Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Don't Be So Obtuse!

                          "What?  What the fuck did you just say about Eli?"



ELITE Shawshank reference right there^.  Jesus Christ.  Have we all gone fucking mad?  Normally, I would just ignore all the insane babble I've heard over the past two weeks but I've reached the point now where I just can't any longer.  G$ slipped this little nugget in yesterday and I'm stunned at how little response it received.  People just sat back with blank stares and sort of nodded in agreement.  So guess what, fuckers?  We get to talk about it today.  Here it is: Eli Manning is BETTER than Peyton Manning.  Hold on...






That's better.  So.  Is this what the world has come to?  Drew being the only sensible voice of reason at the Money Shot??  Someone get me a pint of rat poison and a dildo so I can fuck myself stupid while I die slowly.  I'm offended anyone actually thinks this way.  Now, I'll give Mike Greenburg a pass because he gets paid to be a passive aggressive turbo pussy.  I would even give Cowturd a pass since he's the town retard that can often be found playing in piles of goat shit.  But I hold the readers here to a higher standard and you should be ASHAMED of yourselves...minus Drew.  Giraffe Neck sits out one year and we forget just how fucking ELITE he is?!  That's sad.  Peyton Manning will always be the alpha male of the Manning family...no matter how many Super Bowls Snatch Face wins.  You want reasons?  Oh...I gots reasons.

Accuracy - Peyton is a fucking surgeon.  He can literally put it anywhere he wants.  He's completed less than 62% of his passes in only one year...his rookie season which happened to be his worst.  Some of those years probably could have been higher if not for having so many non-black and fake Mexican receivers named Gonzalez with flaccid penises for hands.  In eight seasons Eli has 4 seasons under 60% and 4 over.  Eli's most accurate season?  63%.  Peyton has had 9 seasons better than that.

Defense - First, I will acknowledge that the Giants defense AS A WHOLE this year was a leaky anus despite having a tits pass rush.  2007-08 was a different story as the Giants defense was filthy and ranked 7th in total defense.  Meanwhile, Peyton's supporting defensive cast is always hilarious.  It's insulting, almost, how few shits are given about defense in Indianapolis.  Peyton has always had to play from behind with fewer mistakes and a fuck ton more pressure since the game is always in his hands.  Thanks for nothing shitty defense!

Terrible Losses - Indianapolis always has that division wrapped up by week 12.  Not that he's every been in this position before but Peyton Manning would never allow his team to lose to the Redskins at home when a playoff birth is on the line.  EVER.  He beats the teams he's supposed to while Eli is getting the shit Sex Cannon'ed out of him.

Knowledge - We've all seen it.  Peyton is like a fucking tweaker having a seizure when he's calling plays at the line.  Is it annoying?  Sure.  But I'm sure it's exponentially more annoying being a Giant running back when Eli audibles to a 32 dive into the teeth of a power blitz.  Peyton never does that for two reasons.  First, he recognizes a blitz or coverage that was drawn up on Tuesday.  Second, Peyton knows that if Addai gets hit by more than two defenders at the same time he's sure to lacerate his uterus...again.

Turnovers - I have no statistical proof to back this up, but I would bet just about anything that Eli makes more mistakes than Peyton late in games.  Eli throws more picks so chances are he throws more late game picks.  Makes sense, right?  Plus, I've seen Eli's "Who just egg farted in the car" face more than Peyton's "Dead fetus" face on SportsCenter after dumb shit throws.

Don't get me wrong.  Eli has definitely come into his own and has clawed out of the QB group that houses the Matt Ryan's and Matt Schaub's of the world.  But when I think about Peyton vs. Eli, it's pretty simple for me actually.  Peyton has had more playoff appearances, has better stats, throws a better ball, understands the game better, has a longer giraffe neck to survey the field better, doesn't have a hairy vagina, knows what marbles are and makes hilarious commercials.  The only question you really need to ask yourself is...who would you rather have quarterbacking a game winning drive?  Who do you trust to make the audibles, manage the clock and make the throws that are going to win you the game?  Peyton over Eli every fucking time.  Unfortunately I won't be around today to defend myself against all the mule's that think Eli is better.  I'll be in Michigan all day doing big boy work stuff so enjoy your day off from Iceman, dick lickers.

