|Best. Browns. Picture. Ever.|
6:10 - NBC just did the portion of the game where the players introduce where they went to school. I did much better on the Giants thus they will win. Interesting note: Vince Wilfork said he went to "The University of Miami". Is this the first ever former player that didn't say "THE U"?
6:11 - The Patriots run onto the field to Crazy Train (how current!). The Giants come onto the field to the MLB postseason "Written In The Stars" song. Jesus, we're already off to a terrible start.
6:12 - By the way, I'm going to try to not say anything about the commercials because only fucking losers pay attention to commercials. Unless Ron Popeil shows up, of course. I got mad respect for RonCo.
6:15 - COUNTRY MUSIC SUCKS DICK. But if you're going to get some of these shitheads for the Super Bowl, George Strait or GTFO.
6:18 - Kelly Clarkson has no forehead. Is she still famous? This seems more like a Fox get. I'm surprised that NBC didn't get Xtina Aguilera as a means to continue strangling America with promos for The Voice. By the way, I hope you bet the under on the length on the national anthem because that was barely a minute long.
6:23 - One more time, I think that the Giants win but I really just want a close game. We haven't had a turd in a long time so let's hope that we can keep that up. If the game sucks, blame Seal. That will be the running theme for tonight: everything bad that happens is Seal's fault.
6:24 - At least 600 people apparently need to help with the coin toss. I love not seeing Cris Carter out there with the new HOFers. FUCK YOU, CRIS. YOU ARE A BLACK SEAL! Jon Parry is the ref? That's gay. I want Jerome Bogar, dammit! How will I know when it's FOURF DOWN?
6:27 - Jesus Christ, look at that tape job on Gronk N-word's ankle. No way that he dominates tonight. Al Michaels just said "back to the future". This game (and this post) could use 100% more Biff Tannen.
6:30 - Here comes the opening kick and the Giants get the ball first. Bear Pascoe leads the Super Bowl in catches and receiving yards! MVBear!!!
6:32 - My MVP Pick of Victor Cruz gets a first down. He is going to OWN this game. NBC appears to have some new graphics tonight. Looks a little crisper. I hate it. Why won't Al Michaels tell America who he bet on???
6:35 - Another first down pass to Nicks but I don't like that I'm seeing from Eli so far. He's throwing off of his back foot on every pass. That's not good. Trust me, I've watched Rex Grossman do it for the last two years.
6:37 - Sack-terrible run by Bradshaw-another sack...punt. I hope that you all took my advice and bet the first half under because it is a lock. By the way, this is not an Ahmad Bradshaw-type game. The Giants should just be feeding Jacobs when they run. Weatherford nails a punt inside the five and he is talking shit while walking off the field. I like asshole punters.
6:40 - Brady takes over from the 5. I GUARANSHEED that he gets Gronk involved within the first five plays. Brady gets crushed on the first play. HOLY SHIT! SAFETY! HOLY FUCK! A safety in the Super Bowl usually pays 20:1 odds! GIANTS LEAD 2-0! BRADY FOR LVP! Fuck Brady. That was such an "I'm Tom Brady and I can do whatever I want" play.
6:42 - I know I wouldn't talk about commercials, but Elton John and Flavor Flav sharing the screen is pretty outstanding. I have no idea who that busty black chick was. I feel like I should though...she was awfully busty.
6:45 - Henry Hynoski with a first down catch. Eli has gotten all of his white weapons involved early. Eli is in the Klan.
6:46 - Collinsworth: "Watch Kevin Boothe here pulling out". Boothe is no Shawn Kemp according to NBC. BEAR FUCKING PASCOE again! Giants in the red zone.
6:50 - Vic Diggity with a first down catch and a fumble but the Patriots had 12 guys on the field. Never forget that Bill Belichick is the best coach in the history of sports.
6:51 - TOUCHDOWN VICTOR CRUZ!!! That should have been picked. Mayo was RIGHT THERE. Terrible pass by Elite but like usual he gets lucky. GIANTS LEAD 9-0. The Pats had a tendency down the stretch of getting down BIG early, but were able to come back. They can't do that today.
