Wednesday, February 08, 2012

Urban Meyer Is A Cocksucker

Hey single guys out there! Yeah, YOU! What do you do when you see a hot bitch at the bar wearing an engagement ring? If you aren’t a total creeper, you likely move onto the next skank. A very small percentage will still try to take that engaged girl out to the alley behind the bar to rearrange her insides, ring be damned. It’s a sleazy thing to do and I doubt that anyone feels good about it the next day, but hey, it happens occasionally.

This is pretty much the gist of this whole Urban Meyer/Bret Bielema fiasco. Bielema got engaged to Kyle Dotson. Urban swooped in before the ceremony. Double B ended up with Antoine Dodson…FO REAL. And now Bret “The Not Fit Man” Bielema is raging about it.

Now, Bielema has every right to be pissed off about this. I don’t agree with him going public with his discontent and coming off like a twat, but I see where he is coming from. This is the Big Ten. We do things differently up here. This isn’t the Wild West/SEC. There is an honor code up North. When a kid says that he is going somewhere, you don’t keep calling him. I get all of that and Bielema is right.

But what Urban Meyer did isn’t wrong either. I don’t blame the guy for coming in guns blazing (another Wild West reference?). He takes his “dream job” and wants to set the tone early and often. He wants to make a splash and establish the fact that HE is the alpha dog in the Big Ten. Meyer did nothing illegal (even if it probably is on the unethical side, it’s not illegal to fuck a guy’s fiance). The fact is that this is how things were done in the SEC. If they aren’t signed, they are still available. This is what Meyer is used to when he hits the recruiting trail. How do you blame a guy for being really good at what he does? How is that his fault if he doesn’t match up with your value system? After all, it’s worked out quite well for Meyer.

So, in essence, I think that both Bielema and The Heart Attack Kid are both fundamentally correct here with their opinions on Meyer’s recruiting which is weird since they are on complete opposite sides of the spectrum. Bielema needs to understand that with ELITE recruiters like Urban and The Hokester now in the conference, shit is about to get a whole lot tougher. The days of Tress and Paterno and monocles and glasses of milk are over. And maybe Urban, now firmly entrenched as THE MAN in the Big Ten, can sort of lay off the gas when it comes to stealing from his peers. While most mouth-breathing bucktards love this, it probably isn’t the best way to go about things and pissing everyone off on the recruiting trail is not the best first impression. It will be interesting to see if he continues to do it in the future. We’ll see, but I think that Meyer will start leaving other’s verbals alone in the future to avoid more of this similar bullshit. Take it from LeBron, being the villain isn’t easy or fun.

Feel free to talk about the PRACTICE of recruiting today, just not specific players. I don’t want that. Hop on your moral high horse and fire away.

But back to the title of this post, Urban and I got into a bit of a tussle via snail mail recently. The results are below:

My “stationary” is ELITE! I can’t wait to silence that smug prick on September 1st.


Anonymous said...

I do not think he will do it to the extent he did this year. He will have his shot at the next class from the start. Now, if it is found out that Greg Mattison at Michigan has been going all Catholic Priest on 10 year old football campers. Then you can gaurantee he is calling all their recruits.


Grumpy said...

He's still a cocksucker. I thought you didn't want to be dragged into this.

Anonymous said...


That sound was of this topic completely flying over G$'s head!

How do you write a whole blog topic about this and NEVER even hit on the main points of this?

First off....Urban has EVERY right to give these players his sales pitch, since he was never able to give it to them in the first place. These coaches actually wanted him to come in....and not recruit the best players, because they were already taken. That makes NO sense and shows how LAZY B1G coaches are.

Secondly...this won't be happening to MSU or Wisconsin in the future. Why? Because of point #1. Guys like Dodson and Pittman would already be Buckeyes. I don't think OSU has lost a single Ohio recruit to Wisconsin or MSU in the last ten years. They will already be Buckeyes, so the whole thing is just pointless. Wisconsin and Bielema is not ELITE. Ohio State and Meyer is ELITE. There will be no poaching, because we will already have gotten who we want.


GMoney said...

Well, Meyer is ELITE. Ohio has won 6 games in the last 2 seasons.

I was dragged into this when he started inviting me to his cocksucking parties.

