Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Research Project: The Origin of Nations

Is everyone here? Looks like it. OK, please be seated because we need to have a little talk. Actually, we need to have THE talk. Stop being ingrates. Fellas, it is February. By rule, this is the worst month ever when it comes to sports/other stuff blogging. You need to know this and understand it. We still have a job to do and during this month, it is tough. So it is important that you give us a little leeway. What normally is a challenging gig only becomes harder when nothing is going on and yet you still bitch about the content. And that is why I must ask that you back off a bit with your whining and accept that there is simply nothing that we can do about it unless The Iceman and I actively go out and start making news happen. I’m much too lazy to be doing that. Basically what I’m trying to say here is “suck it the fuck up”. We are simply working with what we are being given.

Anyway, for today’s post, I actually hit up the old Wikipedia machine and did some research. A little back story first: I have been told that many of ours Alma mater (having a very nice basketball season by the way) has begun to reference itself as “Wildcat Nation”. No. No, no, no, I can not stand for that. This is ridiculous on many levels the first of which being that they imply that people spread throughout America care/have heard of the “banks of Maumee’s waters”. Most importantly though, it is unoriginal and uncreative. I feel like the “Nation” label is one of the dumbest things that a fan base can refer to themselves as. STOP IT. Between Wildcat Nation and those AWFUL “We’re In This Together” YouTube videos that the schools are putting out (I am not linking these or embedding them…they are so bad), it is no wonder why people are killing their girlfriends. ZING?

So the point of today’s heavily researched post is to get to the bottom of the “Nation” phenomenon. Who started it? Who is the best? Who is the worst? I was actually surprised with what I found.

The Nation of Domination – An ELITE faction from the WWE’s Attitude Era that spawned The Rock that we all know and love and this fucking awesome video above. I still think that Mr. Ace failed miserably by not naming his dog “Farooq”.

CeNation – This is new and everything that John Cena does is gay so whatever. Fun Fact: Did you know that the star of The Marine 2 is Ted DiBiase, Jr? That has to be the worst movie ever made. Time to get into the nuts and bolts.

Buckeye Nation – Without question an unremarkable and annoying fanbase that deserves to be purged from Earth. I actually have never heard any of you commenters refer to yourselves as a Nation so that should be applauded. Well done. Your cohorts on the other hand, all terrible. There is no reference to Buckeye Nation on Wikipedia which means that it is just fake and does not exist. Way to keep sucking cocks, cocksuckers.

Red Sox Nation – Are you sensing a trend here? Nation = objectionable. This moniker came to be in 1986 when the northeastern part of the country was torn between rooting for the Mets and Sawx in the World Series. Talk about brutal alternatives. Those 9/11 terrorists were 15 years late.

Big Blue Nation - For Kentucky fans and their amazing ability to take over an opponent's arena.  There is no date of origin for this name so, whatever, Seal gay.

Raider Nation – My favorite fans without question. This merry band of criminals was founded in the early 80’s when convicts from the Bay area traveled south to watch the team play in LA. Raider fans remind me of an army of orcs or the Doth Raki from Game of Thrones. I consider them to be the original Nation as well as you should. From hence forth, they will be the only Nation to be recognized. If you disagree, expect multiple stab wounds.

Steeler Nation – Go figure that these assholes would have started this Nation craze. Yep, the cum rag-waving hayseeds are credited as the innovators of this term as Steeler Nation was coined in 1975. What say you about Steeler Nation, random Arizona newspaper?

They have occasionally been described in unflattering terms by sports journalists in other cities. For example, prior to Super Bowl XLIII, the Phoenix New Times warned readers that Steelers fans were the "grubbiest, loudest, and nastiest fan base in all of sports – as well as one of the largest" and that as the only NFL fanbase in Appalachia, they were "white trash" and "hillbillies."
I could not have said it better. They are quite grubby.

So there you go. If you are as tired of “Nations” as I am, then there is only one place to point the blame…Pittsburgh. You suck, Grumpy/Jeff.

28 comments:

Grumpy said...

I wear my grubbiness with pride. We're better than you and we know it. What's worse for you is that you know it too.

Have a nice day, pissants.

Grumpy said...

Jeremy Lin sick.

GMoney said...

Jeremy Lin MOS DEF SICK. He is becoming quite the Tenor.

Anonymous said...

I get to hear about Lin roughly every 3 minutes here in NYC!

Ide

Mr. Ace said...

Pretty sure the Nation of Islam is the winner here.

Supposedly Lin was going to be a youth minister if hoops didn't work out. He and Tebow are going to have an Old Testament battle to see who is the true son of god.

