Monday, March 19, 2012

I Am The Walking Dead

Exactly how I feel.
At some point yesterday, Damman said something about his body officially shutting down on him.  I could not agree more.  This past weekend in NOLA has rendered me even more useless than ever.  I feel like a bouquet of dicks.  But it was TOTES worth it.  Here are a few notes from the weekend as well as some NCAA Tournament thoughts.  I freely admit that I wasn't paying a ton of attention to the games so just relax.  I don't care if this post sucks though because I am exhausted.  Trying to find where the hidden world famous sex dungeons are (with Naptown Wolverine, of course) was absolutely worth it and I will discuss this more later because that is how teases work.

*I did not see any famous people.  Apparently, Russell Brand was in The French Quarter sucking on cocks on Friday and then he got himself arrested for being a homo.  ELITE!

*Hurricanes kind of suck.  I prefer hand grenades and/or turtles.  Turtles are delicious.  3 for 1 beers are also the best.

*As I mentioned to Z at some club, there are not nearly enough references to "glistenin' ice" in today's rap game.  Ice is very important, Iceman is not.

*In what was likely the biggest upset of the weekend, I did not set foot inside of a strip club.  NW went to seemingly all of them on Thursday night and since he is an expert on the seedier sides of life, I trusted him that the Bourbon Street cathouses were all shitty.  Apparently, the place that promotes "Live Sex Acts" is horrifying.  Good to know.

*Drew recommended to me to check out Lafitte's Blacksmith Shop.  It's apparently the oldest bar in America as it was founded by a pirate in the 1770's.  It was down past all of the homo bars and there is virtually no electricity in the place.  Totes dark...pretty cool.

*The first two nights, we got up on some bar's balcony to sexually harass young women.  That gets kind of old, pretty fast though.  Do you know what is embarrassing?  When a big hillbilly, who you just met and is part of your group, puts his arm around you and starts screaming "N***** LOVER!" at any broad that chose to have class.  I was terrified.  He just would not stop.  The South is a weird area that I do not envy.

*So how about I talk about The Dungeon?  Rumor has it that this dark bar just off of Bourbon has a seedy underbelly that no one will discuss or how you go about finding it.  All we know is that it is there and that it is wild.  We had to find this place.  Wikipedia was no help to find the secret trap door or whatever to get the promised land.  We were pushing on all of the walls trying to find the wormhole to another dimension that we couldn't even possibly begin to understand.  Yet we never found anything.  It was maddening.  Something is there, dammit.  They LIE!

*Good trip.  I should be on the No-Fly List after my "deposit" in Atlanta yesterday morning.  It was DISGUSTING.

*As for basketball, I'll just accept Ace's apology for telling me that Ohio had no chance to beat Michigan.  Idiot.  I feel like this year's tournament is punishing The Bag Brothers.  For example:
Douche - Zack Novak is gone
Scum - Frank Haith is gone, too, and he needs to pay for his crimes at The U
Satan's Ball - FUCK YOU, COACH K!!!  Can't even beat Lehigh!
The 15 minutes where Michigan and Duke both lost were some of the best minutes ever.

Yeah, that's it for me.  I am whooped.  Feel free to talk Dead early and often today.  I don't care.  New Orleans rules.


Grumpy said...

Which of your degenerate friends did you sleep with? Damman called you a pussy for flying.

Anonymous said...

My utter elation of UM and Duke losing were wiped out yesterday after I nutted UNC and realized that I mistakenly picked Norfolk to win by 12 when I meant to pick UF.

Enjoy my money fags.

lol OU


The Iceman said...

After Friday I'm doing everything I can to avoid all things basketball. Just know that I have no excuse and the winner deserved the outcome. So that means I'm talking dead at 8am.

I like how Herschel was able to find a shotgun that holds around 30 shells. I saw him kill about 40 walkers and reload once.

I want Lori dead. Like, first episode of season 3. I'm still trying to wrap my head around her reaction when Rick told her he killed Shane and why. Hey. Whore. THIS IS WHAT YOU FUCKING WANTED!!!

Cloak person with zombie slaves on chains has the potential to be the best TV character we've seen in awhile.

I'm glad Rick finally found his balls last night. There's been an awful lot of group bitching going on...especially that dyke who apparently loves a good hillbilly asswhuppin. Correct me if I'm wrong but wasn't it Rick who went after your dumb fuck daughter Sophia in the woods? And wasn't it Rick who also refused to leave until she was found? Sure was, cunt. Daryl should have left her to be mutilated. It's been his only flaw so far.

I've been told that there's a good possibility Mearle shows up in season 3. TWO racist hillbillies?! ELITE.

GMoney said...

Yeah, I know nothing about shotguns but I do know that they don't feature a clip with a million shells inside. Hershel's Magic Rifle is not OVERRATED.

I loved Rick-tator making everyone know that he was the Ric Flair of that group. Shut the fuck up, Carol and Carl, you are nobodies.

That was a pretty goddamn awesome hour of zombie mashing last night. It almost made me forget about my crippling case of diarrhea.

Hooded Samurai has the potentail be ELITE. My pick is that it is The Undertaker.