Drew, it gets back to my engaged analogy. You don't have the "right" to fuck everything on the planet. If they are spoken for, you move along. Granted, college football recruiting is dirtier than banging housewives though.

Not over my head at all. Quit being gay. Both sides have points. It was just an excuse to post those letters. Quit being a homo.

Anonymous said...

Both sides do not have points. You quit being a fucking homo and listening to Nickelback with your dildo loooking BFF Bielema.

Do you know what Kyle Dodson did two weekends before Signing Day? He spent the weekend AT MICHIGAN STATE ON AN OFFICIAL VISIT. Where is Bielema's whines about MSU recruiting Dodson? I must have missed them. You know why there was no whine about it? Because, Bielema was just BUTTHURT over losing him to Meyer.

The best part is that Dantonio and Narduzzi whined about losing Pittman, yet they were trying the EXACT same thing with Dodson.

Bielema has nothing. He's just a bagy that he only signed 12 players and had 6 coaches leave him in the off-season. His world is crumbling so he decided to cry about Meyer taking a recruit and shift any attention from his dreadful recruiting class/coach exodus.

They have ZERO points.


GMoney said...

He's just a bagy--What does that mean?

It's just a result of a flawed system. The kid says he's coming so you shouldn't have to keep recruiting him (which you do). It's another reason why verbal commitments should be punishable by death.

But you're right about one thing (which I was right about first by the way): Bielema is a gash. Maybe if he actually could win a big game and stopped eating all of his players food, studs might want to play for him. He fell ass-backwards into Russell Wilson this Fall, it had nothing to do with him.

Like I said, the days of honor and handshake agreements in this conference are over. It's eat or be eaten now.

Doesn't anyone want to know how YOUR FAVORITE BLOGGER got invited to Signing Day!!!

Anonymous said...

I actually agree with Drew. Kill me now. SO Meyer swooped in and stole your prize recruit (fiancé)? If she really wanted you in the first place then it shouldn't be too hard to convince her to stay, right?

It's a coaches duty to get the best players on his team. It's also a coaches duty to fight for what they believe is rightfully theirs. If Bielema put as much effort into KEEPING Dotson as he did bitching about losing him to Ohio we wouldn't even be talking about this.

Drew makes a good point...a guy like Dotson isn't even considering Wisconsin in this wasn't a year where there was so much uncertainty surrounding Ohio's program.

Players are fair game until they sign on the dotted line.

Anonymous said...

From the picture it looks like you taped "Money" over rest of the name and left just the "G" from the original letter. She$ obiously got the invite and you shamelessly are posing like you did.

It will be so much fun ripping these guys a new asshole for the next ten years.


MUDawgfan said...

From an outside the conference perspective, BB lost every right to claim gentleman status when he scored 80 on Indiana two years ago and kept his starters in the game well into the fourth quarter.

I actually agree with Drew 100% on this one. Meyer is conditioned to have to fight for every single recruit. Saban, MIles, Richt, Spurrier, Kiffen (for a brief period) would all be calling his recruits so this is basically his professional training. The other coaches should embrace the hell out of it and maybe they wouldn't be so average on NYD bowl games?

Meyer is totally in the right on this one. Recruit your balls off till the LOI is sent.

Anonymous said...

It appears that you taped "Money" over the name except the G. It appears that She$ got the invite and you were jealous and decided to shamelessly act like you did.

It's going to be fun ripping these guys new assholes for the next years. Its a new era in the big 10.


Anonymous said...

Sorry for the double commenting today. My blackberry is not being ELITE today.


GMoney said...

Why is everyone agreeing with Drew when I, too, said that Urban Meyer has done nothing wrong? You guys are BAGY! BAGY I SAY!

Dawg, great point about hanging 80 on Indiana and then karma coming back to bite him.

I wish that we could just do away with verbal commitments. Then this whole queer feud could be avoided forever.

No. That's just how Urban Meyer writes his letters. He uses a little tape and online monikers. FACT!

Anonymous said...

If Brady Hoke violating a gentlemans agreement that's been around since Joe Paterno was in Knickers buying newspapers at the general store for a nickle means Michigan winning a national title then sign me the fuck up.

