The Wanted Rematch: Your Super Bowl 46 Prediction

I've been breaking down the Super Bowl in my own unique way since this blogs creation. This is the 6th year that I've instituted my 15-prong attack to figure how Sunday's game will shake out. Five years ago, I successfully predicted a Colts win and cover. In 2008, the numbers favored the Patriots but without covering. In year 3, it had the Steelers by 14. In 2010, we called for a Saints upset victory. Last year, we swung and missed more than Adam Dunn as we liked the Steelers to lose yet cover but were thankful that they FAILED MISERABLY. So to sum up, the system is nailing the winner at 80% and the spread at a 60% clip. I expect to get back to our traditional winning ways this year. As a reminder, I don't know how this breakdown will go until I finish it. Personally, I think that the Giants beat the shit out of New England. The score will be close, but the Giants will man-handle the pussies from the northeast. They are more physical and nothing has really changed, in my opinion, from 5 years ago. But enough about what I think, let's analyze this thing:

QB – This comparison a little closer than it was 5 years ago and rightfully so. Brady may be married to a billionaire supermodel, but Eli—well, Eli can’t compete with that all. The first time these two teams met in the Super Bowl, I gave Brady a 5 point bump. This time around, he’s more like a field goal better. Patriots +3

RB – New England probably features the worst stable on running backs in the league. Ben Jarvus Green-Ellis and Woodhead are just bad, bad football players. On the other hand, even for an underachiever, Brandon Jacobs is a goddamn tank and Bradshaw helped me win a DFL Title this year. Giants +4

WR/TE - This one is tough to grade. The Pats have ELITE weapons like Welker, Hernandez, and Gronk N-word. Deion Branch is OK, I guess, but pretty irrelevant. The Giant trio of Nicks, VIC, and Manningham is quite awesome as well. Sure, Jake Ballard and Bear Pascoe sound like a duo that star in gay porn movies together, but they’re OK with what they do. I’m going to give the check to the Giants here because of Gronk’s gimpy wheel and my burning hatred for Ocho Cinco. It would be a travesty if he got a ring this way. Giants +2

OL – Now we start getting into the portion of the post where I make wild, baseless claims out of necessity since I don’t know much about the next four units. Both of these teams have lines that have primarily been together for awhile. The Pats have a guy named Sebastian while the Giants have a guy that has been fucking Tom Coughlin’s daughter for years. I respect the latter way more. Giants +2

DL – Oh come on, I’m not giving any points to Gerard “Big Money” Warren! The Giants often play 4 defensive ends at the same time. That is ELITE. Giants +6

LB – Hmmmmm, I’ve heard of Jerod Mayo, Rob Ninkovich, Michael Boley, and Chase Blackburn. I assume both teams have more than two linebackers. Whatever. Patriots +3

Edelman learned a lot from James Harrison at Kent State.

DB – Neither team has a good secondary but I’m giving the check to NYG for one reason: I like to play “Guess Which College” during NBC games when the players say where they went to school (Jared Allen, Culinary Academy!). I’m pretty good at it. I think the best that I’ve ever done is 10 out of 11 for the Steelers offense. Anyway, at some point later on in this season, the Pats were playing on Sunday night and when it was time to introduce their defense, they had two guys on the secondary that just had their picture. No audio. Nothing. That tells me that those guys blow. Giants +2

K/P – Gostkowski and Tynes are both average to above average kickers. Steve Weatherford is not nearly as cool as ZOLTAN though. Patriots +5

Return Game – I hate Julian Edelman. Fun fact: I won a fantasy title this year with Giants KR, Jerrel Jernigan on my bench. He had zero catches this season. Giants +2

Coach – I’m going to catch Hell for this, but I don’t care. You know what, in 2012, I believe that Tom Coughlin is just as good as Bill Belichick is. That is to say, I think that Ol’ Red Face has a tougher job and does it well. Eat shit, I’m giving the points to Coughlin. Giants +1

City - Boston fucking sucks and is getting to be waaaaaay too cocky about their sports team's successes these days. New York is the best city ever (even with the recent outbreak of Ide-itis) and features the best baseball team ever (not relevant, just wanted to point it out). Do you really think that I would give any points to Boston here? I don't care if I have family there. Boston needs a good jihad. Giants +5

Fans - Patriots fans are just dumbed down Red Sox fans. Red Sox fans are the most vile, despicable people ever. You will never meet a Pats "fan" that knows who John Hannah is. But I also hate Giants fans. Yet to their “credit”, I loathe Cowboys and Eagles fans more. Giants +2

Celebrity Fans - Well, this one is pretty simple. The Pats have Ben Affleck, John Cena, and Bill Simmons. The Giants have Carl Brutananadilewski and probably Spike Lee. Not even close. Giants +4

Organization- You have to respect how the Pats do business. As big of a douche as Bob Kraft is, he's hired a bunch of smart people, that's for sure. I don't even know who the Giants owner is, I know it used to be the guy with the Orville Redenbacher glasses, but he died. I can't give points to a dead guy. Mara something, right? His daughters are actresses. One is hot as shit and the other “hangs dong” (shows rack) in the Dragon Tattoo movie. Let’s win this one for Myra!!! Patriots +3

Against The Spread - New England is 9-7 against the number this year.  Huh, I thought that they would be better than that.  The Giants were 9-7-1 ATS in 2011.  You know what, I haven't penalized the Giants for getting slaughtered by the Redskins twice.  Patriots +7

Add it up, bitch... (The lines that we're going on are New England -2.5 and the O/U of 53.5)
The Money Shot likes the Giants to keep up their trend of beating the Patriots by a score of 30-21.  That means that I also like the UNDER as well.  I said it yesterday and I still mean it, defense wins and the Giants defense is awesome.  If the G-Men can shut down Rodgers then they can do it to Brady, too.  I'm picking the immortal VICTOR CRUZ as MVP.

As far as our playoff contest goes, this is how it looks:
13-7: Prime
11-9: G$ and Li’l Strut
9-11: Drew and Dut
8-12: Ide
7-13: Damman and Jeff
6-14: Seal, Brady, Iceman, Andrew, and mdrgolf (you guys are just awful)
--make an MVP prediction, too, just in case there is a tie.

It comes down to the three smartest commenters here for a chance at the title.  Like I said yesterday, it's nachos and BBQ beef sandwiches at the Mansion for the big game.  I will also be running the live journal so no booze for G$.  Enjoy the last game of the year, boys, because it's going to be awhile before we get to watch guys kill each other again.