Tuesday, March 06, 2012

This Post Is Best Read Through Michigan Shaded Glasses

Nice purse and glasses, LeBron.  Don't ever change.  This picture has absolutely nothing to do with the post below but still...nice fucking purse, asshole.
Well, well, well…we ended up with a three-way tie for the Big Ten regular season title. Sparty choked because they don't have the personnel to guard the great Evan Ravenel offensive machine. Ohio-verrated (nah, that doesn’t work even with its truth) should be ashamed for losing 5 games with that team. Michigan should be pleased for getting a piece in spite of Zack Novak’s constant horribleness. I could say more, but then I would have just wasted my time copy-and-pasting this exchange on Facebook from Sunday evening:

Iceman: Buckeye fans having to admit that Michigan was just as good in basketball this year is hilarious.
Dut: False… (Link to ESPN’s rankings)
Iceman: Big Ten champs and split head to head. FACT.
Damman: We dominated you at our place. You squeaked by us at yours. FACT. Hopefully we get to pound you again next weekend.
Iceman: The wins show up the same no matter what the margin. All I see is 13-5 in the Big Ten, guys.
Dut: Must be hard to see anything else with your Michigan shaded glasses.
Damman: I guess OSU has owned Michigan in everything the last 10 years so I suppose I can let you enjoy your small moment in the sun.
Mr. Ace: Michigan shaded glasses? Hilarious.

G$’s internal monologue: Do these guys ever grow tired of being awful? Except for Ace, of course, who rightfully mocked Dut for such a stupid taunt. THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY FUCKTARDED.

I think that we all need to remember that the regular season crown is pretty meaningless (nice to have and all, but still). Sure, it’s always great to hang a banner (one that doesn’t actually come down, Michigan fans) but no one will remember this paper title if they don’t make it to the second weekend later this month. And that, my friends, is a FACT. So let’s get ready for Conference Tournament Week, shall we?

*A note on Ohio and Michigan – I was impressed with the mental toughness shown by the Fuckeyes on Sunday. I think that all of us expected them to fold once they got down big early and the crowd was nuts. It has to be nice to see for you inbred mouthbreathers and hopefully not a harbinger of good play for the rest of the month (for us haters). For Michigan, you already know that your life is reliant on Tim Hardaway, Jr so I imagine that you are cool with his recent string of decent shooting.

*Paul Keels is ELITE - I listened to the second half while walking the dog and got to hear this dynamite line:  "Andre Thornton is whistled for violating William Buford".  UGH, I'm glad that I missed the gay rape part of this game.

*Fuck you, CBS – The tourney final for The Valley was an absolutely awesome basketball game from start to finish. There were lead changes every time down the floor. And, of course, once the game went to overtime, we in central Ohio had to watch the first four minutes of a Big Ten game instead of the conclusion of a game that meant a metric shit-ton to the bubble. Look, I get WHY it was switched considering the market that I live in. But it still makes no sense to me. Creighton and Illinois State were playing for a ticket; you don’t go away from that to watch a goddamn tip-off even if it is local. Fuck that shit.

*Also: Fuck you, Brady – You pissed and moaned after the last Ohio/Sparty game about the officials not calling shit. Did you like the alternative where a whistle was blown every other time down the floor? Of course you did because your team won and you are a grab-asstic piece of amphibian shit. God damn, you are awful. College refs are the worst. Games with fewer whistles will always be better than those with more whistles. And as Vitale and Bilas correctly pointed out during the Duke/UNC game Saturday night, NOT EVERYTHING IS A CHARGE.

*Let’s face it; the only tournaments you should watch are the mid-majors – And that is true. Sure, they are all fun to attend and occasionally there are outliers that point to their importance (like UConn last year, natch), but the conferences that don’t get 4 plus teams in every year are much more fun to watch this week. Take the aforementioned Valley final, that crowd was awesome because the game meant something. It is what makes March great. It isn’t Kemba Walker going undefeated in March last year that makes this month outstanding. It really isn’t because that team underachieved all season. It’s the Illinois State’s of the world coming within a few seconds or two of knocking some undeserving shitball Texas team from a spot that they shouldn’t get. By the way, is there anything worse than the ACC Tournament? Other than Duke and Carolina, all of the other teams suck or are boring. Why waste your time on the SEC and Big East tourneys? All pointless drivel. Big conference tournaments are a waste of time. FACT.

