Thursday, March 15, 2012

Talking TV With Ide

Funniest bit character on TV?
While G$ is getting thoroughly tea-bagged by some Cajun stripper named Jean-Luc, I will be taking over today’s topic (ed. note-my flight does not leave until 6 pm so I'll be around today, assmunch). And due to popular demand (or one person, still popular by this site's standards), I shall be talking about television. And since it is me doing the talking, this is going to be guaranteed gospel. In return, you get a bunch of lists that you should pay attention to. There won’t be any fag picks like The Killing or whatever shit show G$ brought up last year.

Top 10 Current Shows
10. Real Housewives of Whatever – Just kidding, go fuck yourself Grumpy.
9. Luck – I could honestly take or leave this show, but it’s pretty good. Since it contains a lot of habitual gamblers, I’d like to think they drew a lot of inspiration from Buke.
8. Shameless – Admittedly I have only seen the first season and some of this one, but it definitely deserves mention here.
7. Modern Family – Al Bundy is still great in this. And those fags are pretty hilarious as well.

5/6. Parks & Rec/30 Rock – Ron Swanson and Jack Donaghy, that is all. Anyone else notice how 30 Rock has slipped a very racist scene in every episode? The 3 white K’s whipping the black guy was priceless. They tie since they basically come on the same channel at the same time, and I don’t really care which one I watch first.
4. Mad Men – Chauvinism, rich white men doing whatever they want and women knowing their place. This show got it right. They NYC people getting up in arms over the marketing looking like 9/11 was totes hilarious too.
3. Eastbound and Down – The first two seasons were ok, but I always wish they would have been funnier. Or at least as funny as I thought they could be. They fixed all of that madness this season in spades.

2. Game of Thrones – It has sex, violence, dragons, retard jokes, midgets, no minorities, and plenty of more sex. This is definitely a bit geeky, but it kicks all sort of ass. It technically doesn’t come out for another two weeks, but fuck it, still counts.
1. Justified – Still the best show out currently. Their slew of villains seems to get better and better each season, which is always good. If you’re not watching this, then you shouldn’t even be posting on this site since it accumulates everything we’d collectively put in a show anyways.

Worst Shows Running
Smash – Never seen it. Don’t need to. It fucking sucks.
Glee – See above.
Anything on CBS – Only thing saving this from Everything is them forcing us to watch sports here. Though, they deserve definite criticism for letting Gus Johnson go.
Singing Competition Shows – I do know a great number of people here actually watch American Idol. This is not fucking cool. You people deserve as much shit being thrown at you as Ape and his gay diet. Just remember, that when you are on your deathbed, you supported Ryan Seacrest in some way.
Gordon Ramsey Shows – The first season of the first one was ok. How you were able to watch this shit for x amount of seasons over x amount of shows is beyond me.
Bravo – Disagree all you want Grumpy, you’re wrong.

Most Absurd Shows That I For Some Reason Watch
5. Chopped – I actually like this show better now that 90% of these places I can actually recognize and go to. But, they always seem to give the prize to the poor bastard with the biggest sob story. The good news is that I can actively root against cancer patients on a seemingly regular basis.
4. Good Eats – Fuck you, I like Alton Brown (ed.-you are dead wrong).
3. House of Lies – This show, by all rights, is fucking garbage, much like Entourage in the later years. Yet, I still seem to be drawn to it every week.
2. Diner’s, Drive-in’s, and Dives – Take your bold flavors and shove them up your ass, Guy Fieri. Even his name pisses me off. That’s not money. Yet, this is on roughly every single night I go to bed, so I still find myself watching it. (If you can’t tell, I usually watch Food Network when I go to bed)
1. Sportscenter – Granted, my intake of this show has lowered dramatically in recent years, I still find myself going to it anytime I’m at home before noon.

Top 5 Badasses Ever
5. Daryl Motherfucking Dixon (The Walking Dead) – Necklace of ears, fashions his own arrows and just about any other killing tool he may need, lives by himself in an encampment (yes, apparently, that is possible), and has an awesomely racist though woefully absent brother. He also gets shot in the neck and doesn’t give a shit. And him carrying a crossbow to a funeral screams killer.
4. Raylan Givens (Justified) – Since his exact same character seemed to be a giant gash in Deadwood most of the time, it was refreshing to see him be the guy I wanted him to be in this show.
3. Vic Mackey (The Shield) – Like he says, “You just gotta be hungry……like the wolf.”
2. Al Swearengen (Deadwood) – He is easily the best written character in the history of ever and has a penchant for cutting throats and feeding the body to Wu’s pigs.
1. Omar Little (The Wire) – If you need an explanation, then go fuck yourself.

Honorable Mention: Whoever kicks G$’s ass for making some offhand comment on Big Brother if he makes it. This is reason enough for me to pray that he makes it (editor one more time-my stupid wife is picking up a video camera this weekend and I'm leaning toward filming my audition tape while showering).

Double Honorable Mention: Ellstin Limehouse – He just seems like he would be one and has a really big fucking cleaver that needs to be used at some point this season. He is black as well, so there’s that.

