Thursday, February 16, 2012

Jon Gruden To Be Even More Annoying in 2012

Drew, I'm sorry, but you are dead wrong.
Remember how yesterday I sat you all down to remind you that topics are few and far between this month? Yeah, today is not an exception. We were going to talk about Rick Nash’s trade value (seriously, that was going to be a post) or that fact that Jim Irsay is a grandstanding drunk bastard, but you wouldn’t like the first option (although it would be a pretty solid post even if only Drew and Jeff would contribute) and you are already sick and tired of hearing about Peyton Manning and the Colts. So instead, you get this:

For just the sixth time in its 42-year history on television, "Monday Night Football" next season will feature a two-person broadcast team. Mike Tirico and Jon Gruden will call the games for ESPN starting in 2012. Ron Jaworski is leaving the booth but has signed a five-year extension with ESPN in an expanded analyst role with the company.
I can’t even begin to understand why anyone would think that it’s a good idea to give Jon Gruden MORE air time. That makes no sense. He is AWFUL. Why can’t he just go back into coaching and leave my TV alone? Anyway, I’m just going to assume that it was Jaws who decided to leave the booth and thus here are the top ten reasons for why he would make that choice:

10. Tired of being referred to as “THIS GUY” in public
9. Found out that Mr. Ace owns his throwback jersey
8. Was told that he can no longer swear on the air
7. Discovered that all 16 Monday Nighters next year will feature the Jacksonville Jaguars
6. Wants to focus on Arena Football team co-owned by Bon Jovi
5. Decided he did not want to keep covering up all of Mike Tirico’s sexual harassment of waitresses
4. Felt that it was unprofessional for Tirico to call a football game while smelling his own farts
3. His ear drums had finally burst after the one thousandth Gruden scream
2. Could no longer fathom how Gruden does not know and understand the most basic rules of the game
1. Weekly travel with Stuart Scott

Eh, whatever. #7 was a good one though. I stand by that joke. Discuss whatever you would like in the comments today. More Kate Upton? Rick Nash? The absolutely abysmal Adam Neft radio show? Is House of Lies on Showtime the worst show ever made (it is very close)?  Speaking of Showtime, how great is their "Franchise" series going to be this year when they follow Ozzie Guilen's Marlins?  If you were the head writer of The Walking Dead, where are you sending the gang once they FINALLY decide to leave Hershel's stupid farm?  You know what to do. Again, I’m sorry, but I don’t have a ton to work with today.

65 comments:

Grumpy said...

Drew was way wrong on that one.

Everytime I see Irsay I think he was an extra on the Sopranos.

Gruden is beyond awful.

GMoney said...

Irsay TOTES leaked that story about Pey Pey's 4th neck surgery.

OK, so Barry Melrose was on with The Common Man and The Torg yesterday and he pretty much nailed it on the possible trade options. The only teams that you would trade Nash to will be picking late in every round anyway which makes that a worthless acquisition. Goalie is a huge problem with the CBJ but they are a dime a dozen (unfortunately, we have a couple of pennies) and you shouldn't ever trade your superstar for a backup goalie. You need proven commodities back if you are going to deal #61. I don't think that anything gets done in the next few weeks simply because the fans WILL revolt when you get 25 cents on the dollar for a guy that plays on the first line for Team Canada.

But then again, everyone in the organization is fucking retarded so who knows.

GMoney said...

By the way, since I talked about football announcing, I really think that the NFL Network pairing of Brad Nessler and Mike Mayock's power lisp are the best in the business.

MuDawgfan said...

I always enjoyed when Brian Billick calls a game, seems to give good insight and is typically right when he determines a team needs to adjust.

However, I'll stand by the claim that Verne Lundquist needs to handle the play by play for all my favorite teams.

Anonymous said...

Grumpy...what was I way wrong about? A future prediction on Kate Upton? Because, it's hard to be way wrong about something that I'm calling 4 or 5 years down the road.

Agree with G$. Nash will be dealt, but not until this Summer. He will have to be dealt though.