*I love me some Doug McDermott – The superstud for Creighton reminds me so much of Wally Szczerbiak that it is scary. Can score from anywhere on the floor, deadly from long range, about the same size and shade of pale…it’s uncanny. In case you were unaware, Creighton is my “little guy” that I will pick to win 2 games no matter who they play. That kid is just awesome to watch.

*Drew, you still like Jim Boeheim? - Yahoo reports that he knowingly played kids that failed drug tests.  The NCAA...WHAT AN INSTITUTION!

*The TRUTH! – These are the things that I like coming into the home stretch of the season: Marquette’s inside out duo of Crowder and Johnson-Odom; Draymond Green; The Zeller Boys, Thomas Robinson being sick, Iowa State (Fred Hoiberg!), for the first time ever I can say Vanderbilt, Florida’s Bradley Beal, and solid fundamental teams like Wisconsin

*The LIES! - These are the things that you should be wary of come bracket time: Teams led by Freshman PGs (like Kentucky), Teams that shoot too many threes (like Duke and Michigan and Missouri), Teams that suck at the FT line (Cincinnati), Teams from the Pac-10, Murray State (they will lose in the first round…book it), Georgetown (can’t wait to get their upset loss right), Teams that suck dick away from their building (Indiana), and the non-Beal portion of the Gators

That should do it. I suppose if I want to make some predictions, here are my winners of the conference tournaments: Duke, Wisconsin, Kentucky, Baylor, Syracuse, and Washington. I’m also going to stick with my preseason Final Four of Kentucky, North Carolina, Marquette, and Ohio (State not the Bobcats) even though the Fuckeyes are a long shot.

And with the 2011-12 season assumingly over for my RedHawks (I’m just guessing that we lost to Toledo last night), PLEASE RETIRE CHARLIE COLES. You are a 70 year old terrible coach. Go away already. I can’t wait to get called a dumbass by Ohio fans today because of my correct point of The Valley’s title game being more important than their trophy sharing. Bring it on (All Or Nothing!).


Grumpy said...

The stud from Creighton has a Wally poster on his dorm room wall. FACT!

Charlie has left the building. Our long nightmare is over.

GMoney said...

Yep, Ol' Charlie said goodbye last night after losing to Toledo twice in the same season (TERRIBLE). Great coach when he was winning, insufferable act when he lost. Time for a new era.

GREAT mid-major games last night.

Anonymous said...

Is it just me, or is there a great number of teams that could win it this year? Even the mid-majors are scary and could make a deep run. Watching UK or KU or Syracuse get raped by the likes of Wichita State will be great this year.

I had to watch this weekends game with some Arizona fans who were Asian. NYC seems to be woefully short on OSU or Big Ten bars in Manhattan. I have found one in Brooklyn, but fuck that noise. I'm not black or hipster.

I meant to bring this up yesterday, but will there be any Dragon talk in 4 weeks?


GMoney said...

Hmmmm, we'll see about Thrones. I have a feeling that less of the commentariat watches that than Deputy Carl: Professional Rock Thrower.

I don't necessarily agree that more teams than usual can win the title this year. For instance, I don't think that ANY Big Ten team can win 6 in a row. Maybe 4, but not 6. I would take UNC/Duke/UK/Cuse and probably give you the field.

Anonymous said...

You were probably one of ten people in Central Ohio upset at the switch over to the Buckeye game. YOu still got the dynamite Greg "Cabbage Patch Kid" Gumble cut in's to keep you updated. It ended up being a blowout in OT anyways.

They have talked bounties on M&M for the last 20 mintues. Kill me now.

I think the Big 10 is going to domintate in the dance. Getting away from the bruising style of playing each other will make a big difference.

If Will Buford can be consistent at all, tOSU will be a very tough out.


Anonymous said...

Lots of things to hit on.

First...I was in my car three times this morning...and flipping through the channels..

6:25 -- Mike and Mike talking bounty *switch channel*

7:05 -- Mike and Mike talking bounty *switch channel*

7:50 -- Dick Vitale on Mike and Mike talking bounty...demanding Gregg Williams be banned from coaching *laugh heartily..switch channel*

No clue how you guys listen to that trash.

Basketball stuff...