Join me tomorrow, where there will be an actual sports related topic that is sure to be a lot more interesting for everyone.  (Editor to end this-I disagree.  TV is way more important than Peyton Manning's airplane)

42 comments:

Anonymous said...

First.

-Damman

Anonymous said...

Mississippi is worst state in America.

-Damman

Grumpy said...

Followed closely by Alabama.

Grumpy said...

At least you got the badasses right. Omar is great again in Boardwalk Empire.

Three horses have died filming next season's Luck; production has been suspended.

Grumpy said...

Update: Luck cancelled due to death of horses.

GMoney said...

Yep, Luck is done and that's sad because while David Milch's dialogue is frustrating to listen to, it was acted well.

Ide wants to tea-bag Ted Allen. FACT!

I still support Gordon Ramsey and everything that he does although Hell's Kitchen is the same exact show every season.

Boyd Crowder > Raylan...it's close, but Boyd is better.

Don't ever do that FIRST shit again.

Anonymous said...

That post was a huge clusterfuck of shit.

Here's what I dabble in...

Jersey Shore

Real World/Road Rules Challenge -- To follow this show season by season is tremendous. I agree with Bill Simmons...it is our fifth pro sport.

The Office -- I actually like the current season more than Steve Carrell's last few. It's funny again.

Community -- Great show.

House -- Awesome show in it's last season. They are going otu before it gets shitty. I give them props for that even if it does make me lose a show.

60 Minutes -- I have become a big fan of this show because it makes me feel smart watching it.

That's basically it other than sports.

--Drew

GMoney said...

60 Minutes! Christ, you are older than Grumpy.

Community is back tonight, my guide says. That's good news.

GMoney said...

I almost forgot to mention this:

Yesterday, mid-morning, I commented that it was Dut's birthday. NOT ONE OF YOU wished him a happy birthday. You all are ELITE!!!

Anonymous said...

That was purely intentional.

Luck was going to go up after those horses died, but that whole cancellation thing took it back.

House is fucking garbage. As is basically every doctor/hospital show ever on tv. Exception being Nip/Tuck. That show was awesome.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Cheers to one of the best days of the year - Happy tournament kick-off day fuckers. Go Wildcats!

Seal

The Iceman said...

Alton Brown is a fucking queer. Good luck making any of the shit on his pompous ass TV show. Let me know how worth it it was after 3 hours and your shit looks nothing like what he's made. Oh yeah...and all the ingredients he uses for one dish will run you about 100 bucks. Fuck yourself, Alton.

Guy Fieri drinks sperm milkshakes & is almost (I say ALMOST) as big of a choad sniffer as fat fuck Adam Richman. Any 40 year old man who still bleaches his hair is a prime candidate to eat my farts.

Al Swearingen weaves together a gorgeous combination of all things "fuck" related that is duplicated by no one.

Mr. Ace said...

House is the only show that I have loyally watched for several years...other than South Park. I am glad they are stopping before it got bad, but bad House is still better than 90% of what's on television.

Your fucking life must suck balls if you can honestly comment on all of these shows. Go to a strip club or something. That is just depressing.

Anonymous said...

That's what a dvr is for shitbag. We all can't be making it rain muesli every night like you, Moonbeam.

Ide

Anonymous said...

I have to admit, I regularly watch Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. I also watch Man v. Food a lot. Call me a queer all you want, but it is interesting to see different restaurants around the country and to watch good food being made.

Personally, I would have put Modern Family higher on my list. Phil Dunfy is just as hilarious as Al Bundy.

Parks & Rec is hilarious and, in my opinion, better than 30 Rock (30 Rock's racism is vaulting it up in my rankings, though).

I don't think Eastbound and Down is nearly as funny as its first season. The second season was horrible. Kenny was in Mexico and could have turned the show into one huge mexican joke, but he was way more politically correct than I was expecting. This season is an improvment, but still not up to snuff. You can only make the same jokes so many times. The show simply is not adding enough new situational humor.

Game of Thrones is my favorite show on television. It has everything you could possibly want in a TV Show. Boardwalk Empire is great, too.

-Lil' Strut

GMoney said...

I like Adam Richman. Anyone that can put down all of that food and not look like Yokozuna is OK in my book.

Guy Fieri is such a homo yet I will watch Triple D every time that it's on. It makes no sense. I guess that I'm just a sucker for going to FLAVORTOWN!

Eastbound is OK but Danny McBride has been playing the same character in everything that he's been in for five years now. It's getting old. And Shane Dog was the best and they went and killed him off. Weak sauce.

Tipping off with Verne Lundquist. I AM DOWN WITH THAT!!!

Prime99 said...

Eastbound and Down has been downright depressing this season. The best line was Kenny claim that we know who Tom Cruise is because Shane died like Goose died in Top Gun.

I like Awake. Excellent show so far.

Game of Thrones is also my favorite though. Incest, murder, dishonesty, beheading- what's not to like?

Anonymous said...

Props to random commentor Daniel! Mario Williams to the Bills! Great day for Bills fans.

Ape's last post was my favorite post of the day.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Sessions to the Lakers.

Seal

GMoney said...

Good to see that the Cavs acknowledge that the future is more important than getting swept in the first round this year. Luke Walton is an abortion but I'll take that first rounder.

BILLZ YA'LL!!!

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