12:50 - Obviously, we already have Hokeamania but I think that, to make the rivalry between the schools legit, Urban Meyer needs a wrestling related nickname as well. Thoughts? Rowdy Urban Meyer isn't doing it for me and he doesn't give off a Nature Boy vibe to me.
12:51 - The winner of today's hoops game will take over sole possession of first place in the Big "Ten" which is the best conference in the country this year. Intrigue! This game has it. Is it the only game between these two rivals? I think I saw that it was. Stupid.
12:58 - I dislike local sports wonk, Dom Tiberi, so much. Speaking of the local news, I saw Andrea Cambern at Target once and she is hot. Swear to God. She looks much better in person than on TV which is weird.
1:00 - Oooooooh Kevin Harlan and Bill Raftery! I can dig it. It looks like CBS was able to find Sullinger and Trey Burke's mugshots from high school. Those are terrible pictures.
1:05 - UM ass-coach, Bacari Alexander, with the dumbest pregame speech of all time regarding "stepping up". He should be fired for that.
1:06 - Always bet on black. Fuckeyes start one white man while UM features two. anOSU will win because of that.
1:07 - MAN-TO-MAN!!! Lay-up by Jordan Morgan! O-VER-RATED!!!
1:08 - TH2 FO THREE!!! 5-0 Wolves! 37 straight wins at home for Matta...pretty ELITE stat. Speaking of ELITE, Prime texted me on Saturday night to let me know that he was eating at the ELITE Cafe in San Fran. ELITE eating decision.
1:10 - Mac From Night Court (to be referred to as MFNC from here on) with a three.
1:11 - Stu Douglass voluntarily steps on the out of bounds line because he sucks. And another turnover by Stu because, again, he sucks. 5-5. Dunk by Sullinger and the Bucks take the lead. 7-7 at first media TO after Buford takes a stupid charge foul.
1:15 - I'm going to spend the commercial break talking about Jared Sullinger. First of all, "Jared" might be the least black first name ever. Second, his nickname isn't and shouldn't be "Sully". Sully is short for Sullivan and it is what dumbfuck Red Sox fans are nicknamed. Come up with something new that doesn't make him sound like a Masshole. Finally, he was better when he was carrying that baby fat. Yeah, I said it.
1:16 - Raftery: "Novak, you can't leave this kid alone" right before he misses a wide open shot. Zack Novak is the worst.
1:18 - And-1 for Lenzelle Smith, Jr. I heard him interviewed on the radio last week and he came off very smart and likable. I was shocked.
1:19 - And-1 for Sullinger because putting the terrible Evan Smotrycz on him is a LOLZ idea. 13-9 anOSU.
1:20 - Novak chucks up a three that hits only backboard. Then he sucks the cock of someone in the front row...looked like a stranger. Under 12 TO, still 13-9 and getting sloppy.
1:25 - I kind of like Jordan Morgan. Novak misses again/slurps jizz. By the way, I really like UM's blue road unis over the yellows that they sometimes wear. That is all.
1:28 - Smotrycz from deep! Someone get him some ProActive! TH2 airballs a three. This game kind of sucks. The pace eats doo-doo butter. NOVAK MISSES A LAY-UP! TERRIBLE PLAYER! Under 8 TO, 16-15 UM.
1:30 - I just started watching Homeland On Demand on Saturday. Solid program. And that was your random thought for this TV timeout. Pitbull and Bud Light? Whatever.
1:35 - Smotrycz "elbows" MFNC in the face. It totes didn't land. Give MFNC an Emmy right now! DeShaun Thomas is a pussy ass bitch for that queer move. If Ed Hightower was doing this game, he would eject MFNC for wasting everyone's time. Elaborately, natch.
1:37 - Although maybe Smotrycz hit MFNC in the face with some of his zit pus. McLimans on Michigan? The fuck? Michigan has 4 white guys on the court right now!
1:40 - Under 4 TO, 19-18 UM. This is rotten basketball. I am more interested in She$ searching for Valentine's Day gifts that I should buy her and I am NOT interested in that at all. Keep in mind, this is the same woman that wouldn't give me Christmas gift ideas because she likes to be surprised yet is all about getting what she wants two months later. Never get married. It is a constant mind-fuck.
1:43 - Aaron Craft can solve a rubix cube in less than a minute. I would rather watch that than this game. How many 40 footers has UM shot? At least 8.
1:45 - William Buford misses a wide open 3 just to remind everyone that he still plays. His consistency sucks. Buford should be way better by now than what he is. anOSU is on a 6-0 run which would be a 40-0 run in a normal game of basketball.