41 comments:

Grumpy said...

Iceman, you ignorant slut. I and everyone else understood that G$ meant that Eli is better TODAY. Does your boyfriend live in Michigan?

The Iceman said...

And I disagree. If Peyton played this year or plays next year he will still be better than baby brother.

Big boy work stuff in Michigan = finding the perfect flesh light in Michigan.

GMoney said...

Dude, no one disagreed with me because I was even more right than usual. Explanation:

*I can't remember any off the top of my head, but has Peyton EVER won a road playoff game? Eli has won 6 in a row.
*Who has choked more in the postseason?
*Who was in the Double Stuf Racing League? Wait--bad example.
*A QB is measured on playoff wins first and accuracy percentage and all of that other manure later. Who wins that one?
*You've made the same "defense" argument with Ben in the past and it is still pointless. There is always a time when the QB has to make numerous plays to win the game. Eli often does in January, Peyton rarely did.

It comes down to this: if Jerry Sandusky held you hostage with his throbbing rape boner and said that you have to pick a Manning boy to win a playoff game otherwise he would shred your colon every day for the rest of your life, you're taking Eli every time because Eli has proven to be a playoff winner while his older brah would let you down like he does every year. FACT.

But yeah, that whole "swet by Rex Grossman" thing is pretty indefensible.

You're welcome for winning that argument before 8:30.

Anonymous said...

First off...nice to see Iceman realize what Grumpy has been preaching for months. I'm the most intelligent commenter here.

Grumpy...as you can see, G$ was talking about the past. He would put Eli on a higher pedastal than Peyton. That is retarded. Team Drew/Iceman.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

I don't have time to look it up...but Peyton has to have more playoff wins. And as far as winning playoff games on the road goes, that's the LEAST that Eli can do for his team to make up for being so dickless in the regular season and putting the team in that situation to begin with. You also forget the Giants defense has been pretty sick during these "magical road playoff wins" both times it's happened yet everyone wants to throw the credit to Eli. Without that pass rush and that defense new York doesn't make it past Green Bay this year and doesn't even see New England a few years ago. FACT.

Grumpy said...

Ok,G$ was talking about the past, but even then Peyton is below .500 in playoff games. Eli is better in January...FACT.

Anonymous said...

Peyton is 19-9 in playoff games. Eli is 7-3.

My cellphone has been fucked worse than G$ at a bathhouse lately, so I actually have to visit this site via the internet. It's dreadful.

Ide

GMoney said...

Eli's offense put up 37 points in GB two weeks ago. Pretty sure that that is going to win almost every time regardless of what the defense does.

I'm not arguing that Peyton is the equivalent of Timmy Tens or anything. I am arguing that Eli is a better postseason QB though which he is. Thanks for playing but you lost.

GMoney said...

I don't know what the fuck Ide is talking about. Peyton is 9-10 in the postseason. If you eliminate the Super Bowl year (which you shouldn't but follow me anyway), there is a 67% chance that the Colts lose a playoff game with #18 under center.

Uh oh...G$ dropping TROOF bombs around here.

Anonymous said...

Well fuck, me. The site I pulled those stats from have different career lines for totals. Notice how I got Eli's numbers right, using the same logic.

Eli is better. (and I hate that faggot)

Ide

Anonymous said...

I can't believe people are even arguing this. I did see the "Eli is better than Peyton" line yesterday and thought it was a joke so I didn't say anything. Qbs are graded way too much on super bowl wins. Alex smith was elite for 1 game in the playoffs. Is he better than Peyton now too? Peyton is the best quarterback that I've ever seen play. He turns scrub wide receivers into solid players (garçon, Jacob tamme, a few other white guys that I can't remember). If you trade Eli and Peyton places, the colts would have been an average team for the last decade. Peyton is the only reason those teams were worth a fuck- as you could clearly see this year.

I can't believe g$ is arguing this either- considering all he ever says is how lucky Eli was. Sure, Eli beat the patriots in 2007. HIS DEFENSE HELD THEM TO 14 POINTS!!!! Did you forget how terrible/lucky Eli got on the game winning td drive? There were 3 passes that should have been intercepted. It was a fluke.

There are at least 6 qbs that I would take over Eli to win me a game. Please stop this retarded argument.

Dut

Prime99 said...

