QB – This comparison a little closer than it was 5 years ago and rightfully so. Brady may be married to a billionaire supermodel, but Eli—well, Eli can’t compete with that all. The first time these two teams met in the Super Bowl, I gave Brady a 5 point bump. This time around, he’s more like a field goal better. Patriots +3
RB – New England probably features the worst stable on running backs in the league. Ben Jarvus Green-Ellis and Woodhead are just bad, bad football players. On the other hand, even for an underachiever, Brandon Jacobs is a goddamn tank and Bradshaw helped me win a DFL Title this year. Giants +4
WR/TE - This one is tough to grade. The Pats have ELITE weapons like Welker, Hernandez, and Gronk N-word. Deion Branch is OK, I guess, but pretty irrelevant. The Giant trio of Nicks, VIC, and Manningham is quite awesome as well. Sure, Jake Ballard and Bear Pascoe sound like a duo that star in gay porn movies together, but they’re OK with what they do. I’m going to give the check to the Giants here because of Gronk’s gimpy wheel and my burning hatred for Ocho Cinco. It would be a travesty if he got a ring this way. Giants +2
OL – Now we start getting into the portion of the post where I make wild, baseless claims out of necessity since I don’t know much about the next four units. Both of these teams have lines that have primarily been together for awhile. The Pats have a guy named Sebastian while the Giants have a guy that has been fucking Tom Coughlin’s daughter for years. I respect the latter way more. Giants +2
DL – Oh come on, I’m not giving any points to Gerard “Big Money” Warren! The Giants often play 4 defensive ends at the same time. That is ELITE. Giants +6
LB – Hmmmmm, I’ve heard of Jerod Mayo, Rob Ninkovich, Michael Boley, and Chase Blackburn. I assume both teams have more than two linebackers. Whatever. Patriots +3
|Edelman learned a lot from James Harrison at Kent State.|
K/P – Gostkowski and Tynes are both average to above average kickers. Steve Weatherford is not nearly as cool as ZOLTAN though. Patriots +5
Return Game – I hate Julian Edelman. Fun fact: I won a fantasy title this year with Giants KR, Jerrel Jernigan on my bench. He had zero catches this season. Giants +2
Coach – I’m going to catch Hell for this, but I don’t care. You know what, in 2012, I believe that Tom Coughlin is just as good as Bill Belichick is. That is to say, I think that Ol’ Red Face has a tougher job and does it well. Eat shit, I’m giving the points to Coughlin. Giants +1
City - Boston fucking sucks and is getting to be waaaaaay too cocky about their sports team's successes these days. New York is the best city ever (even with the recent outbreak of Ide-itis) and features the best baseball team ever (not relevant, just wanted to point it out). Do you really think that I would give any points to Boston here? I don't care if I have family there. Boston needs a good jihad. Giants +5
Fans - Patriots fans are just dumbed down Red Sox fans. Red Sox fans are the most vile, despicable people ever. You will never meet a Pats "fan" that knows who John Hannah is. But I also hate Giants fans. Yet to their “credit”, I loathe Cowboys and Eagles fans more. Giants +2
Celebrity Fans - Well, this one is pretty simple. The Pats have Ben Affleck, John Cena, and Bill Simmons. The Giants have Carl Brutananadilewski and probably Spike Lee. Not even close. Giants +4
Organization- You have to respect how the Pats do business. As big of a douche as Bob Kraft is, he's hired a bunch of smart people, that's for sure. I don't even know who the Giants owner is, I know it used to be the guy with the Orville Redenbacher glasses, but he died. I can't give points to a dead guy. Mara something, right? His daughters are actresses. One is hot as shit and the other “hangs dong” (shows rack) in the Dragon Tattoo movie. Let’s win this one for Myra!!! Patriots +3
Against The Spread - New England is 9-7 against the number this year. Huh, I thought that they would be better than that. The Giants were 9-7-1 ATS in 2011. You know what, I haven't penalized the Giants for getting slaughtered by the Redskins twice. Patriots +7
Add it up, bitch... (The lines that we're going on are New England -2.5 and the O/U of 53.5)
The Money Shot likes the Giants to keep up their trend of beating the Patriots by a score of 30-21. That means that I also like the UNDER as well. I said it yesterday and I still mean it, defense wins and the Giants defense is awesome. If the G-Men can shut down Rodgers then they can do it to Brady, too. I'm picking the immortal VICTOR CRUZ as MVP.
As far as our playoff contest goes, this is how it looks:
11-9: G$ and Li’l Strut
9-11: Drew and Dut
7-13: Damman and Jeff
6-14: Seal, Brady, Iceman, Andrew, and mdrgolf (you guys are just awful)
--make an MVP prediction, too, just in case there is a tie.
It comes down to the three smartest commenters here for a chance at the title. Like I said yesterday, it's nachos and BBQ beef sandwiches at the Mansion for the big game. I will also be running the live journal so no booze for G$. Enjoy the last game of the year, boys, because it's going to be awhile before we get to watch guys kill each other again.