1:47 - STU 4 2! 21-21! Michigan is taking Bacari Alexander's words to heart with their "stepping up"! Good God, that was terrible...much like this first half.
1:50 - Pizza Face Smotrycz and Shannon Scott throw up a pair of turds to take us to halftime. The miserable score is 24-21 Fuckeyes lead. I'm going to kill myself. If I fail, I'll be back for the 2nd half.
2:03 - The Royal Rumble PPV is tonight/was last night. Did you know that the inaugural winner of the Rumble was Hacksaw Jim Duggan? HOOOOOOOOO!!! I should be watching Duggan tribute videos on YouTube instead of watching this shitty game. Second half coming up...
2:07 - Michigan starting the second half MAN-TO-MAN! Stu for three ties the game at 26 and it looks like both teams are playing basketball now. A pleasant surprise as Craft answers with a trey of his own. HOOPS!
2:10 - Text from Damman: "I had no idea that Michigan had a Burke and a McLimans...getting pretty close to St. Augie's basketball". TRUE DAT! I played on those legendary St. Augustine Saints teams!
2:13 - Ted Valentine is emoting calls like Ed Hightower out there today. I love it. Trey from Trey gets us back to a one point game. Now we're playin', yo! Under 16 TO, 36-33 anOSU.
2:16 - Random thought during the commercial: I have no idea how to spell Beilein and I don't think that I ever will be 100% sure how it is spelled. It doesn't really bother me either because John Bielien looks like the kind of guy that would be into having sex with dead people. My wife is eating a Fun Dip right now which doesn't even hide the fact that it is just pure sugar. I'm totes jelly of her. I didn't even know that they still sold that stuff.
2:18 - Lenzelle has 13 and 9 already. Damn, those numbers really snuck up on me. Buford the Friendly Ghost with a steal and slam puts the Fucks up 7 and UM needs a timeout. I am staring daggers into the wife right now...I WANT THAT FUN DIP!
2:22 - Thoughts on "The Urbantaker"? It's growing on me because he's a badass yet also dead.
2:23 - Craft with a sick move to the hoop for an And-1. "Fuck you, Morgan" (courtesy of the late, great James Doakes!) with his 4th foul and this one is starting to get out of hand. PLEASE, keep it close for my sake. McLimans baits Sullinger into his third foul...he learned that move in the AUGIEDOME. Under 12 TO, OSU up 42-35.
2:26 - I would love to murder those "that was so 27 seconds ago" guys for AT&T. No judge or jury would ever convict me of this "crime" because they deserve to die.
2:29 - According to CBS, the court is Sullinger's oyster. This means what exactly? Update: Zack Novak has not scored yet. ME LIKEY. Buckeyes up 11 now...might as well be 50. This is over. John Beilein is already thinking about his midnight morgue trip.
2:31 - Trey Burke takes and makes a terrible three pointer. I've got to be honest, Lenzelle is winning me over today. Not ELITE yet, but a solid glue guy.
2:33 - Is that Evan Smotrycz or a jar of strawberry preserves? COUNT IT!
2:34 - What is the opposite of momentum? Because that should Buford's nickname. TH2 hits a three and we're back to a single digit difference. Under 8 TO, Fuckeyes up 50-41.
2:37 - Text from Drew proves that he is at the game today inside of Cheap Furniture Arena. That makes him the second biggest douchebag there as he will never be able to top Buckeyes ass-coach, Jeff Boals. That guy is a shit sniffer. Nice D&G eyewear, cocksucker.
2:39 - Michigan has not shot a free throw yet. There are 7 minutes left in the game. I blame Jerry Dunn. Does UM even run an offense other than "shoot contested three from NBA range"?
2:42 - The big marquee underneath the scorer's table is bragging about a national title from 52 years ago. God, I hate anOSU.
2:44 - Sullinger SWATS the life out of Zack Novak and runs the floor for a THUNDEROUS slam. Beilein needs a timeout as this one is beginning to look like it's over. Burke nails a three though. I wonder if his dad is a speech teacher.
2:46 - Under 4 TO and Ohio State is up 58-46. I just saw Greg Paulus on the Fuckeye bench. That's embarrassing. Not as embarrassing as Charlie Coles, but embarrassing nonetheless.
2:51 - I can't believe that I've made it this far without asking if TH2 hates fags as much as his daddy? By the way, Michigan just shot their first free throws. It only took them 37 minutes to get there.
2:53 - If I was still in college and the big head cutouts were in style, I would TOTES bring a Doink The Clown head. That would be tremendous.