*Thank you for pasting that facebook conversation. I believe that qualifies as reason 54,343 why I do not have Facebook.

*I have submitted my resume to be the successor to Charlie Coles.

*I thought Sunday's game was the second best regular season win of the Thad era. Very impressive and a huge win. I felt very happy for Will.

*Paul Keels is the opposite of ELITE. He's fucking terrible and I hope he burns in hell.

*Good point on the mid-major tournies...tehy are fun. I'm still looking forward to going to the B1G Tourney this weekend tho.

*I do still like Jim Boeheim and this drug thing has nothing to do with your terrible assumptions you made about him and Bernie Fine. How anyone thought that Syracuse didn't have something going on with drug testing when they have a kid named Fab Melo is beyond me.

*I think the B1G is gonna make some noise in the tourney due to being by far the best conference this year.


GMoney said...

Damman, but you understand how stupid it is to go from an overtime thriller to a tip-off, right? The guy that Buke got an autograph from did do a good job toggling games though.

Buford is such a strange player. When he's on, he looks like a surefire first round draft pick. But when he is off and is taking contested 20 footers with 27 seconds left on the shot clock, you want him to pull a Hank Gathers. He probably is the straw that stirs your drink for the rest of the season.

Marty Bannister had a Charlie soundbyte this morning during his updates!

The Big Ten, IN MY PERSONAL OPINION, has numerous sweet 16 caliber teams but not many Final 4 caliber teams. Drew and Dut, are you guys still going to Indy this weekend? If so, please get into a car accident.

The more you hear about Cuse hoops, the more you realize that either Boeheim is a total liar or that he's more oblivious than JoePa.

MUDawgfan said...

Murray State out in Round 1 eh? Can't say I'm in 100% agreement with that butI do think they'll get thrashed in round two by some team like FSU or Sparty.

G$ - other than Drew, who is your top candidate to replace Coles? Given the fact there is no way we'd be able to hire someone who is as cheap as Charlie.

GMoney said...

I don't think that you can give it to Jermaine. I hate saying that, but he's a Charlie guy and the program needs a new direction. I would make a run at bringing back James Whitford from Arizona. Or Phil Jackson.

Grumpy said...

My personal choice would be Paul Westhead. I fear Jermaine just brings more of the same. Greatest success has been with assistants from big time programs, but why would they take a huge pay cut?

GMoney said...

Being your own boss probably helps. And let's not forget that our AD is a fucking doormat so it's not like anyone is going to tell him no.

Anonymous said...

I will have Miami recruiting better than Cincy, X or Dayton. Pick me.

G$...It's gonna be kidn of hard for me to get into a car accident, when I'm getting flown to Indy in my private jet.

So, did those two tool bags ever stop talking bounties this morning?


Brady said...

I'm pretty sure I was bitching about the refs during the last OSU/Michigan game and not the State game.

/prays that G$ doesn't go hunting in the past comments

There definitely were a ton more whistles in the game Sunday because of the nature of the game. There were almost 2-3 fights in that second half. It reminded me of football. It was nice to see the intensity turned up for once. I think the whistle-happy refs were just trying to keep control.

Man if Buford can just consistently put up the numbers he is capable of, Ohio State can make a run. He was unconscious for portions of that game.

I do agree with G$ that the end of that Creighton game was much more interesting than the first couple minutes of OSU/MSU. I would've rather watched that. Those tourney games where everything is on the line are crazy. Those kids go all out and it's fun to watch.

Anonymous said...

Off topic here but former Indians farmhand Alex White, traded in the Ubaldo deal, just picked up a DUI in Arizona blowing a solid .174. This qualifies as "extreme DUI" in Arizona. He admitted to having 2 beers. Well done sir.


Brady said...

In Alex's defense it is quite hard to not drink beer in Arizona after a cold winter. I went to Goodyear for spring training last season and was completely tanked for 3 days.

GMoney said...

I can't wait for it to come out that Alex White was out with The Torg. MY GUY!

I'll take a plane crash then.

Brady, for once you are right, you were a cunt about the Michigan game. Please accept this apology that looks an awful lot like a poop.

Due to Ide's New York-ness, I have an open slot in my fantasy baseball league this year. If you are interested, apply within. You can draft in person on 3/25 or we will have an online option. Brady, if you want to improve your reputation, you should consider this.