6:55 - Edelman returns the kickoff. Al Michaels calls him Danny Woodhead twice without correcting himself. All white people look alike to Al Michaels' racist ass.
6:57 - Green-Ellis loses yards on his first carry. You know, no one called him out on this Friday, but Iceman said that BJGE was a very good RB. SO WRONG.
6:59 - Branch gets up to the 50 for a first down. He's the worst SB MVP ever, right? Well, maybe Hines Ward. Those are 1a and 1b. My favorite play! Welker runs a reverse for 11 yards and a first down but Aaron Ross celebrates a big hit anyway! SO DUMB. End of the first quarter...I'm still going strong. My feet are cold though. This needs to be corrected.
7:05 - JPP swats down a third and long pass and Gostkowski makes a FG. GIANTS 9-3! Wait a minute, did Naughty By Nature do a JPP version of OPP? That makes me sad. When I was young, I didn't think that there was anyone more hardcore than Naughty By Nature. I was a dumb kid.
7:10 - Al Michaels tells us that Madonna's rehearsal was "over the moon, off the charts". I'm beginning to hate Al Michaels. When Brandon Jacobs gets past the linebacker level, there is nothing more awesome than watching him shit all over a DB trying to tackle him. Travis Beckum is hurt...probably from Seal's treason.
7:14 - Howard Stern doing America's Got Talent is ridiculous. What a sellout. STEVEN TYLER IN THE HOUSE!!! Fuck him, too.
7:16 - The Pats get no pressure at all, Eli has all day, and he converts another third down. Fellas, shit has to change QUICK or the Giants are going to blow them out. Chung getting away with PI will help though.
7:19 - 4th down, Pats with a good and necessary stop. Punt into the endzone this time and Weatherford does not celebrate like a chach. Good decision. SHIRTLESS DAVID BECKHAM ALERT! Dut just exploded into his FleshJack.
7:21 - NBC just showed a Redskins SB ring! SEE! It happened! JPP with another swat. He so sick. If JPP's dad is blind then why is he at the game? I feel like football seats should only be sold to those that can see. And those that don't speak French. I dislike JPP's father greatly. ZOLTAN! There's punt #1! Beckum tore his ACL per Michelle Tafoya...FUCK YOU, SEAL!
7:25 - By the way, NOTHING from Gronk so far. The Giants are fucking dominating this game. The same Giants that (and I can't say this enough) got destroyed by the Sex Cannon twice this year. The Patriots may come back to win this game, but the Giants are CLEARLY the better team.
7:29 - Bad holding call on Kevin Boothe. Guys wearing #77 NEVER hold. Giants to punt again. Remember that first half under? FUCKING LOCK STILL. Wow. Weatherford nails one to the 4. Punter 4 MVP?
7:32 - Gronk can't even move. He shouldn't be out there. Patriots back to the 2...another safety? Would that pay double? I like the pace of the first half, but this isn't the most exciting football we've seen. And then Gronk makes a catch and tells me to shut up. WILL DO! 2 minute warning...Pats sort of driving.
7:38 - The beef is on...which is exactly what I say to your mother. Hernandez fumbles? Nah, he was down. Hernandez converts a third down and NE is close to FG range. I expected more pressure on these QBs to be honest.
7:45 - Needless to say, it would YUUUUUUGE for NE to get a TD here. They are getting punished but still have the chance to get the lead at halftime. DURR, let's hand the ball off to Danny Woodhead for a goalline carry! BRILLIANT! And that Woodhead carry fucked up my HD feed. Fucking white guys. Nevermind, it's back, big third down! TOUCHDOWN PASS TO WOODHEAD! 10-9 Patriots going into halftime! Wow. The Giant Front 4 should be embarrassed right now.
7:48 - Time for me to eat and make jokes about Madonna's ugliness to my dog (still sleeping!). Be back for the second half but since this isn't live, you don't know this. ELITE!