2:55 - Less than a minute left and anOSU is up 13. Oh well, at least it was close even if the play was shitty. William Buford puts a Rob Schneider upside down exclamation point on this game with a fluke turnaround jumper. Final 64-49 Ohio State.
Final thoughts: Lenzelle Smith, Jr. was the MVP of the game. Michigan's style of play is brutal. Both teams need to play MUCH better than that if they want to play in a Final Four this spring. I can't put my finger on the reason why I believe this, but the Buckeyes just don't look right to me. And finally, I am so ready to live blog the shit out of the Super Bowl next Sunday. BRING IT! I hope you enjoyed this. I'm picking up my DFL Trophy tonight...seems like a good sentence to end this live journal on.
33 comments:
OSU plays at UM 2/18. How's about Ravishing Urban Meyer? You should've live blogged your fleshlight experience.
Moneyball was a pretty good movie, even if it was about a totally stupid premise and they made David Justice look decent. Needed more Ron Washington in it and I wouldn't have been upset with them having him do a bunch of blow either. There's your movie right there.
Ide
Urban "Heart Attack" Meyer
and
Jared "Subway" Sullinger
Ooooooh, I'm going to tweak that suggestion and go with Urban "The Heart Attack Kid" Meyer. And he could end every game by giving the opposing coach some Sweet Chin Music. BINGO.
I can't believe that my beloved blue shirts let me down last night. Cam Newton sucks.
I watched the first quarter of the Pro Bowl to see Ben play. When did the game become such a joke? At the snap the OL and DL stand up and sort of dance with each other; no pass rush, no real tackling, no pass coverage. The fans were booing. What a disgrace.
And why is Phillip Rivers there?
I thoroughly enjoyed that game blog...it was better than the game.
Always nice to see that faggot punk Novak suck a dick all over the court. He TOTES can not play against athletic wings.
Buford was indeed bad.
I've been a huge Lenzelle fan since his high school days. Good kid and he's gonna be a good player. It just sucks for him that he basically missed his whole freshman year due to rehabbing torn ligaments in his wrist.
Burke was legit yesterday.
I call Deshaun Thomas "Buckets".
--Drew
Urban the Turbin...
Because he's an evil, evil terrorist.
I never noticed until right now how much Novak looks like RCramer. Just cut the pube wig and slap a #8 on him.
I call Deshaun Thomas "Faggot Pussy" Doing shit like that is a fucking disgrace. It's just lazy, cheap basketball.
Here's a better question, Grump. What the fuck was Andy Dalton doing at the ProBowl? Did 10 QBs decline an invite?
Agreed Iceman - Dalton had a decent year for a rookie, but pro-bowl? Give me a fucking break.
Kyrie is a badass.
G$, I agree with you, I cant figure out what it is, but OSU just looks off. Not nearly as tough as they did last year, and far from a final four team.
Seal
Yes the "step up" pre game speech was right up there with Walt's Fans, Fuel, Ignite. Not good.
I think what's off about the Bucks is their offense. They are not close to the offensive team that they were last year. But defensively they are making up for it as they are damn good. So they are just not near as fun and exciting to watch as they were last year, but they are still ELITE and have got to be one of the favorites to cut the nets down in April.
-Damman
OSU is missing a solid 3pt shooter...that's it.
If you like at KenPom and Sagarin...right now statistically OSU has the best defense of any team in college basketball in the last 10 years. That's a wild stat.
I think OSU definitely can make the Final Four. Who knows what is going on with Syracuse and Fab Melo. UNC just got fucking punked by Florida State.
I'd say Kentucky has been the most consistent team, but they also lost in the same arena that the Buckeyes lost in.
--Drew
I don't see OSU in the Final 4. If you find a way to stop Sullinger, they're very beatable. When he gets doubled I haven't seen anyone that can knock down the open 3 with regularity.
I think what OSU's problem is is that they think they have go-to guys, but they really don't. You could trust Diebs (that hurt to say). You could even trust Lighty to at least make a smart play. It's probably something that they can overcome with their defense or in Craft's case "legalized fouling", and isn't an issue when Buford has his head out of his ass.
Kyrie Irving titty-fucked Paul Pierce last night. That was amazing. Seal, I'm going to the game on Saturday. How about you?
Andy Dalton was a Pro Bowler because who the hell else was a Pro Bowler in the AFC? Timmy Tens? Any game that ends with Brandon Marshall MVP is a shitty game.
DeShaun Thomas is still an embarrassment to hoops for that cunt move. It was LOLZ though.
By the way, Michigan has about the least likable roster I've ever seen. Even easier to hate than 90's Duke teams.
And shame on you, Naptowners for not appreciating and acknowledging those St. Augie's references.
