Tuesday, January 31, 2012

ONIONS!!!!!

                                                "BLACK GUY!!!!!!!"


For those of you who aren't Facebook friends with me (just ask Grumpy how fulfilling it is) you will be interested to know that I have discovered something earth shattering.  Peanut butter made from honey roasted peanuts.  FUCKING ELITE!  Easily cracks the top 10 in most memorable/best purchases in my life.  It rightfully knocked my pineapple slicer from the ranks and back into the "Joe Flacco: I thought this would be way sweeter than it actually is" category.  If you have the means I highly recommend...it is so choice.  Onto more pressing news.  I decided that we could all use a little more basketball here.  So from now on what I've decided to do is make Tuesdays, basketball Tuesdays.  We'll alternate between the NBA and college hoops since it appears there's a lot more basketball fans here than I originally thought.  Today is all things college.

Harrison Barnes is not ELITE - I've seen quite a few Norf Carolina games this year and I gotta say...Harrison Barnes looks pretty fuckin average to me.  My moment of clarity was when Florida State got buck nasty with UNC and Barnes just laid back and took it.  Like a runaway 16 year old strapped to a rape stand doing anal for quaaludes.  I guess I just expect more out of a guy who was supposed to be a lottery pick last year and 17 PPG doesn't get me very rigid.

Wisconsin is soooooo God damn white - This team looks like they're fourteen bedsheets away from a Klan rally.  The funniest thing about this team is Jordan Taylor.  Total 100% white kid name and is from Minnesota, arguably the whitest state in America.  I can just imagine Bo Ryan traveling there all fired up to see some blond haired, blue eyed, cream colored dreamboat tearing shit up.  Except when he gets there and sees Taylor he's more shocked then I was a week ago when I woke up covered in dog piss.  I bet at that point he just said, "Fuck it.  We drove here so I guess we're committed now."

Kentucky - Totes the best team in college basketball.  I hope no one argues this.  But when you ignore all the rules like Calipari and pay your players, it makes sense that wherever he coaches is usually the New York Yankees of college basketball.  But I bet if you show any of those kids a 4th grade math problem you could reduce them to tears.  Especially Anthony Davis.  He's let that unibrow go untamed for this long so I have to assume he has the IQ of an egg fart.  That thing is fucking tremendous.

Syracuse - Taking this team past the 2nd round of the NCAA tournament will be a crucial mistake.  This is the weakest #2 team I have seen in years...maybe ever.  Plus they lost to Notre Dame who somehow has ANOTHER guy on their team that looks and plays exactly like Luke Harangody.  I'll never understand the desire for a 6'9" white guy who can't leap over a fucking paint can.  Anyway, this is about how Syracuse shouldn't be in the top 10, not about Notre Dame's thirst for nonathletic Mark Madsen clones.  Take this team to the ELITE 8 and lose to your mom in the NCAA pool again.

The Zags are back to underdog status - Remember when Gonzaga started becoming everyones favorite Cinderella?  Remember when Gonzaga snuck up on everyone like a dog fart and butchered everyones tournament bracket?  Remember when every dumb bitch that filled out a bracket picked Gonzaga to win it all and you laughed at them relentlessly?  Remember when Gonzaga had that guy who was like 35 and fuckin fought off a bear who attacked him? (Pretty sure it was Gonzaga...but guess what?  It is now!)  Remember when Gonzaga stopped sneaking up on people and Butler took over that role?  Well, I think Gonzaga may be up to their old tricks again.  They're like Sweedish Fish...they're always around but you just kinda forget about them and how fucking delicious they can be.

Next week we're gonna talk some NBA and all of you will most likely get something you come here every week for...Iceman eating crow.  But that's reserved for next Tuesday, dick sniffers.  Since we talked about OSU and Michigan yesterday, that's off limits.  SO IS FUCKING URBAN MEYER RECRUITING, BRADY.  Hope that was loud and clear enough for you, ya fuckin twat.  Eat my shit.

35 comments:

Grumpy said...

Being your Facebook friend means I was in on the ground floor of the honey roasted peanut butter craze.

Maybe you will make the NBA funny; God knows G$ can't.

Anonymous said...

Grumpy with an early dig at G$...I like.

Iceman...agree with most of your thoughts. Wiscy is a very schizo team this year. Of course they are on a roll now with OSU coming into town on Saturday. We need to pummel those polar bear faggots.

As for Syracuse...their loss to ND should take into fact that they didn't have Fab Melo. But, when is he coming back? It seems like nobody is talking about this...I can't figure out what he did, other than it's something academically.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Fab Melo is up there for greatest name ever. Mike Brusewicz is up there for worst human ever.

I ignore Grumpy's attacks. He's just jelly that I own a fleshlight now.

Fun fact: the terrible Charlie Coles-led bunch from Oxford didn't have a 2 point make until well into the second half up in Kalamazoo on Saturday. Terrible team with a terrible coach.

Another fun fact: Last week on Mike and Mike, Greenberg asked Dick Vitale what his thoughts were on the undefeated Murray State Racers. Vitale, the #1 college hoops analyst at the Worldwide Leader mind you, said that he has not seen them play yet this year. 20-0 and Dickie V gives no fucks.

