie. Considering that you are contemplating going to a glorified college football practice this Saturday and enjoy the Kardashian family tells me that you are easily entertained.

Anyone else catch Grumpy misspelling PittsburgH in comment one? Steelers fans!!!

Anonymous said...

I never said I wouldn't be interested in how RGIII and the Skins perform...at first. But they and are going to have to show they are worth my time (as much Kourtney Kardashian) consistently before I say to myself, "Holy shit, the Redskins are on today! I've gotta get my shit done!"

-Damman

GMoney said...

"Holy shit, the Redskins are on today! I've gotta get my shit done!"

It doesn't look like you're going to be saying that much this year anyway so crisis averted. But you should be saying that every week anyway.

The important thing is that a Steelers fan can't even spell the city right.

Prime99 said...

Cam was great last year but I never needed to watch. Catching the highlights was enough (unless he ends up on my fantasy team...)

So Matt Cain is pretty turrible, huh? I hate it when guys get paid and the suck... Wait...

Prime99 said...

I also hate when commenters make snide remarks but misspell "then." Dammit.

GMoney said...

HOLE ON A MINUTE, PLAYA! This is what I said:

Exactly who were the Giants up against when they agreed to give Matt Cain 127 million dollars? He isn’t even an ace! He’s barely better than Mr. Ace (I may be going too far on that claim). It’s like they were just sitting around wondering what to do with the Zito money that will be freed up soon and just decided to give it all to their #2 starter. Still, they have the best pitching in the division.

Now that "not even an ace" line may be a tad off but I said nothing about being terrible. And why are you defending a Giant anyway???

Anonymous said...

Mike Adams tested positive for weed at the combine....LOLz.

--Drew

Brady said...

We don't want fucking Matt Barkley Iceman. What is your obsession with him? He is a twat.

I watched my first 5 minutes of NHL hockey in a decade last night. I needed something to do before first pitch in Seattle at 10:10. Hockey dudes are some of the toughest guys out there and it takes incredible skill to play the game. That being said, I could still give a shit about the NHL.

Mike Adams testing positive for weed at the NFL combine is ELITE! I can never for the life of me figure out why dudes get themselves in this situation. YOu are going on the most important job interview in your life where a drug test is GUARANTEED! What the fuck is wrong with you? Might as well show up on a 3 day bender with a crack whore on your arm.

The Browns get one Thursday night game in Baltimore. Fucking gay. That year where we tricked the NFL into 3 MNF appearances was awesome. I'm guessing that won't happen again for a long time.

Spring game this weekend! We can all get a glimpse at the offense that will dominate the BIg Ten for the next decade.

Prime99 said...

I believe you mentioned that Cain would be a liability in fantasy due his contract. He's an ace I tells ya!

GMoney said...

I called him a DUD! Get it right. And it's still early.

Welcome to the third day of the NFL Draft, Mikey Boy!!!

The Iceman said...

All Matt Barkley needs to do for Brady to drool over him is transfer to Ohio State. Where hated shitbags transform into beloved heros and legends overnight!

Shitbag or not, form an argument where he is a worse option than Cleveland's current QB landfill. Ready? Go.

These assholes slay me. Way to fuck up everything you've been working for your entire life all because you needed shitty Mexican ditch weed and it absolutely could not wait. Kill yourself.

GMoney said...

I could argue that Mike Adams has never worked hard but was blessed with an awesome body to piss away and always wanted things handed to him. I could make a very good argument there.

Brady said...

Sure Ice. Here are a couple of my concerns.

- Barkley plays in the PAC 10 where defense is an afterthought at best. Something tells me the Steelers, Ravens and Bengals will present a bigger challenge than the vaunted defense's on the west coast. Big Ten, SEC or even Big 12 defensive competition would be a much better barometer for success at the next level.

- There will be a lack of "hanging 10" on the North Coast. If he tries to catch a wave on Lake Erie, he's likely to end up with dysentery or some other disease from the radioactive sludge. (If he becomes Radioactive man from said trip to Lake Erie then I'll change my mind in a hearbeat).

- He has been in contact with Lane Kiffin for more than 5 seconds

- USC quarterbacks are pretty much useless when they get to the pro's. Palmer was OK for awhile but Barkley reminds me more of Leinert. Is that who you want trying to rescue the Browns?

- I hate him

The Iceman said...

We start Colt McCoy with Seneca Wallace as our backup. I rest my case. Judge G$...a ruling please.

Brady said...

I'm not saying Colt McCoy is the quarterback of the future. I'm just saying Barkley would be a minimal upgrade at best. Sure we have a shit sandwich at the QB position but adding a slice of cheese to that shit sandwich isn't the answer.

GMoney said...

USC quarterbacks are pretty much useless when they get to the pro's

I see that someone went to the Iceman School of "All PGs from Duke suck so Kyrie Irving Sucks as well". That philosophy means shit.

Andrew Luck played in the Pac-12, too. Remember him?

Lane Kiffin is a collosal d-bag, but he's actually a pretty damn good coach.

Brady said...

Ryan Leaf played in the Pac 12 too.

Listen, I'm fairly sure that Luck will be a pretty good QB but the fact remains that he hasn't played a down in the NFL. Let's not anoint him quite yet.

Anonymous said...

Here are pictures of the whore that has caused all of this mess with the secret service....

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/secret-service-colombian-hooker-scandal-escort-explosive-scandal-article-1.1064287

--Drew

Brady said...

Her face isn't all that hot but damn those cans are sweeeeet. I'm not sure if she is worth the international incident though.

Grumpy said...

Mike Adams thankfully will now not be a PittsburgH Steeler. Already questions about his work ethic, now this.

I made a simple spelling mistake before 7:00 a.m. At least you can count on me to be here early every day. Don't piss off the customers.

Anonymous said...

Aaron Rodgers, John Elway, Jim Plunkett, Troy Aikman, and Derek Anderson (LOL) would probably disagree with your assertion that ALL Pac 10/12 quarterbacks are terrible.
Damman is completely right about his skepticism of RGIII's excitement level. We will see

Brady said...

Those are mostly PAC 12 quarterbacks from yesteryear. I'm talking about the last decade or so.