Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Do You Like Pineda Colonics?

Stop calling me Armando Benitez!
Oh, don't you worry.  I did not forget about this.  So someone finally showed up at the Yankee offices this winter and made some moved this past weekend.  It's about time.  I thought that Brian Cashman was dead.  He's not, though, he just still looks like a raccoon corpse.  Now I'm not your average mouthbreathing Yankees fan.  You know this by now.  Most people think that we should sign everybody; payroll be damned.  Not me.  I like it when we cultivate and develop our own.  Which is why I had such a boner for Jesus Montero.  And now he's gone.

Let there be no doubt, Montero is a fucking stud hitter and he will be raking at the cleanup spot for Eric Wedge's mustache over the next decade plus.  He can flat out stick it.  I don't think that I've ever been so invested and pumped for a Yankee position player since, shit, Shane Spencer maybe.

But there was always going to be a problem with Da Jesus.  No one in the organization thought that he could catch every day and that isn't a big deal if you don't have a bunch of old sloths on the payroll that are going to need to DH more and more over the next few years.  A-Rod and Jeter and Teix and Swish are all going to need to use the DH slot for this and coming years.  So it became a numbers game and the writing was on the wall for Montero once it became obvious that the Yankees were dangling him in every trade scenario.  He had to go but not for some turd like Greinke or Gio Gonzalez.  And boy did the Yanks do well.

Fuck.  Yes.  How often do 23 year old All-Star pitchers whose average fastball clocks in 95 mph become available?  Uh, never.  Michael Pineda comes to the Bronx to form what I hope will be the best 1-2 in the AL for the next 5 years.  He sure as shit has the potential to be an ace, that is for sure.  The Yankees also signed the underrated Jap Greg Maddux, Something Kuroda, as well.  So what was once a weakness has all of a sudden turned into a pretty incredible STREMPH.  And it happened just like that.  Amazing.  You win in October with power pitching.  It's always been that way.  It's damn hard to finesse and locate your way to a title.  Needless to say, I am a fan of this trade.

Don't forget that the Yankees have two stud pitching prospects who are a year away from dominating and they didn't even have to part with them for Pineda.  That is amazing.  Did you see what the Reds gave up for Latos and Sean Marshall?  Or how the Nats dumped 4 of their top ten prospects for a guy named Gio?  Or even how the Indians unloaded their entire farm system for a mediocre "ace"?  Yeah, the best franchise in sports history just acquired a better pitcher with a higher ceiling for a stud hitter that they had no place for.  Outstanding work.

CC-Pineda-Kuroda-Nova-Hughes/Garcia/Burnett...that might be the best part actually.  AJ Burnett could be on his way to the scrap heap.  I guess what I'm trying to say here is that the Yankees are going to win the next ten World Series.  Yeah, that's the ticket.

Other shit because we haven't talked baseball in awhile:
-Victor Martinez is out for the season with a torn ACL.  LOLZ!  FUCK THE TIGERS!  I hope they get into a plane that crashes into Drew's house!
-Joel Zumaya signs with the Twins.  Double LOLZ!  Time for Dut to get a new jersey!
-Mark Shapiro is still hibernating, I guess.
-Looks the Reds are all-in this year before they lose Brandon Phillips and Joey Votto soon.  Good for them.  Go for it when you have the chance.  They aren't going to win a title or a pennant or anything, but whatever.
-Is Prince Fielder ever going to sign?  Does anyone even want him?  Just go to Seattle already and hit in front of Da Jesus for the next ten years.

In conclusion, I know that you all missed the lovable Yankee arrogance.  Drink it in.  We're just better.  Maybe not all of us, but definitely me.  I am way better than you as a fan.

36 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thats what pissed me off about the Pineda deal, it seems like the Reds might have been able to get him for Volquez and Yonder Alonso and kept the other two players.

I do like what the Reds have done. It makes me extra excited for this season. It is good to say we are going for it this year. Instead of saying we are 1 or 2 years away.
Will hurt a little more when or if we fall on our face.

The Ryan Madson deal was pretty savvy Reds fans were hoping to resign Cordero and hell they get Madson cheaper. With Scott Boras has his agent made it a little sweeter.

Hoffman

Anonymous said...

V-Mart had a WAR value of roughly 3 last year....it will be very easy to replace him for the season. Plus, the Tigers are still one of the top suitors for the crazy Cuban.

I'll take Verlander and whomever over Sabathia and Pineda all day every day.

You actually are a terrible fan...as shown by the fact that you thought about watching Thursday night sitcoms instead of the Yankees play a Game 5 playoff game.

