Monday, January 16, 2012
Drew Brees - His two interceptions were brutal decisions but things are going to happen when you "fire that fucking pigskin" 63 times. It's sort of amazing that the Saints were still in it while being -4 on turnovers. This game was goddamn incredible though in spite of the turnovers. I actually caught myself rooting for the Niners and I never thought that I would root against the Breesus. Actually, let's talk about each of the final four touchdowns in that amazing 4th quarter:
TD pass to Sproles - If there was a separate MVP award that went to non-QBs, it would have to go to Sproles (or Akers), right? Tiny Darren seemingly runs a 2.5 40. By the way, AJ Smith and Norval Turner let him walk from the Chargers this past Summer. They remain employed. Make sense?
TD run By Alex Smiff - What a great play-call. That was such a beautiful play. Who runs a goddamn QB sweep on third and long! I'm kind of happy that Ol' Small Hands is coming into his own this season. Good for him.
TD Pass to Graham - It wasn't a very good decision by the Breesus but the awesomeness of JIMMAY bailed him out. I hope you all saw the slo-mo replay of Graham scoring and slam-dunking the ball over the crossbar because, in the background, Tony Siragusa has the dumbest look ever on his face. Totes LOL. His mouth is wide open and I'm pretty sure that he's drooling.
TD Pass To Vernon Davis - Amazing. Vernon flat out abused Malcolm Jenkins on the final two drives. I loved that San Fran played for the win and not overtime. Smiff's two passes to Davis on this drive where ELITE. GREAT GAME.
Vernon Haters - I loved that he was so happy that he was crying while coming off the field after the touchdown. Repeat: I LOVED THAT. It hasn't been the easiest run in SF for the stud TE and I thought that it was really cool for him to be so emotional. Suck on that, Mike Singletary's chili-ring!
Jim Cornball - "Who got it better than we do" and giving the team personally monogrammed gas station attendant shirts? What a dork, that Jim Harbaugh.
Tony Siragusa - He carries a Sharpie around with him but nothing to write on. Somehow, that makes sense considering how much Goose sucks.
The notion that not every game matters - Those who argue with me that college football is better than the pros tend to use the argument that "not every game matters". The Saints proved that theory incorrect. Think about it: had they not lost at either the Bucs or the Rams, I am 100% confident that they are still playing. The Saints are out because of games that they lost in September and October and thus had to play out of the Dome. Fact!
The Denver Tenors - If you believe that the Denver season was made to be turned into a movie, then you should have noticed (like I did) that the ending of that movie was last week. The win over the Steelers was the climax. It wasn't going to happen again. Tim Tebow is a great story and all (and an even better person) but he wasn't about to walk into New England and beat Bill Belichick's game plan. They were sent to NE to get slaughtered because they already won their Super Bowl. Period. 14 negative yardage plays though? Terrible. At least they kicked a field goal while down 35 points in the third quarter!
John Elway - I do not envy his job this offseason. Look, Tenor is their QB which means that the organization has to build and draft accordingly. That means taking a ton of strange hybrid players like Percy Harvin-types and athletic tight ends that they don't have. Also, the aforementioned Darron Thomas would be a nice risk for them since he can only run the read-option offense, too. It's a weird situation to be in that the Tenors are going to be building their team in a completely different manner than the rest of the league. And they have to because if they bail on TEAM TENOR, their fans will revolt.
Aaron Hernandez - Running back? What sort of drugs do you have to be on to say, "let's give our tight end 5 carries this week"?
Tom Brady being a troll - Come on, dude, you don't punt on 3rd down. That's just embarrassing an opponent that you've already embarrassed. Why not just run it up the middle one more time and then punt? By the way, I barely watched any of the second half of this game in lieu of Restaurant Impossible which had back-to-back shows with terrible eateries in northeast Ohio. Quality programming!
Von Miller - Dude, I would have been pissed about that punt, too, but if you are going to try and blindside somebody, you better kill him. Don't pull up at the last second. DESTROY!
Phil Simms - The absolute worst announcer on the planet. Whether it be him not knowing what constitutes a catch or that even though Deion Branch pushed off on his touchdown catch that that was not PI, Simms is a hillbilly fucktard. If I ever decide to kill myself (cross your fingers), I would leave a tape of Simms' game on Saturday night as my suicide note.
Jacoby Jones - Anyone else believe that if this dumbass doesn't muff the punt in the first quarter that the Texans win? Also, it's hard to point fingers at TJ Yates since he shouldn't be in that position anyway, but Houston wins if Schaub is playing.
Joe Flacco - You're right, Joe, you won't get any credit for that win. Complete 55% of your passes first, douche. And for God's sake, get rid of that fu manchu.
Ray Lewis - This game was boring as shit except for the fact that Ray Lewis was so terrible. He had to have AT LEAST 15 missed tackles on Foster alone. No one will grill him for being shit because he is a murderer but I give no fucks. Ray Lewis was awful yesterday and I can't wait to watch him try to cover Hernandez and GRONK on Sunday.
The Iceman - One more time, he said before the season that Arian Foster was overrated. Idiot. And that's about all that I want to say about this game...noble effort by Houston and their awesome defense though.
Bill Leavy - Uh, ok, I'd love to hear the rationale behind Greg Jennings CLEAR fumble in the first half and how that ended up not being one. Then GB scores on the drive. The Giants absolutely murder the Pack without that terrible officiating/Tim Donaghy call.
ELITE Manning - Yet another 15 yard pass that Nicks turns into a 60 yard touchdown AND a hail mary! Eli is the luckiest quarterback of all time. OF ALL TIME. I hate that tard. STOP WINNING PLAYOFF GAMES SO WE CAN LAUGH AT YOU! I still can't believe how much they crushed Green Bay by. Tom Coughlin is such a great coach.
Everyone on the Packers offense but Rodgers and Don Driver - Jesus Christ, can any of these losers catch the ball? EIGHT drops?
Jermichael Finley - Completely worthless. He should be one of the best tight ends in the league and he continues to blow.
The Green Bay secondary - How many 3rd and longs can a team give up? For as bad as the receivers for the Packers were, not being able to get off the field killed Green Bay's hopes and dreams. It's about time that Charles Woodson took a permanent trip to the glue factory.
Well, I nailed the Giants straight up win but I don't feel good about it. God dammit, we lost Brees AND Rodgers AND Tenor this weekend! TERRIBLE WEEKEND! Alex Smith vs. Elite? Brady vs. Penisface Flacco? Oh God, this is not good. This is not good at all. It is highly probable that we have three turd games left. Shit.