Friday, March 23, 2012
I assume that last night’s action will carry through the day today but, just in case all four games were uneventful turds, let me give you some additional topics. We are down to 16 teams and thus four regional sites. It isn’t tricky math to figure out that that leaves us with 4 announce teams as well. To lead us into the weekend, I am going to judge those four groupings today.
The #1 Team – Jim Nantz and Clark Kellogg. I’ve mentioned numerous times how creepy Nantz is but, in reality, he is a perfectly acceptable play-by-play guy. He doesn’t make the game about him and displays the correct amount of emotion. Nantz is just rock solid. Kellogg, on the other hand, makes me long for the days of Billy Packer. Special K is just horrible. He can’t speak English, makes up the most random shit, and his catchphrases or whatever those are make about as much sense as a see-through toilet. I’m really not sure how Clark got this gig since he is very unqualified. It might rhyme with Blaffirmative Blaction though (RAYCESS!!!).
The #2 Team – Verne Lundquist and Bill Raftery. These old-timers just seem to get better as the years go by. I think that what makes them so entertaining is that you can tell that they genuinely like each other (the exact opposite dynamic of Nantz and Phil Simms). Apparently, Raftery still goes out drinking at pubs until all hours of the night. ONIONS! It is going to be a sad day when this duo retires. I’m not afraid to admit it: I love Verne Lundquist.
The #3 Team – Marv Albert and Steve Kerr. Now, we all know that college hoops are not their specialty, but they still do a good job. Kerr knows his shit and Marv’s voice is perfect for any level of basketball. Let’s be honest, CBS’s top three teams are pretty damn good.
The #4 Team – Kevin Harlan, Len Elmore, and Reggie Miller. Harlan is top notch. He’s got a distinct voice and his phrases like “RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES” are special. He is no Gus Johnson, but Harlan is still enjoyable. His partners though…yeeeeesh. I have no idea what has gotten into Len Elmore this year. He usually bores me to sleep because he has no personality whatsoever. This year he appears to be trying out the same “jive” schtick that is working out so well for Mark Schlereth. Go ahead; listen to him, Len’s going to get all urban on your ass! I’ve hated Reggie for a long time. He doesn’t know anything. He constantly screws up simple basketball clichés (He had a full steam of head there, Marvelous!). He has at least 340 teeth in his mouth, too. The color commentary in this booth is just awful.
While he has nothing to do with CBS’s coverage of March Madness, I would also like to give a big FUCK YOU to the asshole who people still like to defend for some reason: Robert Montgomery Knight. We all know about how much he hates one-and-dones. He has a point and all considering that it is a stupid rule, but his childish demeanor and actions pretty much negate that point. In case you are unaware, Knight will not say “Kentucky” or reference Calipari in any interviews or TV appearances that he does. Instead, he calls them “Wildcats” or “the team from the SEC”. Dude, go fuck yourself. You are an analyst, not a critic. Sure, Calipari is as dirty as Seal’s underwear, but that isn’t your job. Bob Knight fucking sucks. Grow up, old man.
So let’s keep talking hoops today, shall we? Were the games good? Did Yancy Gates get arrested? Did Marquette and Florida combine for 250 points? Is everyone on board for the fantasy baseball draft Sunday at 3 pm? GO TARHEELS!