MUDawgfan said...

NBA talk tomorrow eh?
I'll swing on by to enjoy some discussion about "America's Team" - The Atlanta Hawks.

The Iceman said...

I know that Melo is supposed to be their best player, but a team that is one of the top programs in the nation should be able to at least keep it close. I don't know...they just don't look like a contender to me. Plus I've been burnt before by these choads.

Grump, I'll have more NBA jokes then Stephen Jackson has guns and arrest warrants.

God Shamgod is totes on the greatest name list.

Dicky V is a complete douche and should be replaced by Bill Raftery for every single game. Or Gus Johnson, of course.

Anonymous said...

That's a funny comment by Vitale...what a retard. It's even funnier that G$ listens to Mike and Mike daily...what a bigger retard.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Dicky V cant get his head out of Coach K's asshole long enough to see any other team in the nation play.

Syracuse blows - the Big East is way down this year, hence their record. They are an Elite 8 team at best.

Joe Lunardi is a fucking idiot. Last night he predicted Duke getting the 4th #1 seed. I hope to god this happens as I would love to see them be the first 1 seed to lose to a 16.

Kentucky might have the 2012 NBA drafts #1 and #2 picks in Davis and Kidd-Gilchrist. If they dont win the title this year I will fucking hate Calipari.

Seal

GMoney said...

I have a 20 minute drive to work where I listen to M&M. It's not like I bring a radio up to my desk so I can get 4 hours of those idiots. Plus, if I didn't listen to them on my commute, where else would I get my Marty Bannister updates on Buckeyes women's basketball? DID YOU THINK OF THAT!

One thing that I've noticed this year is that there seem to be way more mid-majors ranked than ever. Creighton, Murray St, fucking Harvard, Stansbury (the Harvard of the West)...either big boy hoops is declining or the little guys are starting to become ELITE.

Seal, the NBA Draft this Summer is going to be fantastic.

Anonymous said...

Lunardi is a twat. Duke still has to play two against UNC and the ACC tourney. That's at minimum 2 losses. I have zero faith in Syracuse because the Big East sucks tiger taint. UK is the best but its always fun to lol at Calipari for being the worst tourney coach ever.

Ide

Mr. Ace said...

Since I can't talk about Zack "The Dagger" Novak, I will raise this idea; Should March Madness be moved back to May?

http://msn.foxsports.com/collegebasketball/story/ncaa-basketball-should-step-out-of-nfl-super-bowl-shadow-012912

I really like this idea. I don't follow college hoops, except for Michigan, at all until the football season is over. I am sure that exams or some gay shit that university people use as a crutch will get in the way, but May Madness would be great. And nobody gives a fuck about baseball in May...except fucktard Tribe fans...and Dut.

Anonymous said...

I wish someone had real stats to back this up, but I swear mike and mike have talked about Peyton manning and what the colts are going to do every day since week 5 of the nfl. I now turn the station every time they mention it. Fucking terrible.

Can you come up with creative posts instead of nba/college ball every Tuesday? Regular season nba/college bball= pointless.

Dut

Anonymous said...

Ace- that article was terrible and a waste of time. The reason the regular season basketball ratings are so low is because the regular season is pointless.

GMoney said...

Moving seasons around is tarded. It's never going to happen and it isn't a good idea. Case in point: that stupid Simmons article yesterday suggesting the NBA finish the Finals in mid-July. YOU ARE FUCKING STUPID. SUCK MY DICK, BILLY, BECAUSE THE CAVS (you projected to go 11-55 this year, dumbass) ARE BETTER THAN YOUR PRECIOUS CELTICS. And Grantland fucking sucks.

Dut makes a rare and decent point. Don't shoehorn yourself into forced posts on niche topics. Take me for example. I plan on writing about Dut's bizarre choice to grow a beard (or whatever that was on his face, maybe chocolate milk?) for tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

The regular season in college basketball is not pointless.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

G$- my beard is elite. The feedback/ success rate has been fantastic over the past month. It is a groomed stubble beard. Don't be jealous that you can't grow one.

Dut

Anonymous said...

Drew- the regular season is pointless. Uconn was mediocre in their conference last year... Yet they will consider that to be one of their greatest years ever because they won the national title. Ohio state had one of their greatest regular seasons ever, yet nobody cares because they only made the sweet 16. Which season would you have rather had, uconn or Ohio state? Now you can agree that the regular season is pointless.

Dut

GMoney said...

Dut and Drew fighting...I enjoy a good lover's quarrel.

Prime99 said...

It can't be pointless when games are played on an aircraft carrier!

I wish Blake Griffin would dunk on someone this morning. That shit last night was ridiculous.

Anonymous said...

Dut...that doesn't even make sense. UConn is more the exception to the rule.

Going by your logic, UConn should just suck every eyar and then turn it on right? Doesn't work like that.

First off, I do enjoy winning conference championships. You don't..that's fine. But, I love the season long battle for a conference championship.