8:08 - Madonna looks like Ragnar the #1 Vikings fan. This will be the closest that the Vikings ever get to the Super Bowl. Cee-Lo Green is the fucking worst.+6--that was courtesy of my dog who has joined me on the couch for the second half. He just burped in my face. He hates Cee-Lo, too. He wants the Puppy Bowl NOW! Request denied, dog. We're sticking with lip-sync-apalooza.
8:13 - I'll give Madonna credit. That wasn't THAT bad. It helped that she kept those muscular arms and veracose veins covered up. Now I'm not saying that I LIKED it, just that I was expecting much, much worse.
8:20 - Dammit, my worst fears have been realized. The dog is being extremely needy right now and wanting to lay on top of my precious typing arm. This needs to change. Clint Eastwood reminds us all that there is still a second half coming up. Thanks, Clint, now go yell at some nips!
8:22 - Al correctly calls Julian Edelman as the kick returner. Welcome to the Super Bowl, Al! OCHO WITH A CATCH!!! I can't believe it either. By the way, I decided to put socks on. Great decision.
8:26 - Text from The Wig Master: In Bud Bowl 3, Bud Dry stepped in as QB and won, But throughout history of the Bud Bowl, Budweiser has been the force to be reckoned with. ELITE random text!
8:28 - TOUCHDOWN PASS TO THAT MEXICAN GUY! Brady is on a roll now. 17-9 Patriots! Wow.
8:31 - Don't worry, NBC4 in Columbus is in Gainesville for an EXCLUSIVE interview with Urban Meyer's wife tonight. NEWS! THIS IS BIG NEWS!
8:32 - Ugh, time for NBC to vomit a bunch of Myra Kraft garbage at us. Took them long enough. Eli with a very big 3rd down conversion to Nicks. They really needed that. The Giants HAVE to score here. Nicks again and the G-Men are closing in on the redzone...NOW things are picking up.
8:36 - Someone please explain how Chung's shot on Nicks wasn't a personal foul. He defined defenseless there.
8:37 - Al Michaels: "Manningham gets DICKED by Sterling Moore." He might have said decked but I like my version of what I heard better. Tynes makes a field goal. Patriots still lead 17-12.
8:41 - Still no Peyton shots. That was an easy bet to win. Not as easy as the first half under, but still easy money. Uh oh, JPP is down...it's a damn shame that his father has to SEE that! BOOM! SUCK IT, BLIND HAITIAN GUY!
8:47 - Hey! A sack by Tuck! ZOLTAN PART II! That was a big possession for the Giants D. The Giants take over in NE territory. Did I miss the Ferris Bueller commercial? The Seinfeld one sucked. Jay Leno is AIDS. Brady hurt? Intriguing. Seal must have raped him.
8:51 - NICKS FUMBLE! Ah, Hynoski on the recovery. The Giants massive string of luck continues! When Brandon Jacobs run east-west, I just SMDH. BEAR PASCOE again! This cat is legit!
8:54 - Text from Drew: "I'd like to fight Brandon Jacobs.......nude." Made me LOLZ. Congrats, you made the live journal. Eli gets sacked, time for Tynes. He makes it. Patriots now lead 17-15 and somewhere Nick Saban and Les Miles like the flow of this game. Hey, it looks like we got our 4th sack! Another great prop win if you took my advice (at least a push for now).
8:59 - What quarter is it? FOUR, FOUR, FOUR! 17-15 with 15 minutes to go. They better hurry up, too, because The Voice starts at 10!
9:01 - Drew Brees' kid thinks that he's a kicker? HE TRYIN' TO SHOW ME UP? Fuck that kid. Although I did appreciate his straight-on approach. That's how real men like me and Pat Sumerall used to do it.
9:03 - PICKED OFF BY BLACKBURN! Akron guy making plays? Terrible throw by the guy fucking the billionaire supermodel. Great catch by the school teacher though. Bradshaw FUMBLES! Jesus Christ, how lucky is this team!
9:09 - Collinsworth: "These offsides penalties don't happen by accident". Sooooo, defensive players purposely jump offsides? First down Giants as Nicks is having a really good game.