Besides...look what happened when bitchrod "stole" stonum from purdue. He turned into a loser with an alcohol problem. Same thing should happen with dotson only replace alcohol with stealing and gay sex.

Anonymous said...

G$...They are all agreeing with me that Bielema has no point. I've brought the FACTS and the THUNDER today...making me ELITE today.

Bagy was supposed to be "baby". We could turn it into something like Tenor though...Bagy could be a big faggot for all I care as that works for Bielema too.

MUDawg...I've seen a few people mention the Indiana drubbing as karma for Bielema. The dude lost SIX coaches this off-season. How does that even happen? He must be the biggest bagy in teh world.


GMoney said...

In the real world, Bagy Bielema has a valid point. In the delusional fantasy world of college football, he is a cunt.

Remember when Tress publicly called out Richie Rich for going against the Gentleman's Agreement among Big Ten coaches? Good times!

Anonymous said...

I like the fiancé analogy, but there are a few flaws. There are millions of bangable fiancées out there (in dammans case- a billion). In recruiting, there are only a few hundred elite recruits. You've gotta go after the "engaged" recruit, otherwise you'll be sitting at home with a fleshlight during bcs games. How's that for an analogy!?!?

I think urban will help bring the B1G into this century. Too many laid back Midwestern folk around here.


GMoney said...

Dut, your flaw-finding has flaws. There are only so many High Street broads at whatever bar you're ruining the reputation of. Of those sluts, many will be engaged which makes available resources to you scarce. Who is at the bar that is single but likes to be pissed on in your shower (oops)?

So to say that there are millions of bangable fiances, is correct, but you have access to a limited number which makes it an apt analogy comparing the two and makes your last comment stupid even with its fleshlight reference.


Prime99 said...


Anonymous said...

I'm not sure if the "piss girl" was single or not.. She did have two baby seats in her back seat. Perhaps I "meyered" her?


Anonymous said...

I agree with G$ in the sense that in the real world this is that gray (Tim Gray?) area that would get labeled as 'unethical' practices.

But since unethical is par for the course in College football(I mean you really have to do something f'ed up in college football for people to cry foul like being poor and trade rings for tatoos, or practicing a few extra hours a week, our molesting children).

But to help this analogy, you'd have to assume BB gave the kid something (say an engagement ring), and have him back-stab the program for some other whore(Urban). In the real world, someone who cry's about this should really be mad at the back stabber and not the whore. But in real life many times the anger gets diverted to the whore. So from an outsiders perspective you end up with the opinion that yes the whore is a whore (Urban), but dude couldn't keep his prize.

To sum up, BB is the gash and the loser, and Urban is the whore. And the commit is just a back stabbing liar.

So in all of this, who is actually right?

- J Saul

Anonymous said...

Let's talk more about Dut's pisscapades.

Anonymous said...


I have lived in Ohio for 12 years now, but have never been to Cincinnati. Is it a fun place to go down to for like an afternoon/dinner/bars? Or, is it just meh. I assume there is at least a few fun spots, since it's a big city.


Brady said...

Fact: Dotson was a heavy Buckeye lean for the better part of his Junior and Senior seasons.

He made a rash decision in giving a "verbal" to Wisconsin during the height of tatgate when the Buckeyes were in shambles.

Side Note: "verbal" commitments are the gayest thing since Freddy Mercury. Guys flip on their verbal commitments ALL THE FUCKING TIME. If I were a media member I wouldn't even report on these things. I mean how many verbals did that douchebag QB from Notre Dame flip on?

Anyway, all Meyer did was call Dotson ONCE and ask if he was still interested. If the big man would've said "no", then OSU would've moved on. FACT. He called Kalis in Ann Arbor as well. When he said "no", that was it.

Bielema is fat. ALSO FACT. He is just whinning beacause a 6 win Buckeye team beat him with a hail mary (I was there... awesome!) He knows that the Big 10 is turning into the Big 2 again. I gained alot more respect for Hokemania for keeping his large mouth shut during this whole thing (although he didn't have any players poached). If anyone should be mad, it's Penn St. We stole their top 4 guys after Sandusky started railing little black boys.

GMoney said...