This argument is like someone saying, "Hey guys, brusselsprouts are better than Lima beans!" Great- now we are arguing over two guys that none of us like- sweet.

The fact is that neither is the best if we compare them to others. With older QBs, I'd rather have Brady or Brees than Peyton. I'd rather have Rodgers over Eli for the younger/getting older crowd.

Anonymous said...

Team Drew/Iceman/Dut. We are ELITE!

--Drew

GMoney said...

Sure, Eli beat the patriots in 2007. HIS DEFENSE HELD THEM TO 14 POINTS!!!!

And yet that Patriots team was one drive away from cementing their legacy as the best football team ever assembled. A shame we are glossing over this. And can we also discount Peyton's title since he played like shit to beat an average Bears team?

Bill Belichick, arguably the finest defensive mind in NFL history, owns Peyton but can't figure out his little brah.

What will you say when the Giants win a a second title in two weeks? It's pretty clear then who is better.

No, I don't like Eli Manning at all and I don't like having to make this argument. But facts are facts and Peyton is only good in the regular season. He BLOWS in the playoffs.

And Dut, one more thing, who made Manningham, Kevin Boss, Victor Cruz, and Jake Ballard all of a sudden good? That's what I thought. Way to lose to me.

Where the fuck is Seal? He would have my back. Team Money/Grumpy/Seal/Ide/and I'm taking Prime for the West Coast flava, is ELITE like ELITE Manning.

You three are the Cooper Mannings of this debate.

Brady said...

Peyton... every time. Eli has been blessed with a good defense his whole career. He has had better receivers/running backs. Eli also hasn't had to run through the AFC (which has been the better conference over the past 10 years) in the playoffs.

If Sandusky's rape boner is throbbing next to me, I'm taking Peyton to lead that game winning drive.

GMoney said...

Brady, I must have missed seeing Eli play the majority of his career with players better than Marvin Harrison, Reggie Wayne, Dallas Clark, and Edge James. I must have really missed that.

Also, Brady would rather take the 47% chance to not get raped by Sandusky over the 70% chance. He is not good at math. This pretty much means that he wants to sex up Jerry Sandusky.

Anonymous said...

Team Drew/Iceman/Dut/Brady....ELITE TEAM!

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Was the Colts defense the reason he threw 4 picks against New England, and got skull fucked against the Chargers in the playoffs? I get that Eli has a better defense, but that doesn't excuse the fact that Peyton was chucking up Tebow throws during a lot of his losses. How about that glorious way he lost the Super Bowl against the Saints with a pick 6 in the fourth?

Dominating a division with the perennial 6-10 at best powerhouses like Tennessee, Houston, and Jacksonville shows some real moxie, alright. At least the Dream Team and America's Team can put together a decent playoff run every now and again. Not the Redskins though.

Ide

Prime99 said...

West Coast flava >> Peyton and/or Eli

The Iceman said...

Well if QBs are measured by playoff wins and if the "great defense" argument is pointless like G$ tells us...then by his qualifications Trent Dilfer is totes > than Peyton Manning. LOLZ!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Yes, because winning a shit conference every year and failing horribly in the playoffs 91 percent of the time you make it means you are the second coming of Christ.

This is totally a foolish argument because, I hate them both equally. Perhaps Peyton a little less than Eli, but nonetheless both of them greatly.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Great derailing comment: On espn.com the headline is about fantasy baseball. 3 minorities wearing suits, Justin Verlander in a cap and hoodie. Priceless.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Does Verlander have a name plate in front of him that says "MVP" or "ELITE"? Both work.

--Drew

Brady said...

Maybe I'm biased. All I can think about when Eli's name is mentioned is the GREATEST BROWNS VICTORY in the last 5 years. Watching in a sold out CBS as Eazy Eric Wright pick 6'd his sorry ass on Monday Night Football is still one of the greatest sports moments I've ever been a part of. I just can't endorse a QB that let's Eazy E one up them on national television.

I would argue that Marvin Harrison and E. James were products of Peyton's greatness. Put them on a different team that's not built for turf and doesn't have qb savant under center and the HOF never comes calling.

The Iceman said...

Peyton never lost to the Browns. That should settle it right there.

Anonymous said...