Secondly and most importantly, you play your regular season for your seeding. If it's pointless to you then you wouldn't care if OSU swaps seeds with UConn this year right? Right now Lunardi has them as a 7 seed...and the Buckeyes as a 1. Let's flip with them because it doesn't matter that one team earned taht seed with their regular season right?

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Drew-

All you need to do is finish around the top 25 to get a 1-4 seed. Not that difficult. You know why nobody watched/cared about the Kentucky/unc game earlier this year? It's because everyone knows that they'll likely be top seeds and it really doesn't matter who wins. What will happen to Ohio state if they lose their next two games? They might drop to a 2 seed. There is so little difference between those two seeds that it doesn't matter. You are judged based on what you do in the tournament.. Which makes the regular season pointless.

Dut

Brady said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Grumpy said...

Dut, stop showing up to gunfights with Drew with a fucking butter knife.

Prime99 said...

Fleshlight!!!!!!

GMoney said...

You were warned, Brady. I very rarely utilize my awesome power, but even your Brady Quinn "Now I'm done" reference can't save that comment.

A select few of you just got a great text message pic from me...if you would like one yourself, just ask. What I have to offer will literally LIGHT up your life.

Anonymous said...

Dut...you aren't even making sense now. As Grumpy said...put away the butter knife...or in your case the easy bake oven pan.

I'm done with this. It matters plenty. I'd love to know how many times ranked 15-25 have won the tourney in the last 20 years. As I said earlier...UConn is the exception to the rule.

I also love watching the battles for teh conference crowns. I get much enjoyment out of beating the likes of Michigan, MSU, Wisconsin and Indiana.

G$...That picture made my day. It looks glorious. I can't wait for the review.

--Drew

Brady said...

Come on G$! It was just a little jab at the Iceman. When are we allowed to talk recruiting? It's 2days away from national signing day!

It's cool though. I am in awe of your awesome administrative power.

GMoney said...

Drew, would you like some more ammo against the bearded potential terrorist?

*Today, he says that all that matters is the tournament.
*Last week, too much importance was placed on postseason success when comparing quarterbacks (which is dumb as shit to think).

Well...WHAT IS IT???

I cashed your check today. It probably bounced.

Best part of that pic was the fold-over I did on the right side. TOTES!

Brady said...

I would like that text message.

Anonymous said...

G$- those are entirely different arguments. You aren't making sense. Obviously your mind is cloudy today. Must have been too many LIGHTS on last night.

Drew- obvz we aren't going to agree with each other. But I think we can agree that college basketball has the least significant regular season of all major sports?

Dut

Brady said...

College basketball is by far the worst regular season. The tourney in March may be the best thing college sports has going but the regular season suffers because of it. Where else can a team lose 4-5 and still get a #1 seed?

Anonymous said...

Actually, one could make the argument pretty easily that the regular seasons in the NBA, NFL and NHL are more meaningless.

In the NBA and NHL you have over a 50% chance of making the playoffs just by being in the league. Unless you are the Blue Jackets, you should be able to stumble into the playoffs blindly every once in a while. In the NFL you have an almost 38% chance of making the playoffs just by being in the league. Hell...the Giants lost a ton of games this year and are now in the super bowl.

Brady...explain your 4-5 loss # 1 seed thing if you will. The # 1 seeds in the NBA and NHL all lose more than that (even when you divide by two to make the length of seasons even).

--Drew

The Iceman said...

Suck on that, Brady. Attempts at bucking the system will not be honored nor tolerated. I'm gonna start removing all of Brady's comments for the hell of it. It's not like he ever really contributes anyway.

30 comments about regular season basketball, Dut. It seems like some people care about it. And I'll take regular season basketball over regular season baseball any fucking day.

Brady said...

You know Drew, the more I've thought about this, maybe the NCAA season is pretty important. In the NHL and the NBA you are playing a series of games in each respective portion of the bracket. That gives you ample time to battle your opponent and hopefully advance to the next round.

In the NCAA season, each team is competing for the highest seed possible in a tounrament where you only get one shot at your opponent. So, I guess that makes those seeds VERY important in getting the easiest path to the Final Four. There might not be that big of a difference between that #1 or #2 seed but its big enough to fight for in the regular season. I have officially changed my mind (for what it's worth).

I am logging an official complaint with the Blogger president if any of my comments are removed for sport or spite. The Iceman should not have access to the kill switch. The power will go to his head in a heart beat and he will attempt to take over the world. With great power comes great responsibility Ice.

The fleshlight pic made my fucking day.

Anonymous said...

Brady...you have just proved why you are my favorite poster over the last six months or so. You keep an open mind. I will pour out some booze for your deleted post tonight.

Dut...hope you learned something here today. Your posts were NOT ELITE today!

--Drew

Brady said...

Thanks Drew! Make sure you pour out some St. Ides or OE for my hastily deleted comment. It just wouldn't feel right if it weren't a malt liquor from the early 90's that was seen in numerous rap videos.

I guess I will just save up all my recruiting knowledge until I just can't take it anymore. Just like Tenor and his blue balls.