Mr. Ace said...

http://fukung.net/v/42938/d95bc39f2979cc2cb5f6fc4abc1516ba.gif

Go Blue

GMoney said...

As you know, the Nation of Islam will be cutting down the nets this April.

That link didn't beat the office firewall. What is it?

Mr. Ace said...

Damn. It isn't bad. But it is Kate Upton dancing around and shaking her goodies in multiple bikinis. She is amazing.

Anonymous said...

Kate Upton is gonna be gross in a few years, so I welcome you to join me in enjoying it while it lasts. She does not have the body type to last very long in that industry.

I like the heat that Grumpy brought this morning.

Lination!

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

Drew, are you high? Gross in a few years? Yes, her tits will begin to sag, but you would bang her well into her 40's. She's like 19 right now, isn't she?

Anonymous said...

Hey, I was merely suggesting a once a month limit on NBA posts since its the worst sport in America. Iceman shoved 2 straight NBA posts down our throats. Unacceptable.

Noted philosopher Floyd Mayweather disagrees on Jeremy Lin.

-Damman

Jeff said...

Hate is just secret envy. Naptown Nation has a better ring to it, if that's possible.

Hitch can suck it, carry the flag!?

Can't wait for the bag of dicks howson gets us for nash.

GMoney said...

Hmmmmmm...if February keeps being shitty, I see possibly more research projects regarding Kate Upton's NEVER GONNA BE GROSS body and Rick Nash's trade value! That will spark some site traffic!

Prime99 said...

I'm alway confused/offended when people on the West Coast haven't heard about Wildcat Nation. Oddly, they are always familiar with West is best, though.

Nation of Domination is very ELITE.

Anonymous said...

Ape..."gross" was a poor choice of words, but she will not be a big model by the age of 24 or so. Actually, she may be a plus size model or something. She already goes through periods where her stomach appears very "doughy". She's just not a freak of nature like those other girls. She's obviously incredibly hot, but her body will prevent her from being a mainstay in the modelling world by teh age of 25.

--Drew

GMoney said...

West IS Best...FACT! Our gym teacher not once missed a basketball shot (unless it was practice!).

The only thing that could bring Kate Upton down is this rumored relationship with Mark Sanchez. Not an ELITE decision by her if true.

Can we start calling Grumpy "Grubby"? That seems fitting.

Prime99 said...

Grubby & Tenor could be a sitcom. It would be the Perfect Strangers of the current generation.

Prime99 said...

Also, our gym teacher made us learn how to square dance which was not ELITE.

Anonymous said...

G$...What's worse? If she dates Sanchez or if the rumor that she fucked Kanye is true (assuming just one night).

--Drew

GMoney said...

Did it ever make sense why square dancing was made mandatory by the state for a week's worth of gym class? Ohio is fucking retarded. It better not still be a requirement.

GMoney said...

Drew, can't it be both equally bad? I feel like Kate should only be getting pounded by Tenor, Derek Jeter, Glenn Danzig (if Iceman's cool with that), myself, and The World's Most Interesting Man.

Brady said...

I never have nor will I ever refer to the OSU fan base as a nation. That shit is fucking gay. Figures that those meth heads in Appalachia came up with it. I will now laugh at any reference to "nation" knowing that.

Kate Upton is fucking hot. She has a real body that doesn't look like its been feeding off of wheat thins for nourishment. That little dancing video that was leaked yesterday turned my body into mush. Fucking spectacular.

Brady said...

If square dancing is still a requirement in school, we might as well just give up. The terrorists have already won.

GMoney said...

Upton was on Cowherd about an hour ago. The interview was terrible. She's an idiot and he asked mind-numbingly stupid questions. How much money do you make? Really? Get fucked, Colin.

Now I know why Drew hates her though: she's a diehard Michigan fan.

Anonymous said...

G$....I do not hate her. I also said she's incredibly hot. I've seen on multiple occasions where she has a bit of a belly. Look at her hips and lower torso...it's only get worse as she gets older. I'll enjoy her for the next five years...then she will be gone.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Seth Davis used the term "Buckeye Nation" in his mailbag today...

If my e-mails this week are any indication, there is concern, if not outright panic, coming from Buckeye nation in the wake of their 10-point loss at home to Michigan State last Saturday.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Drew, don't worry about this belly that you think she has. That is what cocaine is for.

I fucking hate the sports world right now. SOMEONE (besides Jeremy Lin) DO SOMETHING.

Grumpy said...

Seems like something you deviants would enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmSAmVDdzww