|How awesome would it be to watch Skip die?|
I mean, if Ryan Clark can’t play up in that altitude due to his blood AIDS, then what exactly is different with Peyton’s neck AIDS??? These are the questions that us simple Americans need answered, dammit!
Also, on Monday, Demetrius opened their radio show by saying that Peyton going to Denver was almost exactly the same thing as LeBron going to Miami. I swear to Christ, Anthony Rothman has the worst job ever. How can he work with that mental defective who seriously knows NOTHING about sports? Even the jizz moppers that work for Ide’s Uncle feel bad for Rothman.
But enough about Peyton—if you want to hear/read more about this boring story, just turn on ESPN for 30 seconds and you will want to fill your ears with molten lava. We need to talk about the fallout from this; that being where does this leave our boy, Tim Tebow? He’s got to go. It isn’t fair to ask him to sit around and be a backup after what he did last season. By the way, does anyone want to bet that Peyton never wins more playoff games for Denver than Timmy Tens? Because he won’t…FACT(?)!
So where will the initiator of RibFest end up? Is there any market for him anyway? Could Elway even get a 4th rounder for him? Is Tenor even open to the idea of being an H-Back or a jack of all trades? Would Double T be willing to circumcise Skip Bayless, miss, and cut off his head for the good of the nation? These are important questions, people!!! Tim Tenor needs to stay in the forefront and continue his greatness regardless of fairly poor play! Football needs Tebow! Below, I have listed (IN MY PERSONAL OPINION) the five most likely/intriguing destinations for ya boy.
5. New England – They don’t need him at all and taking Brady off of the field for a gimmick package is so dumb fo real but you know damn well that The Hoodie is considering it. After all, he has grown to be a terrible talent evaluator recently. People keep mentioning the Patriots as TT’s next team yet no one really says why that makes any sense.
4. Miami – The Iceman’s older broseph is a Dolphins fan so I’m quite sure that he would love to see this play out. Miami has had one of the worst offseasons of all time and need some positive publicity after deciding on a QB poo poo platter of Matt Moore and David Garrard. Plus, their stadium always looks half full and they could sell some tickets. Trading Brandon Marshall for nothing sort of signals that they are giving up on the forward pass anyway.
3. Jacksonville – Blah, blah, blah…I don’t even know if Tebow could make the Jags relevant. And if he does go there and sells a fuckload of tickets, then what becomes of those world famous Jacksonville section tarps? Won’t someone think of those tarps!!!
2. Philadelphia – This seems like something that a shit heel like Andy Reid and his boyfriend Marty would want to do and it kind of makes sense actually. Instead of Vick taking hits on the goalline, just have Tens take them. A redzone backfield of Shady, Rape Stand, and Jesusback would pretty amazing. Yet Andy Reid would still fuck it up. And let’s not forget how awesome it would be to see Tenor deal with Philly fans and the East coast media.
1. Cleveland – I’m dead serious and all the reasons I stated for why they should have went after RG3 apply here as well. There is not one person on the planet that wants to watch the Cleveland Browns play football or has any opinion on them whatsoever. In an offseason where the fans demanded some playmakers or ANYTHING actually, they have given you Frostee Rucker. ENJOY! Here are my 6 big reasons for why the Browns should go get Tim Tebow (other than it not costing more than a pick that you would waste anyway):
*Colt McCoy fucking sucks. Much has been said about Tebow shortcomings, but he’s still better than Colt.
*This team has no identity or offensive philosophy anyway. To argue differently is foolish. At least this would stop them from drafting wide receivers that can’t get open.
*The brilliant offensive minds of Brad Childress and Pat Shurmur are just what Tenor needs!!!
*If the front office is too cheap to match a 3 year/24 million dollar deal for Matt Flynn then who are they fucking waiting for???
*Trade for Tenor. Draft Trent Richardson at 4. Draft Mike Adams or another hoss at 22. Throw zero passes. Play 2 hour and 15 minute games. DOMINATE!!!
*Let’s face facts here: TIM TEBOW OWNS THE STEELERS!
Why is it easy as shit for me to come up with some sort of offseason plan for the Browns yet those paid to do that apparently have not been to the office since December? That franchise blows. They need Tebow, dammit. Oh, one more thing, the other day The Common Man was talking about what the 49ers might do should Alex Smith sign elsewhere. With what would be left out there (VY, McNabb), they would pretty much have to beg Favre to come back, right? That would be hilarious. In conclusion, much like Jesus Christ, TENOR WILL RISE AGAIN!