Tigers will knock the Yankees out of the playoffs.....AGAIN.

--Drew

GMoney said...

The Madson deal was extremely saavy since your old closer was looking more and more like Poopson everyday and that's not good. Although his splits while pitching in Cincy are pretty shitty, I think it was a good deal.

Oh, Tigers fans, how we hate thee. Who wants to bet that that Cespedes guy is a big flop???

Yeah, I'm probably not the best fan around, but I am still elite. As I get older, I tend to be more fair weather as my time will not be wasted on a loser. That being said, I have been to three Blue Jackets games already this year (2-1!) so that previous point was worthless about being a bandwagon asshole.

The Tigers need to make the playoffs again first. When was the last time that they went back-to-back in the postseason. I can wait.

The Iceman said...

I can see Brady's baseball erection from outer space...

Anonymous said...

I for one don't care if Cespedes is a flop. Have you seen the video that his camp released of him? It's truly amazing. He will be the most interesting man in baseball as soon as he signs with a team. I'm also willing to bet that he's been using steroids for years and I still don't care! Give me the most interesting man in baseball!

--Drew

Anonymous said...

The Yankee arrogance is kind of humorous after the tigers pwned them in the playoffs once again. When is the last time the Yankees beat the tigers in a playoff series? I can't remember either.

Drew- I don't see how spictor is easily replaceable. The only options that I've seen that come close to victor's offense are signing prince to a 1 year deal (not happening) and signing the crazy Cuban. We could then put the Cuban in left and dh delmon. Either one works for me.. But not likely.

The tigers are still the class of the AL Central. I know that's not saying much because all the other teams are a joke (Indians), but that's still a free ticket to the playoffs. Victor could be back for the playoffs as well.

Dut

GMoney said...

Why would I watch a fluff video of some Cuban asshole playing baseball? And whoever signs him isn't just going to stuff him in the starting lineup come Opening Day. He's going to have to spend some time in the minors just to get acclimated to Amuuuuurrrrrica. Idiot.

The Twins are elite with Zumaya. FACT?

You losers have to admit that the Yanks got a ton more dangerous on Friday night. I still can't get over the fact that Seattle dumped a 23 year old that throws in the high 90's. I don't care how much "depth" that you think you have, you don't trade guys like that.

The Iceman said...

I can't wait until MuDawg shows up and makes some outrageous claim about how the Braves are gonna finish this year. My guess is he's shooting for the clean sweep of retarded sports predictions within the state of Georgia. Let's keep track:

University of Georgia - X
Atlanta Falcons - X
Atlanta Hawks - Pending X
Atlanta Braves - Awaiting dumbass answer...

Prime99 said...

I know a Matt Garza for Montero deal was talked about. I wish that would've happened instead of the Yankees trading for Pindejo.

Apparently you are taking quantity over quality. It may work for some wins but I don't see an overwhelming staff for the playoffs.

MuDawgfan said...

Sorry to disappoint ICE. Without any free agency moves, I can't get too excited about the Braves.

I'm hoping for a WC run, but thye'd have to remain injury free.

G$ - who is the "clubhouse leader" for Fielder? Would he sign with some shithouse team like Washington simply to make disgusting amounts of money?

Anonymous said...

Shapiro isn't the GM anymore. Chis Antonetti is the one doing the hibernating.

Drew throwing out faggy stats like WAR only shows how badly the Tigers are going to miss Vic. Miggy will not see a fastball to hit all year. They have nobody to hit behind him. Its going to be fun watching Alex Avila come crashing back to earth this year too.

This injury just made the weakest divison in baseball that much weaker. Masterson and Ubaldo as a 1-2 punch is going to be ELITE.

-Damman

Anonymous said...

I know this is usually saved for after lunch, but I have nothing of value to add to this discussion so I'll jump ahead.

Justified was tits last night. Some quality racism on Raylan's behalf, which I found pretty funny. There should be more jokes just like that.

Ide

Anonymous said...

"faggy stats like WAR"....Damman just shows how stupid typical Indians fans are. His batting average was soooooo good so he must be sweeeet! Fucking sign Carlos Pena to a one year deal and they won't miss much at all.

Idians fans = lowest baseball IQ of any baseball team. Hope you got a refund from those playoff tickets you were all buying last JUNE!

G$....You have no idea what you are missing on the "fluff video" of the Cuban. It is hilarious...far far the best scouting video ever made. At one point there is he says "Thanks for the push Ahman Greene"...yes somehow fucking Ahman Green is involved. It's some of the best 9 minutes of YouTube ever created.

--Drew

GMoney said...