It was not a pussy move to fly. I can only imagine how awful that drive back was yesterday. Plus, then I would not have been able to show Atlanta how much I care about it.

No one cares about 4 Ohio teams being in the Sweet 16 or 7 if you figure in the Big Ten. The real impressive feat is that my preseason Final Four is still alive and well, in different brackets (a miracle), and could still come to full fruition.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, that shotgun scene was stupid.

That hooded samurai is a huge part of the comic books apparently. She is also the badass you are thinking she will be.

I hear that the Governor will be in next season. That doesn't mean anything to me, but according to the few people I know who've read the books, he is one of the best bad guys in history of anything.

So let's see how they can fuck all of this up next season.


GMoney said...

I don't know, Ide, ever since the brah from The Shield took over things have been pretty badass. I'm still waiting for zombie Julian to show up and start buttfucking Puerto Ricans. Julian was the worst.

Anonymous said...

G$...Any delicious meals down in NOLA?

That redneck guy story is funny.

LOLZ at Novak and Ape. Last two games of the year, Ohio beats them in both! Ohiooooooooooo!!!!!!! Ohio!

This Cincy match-up is interesting...two programs that don't like each other. Hopefully, Yancy Gates doesn't try to pulverize Aaron Craft's baby face.

Those 15 minutes when Duke and UM went down, were most definitely ELITE.


GMoney said...

Drew, I had a crawfish omelette for breakfast on Friday. Sounds disgusting but it was amazing. Did the usual: etoufee, jambalaya, beignets...I was not disappointed. Swiney ate some gator but that was before I got down there.

Yeah, the redneck served overseas with the bachelor and we were all warned before he got there that he was a bit off. When I told the bachelor about his BLATANT racism, his reply was, "I told you that he was ignorant". ELITE!

Yeah, I think the first team to 60 will win. You will know right away if the Buckeyes are focused just by watching Sullinger. If he allows Gates to push him around (highly possible), you might be in trouble. If he nuts up, you will be fine. Either way, fuck both schools in the butt.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like that redneck is a pretty cool guy.


The Iceman said...

Rick-tator. Love it.

Sooooooo, totally forgot about season 1 finale when crazy ass Jenner informs Rick the virus is inside everyone and that's why bodies reanimate after death. Gonna be interesting how they reveal how the fuck everyone was magically infected with this virus. Airborne is about the only thing I can think of.

Mr. Ace said...

No excuses, as I said on FB, we got PWND. I still have all the love for Novak because without him and Stu Michigan wouldn't be where they are today.

As far as the game, OU has never shot that well in the history of their program. Maybe that's our fucking horrible defense(FUCK), maybe it is pure luck, maybe they just have a bunch of guys who are gamers. I don't know, but they went HAM.

Bring back the fucking 1-3-1, Beilein!!! This was THEE team to run it against.

Sweet Sixteen next year, guaransheed.

This new Zombie Dominatrix on TWD better be fucking awesome. That shit came out of nowhere.

I saw commenters Dut and Drew making out at Bar Louie Saturday.

GMoney said...

Seriously, if what you say is true then we need to break up Dut and Drew. They are getting way too close.

Without Novak and Stu, Michigan might actually have been good. Bring in black dudes, they are superior talents.

Anonymous said...

I randomly saw drew on Thursday and Saturday. And no, I wasn't making out with drew at the bar.. That was a random skeezer who wanted a 1 way ticket to pound town. St pattys day= elite!

I want more new Orleans stories! There is no way Damman didn't bang a prostitute.

Thank god zombies is over.

I've never been so happy after a Michigan basketball loss. Hard to match that irony!


Anonymous said...

Dut and I were making out at Harrison's during the Buckeye game on Thursday night too. We took Friday off...ramped it up on Saturday in front of Ape's face.

Ape was searching around for tofu corned beef and cabbage on St. Patty's Day.


The Iceman said...

Damman nailed it when he texted me when Michigan got waxed in the Big 10 tourney. At one point Michigan had 4 white guys on the floor and Damman informs me that that's just waaaaaay too many white guys on the court at once. ELITE observation. They lose 2 of them next year and only bringing one in (to my knowledge) so they're already in the right direction.

I think all of the Big 12 faggots can officially suck the dick of the Big 10 now. 25% of the sweet 16 is Big 10 and 0% of the Big 10 lost to a 15 seed.

Prime99 said...

TWD really delivered on the season finale. I was wondering how the death of Shane would affect things, and Rick simply snapped and replaced him.

Lori is stupid but I think a baby born with zombie virus immunity could be the only hope for the human race.

Showing the prison in the distance was definitely awesome. I have to believe next season is going to rule.

T-Dog got some lines of dialogue! ELITE!

Brady said...

Damn New Orleans sounds fun. That is definitely on the list for places to visit.

Ohio Basketball is ELITE! 25% of the remaining teams hail from our great state.

Big Ten is 9-2. I think the best BKB conference arguement for this year is over. Purdue should've won too last night. They fucking choked hard at the end.