I have fond memories of the Auggie Dome. I averaged a double double in that building. That "arena" was taylor made for Bill Laimbeer...not Joe Dumars.
or in Craft's case "legalized fouling"
Jesus Christ, thank you! Every time they showed a replay of a "great defensive play" by Craft, it was incredible how much he was using his hands and holding. Craft being a great defender is a bigger farse than conjugal visits in prison.
He gets a pass because he is scrappy and white. As he should.
Ide
He's Crafty!
--Jimmy Jackson
Make sure to notice this writer for Sports Illustrated's usage of the word ELITE...
Prior to this week's 24-point win over Penn State and today's 15-point slow-tempo triumph, the Buckeyes had far and away the best conference efficiency margin in the country. Per John Gasaway at Basketball Prospectus, Ohio State's margin of +0.28 points per possession was nearly double second-place Michigan State's +0.18 and was the only major-conference team above +0.20. That basically means that every four possessions in league games, Ohio State is scoring an extra point over their opponent, a rate that actually has grown after the victories over the Nittany Lions and Wolverines.
Indeed, elite teams show themselves by how many blowout victories they have, and Ohio State has won league games by 33, 31, 29, 17, 34, 24 and 15 points. Instead, people are deceived by the two league losses, both of which had an element of statistical fluke to them, to go with the loss at Kansas, when Sullinger was not available.
--Drew
You forgot to talk about how Thad Matta is a below average tournament coach, Drew.
Who is deceived by the losses, fancy writer guy? I know no one that is saying that those weren't fluke losses? Thoses losses were just like the early season success of the Cleveland Indians last year.
Iceman....you are a below average tournament coach.
--Drew
If you are saying Craft constantly fouls than you must have noticed Trey Burke pushing off with a stiffarm all game. Admit it, regardless of what he may or may not do with his hands, his lateral quickness and hustle are second to none.
-Lil Strut
The Buckeyes are good this year but I don't get the feeling they are ELITE. If they stay on the present course, I'm guessing they get no further than the round of 16 or 8. They really miss having Diebler lighting shit up from the outside. Who knew that a white dude would have such an impact on the game of basketball.
Urban gets another blue chipper to pick OSU over those fags in Ann Arbor yesterday. This shit is getting funny now.
Strut....the play wehre Craft was defending Burke by the middle of the court...fell to the ground and then somehow popped up quick enough to stay right in front of him was incredible.
Brady...Urban is on fire.
--Drew
Brady, I will pay you money if it means you stop talking about recruiting. For fuck's sake, we get it. It's no secret that Urban Meyer can recruit and I don't know how else to convince you that no one fucking cares. It's like me coming on here every day and reminding everyone how awesome fake tits are. Save your Ohio recruiting babble for Ohio message boards where the people get as boned up as you do about this. Because a high percentage of commenters on here do not give a single shit.
G$ - yes I will be there. Also I now live 3 blocks from the Q, so shoot me a text if you wanna meet up for some beers before or after the game.
Seal
I was going to suggest Urban "The Brain" Meyer but HAK is much better.
I barely watched sports this weekend as I got sloppy drunk and went to a concert at the Fillmore in SF. Only got asked for change by 43 bums and saw 5 she-male hookers on the street. Low numbers for SF standards.
It's a date, Seal!
OK, here's the thing: Do you know how many of you sort of hate it when the site takes a day or two to talk about pro basketball? I know this and am aware of this which is why I try to save that stuff for when it truly matters or is huge news. That is EXACTLY the way that I feel about recruiting. Wednesday is a big day. The rest of them aren't. In the simplest terms that I can imagine, SHUT THE FUCK UP. You will have your day where I will allow it. Today is not one of them.
So how about that, uh, that Chris Jent performance from yesterday? ELITE!
Prime, but how was your ELITE dinner? I bet that it produced an ELITE dump the following morning.
Oh you give a fuck Iceman and I know it's gnawing at you. Out of respect for G$'s blog, I will cease and desist my recruiting talk... for now.
On a separate note, fucking Kyrie was lights out yesterday. I actually watched the whole game. It may be a long shot but the Cavs have a shot at that 8th seed this year. Yeah they will get blown the fuck out if they make it but it would still be a good accomplishment.
I am glad that the Pistons have no shot at the 8 seed. Keep on losing boys! We need that Unibrow!
--Drew
I will be furious if the Cavs are the 8 seed. We need at least one more year of potential luck in the lottery. Go Milwaukee and the Knicks!!!
The ELITE Cafe was quite good (and fucking expensive!) I had two ELITE dumps and an ELITE vomit the next morning.
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