Linsanity with another nice outing last night.

I have tuned in by accident to teh Adam Neft show a few times and he might be the most annoying voice on radio. Something that REALLY pisses me off about guys like Neft, Torg and Common Doucher is how they act like they are huge Buckeye fans...even use the words "we" and stuff when talking about the Buckeyes. Fuck that noise. All three of them grew up/worked in completley different states than Ohio...none root for Ohio pro sports teams...but, because they work in Columbus they act like they are big Buckeye fans. I guarantee they don't like OSU, because nobody really other than Buckeye fans do like OSU. So, don't get on the radio and fucking act like you're upset when they lose, etc. You don't give a fuck...go fuck yourself you fake faggots.

--Drew

GMoney said...

THANK YOU! I've been saying that forever (more toward Neft). He grew up in Pittsburgh and went to Indiana. Don't you fucking sit there and talk about how WE had a tough game against Sparty. There is no way in Hell that anyone should buy his new found fandom. He's just being a troll.

As far as the CM and Torg, I don't find Mike to be much of a jocksniffer and he is more apt to tell like it is. He doesn't kiss the school's ass. Torg...I love Torg. He's just so stupid. I disagree that either of these two are fake fans. They have been in the area long enough to grow into a quasi-fan.

Anyone know where Mike and Torg went to college? I bet Torg went to refigerator repair school or something.

But Drew, I disagree about dealing Nash even in the offseason. You spent all this time putting high priced guys together, let them get familiar with each other (in yet ANOTHER coach's system!!!). There is no excuse for CONSTANTLY rebuilding in a sport with a cap.

The Iceman said...

I was in Michigan for work yesterday and got a chance to listen to Valenti and Foster on my way home. They read some article written by an Illinois fan just tearing Gus Johnson a new turd cutter. They were probably just pissed about being an Illinois fan. Anyway, I tried finding it but came up empty. But I did find this for Drew...we'll get him a little fired up today.

http://network.yardbarker.com/nfl/article_external/nfl_network_analyst_marshall_faulk_not_impressed_by_detroit_lions_quarterback_matthew_staffords_5000_yard_season/9934510

And we can use this as another talking point as well. God, I love Twitter.

http://network.yardbarker.com/nfl/article_external/rams_steven_jackson_accidentally_tweets_his_need_for_condoms/9935140

Anonymous said...

I just think when you have already asked his agent for a list of teams that he's willing to be dealt to, that it's hard to come back from that. Maybe if they fire Howson and hire a new GM, then he could build that bridge back up.

I just googled those two douchebags to see what colleges they went to. I was able to find out that Common Douche went to something called Columbia College in Chicago. Looks like they pump out radio personalities. I couldn't find anything on Torg, so you are probably right on fridge repair school.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Iceman...those links didn't work, when I pasted them into the browser. Tell me the subject matter and I'll get fired up as I please.

I like Valenti, because he hates Michigan and Michigan fans hate him. He's an idiot, but he's a great Michigan troll.

Illinois is totes gonna fire Bruce Weber.

--Drew

Jeff said...

My thoughts on the nash stuff:

If he is dealt, a premier goalie in return is a must. I'm still hoping they don't move him and just move carter and johansen instead and see what we can do with the return pieces on those deals and NAIL next year. My biggest concern with nash being moved would be the fact that howson would orchestrating it. If another GM were in place I wouldnt worry, as much.

GMoney said...

If you keep calling Common Man and The Torg douches, I am going to have to ban you.

Here's another thing about Howson:
He should be fired. Everyone knows this. Yet McConnell and Priest are letting him wheel and deal at the deadline with the only player on the team that anyone wants to watch play. This makes no sense.

Iceman links like a BAGY.

GMoney said...

Jeff beat me to it. TOTES right. Define "premier" though. I don't think that Bernier or Cory Schneider are ELITE. If they were, they would be playing. The Kings aren't giving up Quick. You know what, it would be a classic CBJ move to trade Nash for Luongo who is declining AND is signed for the next decade.

