Tuesday, January 31, 2012
For those of you who aren't Facebook friends with me (just ask Grumpy how fulfilling it is) you will be interested to know that I have discovered something earth shattering. Peanut butter made from honey roasted peanuts. FUCKING ELITE! Easily cracks the top 10 in most memorable/best purchases in my life. It rightfully knocked my pineapple slicer from the ranks and back into the "Joe Flacco: I thought this would be way sweeter than it actually is" category. If you have the means I highly recommend...it is so choice. Onto more pressing news. I decided that we could all use a little more basketball here. So from now on what I've decided to do is make Tuesdays, basketball Tuesdays. We'll alternate between the NBA and college hoops since it appears there's a lot more basketball fans here than I originally thought. Today is all things college.
Harrison Barnes is not ELITE - I've seen quite a few Norf Carolina games this year and I gotta say...Harrison Barnes looks pretty fuckin average to me. My moment of clarity was when Florida State got buck nasty with UNC and Barnes just laid back and took it. Like a runaway 16 year old strapped to a rape stand doing anal for quaaludes. I guess I just expect more out of a guy who was supposed to be a lottery pick last year and 17 PPG doesn't get me very rigid.
Wisconsin is soooooo God damn white - This team looks like they're fourteen bedsheets away from a Klan rally. The funniest thing about this team is Jordan Taylor. Total 100% white kid name and is from Minnesota, arguably the whitest state in America. I can just imagine Bo Ryan traveling there all fired up to see some blond haired, blue eyed, cream colored dreamboat tearing shit up. Except when he gets there and sees Taylor he's more shocked then I was a week ago when I woke up covered in dog piss. I bet at that point he just said, "Fuck it. We drove here so I guess we're committed now."
Kentucky - Totes the best team in college basketball. I hope no one argues this. But when you ignore all the rules like Calipari and pay your players, it makes sense that wherever he coaches is usually the New York Yankees of college basketball. But I bet if you show any of those kids a 4th grade math problem you could reduce them to tears. Especially Anthony Davis. He's let that unibrow go untamed for this long so I have to assume he has the IQ of an egg fart. That thing is fucking tremendous.
Syracuse - Taking this team past the 2nd round of the NCAA tournament will be a crucial mistake. This is the weakest #2 team I have seen in years...maybe ever. Plus they lost to Notre Dame who somehow has ANOTHER guy on their team that looks and plays exactly like Luke Harangody. I'll never understand the desire for a 6'9" white guy who can't leap over a fucking paint can. Anyway, this is about how Syracuse shouldn't be in the top 10, not about Notre Dame's thirst for nonathletic Mark Madsen clones. Take this team to the ELITE 8 and lose to your mom in the NCAA pool again.
The Zags are back to underdog status - Remember when Gonzaga started becoming everyones favorite Cinderella? Remember when Gonzaga snuck up on everyone like a dog fart and butchered everyones tournament bracket? Remember when every dumb bitch that filled out a bracket picked Gonzaga to win it all and you laughed at them relentlessly? Remember when Gonzaga had that guy who was like 35 and fuckin fought off a bear who attacked him? (Pretty sure it was Gonzaga...but guess what? It is now!) Remember when Gonzaga stopped sneaking up on people and Butler took over that role? Well, I think Gonzaga may be up to their old tricks again. They're like Sweedish Fish...they're always around but you just kinda forget about them and how fucking delicious they can be.
Next week we're gonna talk some NBA and all of you will most likely get something you come here every week for...Iceman eating crow. But that's reserved for next Tuesday, dick sniffers. Since we talked about OSU and Michigan yesterday, that's off limits. SO IS FUCKING URBAN MEYER RECRUITING, BRADY. Hope that was loud and clear enough for you, ya fuckin twat. Eat my shit.