I just don't know how anyone who has seen both of these qbs play could possibly take Eli over Peyton. So Eli is better because he is average during the regular season, but his teams win in the playoffs.. Whereas Peyton is ELITE during the regular season and loses more often in the playoffs. Tom Brady didn't win a playoff game for 4 years. Was he not elite for 4 years? There is way too much stock put in winning in the playoffs. I can see this argument if we were comparing tennis players, but there are 52 other players on the team who contribute in some way!

Dallas Clark was also made by Peyton. Please don't bring jake Ballard into the same conversation either.

Dut

GMoney said...

Eli never lost to Mark Sanchez.

Harrison and Edge weren't that good? Hilarious. You have no ground to stand on with anything that you've said today. It's all been Peter King-level coffee shit.

Facts:
Peyton is better in the regular season.
Elisha is better in the postseason.
Greatness is determined by your postseason successes.

None of these can be argued. Who's better again? I love pointless argument days.

GMoney said...

Oh great, Dut wants to do the Eye Test again!!! I thought that we were done with that.

Too much is made on playoff performances??? THAT'S WHY YOU FUCKING PLAY THE GAME! You don't play to win the AFC South every year against awful competition. Jesus, take your participation ribbon and go home for the rest of the day, loser.

Dallas Clark would have been great on any team.

Anonymous said...

So you would take Marino over Montana, Dut? No question that Marino was ELITE during his career but your taint has seen more balls than his receivers did in the playoffs. Montana was good during the season and had a few down years but he was fucking cherry in the playoffs.

And stop with this team bullshit. How many times did the Colts sniff a perfect season? 2 or 3? What happened when they went 14-0? When were they ever a wild card team? 2000? Do any of the above questions apply the Giants in any way?

Ide

Anonymous said...

What this boils down to is anyone who says Eli is better is wrong, and anyone who says Peyton is better is right. FACT.

I didn't get to watch enough Marino and Montana games to answer your question, IDE.

Dut

GMoney said...

Team Eli is using logic, reason, and playoff performance. Team Peyton is using The Eye Test, Fantasy Football stats, and KY Jelly.

"Whatever team I'm on is the winner" is what it really boils down to.

The Iceman said...

Greatness is determined by your post season success...

So trent dilfer > jim kelly, dan marino, dan fouts and warren moon?? This is what your "logic and reason" tells me.

Anonymous said...

PRINCE FIELDER IS A TIGER. TOLD ALL OF YOU FOOLS THE TIGERS WOULD DO SOMETHING TO REPLACE V-MART.

HA!

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Enough with this football talk... Welcome home PRINCE FIELDER!!!!

Dut

Prime99 said...

Are unlimited Hot-N-Readys built into Cecil Jr's contract?

Anonymous said...

That's a whale of deal for the Tigers!

Give the deal 2-3 years and then you'll be crying about the money you gave him.

GMoney said...

Hold off on that, kids. Tomorrow's post is already locked and loaded and 80% vegan.

Goddammit, Iceman is really dumb. Who is comparing Trent Dilfer to Jim Kelly? Why would anyone say that Mark Rypien is better than Dan Marino just because of a ring?

We are comparing the Manning Brothers. They have the same genes and similar career paths. I think it's fair to rank one higher based on choking/clutch play, no?

Brady said...

Fuck the Tigers!!!!!!!!!1 You are the new NY Yankees. Hope that fat fuck eats himself into a 5 year slump.

The Iceman said...

Why the fuck does it matter if two quarterbacks share the same genes? You are talking about the talent level of two guys who play the same sport and same position. Relation is irrelevant. What you said today is that QB greatness, not Manning geartness, is based on post season success. And I'm telling you that by that logic yes...you are saying that every NFL QB that started and won a Super Bowl is better than QBs that have no rings. If you are saying Eli is better than Peyton because of more post season success then you have to say that Dilfer is better than Marino because Dilfer has more post season success than Marino. I know you understand...stop pretending you don't.

GMoney said...

But that's not the argument. Dilfer had one year that he didn't get in the way while Marino had 15 of great seasons that came up short. Both Eli and Peyton are great and what sets them apart is the goddamn postseason.

We keep dancing around in circles but you still keep being wrong. Why you so dumb?

Daniel said...

I think Ryan Fitzpatrick deserves some consideration in this discussion.