I don't trade Johansen ever. I do tell Todd Richards to stop fucking scratching him for whatever the hell a Colton Gillies is though.

FAIL 4 NAIL! And that's another thing, why blow it all up when you do have talent (albeit all of them are having awful seasons) and the next Ovechkin has a great chance to be coming aboard next year? And if your intent all along was to blow it up, WHY DID YOU EXTEND PROSPAL!!!

Make no mistake about it, the Blue Jackets are quite possibly the worst run franchise in sports.

GMoney said...

ELITE hockey talk this morning!

The Iceman said...

The first link was about how Marshall Faulk thinks Matthew Stafford's 5,000 yard season is just ho hum. And the second one is about Stephen Jackson (football) accidentally tweeting he needs condoms.

Is Valenti the MSU homer douche that everyone hates? I don't get a chance to listen to them much. Even though I work 5 miles from the Michigan border I can't pick up shit for Michigan stations at work.

My linking skills are not ELITE...but definitely not BAGY.

Anonymous said...

They are douches G$. It bothers me that I know more about sports than they do. I'm sorry that you'd suck them off.

Iceman...Marshall Faulk could get sickle cell and I'd give as many as fucks about that as I give about his opinion of Stafford's ELITE season.

Valenti is the MSU homer. You should be able to hear them on 1270AM. I can get that almost to Findlay, OH on my drives back to Columbus.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Also, it does make absolutely no sense to let Howson's retard ass shop Nash.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

I wish I could try and make any sense out of what Faulk said so that I could semi agree with him in an effort to make you go off on a tangent, Drew. But it is literally one of the most idiotic things I have every read.

GMoney said...

Drew, I know more about sports than almost every single radio personality (other than Demetrius of course). It doesn't effect my enjoyment of disagreeing with them or yelling "YOU ARE WRONG" while I drive.

Damman hung out with The Torg on Saturday night! MY GUY!

Prime99 said...

I made a very similar joke to #7 yesterday while talking to a friend- get out of my brain!

The Blackhawks have only lost 9 in a row... I'll abstain from hockey talk.

Iceman, I have to believe you could stream whatever radio show you want on the interwebs. I listen to Waddle and Silvy from ESPN Chicago daily out here in CA.

Brady said...

I have nothing of substance to offer in this hockey debate.

I'm pretty sure they fired the wrong guy in the MNF booth. Jaws is def not ELITE but was serviceable. Now, Gruden can just yell and fall in love with every player on the field without any interruptions. Seriously has there ever been a guy he has criticized on air? The dude loves everything about everybody. Get back on the sideline dude.

Marshall Faulk is a fucking tool. I am in no way a Lions fan but Stafford had a killer year. There is no question about it.

Brady said...

By the way, this rumor about trading Hafner to the Yankees for Burnett better be a joke. Pronk has been a shell of his former self for 3 years now but this is a contract year. I would much rather take a risk on his bum shoulder than add another pitcher with an ERA north of 5.

Something tells me the Yankees just floated this out there for leverage in their dealings with the pirates but you never know.

Fuck the Yankees.

Anonymous said...

Common man and the torg have the best sports radio show that I've heard. The people who don't like them take them too seriously and are too stupid to get their jokes. Would you rather listen to mike and mike talk about Peyton manning EVERY FUCKING DAY!? It is unbearable.. Yet I still listen to it for some reason.

Is bobby carpenters (Barbie carpenter as lil poopson likes to say) show really good? I figured it would be turrbule.

I wish I knew more about hockey to join the Cbj debate. Just win goddammit!

Iceman is the most elite scramble with friends player that I've ever see . Mad props, bro.

Free BBQ and lap dances in 9 days!

Dut

GMoney said...

I liked The Offseason with Bobby and Beau but that could just be because it cuts an hour off of Cowherd's terrible program.

Li'l Poopson is not original by calling him Barbie. The entire Cowboys team called him that during their Hard Knocks season because he played like a pussy. True story.

The fuck is Scramble with Friends?

Nine long days indeed...

Anonymous said...