9:11 - You know what bothers me? When QBs yell out who the "mike" is. For you idiots, the mike is the middle linebacker. If you need to be told on EVERY play that Ray Lewis is the mike, then you are even too stupid to be playing football for a living. Rant over as Jake Ballard is hurt. Is he friends with commenter Daniel? If he is, I bet that he is TOTES a pussy!
9:14 - By the way, the crowd tonight has been horrible. It sounds like they are playing this game inside Millett Hall! ZING on myself!
9:16 - Collinsworth rightfully kills Manningham for running a bad deep route. This is why I think that Chris is the best color man going today. Do you think that Dan Dierdorf would have been on top of that? Exactly. JAKE BALLARD COLLAPSES IN PAIN! Great shot of that. Ohio State is BITCH.
9:19 - Tom Coughlin is going NUTS about that no-call for PI. I thought that they got it right. Weatherford with another punt inside the ten. GIVE HIM THE MVP.
9:20 - MOTLEY CRUE!!! I don't care if it's for Kia or not, Kickstart My Heart is ALWAYS welcomed. I will not rest until the Crue gets to do the halftime show. That would be awesome.
9:27 - Welker with another first down on a reverse. The Pats have done a really good job with their play-calling and protection schemes tonight. Analysis and opulence, I has it.
9:29 - Hernandez with a big first down and the Pats might be able to run the clock out with two more first downs. That would be anti-climactic. I want an ELITE game-winning drive! Brady had Welker for a Super Bowl clinching TD and he missed him. Bad pass. That's the kind of thing that comes back to haunt you. UH OHS! Elisha has 4 minutes to take the lead and win #2. Come on, Drama! I expect to see an assload of luck here.
9:32 - WOW! What a fucking catch by Manninghizzle! Eli throws into double coverage and gets rewarded! Going to review...CONFIRMED! That was amazing. All Manningham...zero Manning. Another first down Giants and they are in field goal range!
9:38 - First down to Nicks inside the 20! Two Minute Warning! The wife just got home. I yelled this, "WHAT PART OF 'DON'T TALK DURING THE SUPER BOWL' DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?" I am an excellent spouse.
9:41 - Bradshaw to the 11! FIRST DOWN, NICKS! The Giants are going to win this. It is OBVZ...TOTES OBVZ! New England should just let them score a touchdown because Tynes isn't going to miss a 20-25 yarder.
9:43 - WHOA! TD BRADSHAW! He thought about kneeling at the 1 but his momentum carried him in! Wow, big mistake by him. Brady still gets almost a minute to lead the Pats to a win. Giants lead 21-17 as they fail to convert the 2 pointer. That could be a killer for people betting the Giants +2.5. Absolutely brilliant call by Belichick who apparently read my mind.
9:47 - Brady throws WAY behind Branch and that would have went for 40 yards. Al Michaels blames Branch. Of course he does. Hernandez drops one on 2nd down. Mexico weeps. SACK BY TUCK! 4th down and 17 for the Super Bowl!!! Pats call their last timeout. This is it, boys, possibly the last meaningful play this year...enjoy it.
9:49 - First down to Branch! We continue! 32 seconds left. Herneandez stupidly catches the ball in bounds. 17 seconds left, 56 yards to go. Incomplete bomb to Hernandez but the Giants had 12 guys on the field for some dumbshit reason. 9 seconds. Can you imagine if the Super Bowl was won on a Hail Mary? OR A HAIL MYRA!!!
9:52 - Last play of the game. Here we go. HAIL MYRA TIME! I am trademarking that phrase by the way.
9:53 - OHHHHHH!!! They almost got it! INCOMPLETE! Giants Win 21-17! I picked it and the under! I AM ELITE! Eli does it again. He is now OFFICIALLY THE SUPERIOR MANNING! Let there be no doubt now. Fact. You always were wrong Team Drew/Iceman/Dut.
Final Thoughts: Good game, not great. I really enjoy watching these two teams play each other though. Eli will win the MVP but Manningham was the reason they won. Hail Myra was a tremendous way to end the season.
I hope that you all enjoyed my fifth Super Bowl live journal. I know that I like doing these. Just remember, only 80 short days until the NFL Draft!!!