Anonymous said...

First. ELITE Bring it on reference.

Second. I only posted that to piss off Ohio fans who all said, while talking out of the fleshy patch that once inhabited a dick and set of testicles, that Ohio was running away with the Big 10 this year. But make no mistake...this title is YOUUUUUUUGE for Michigan. It helps us climb a little further out of the turd invested toilet Chris Webber put us in. Don't downplay the importance of a title after your team was in college basketball wasteland for years.

Anonymous said...

It should be noted that I don't check my email ever (just ask Damman), and just noticed that invite yesterday. I may join just to be a dick and draft all closers to take it to you fucks again. Or not.


Anonymous said...

G$...don't you play head to head in your fantasy baseball league? That's more dumb than Ape's diet.


GMoney said...

Yes it is, Drew, and everyone in the league loves the setup. Roto is for the Peter Kings of the world. Weekly competition is ELITE. Stockpiling stats? Not so much.

Prime99 said...

Gene Hackman should replace Charlie Coles. He's the obvious choice.

I enjoyed the WCC tournament. Most college ball I've watched all year.

Anonymous said...

LOLz at head to head fantasy baseball being elite. There are groups of mentally handicapped adults that think their field trips to Eastland Mall are great too...doesn't make those trips ELITE though. Just tards being tards.

Also...since G$ seems to like to talk about this. OSU led the B1G in basketball attendance...only school to average over 18K in conference games. Blooooooooow me.


Brady said...

What's wrong with my reputation? Is this still Ribfest backlash?

I would be down with some fantasy baseball. I think my other draft is the weekend before so if you need another I'm your man. Just let me know.

I'm a head to head fan as well (sorry Drew). Using the accumulative stats for tie breakers and awards at the end is the way to go. It's much more personal if you're playing somebody each week rather than watching your stat lines slowly crawl up all year.

Brady said...

Wait. Are we talking strictly head to head? Is your record 1-0 if you win the majority of the stat categories or are you like 7-5at the end of the week depending on how many categories there are?

Anonymous said...

Fantasy baseball is about as exciting as accounting. Or a 3 hour Economics class.

Anonymous said...

The way the baseball league is set up is elite. I've never played any other way, but I don't see how it could be any better. It doesn't take a whole lot of effort either. Maybe I'm just a fan because I have a system that gets me to the playoffs every year (usually with a 1st round bye)? Unfortunately the playoffs have been my downfall. Thankfully g$ cut the number of teams making the playoffs so little weasels like Damman can't sneak in from the 6th seed and make a run.

Anonymous said...

This new site really fucks with my ability to comment.


I just took down Iceman on scramble with friends!!! Suck it, iceman! You will have nightmares of that 1100 point 3rd round. Boom!


Anonymous said...

As an Economics major, go fuck yourself, Iceman. Econ is totes fun. Dut taking to the internet after a Words with Friends victory. The legend and amount of AIDS grows.


GMoney said...

Brady, you would get a 6-4 record for the week or something similar. Stat categories are 5 for hitting and 5 for pitching. It also requires a ton of strategy as Ide stacked his lineup with ELITE closers and was somehow rewarded for it. What he lacked in wins and Ks, he killed in WHIP, ERA, and saves. Interesting theory from a failure of a human being.

Right now, we are capped at ten teams but might bump it to 12 if there is more interest. $40 to get in.

Drew, you are Peter King. Congrats on that. Go ahead and name your team the Montclair Pedroias this year. Again, everyone likes the way that my league is run as it makes you pay attention without having to waste countless hours on matchups and boxscores. DEAL WITH IT. Plus, when I win a title due to Pedro Alvarez having 25 RBI during the two week league World Series, it is something that Damman (the victim will never forget).

It's nice to know that Ohio State fans are actually showing up this season.

GMoney said...

Dut must have played that game with Michigan colored glasses.

Anonymous said...

Anne Franks Ashes is back. Draft closers early fellas. The good ones will be gone by round 12.


GMoney said...

OK then, we are up to 10, let's see if we can get 12. Brady is interested...who else?

Mr. Ace said...

I have never done fantasy baseball... but I will try anything once. I am looking at you, Shook's Son. If you expand it I will join the party.

Anonymous said...

Hello. And Bye.

Anonymous said...

Hello. And Bye.

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