|And we'll wash it all down with a few Thurmanators.|
Now we all remember the story behind this, right? Grumpy was so crippled by his white trash Steelers fan DNA that he decided to give himself an ultimatum that absolutely no one else was asking for. And if you recall, his precious team of cheap shot artists and toilet sex connoisseurs were properly vanquished on Wild Card Weekend by the man, the myth, the legend, the guy that makes Brady Quinn cry: TIM TENOR. Many of you thought that this day would never come. Well, bitchcakes, IT HAS ARRIVED. Today…is RibFest Eve.
Here are the nuts and bolts for tomorrow’s RibFest festivities.
*WHO? If you comment frequently, congratulations because you can get free BBQ from Grumpy. If you read but don’t comment, you are still more than welcome but don’t be a mooch. You pay for your own food. Hellraiser mentioned that he wants to come but would buy his own out of respect. This is a proper attitude to have. Basically, if you have any reservations at all about whether you qualify for the Grumpy Freebie then you should just plan on bringing your wallet. Is Ide coming back from NYC for this? When does Prime land? Is Naptown Wolverine still alive?
*WHAT? I mentioned above what this is all about. I shouldn’t have to do it again. Just a reminder that we're only making the dude buy food. Drinks are on you. Yes, whoever is unfortunate enough to wait on our table is going to be furious with this request.
*WHERE? The place that will be slaughtering hogs, cows, and chickens for us by the barrel full is Barley’s Smokehouse. The address is 1130 Dublin Rd., Columbus, for you out-of-towners that may be GPSing the place. It is pretty easy to get to as it is right off of the Grandview Ave. exit on I-670.
*WHEN? Let’s try to all be there by 5 pm so we can sit by 5:15 at the latest. I assume that the place will be dead around this time so we can all wave our penii around to the wait staff. You know, just to show them who's boss.
*HOW? How did this come to be? Just say a thank you to our boy, TIMMY TENS, for allowing all of us to get together. Who would have ever thought that Tim fucking Tebow would have been able to assemble us all at the same table? I'll tell ya, that might be his greatest miracle.
In all honesty, I have been pumped up for this for a very long time. Many of the legendary commenters from this great site will finally gather in the same place at the same time to break ribs, make terrible first impressions, and, I assume, be wildly inappropriate.
As far as post-dinner goes, the hockey game featuring #15 Miami and #17 Ohio State has apparently done well at the box office so far. I guess that the 100 and 200 levels are pretty much sold out. That’s fine by me. It only costs $5 to get a front row general admission seat in the upper deck anyway. And, you know, you can buy beer. I have said this many times, but I would bet that almost all of you have never been to a college hockey game before (way different atmosphere than an NHL game). I suggest giving it a shot. These schools do not like each other at all, they are both fighting for an at-large birth in the tournament come March, alcohol IS sold, and we’ll be out of there before 9:15.
Also, I will be holding a tutorial on fleshlight usage at my house at 3 pm. Tickets are on sale for $10.
So let’s get a head count today. Who’s in for dinner? Hockey? Post-hockey titty bars (the dirtier the better)? Gentlemen, the time is now. Getcha bibs ready. Happy RibFest!!!