Friday, February 03, 2012

The Wanted Rematch: Your Super Bowl 46 Prediction

I've been breaking down the Super Bowl in my own unique way since this blogs creation. This is the 6th year that I've instituted my 15-prong attack to figure how Sunday's game will shake out. Five years ago, I successfully predicted a Colts win and cover. In 2008, the numbers favored the Patriots but without covering. In year 3, it had the Steelers by 14. In 2010, we called for a Saints upset victory. Last year, we swung and missed more than Adam Dunn as we liked the Steelers to lose yet cover but were thankful that they FAILED MISERABLY. So to sum up, the system is nailing the winner at 80% and the spread at a 60% clip. I expect to get back to our traditional winning ways this year. As a reminder, I don't know how this breakdown will go until I finish it. Personally, I think that the Giants beat the shit out of New England. The score will be close, but the Giants will man-handle the pussies from the northeast. They are more physical and nothing has really changed, in my opinion, from 5 years ago. But enough about what I think, let's analyze this thing:

QB – This comparison a little closer than it was 5 years ago and rightfully so. Brady may be married to a billionaire supermodel, but Eli—well, Eli can’t compete with that all. The first time these two teams met in the Super Bowl, I gave Brady a 5 point bump. This time around, he’s more like a field goal better. Patriots +3

RB – New England probably features the worst stable on running backs in the league. Ben Jarvus Green-Ellis and Woodhead are just bad, bad football players. On the other hand, even for an underachiever, Brandon Jacobs is a goddamn tank and Bradshaw helped me win a DFL Title this year. Giants +4

WR/TE - This one is tough to grade. The Pats have ELITE weapons like Welker, Hernandez, and Gronk N-word. Deion Branch is OK, I guess, but pretty irrelevant. The Giant trio of Nicks, VIC, and Manningham is quite awesome as well. Sure, Jake Ballard and Bear Pascoe sound like a duo that star in gay porn movies together, but they’re OK with what they do. I’m going to give the check to the Giants here because of Gronk’s gimpy wheel and my burning hatred for Ocho Cinco. It would be a travesty if he got a ring this way. Giants +2

OL – Now we start getting into the portion of the post where I make wild, baseless claims out of necessity since I don’t know much about the next four units. Both of these teams have lines that have primarily been together for awhile. The Pats have a guy named Sebastian while the Giants have a guy that has been fucking Tom Coughlin’s daughter for years. I respect the latter way more. Giants +2

DL – Oh come on, I’m not giving any points to Gerard “Big Money” Warren! The Giants often play 4 defensive ends at the same time. That is ELITE. Giants +6

LB – Hmmmmm, I’ve heard of Jerod Mayo, Rob Ninkovich, Michael Boley, and Chase Blackburn. I assume both teams have more than two linebackers. Whatever. Patriots +3
Edelman learned a lot from James Harrison at Kent State.
DB – Neither team has a good secondary but I’m giving the check to NYG for one reason: I like to play “Guess Which College” during NBC games when the players say where they went to school (Jared Allen, Culinary Academy!). I’m pretty good at it. I think the best that I’ve ever done is 10 out of 11 for the Steelers offense. Anyway, at some point later on in this season, the Pats were playing on Sunday night and when it was time to introduce their defense, they had two guys on the secondary that just had their picture. No audio. Nothing. That tells me that those guys blow. Giants +2

K/P – Gostkowski and Tynes are both average to above average kickers. Steve Weatherford is not nearly as cool as ZOLTAN though. Patriots +5

Return Game – I hate Julian Edelman. Fun fact: I won a fantasy title this year with Giants KR, Jerrel Jernigan on my bench. He had zero catches this season. Giants +2

Coach – I’m going to catch Hell for this, but I don’t care. You know what, in 2012, I believe that Tom Coughlin is just as good as Bill Belichick is. That is to say, I think that Ol’ Red Face has a tougher job and does it well. Eat shit, I’m giving the points to Coughlin. Giants +1

City - Boston fucking sucks and is getting to be waaaaaay too cocky about their sports team's successes these days. New York is the best city ever (even with the recent outbreak of Ide-itis) and features the best baseball team ever (not relevant, just wanted to point it out). Do you really think that I would give any points to Boston here? I don't care if I have family there. Boston needs a good jihad. Giants +5

Fans - Patriots fans are just dumbed down Red Sox fans. Red Sox fans are the most vile, despicable people ever. You will never meet a Pats "fan" that knows who John Hannah is. But I also hate Giants fans. Yet to their “credit”, I loathe Cowboys and Eagles fans more. Giants +2

Celebrity Fans - Well, this one is pretty simple. The Pats have Ben Affleck, John Cena, and Bill Simmons. The Giants have Carl Brutananadilewski and probably Spike Lee. Not even close. Giants +4

Organization- You have to respect how the Pats do business. As big of a douche as Bob Kraft is, he's hired a bunch of smart people, that's for sure. I don't even know who the Giants owner is, I know it used to be the guy with the Orville Redenbacher glasses, but he died. I can't give points to a dead guy. Mara something, right? His daughters are actresses. One is hot as shit and the other “hangs dong” (shows rack) in the Dragon Tattoo movie. Let’s win this one for Myra!!! Patriots +3

Against The Spread - New England is 9-7 against the number this year.  Huh, I thought that they would be better than that.  The Giants were 9-7-1 ATS in 2011.  You know what, I haven't penalized the Giants for getting slaughtered by the Redskins twice.  Patriots +7

Add it up, bitch... (The lines that we're going on are New England -2.5 and the O/U of 53.5)
The Money Shot likes the Giants to keep up their trend of beating the Patriots by a score of 30-21.  That means that I also like the UNDER as well.  I said it yesterday and I still mean it, defense wins and the Giants defense is awesome.  If the G-Men can shut down Rodgers then they can do it to Brady, too.  I'm picking the immortal VICTOR CRUZ as MVP.

As far as our playoff contest goes, this is how it looks:
13-7: Prime
11-9: G$ and Li’l Strut
9-11: Drew and Dut
8-12: Ide
7-13: Damman and Jeff
6-14: Seal, Brady, Iceman, Andrew, and mdrgolf (you guys are just awful)
--make an MVP prediction, too, just in case there is a tie.

It comes down to the three smartest commenters here for a chance at the title.  Like I said yesterday, it's nachos and BBQ beef sandwiches at the Mansion for the big game.  I will also be running the live journal so no booze for G$.  Enjoy the last game of the year, boys, because it's going to be awhile before we get to watch guys kill each other again.

44 comments:

Anonymous said...

Patriots OVER

I love riddles.

Ide

GMoney said...

Ide, I was talking to this plate of ribs.--possibly the hardest Swanson-laugh that I've ever given

Just heard RG3 on M&M and fell back in love with him. Such a smart guy. The Browns should TOTES choose McNabb over him.

Anonymous said...

Giants 27
Pats 24

MVP: JAKE BALLARD

--Drew

Grumpy said...

Is there an over/under on funny faces by Eli?

GMoney said...

Grumpy, impossible. Vegas can't set that line high enough. I don't know about NBC, but Fox had the super slow-mo shots of Eli's dumb facial gestures down perfectly.

If anyone wants an alternative topic today, Jersey Shore is almost unwatchable now. I'm happy that it is ending/doing the dip. I never thought that I would say that.

Anonymous said...

Giants 35
Pats 31

MVP - Victor Cruz

G$ - any key to the big brother house yet???

See you Saturday.

Seal

GMoney said...

Seal, from what I'm led to believe, if you get picked to be on the show, they tell you the day that you fly to LA. Then you have like an hour or something to pack and say goodbye and then you are property of CBS for the next 3 months. So basically, there is no time to get your shit in order because if they want you, they pretty much kidnap you.

Brady said...

Giants 31
Pats 27

MVP- Eli Manning

I just read that the Ginats had the 29th! rated rushing defense in the league. How the fuck does that happen with that D line? It doesn't matter though. The Pats can't run anyway.

Anonymous said...

Rest easy about Jersey Shore, in just over a week, we will be back to Zombie Mondays.

Ide

D. Westberry said...

Damn good article, well written. Falcons fan here but I'm taking the Giants by 6 in this one.

Anonymous said...

Patriots 27
Giants 14

Eli will have another average game and people will put him back to the tier 3 qb club where he belongs.

When are we having our Tim tenor celebration of ribs!?

Dut

Brady said...

I've never watched Big Brother, Survivor, Jersey Shore or any of that bullshit. If you make the cut though G$, I can guarantee I will be tuned in for the whole season. Shit will be EPIC. Will you bring your fleshlight?

Anonymous said...

I can be in town any weekend after next weekend, if it's still on a Friday.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Casey Kotchman > Prince Fielder.

Go Tribe.

Seal

GMoney said...

Yeah, we need to lock a date for Ribfest. Off the top of my head, how is Saturday March 3rd for everybody?

Anonymous said...

I echo Brady's question...is the fleshlight being brought to the Big Brother house? Also, have you used it yet?

I'm not sure we have room for two ATL Falcons fans here. Or, maybe we can just kick MUDawg out of here since he's dumb as fuck and keep the new guy.

--Drew

GMoney said...

1. The light would not make the trip.
2. No. I'm still fairly intimidated by it's awesomeness, to be honest. The wife and dog are going back to Nap this weekend so the temptation will be there. But this isn't some sort of toy that you use for a quickie. It's a slow burn. You take it to dinner or to a movie. You make sweet, sweet love to it. Basically, no, I have not used it yet. That's what I'm getting at.

Anonymous said...

You need to come up with the e-mail that you will send your company if you get picked for Big Brother to let them know you are gone.....since you will only have a few hours.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

Too much value on the Giants to pass it up.

GIANTS/UNDER

Hopefully the game is pretty good. I think it will be but the match up doesn't excite me like a fleshlight would.

Brady said...

I would be 50/50 on the wife being around to use the fleshlight but the dog has to be gone for you to enjoy it. Imagine the horror if you were balls deep in that thing only to look up and see the mut staring right at you. That shit is creepy. It gives me the shivers just thinking about it.

Anonymous said...

Brady...the only worry about the dog is making sure it doesn't get anywhere near the fleshlight as it may try to chew on it like it's a toy. My dog has seen me jerk off, have sex, take shits, piss, etc...it doesn't know what the fuck is going on.

--Drew

Brady said...

I'm OK with taking a shit in front of my dog but anything to do with my cock is off limits for good ole Jasper. It just creeps me out. Maybe it's because he has white spots over his eyes that look like eyebrows. I don't know.

Brady said...

It looks like he is judging me. Or in the case of the wife, it feels like he wants to kill me for "hurting" his mother.

Jeff said...

Pats/under
28 - 10
Mvp - Tom Brady

The Iceman said...

BGE would be a good running back if Belifuck would actually give him more than 9 fucking carries a game. He runs with power, is fairly elusive, unstoppable at the goal line and rarely fumbles. It's just poor coaching giving a white guy who's 5'6 180 from a D2 school ANY carries over a bruiser like Lawfirm. No matter how "scrappy" he is. Belechick is worst than Shanahan with his fucking carosel of running backs. He just benches people for no God damn reason. Fuck both of them. Rant over.

Pats OVER

MVP - Aaron Hernandez

March 3rd ribfest doesn't work for me. I'll be in Jacksonville.

GMoney said...

So March 3rd it is!!!

Grumpy said...

As the host I will not do Ribfest without Iceman?

The Iceman said...

BOOM! There it is, Grump. Represent.

GMoney said...

Grump, was that a question?

Still need picks from:
Li'l Strut, Damman, Andrew, and mdrgolf.

Anonymous said...

Patriots/ over for no other reason than to pick completely against Prime in hopes of tying him and winning on my MVP pick of.....Tom "tummy sticks" Brady.

Lil' Strut

Brady said...

***BREAKING NEWS***

Josh Hamilton about to have a presser stating that he "fell off the wagon".

I hope he made the night he relapsed an ELITE night. I'm talking hookers, lines that went on for days and a few handles to wash it all down with. USA! USA!

Anonymous said...

I love how Hamilton getting drunk is front page ESPN news and preser worthy. I could hold a presser 5 or 6 mornings a week.

--Drew

Brady said...

I just read the story and apparently he only drank a couple beers? That's not a relapse. You have to come hard or don't come at all. That is not presser or relapse worthy.

Prime99 said...

I debated waiting until LS made his picks to see if I could win mathematically today. Decided to play fair.

Anonymous said...

Pats, under

MVP - Woodhead

Prediction - Ribfest will never happen.

-Damman

GMoney said...

Oh it will happen...it's written into Grumpy's will. I think that ribs would taste better if they were paid for by a dead guy.

Grumpy said...

Ribfest will happen, and it was not a question. Typo. Ribfest is at the convenience of Iceman.

The Iceman said...

I smoked a doob a couple months ago when I was shit faced. Doesn't mean I'm going back to smoking at the frequency I did in high school. Fuckin lame ass story. If Hamilton woke up with a needle in his arm, then we're talkin. Until he starts slammin junk again I'm uninterested.

The Iceman said...

Rib fest March 10th??

Anonymous said...

Pats 24
GMen 27
MVP-Victor Cruz

Andrew

Anonymous said...

Prime,

I appreciate it. At least this way there is a little suspense over who is going to get whatever prize, if any, was promised to the winner.

-Lil' Strut

GMoney said...

March 10th is possible. It's conference tourney weekend which may effect some who are going to Indy or wherever the Big Ten is this year. I can't March 17th, 24th, and maybe 31st.

Actually, Damman and I are umping together on the 31st...some heckling could be a decent lead-in to Ribfest.

mdrgolf said...

Money line the Pats for the limit.
L-O-V-E the Pats in this one.

Pats
Under (I guess)

MVP Brady

Prime99 said...

I forget to state my pick of Eli for MVP. I don't think it matters, but I'm down with full participation.

I wish I could make ribfest.