"Common man and the torg have the best sports radio show that I've heard."

LOLZ! LOLZ! LOLZ! LOLZ! LOLZ!

"Would you rather listen to Mike and Mike"

How about I listen to NEITHER? I don't see why I'm forced to listen to either of those shitty shows.

Common Douche and Torg are horrendous and anybody that likes them are mouthbreathing hilljack Columbus people.

--Drew

Grumpy said...

Drew, what I meant by "wrong" is that even if she put on 30 lbs. you'd still fuck her and so would I. Just before you.

Prime99 said...

I really like Damon Bruce and The Razor & Mr. T for Bay Area sports talk. Razor's voice talks some getting used to but Tom Tolbert is consistently funny. Damon Bruce subs for Rome on occasion and is probably my favorite.

I think the main theme is that local radio is usually better than the national crap.

Anonymous said...

Of course I would Grumpy. But, that was not my point. I said "enjoy it while it lasts", because she is not going to be one of those models who is still around for over a decade.....which means she will have no reason to be seen anymore. There is no reason chubby models stay relevant.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Brady, I would do the Pronk for Burnett trade. 2006 Pronk is not walking through that door. Give his DH ab's to Grady and Carlos. Maybe get Burnett out of NY and he might be a servicable 3 or 4 starter.

-Damman

The Iceman said...

That's great advice, Prime. Now I just need to find a way to crack the firewall at work so I can make that happen.

That's how you know the Indians suck. They're trying to talk themselves into another terrible pitcher for a washed up DH guy with a super homo nickname.

Scramble with friends is an Ipad/Iphone game that only the ELITE wordsmiths can operate. Dut has been my bitch for about the last week and a half. But keep your chin up, buddy. I'm like 105-2 in that game.

Brady said...

I am partial to Kenny Rhoda on WKNR at nights. I always get the podcast from the previous night so I can listen to it when I'm getting ready the next morning.

I'm not too familiar with the Columbus scene. I listen to any Buckeye football podcasts I can get my hands on though.

Damman, we don't need anymore pitchers. With Carmona, Jimenez, Tomlin, Masterson, Lowe, Slowey, Huff, Gomez and Garland there are plenty of options for the starting rotation. The tribe does need a right handed power bat though. Our lineup is so left hand dominanat right now it's fucking crazy.

Anonymous said...

Iceman- I've gotten a lot better since I first played you.. But I have a long way to go. I beat most people I play. I will catch you at some point. GUARANSHEED. You might as well not try to explain the game to the n00bs who post here. Most of them still use blackberries.

Drew- what do you listen to instead of mike and Peyton manning or common man and torg if you want sports talk radio? I'm open to suggestions.

Grump- do people your age still "do it"?

Anonymous said...

Lolzzz @ Brady for including "carmona" on his list of indian pitchers.

Dut

Anonymous said...

Brady, out of the pitchers you listed I have confidence in Masterson and Ubaldo (not a ton in Ubaldo either). The rest of those guys are complete mysteries. You can never have enough starting pitching.

I know Burnett is not exactly Cy Young, but Hafner hit like 10 home runs last year. Not ELITE production out the DH spot and you never know when his shoulder is going to explode.

-Damman

The Iceman said...

Blackberries are for loser wannabe business men who corn hole prostitues in between checking their E-trade accounts that are hemorrhaging money taken from the kids college fund. Get with the times, people. Touch screen phones are where it's at.

I would bet a second ribfest dinner on my dime that you never touch me in that game, Dut...but upon further review I'll let cooler heads prevail and just tell you that you're wrong. You will never beat me.

Jeff said...

Nash and the first pick for luongo and the sundin boys!

The more I talk and think about it, the more I see the jackets being even worse next year if nash is gone.

The Iceman said...

Anyone been to Jacksonville before? I'm going there in the first week of May and need some shit to do.

GMoney said...

Damn, what an explosion of comments.

Iceman - Either make meth, don't support the Jags, or kill yourself. Those are the only options I can think of for Jacksonville.

