Tuesday, January 24, 2012
ELITE Shawshank reference right there^. Jesus Christ. Have we all gone fucking mad? Normally, I would just ignore all the insane babble I've heard over the past two weeks but I've reached the point now where I just can't any longer. G$ slipped this little nugget in yesterday and I'm stunned at how little response it received. People just sat back with blank stares and sort of nodded in agreement. So guess what, fuckers? We get to talk about it today. Here it is: Eli Manning is BETTER than Peyton Manning. Hold on...
That's better. So. Is this what the world has come to? Drew being the only sensible voice of reason at the Money Shot?? Someone get me a pint of rat poison and a dildo so I can fuck myself stupid while I die slowly. I'm offended anyone actually thinks this way. Now, I'll give Mike Greenburg a pass because he gets paid to be a passive aggressive turbo pussy. I would even give Cowturd a pass since he's the town retard that can often be found playing in piles of goat shit. But I hold the readers here to a higher standard and you should be ASHAMED of yourselves...minus Drew. Giraffe Neck sits out one year and we forget just how fucking ELITE he is?! That's sad. Peyton Manning will always be the alpha male of the Manning family...no matter how many Super Bowls Snatch Face wins. You want reasons? Oh...I gots reasons.
Accuracy - Peyton is a fucking surgeon. He can literally put it anywhere he wants. He's completed less than 62% of his passes in only one year...his rookie season which happened to be his worst. Some of those years probably could have been higher if not for having so many non-black and fake Mexican receivers named Gonzalez with flaccid penises for hands. In eight seasons Eli has 4 seasons under 60% and 4 over. Eli's most accurate season? 63%. Peyton has had 9 seasons better than that.
Defense - First, I will acknowledge that the Giants defense AS A WHOLE this year was a leaky anus despite having a tits pass rush. 2007-08 was a different story as the Giants defense was filthy and ranked 7th in total defense. Meanwhile, Peyton's supporting defensive cast is always hilarious. It's insulting, almost, how few shits are given about defense in Indianapolis. Peyton has always had to play from behind with fewer mistakes and a fuck ton more pressure since the game is always in his hands. Thanks for nothing shitty defense!
Terrible Losses - Indianapolis always has that division wrapped up by week 12. Not that he's every been in this position before but Peyton Manning would never allow his team to lose to the Redskins at home when a playoff birth is on the line. EVER. He beats the teams he's supposed to while Eli is getting the shit Sex Cannon'ed out of him.
Knowledge - We've all seen it. Peyton is like a fucking tweaker having a seizure when he's calling plays at the line. Is it annoying? Sure. But I'm sure it's exponentially more annoying being a Giant running back when Eli audibles to a 32 dive into the teeth of a power blitz. Peyton never does that for two reasons. First, he recognizes a blitz or coverage that was drawn up on Tuesday. Second, Peyton knows that if Addai gets hit by more than two defenders at the same time he's sure to lacerate his uterus...again.
Turnovers - I have no statistical proof to back this up, but I would bet just about anything that Eli makes more mistakes than Peyton late in games. Eli throws more picks so chances are he throws more late game picks. Makes sense, right? Plus, I've seen Eli's "Who just egg farted in the car" face more than Peyton's "Dead fetus" face on SportsCenter after dumb shit throws.
Don't get me wrong. Eli has definitely come into his own and has clawed out of the QB group that houses the Matt Ryan's and Matt Schaub's of the world. But when I think about Peyton vs. Eli, it's pretty simple for me actually. Peyton has had more playoff appearances, has better stats, throws a better ball, understands the game better, has a longer giraffe neck to survey the field better, doesn't have a hairy vagina, knows what marbles are and makes hilarious commercials. The only question you really need to ask yourself is...who would you rather have quarterbacking a game winning drive? Who do you trust to make the audibles, manage the clock and make the throws that are going to win you the game? Peyton over Eli every fucking time. Unfortunately I won't be around today to defend myself against all the mule's that think Eli is better. I'll be in Michigan all day doing big boy work stuff so enjoy your day off from Iceman, dick lickers.