Buckeyes/Cincy should be fun. I'm guessing there will be at least 3 almost-fights within the first half.

GMoney said...

Here's what I don't get:

Shouldn't she be having a miscarriage or something? With all the stress in their lives, there is no chance in Hell that that baby gets born. I'm no doctor, but this feels like a logical way to get away from this horrible storyline.

I think I fell in love with Rick when he told his stupid kid that they weren't going back for Lori. Granted, they didn't actually leave her to die, but The Ricktator won me over there.

Dut, some stories should not repeated on the internet...much like the whereabouts of that hidden bondage area on Bourbon Street. I'm sure that secrets will be told at the baseball draft on Sunday.

Prime99 said...

Did Carl throw a similar bitch fit when Lori and Shane LEFT RICK IN A HOSPITAL IN A COMA? Rick should take his hate back from Carl and cite that no pussy will wear his hat.

With all the talk of fortification, they will probably find a secure place long enough for Lori to have the baby, then Carl will likely bring his new sibling into the woods for a close up look at a walker. Being rational has no place in this show.

Prime99 said...

Goddamn autocorrect. Hate=hat

GMoney said...

Peyton to the Broncos? Nice job picking a team with no offensive weapons, tardbilly. Tenor > Peyton

The Iceman said...

One of the best, largely unnoticed lines of TWD was last week when Shane essentially called Carl a mega pussy right in front of Ricktator's face. I think that, compounded with Shane telling Ricktator he fucks Lori's pussy better was what drove Ricktator off the deep end.

I love it though. I agree with G$...Ricktator definitely moved up a few spots in the rankings with his ELITE browbeating of everyone including his own girly son.

The Iceman said...

Manning to the Broncos is so fucking dumb. I'm still trying to figure out why he didn't pick Tennessee. Did it make too much sense? First, he has a fucking home there! Second, Tennessee has an ELITE running game, good talent at WR, better than average O-line and a decent defense. Am I missing something?

Tolbert leaves a cool mil on the table to sign with Carolina. I guess you can never have too many power running backs according to Carolina. They're using the Joe Dumars "stockpile shooting guards" business model, I guess. And let's not forget that Cam Newton has already established himself as the goalline back there. This was just a puzzling move all around.

The Iceman said...

How can you not like the Sex Cannon??

Anonymous said...

So I decided to text my uncle (yeah, that one) about the Dungeon place. I knew he had many vacations down there in his day. He claims that it was a room behind a bookcase that some nefarious doings would happen.

A quick google search yielded a reviewer on yelp saying that the rooms were closed down when new management bought it out.

I'm not sure what that says about a bunch of grown men that use wikipedia to look up hidden sex bars in a different city.


GMoney said...

Ide, we heard about the bookcase next to the bathrooms but those were taken out about a year ago per the bouncer (who eventually told us that we better knock it off or he was kicking us all out). Maybe it isn't around anymore but it was very enjoyable walking around that place demanding to find the "whipping rooms". Your uncle needs to contribute to this site ASAP. I would fire The Iceman on the spot if this happened.

Tennessee was not a perfect fit either because Bud Adams is insane and what do you do with that guy that you drafted 8th last year?

San Fran was the place to go. Moss, Manningham, Crabtree, Vernon, and the many fumbles of Kyle Williams with the defense that damn near killed his brother? Fuck yes.

Between Peyton and "N***** FUCKER" guy, the South is not having a good day today when it comes to mental awareness.

Brady said...

Douchebags at are already speculating on a Tebow to Cleveland trade. I didn't think there was anything the Browns could do to turn me against them but this would be it. I know it's just a bunch of fuckers on a message board but it still scares me.

MuDawgfan said...

When a big hillbilly, who you just met and is part of your group, puts his arm around you and starts screaming "N***** LOVER!" at any broad that chose to have class.

You don't have to rip on me in front of everyone. I would have stopped if you asked me.

The Iceman said...

What do you do with a guy you drafted 8th? Let him learn under Manning for the next 3 years. If Locker turns out to be shit after that (which is a real threat) then it serves you right for drafting 3rd round talent in the first round.

The Iceman said...

You can't fire me bitch...

Anonymous said...

I would make a three digit financial donation to this site if Ide's Uncle started doing one day a week.


GMoney said...

One more thing:

I love Daryl more than almost anything (he was a Boondock Saint, correct?), but if zombies flock based on sounds, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TROLLING AROUND ON THE LOUDEST MOTORCYCLE OF ALL TIME!!!

Sucks or not (and he will suck), you can't have the 8th overall pick sit for 4-6 years.

Anonymous said...

He was a Boondock Saint, and had a totally ELITE Asian driving joke last night.

I doubt he'd contribute. He isn't too keen on computers if I'm not mistaken. He did just get one of those smart tv's for xmas, but refused to set it up. I'll see if I can get some cool stories from my mom or him and post them up. I'd have to go back and see what all I already posted.


GMoney said...

You are correct. Daryl's joke about Glenn being a terrible driver was outstanding. He should have followed that up by asking T-Dogg if he was ELITE at drive-by shootings. But if he agreed to be the gun man, you know, woman driver and all.

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