Dut - I think that Drew listens to Stern which is a fucking joke. Talk about douchebags who are past their prime and sold out for fucking NBC reality shows.

Drew - Tyra Banks always teetered on the husky model line and she is still mighty bangable. Like I said yesterday and Rick James used to say: Cocaine is a helluva drug.

Brady - The Rode Man is probably my favorite local anchor of all time. He isn't a massive homer and he "gets it". Burnett would be an upgrade over what your 3-5 starters are currently but, you're right, you've endured that awful Hafner contract so far, what is one more year?

Prime - No one cares about your NORCAL radio! Jackets/Blackhawks on Saturday afternoon is going to be quite a duel!

iPhones - Here we go again, ripping on the idiots that stick with what they know. I'm proud not to be one of the sheep that eats up everything that Apple sells. Go fuck the corpse of Steve Jobs while I still can't figure out how to BB Message!

Brady said...

Ice, I hear there is a mean shuffleboard tourney down there at that time. Canasta is big with the locals as well. Whatever you decide to do, can you wear a shirt with a huge Urban face on it for me. Thanks bro. I owe you one.

The starting pitching is there if everyone can stay healthy. I think the Tribe has one of the top 3 bullpens in the AL as well. The problem, as always, will be if we can hit.

We finished .500 last year with a decimated roster. If the cards fall the right way, the Tribe has a shot at the wildcard and maybe the division. We'll see.

Grumpy said...

Do what?

Anonymous said...

I haven't listened to Stern for a couple years now, because I no longer have satellite radio. I do wonder how G$ knows that Stern is past his prime, when he hasn't had sattelite radio to my knowledge. Stern still takes massive dumps on Mike and Mike.

Also, why he is a sell-out for taking $ 25M to judge a fucking talent show? I'd do that in a heartbeat as well.

It seems like not a single person posting here ever says they like Mike and Mike, eyt daily somebody says "I was listening to Mike and Mike yesterday/this morning".

Dut...I have a 25 minute commute in the morning, so it's not hard for me to find something to replace M&M...even if it's just music. So, if you listen to radio all morning I can't help you. I just don't know why people listen to something that everybody thinks sucks. If those two are gonna talk about Peyton everyday...then why do you still listen?

Rome shits on everybody and he's on 1230AM in the afternoon. I listen to him while I'm at lunch and his interviews are ELITE. He has barely any clones call in anymore if those annoyed people before too. Maybe two a day.

At night when I drive home, I'll put those two retards on to see if they may be interviewing somebody that has something to do with OSU. If not, then I switch to 1230 AM and listen to "The Loose Cannons".

So...if you like those two retards then good for you. The "M&M" listeners confuse the hell out of me though, because I don't think anyone likes them.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Drew, I listen to Mike and Mike for the same reason that I still watch the Blue Jackets. It is completely pointless but it won't kill me and every once in awhile something interesting will happen (and M&M have decent guests like Schefter and Legler on usually when I'm in the car).

Who the hell are the Loose Cannons? Brian Pillman died a long time ago.

Anonymous said...

Vic "The Brick" Jacobs, Steve Hartman and Pat O'Brien. They are pretty loony, but they are funny.

You root for the Jackets...you don't root for Mike and Mike. I have no rooting interest in the Jackets, so I don't watch them..especially when they suck. When they were decent I would tune in. Mike and Mike are not decent.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

I side with Drew. M&M are delayed and on during my drive to work now. They are AWFUL and I don't listen.

The Iceman said...

For me it's either Mike and Mike or Mike and Mike. ESPN 106.5 the ticket is the only sports station I get in Toledo. Trust me...I've spent 2 years looking for something else. It doesn't exist.

I figured Mike and Mike is better than these morning talk shows on stations that play todays hit songs on repeat for fucking hours on end. Usually the people that do the morning shows are less funny than half the commenters on this board. Especially Demitrius Nicodemus. That guy is fucking shit.

GMoney said...

I guess I listen to it because I don't want to think in the morning and vanilla sports conversation is about all that I can handle before my morning dump.

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