JSaul, first of all, EXCELLENT Tim Gray reference! Second, your word problem pretty much equates this situation (pun intended) to any episode of Jersey Shore. Jionni/Andy K isn't mad at Vinny for fucking his GF at all, but he is furious with Snooks (which makes zero sense). I guess it all comes down to the credo of "don't hate the player, hate the game". So with that being said, you win the award for comment of the day.

Drew, for all of your Cincy questions, direct them to Grumpy who likely knows where all of the good drug stores and country buffets are.

Brady said...

Drew, I have only stayed in Cincy once and that was during a basketball camp in 8th grade. I'm not sure about the restaurant or bar scene but there are a multitude of wonderful crack houses across from campus that you may like. Let me know and I'll put in a good word for you.

Anonymous said...

*Brady...the reason Fat Hoke couldn't bitch about Urban, is because HE poached Kalis from us AND tried his ass off to poach Dunn as well. So, he does the same thing which is fine.

Two votes basically for Cincy sucks.


Grumpy said...

Drew, for night life in your demographic, head to Newport on the Levee in Newport, KY. Or meet me at the Golden Corral before 4:00 for the Senior prices.

Brady said...

That is a good point Drew. You didn't hear OSU bitching about all of these other Big Ten coaches coming into Ohio and stealing players when the shit hit the fan in Columbus.

Bielema and Dantonio had visions of stealing Ohio players for the next decade but it all came crashing down when Urban showed up. Suck on it fuckers. The fence is back up around our state and we'll probably steal any players from your state if there are any worth having. There probably won't be because everyone knows you come to Ohio for talent in the midwest.

Anonymous said...

Why did you pee on this poor girl, Dut?


GMoney said...

Drew, watch out for Pacman Jones. You don't have to concern yourself with Chris Henry anymore though.

Anonymous said...

Grumpy...I shall look that area up on the internet. Thanks.

Brady....that is funny isn't it? When Hoke flipped Kalis you didn't hear a peep from OSU fans pissed at Hok. We didn't blame him...we were real pissed at Kalis for being a cunt though. Saem went for Dunn...we were just hoping he wouldn't flip...but, nobody was whining about Hoke flipping him.


Anonymous said...

I have nothing to offer on this discussion except that AC sucks ass and some faggot from Queens stole my phone from a bar Saturday night leaving me with no internet connection until last night. How is it even possible that there isn't a single sportsbook in AC?! There were, however, 400 morbidly obese mouth breathing Giants fans on hand.

ELITE is when your boss raids the company's expense account and gives you $500 to go gamble with. Not ELITE is losing it all in 30 minutes because that same boss demands you play fucking roulette with him.


Prime99 said...

Should have played Craps, Ide.

Eb said...

Hey! Urban gave Brett the courtesy of a reach around...Quit Whining about recruiting! Its all part of the game.

There are no Dibs in Recruiting

What can you offer. What doesn't the other guy have. Personally, I do not negative recruit...There are ways to highlight what you have and put less of an issue on what you do not have.

There are still a lot of people that do negative recruiting, Which is a strategy I guess.

You better be sure that I call my guys regularly until they sign that NLI, And then I still call them some more.

I go to Basketball, Wrestling, Track, and whatever else you can think of...I know their girlfriends names, parents, siblings, favorite Gatorade flavor and what kind of Nikes they wear. I know if they play Xbox 360 or if they are PS3 guys. I know what guns they rock while playing call of duty.

Now doing this doesn't guarantee me that I am going to get my recruit...but the relationship built gives me a good idea. I know that nothing is for certain until signing day is over, and there still can be some issues after. But I also know where there could be a flake, or someone who could flip.

Nobody Says anything about a guy I recruit for over a year who is set to be my stud STAR LB and 2 days before signing day he gets a last minute offer from Northern Illinois...and of course I am going to lose. I couldn't give Payton Manning a Full Scholarship, and NIU pays for everything plus you get a Stipend!

The same is true when a kid that I recruited from NW Ohio is set to be a Rocket gets an offer from Michigan State last minute....

Sometimes the relationship wins out....and the kid stays committed. Most of the Time the Big Dog gets the spoils.

There is a Dog at Ohio State that has a big fight in it! Ohio State will beat Wisconsin more than it will lose.

and the "Legend" Continues...