In one hour, Quinn from Dexter was already more interesting as The Ice Pick than he has been in three seasons on Dexter.

I am still nervous about Raylan having a kid even if it's name is Jiffy Pop. Kids = terrible TV. I like a criminal that travels around in an RV. Good stuff! Good first episode.

What happened to Shapiro? Did he die from years of doing nothing?

Dawg, my guess for clubhouse leaders would be Seattle and Washington and neither of those destinations are very desirable. Bad things happen when you have Scott Boras as an agent with no leverage from the Yanks or Sawx.

Apparently you are taking quantity over quality. It may work for some wins but I don't see an overwhelming staff for the playoffs.

Explain this. CC, Pineda, and Nova (and Hughes for what he's worth...I read that they are talking about a Hughes for Billy Butler trade which would be awful) all throw legit mid-90's and the latter two probably aren't going to get worse. You so jelly. Montero for Garza would have been a shit trade.

Anonymous said...

Pineda had a 5.12 ERA and a WHIP that ballooned to 1.2204 in teh second half of last year. Can't wait to see him pitch in that little league park that is Yankee Stadium!

Tressel to interview with Colts per football scoop.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Damman- unlike the shitty Indians organization, the tigers will make a move to replace victor. They aren't going to sit back and pray that pronk has a career season. Which reminds me of this famous quote.... "just wait till PRONK gets back" - Damman last year.

Drew- I think you're underestimating how valuable victor was last season. He came through with countless clutch hits and made teams pay for pitching around the best hitter in the league. Don Kelly and Ryan Raburn may be serviceable backups... But I will puke if I have to see them in the lineup on a regular basis.

Dut

Anonymous said...

Drew, you're right. They won't miss Victor at all. Bill James and Billy Bean say so, right? Vic had 103 RBI's last year and without looking at his OBP and SlG I'm guessing they were pretty good as well. Saying the injury is not a big deal is pretty fucking ignorant if you ask me. I'm sure Brandon Inge will pick up the slack.

-Damman

GMoney said...

I agree with D. They aren't going to be able to find a .330/100+ RBI guy on the waiver wire. This will hurt. Hopefully a lot.

Anonymous said...

Dut is right...the Tigers will do something. G$ loves his basic stats...you are so cute and dumb!

There are plenty of things the Tigers can do...especially when you realize taht almost $ 7M of the money that is due to V-Mart will be paid by insurance. So, there's free money all of a sudden.

They could trade for Abreu since ANA has too many OF. They could sign Oswalt to a one year deal and then deal Scherzer for a bat. They could sign Carlos Pena (worse than V-Mart, but not by nearly as much as you make it out to be). Vlad is still available.

G$...go watch some more re-runs of The Office. This baseball discussion is over your head.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

G$- no one on the Yankees staff besides CC scares me all that much. Sure, Nova and Pindejo could be good, but they are still guys with upside at the moment. Hughes will fold under pressure, Burnett won't last through the season (emotionally) and Kuroda is streaky. That won't help against the Angels, for example. They have a much better staff and Poo-holes.

Brady said...

Fuck me! G$ is a fucking Yankees fan?! You have to be shitting me. How the hell can you look at yourself in the mirror? What a disgrace. I'm so mad right now that I can't address your rambling individual Yankee points so I'm just going to hope that the whole team dies a fiery death before opening day. A couple of quick observations.

-It sucks for Vic Martinez. I love the guy. I HATE the Tigers but I would never wish anything bad for Vic. He was the only player that gave a shit when he was traded from Cleveland. The guy cried at his locker when he found out. Much love to Vic and here's to a speedy recovery.

-Jimenez had a tough year but he has the stuff to be lights out. Same with Carmona (maybe we should just release a bunch of midge's everytime he takes the mound). Add that to Tomlin and Masterson and I am pretty happy with the rotation. Can we hit? Probably not but were going to be in games with that staff.

-Fuck the Yankees

The Iceman said...

I don't know shit about baseball, by choice, and even I know that losing a .330 100 RBI guy is pretty catestrophic. Not only do you lose that production, people can pitch around Cabrerra now. And from what I understand, Carbrerra and Martinez are literally the only two guys on that team that can hit. At least that's what Norm Wamer tells me...

GMoney said...

There is no denying that I'm cute. I usually prefer "gorgeous" though.

I don't follow sabermetrics but I get their importance and significance. Sure, there are options out there, but they aren't going to replicate the "basic stats" of Victor and his effect on what Cabrera sees in front of him.

The Yankees have the best bullpen in baseball and now a borderline elite rotation to boot. I'll take that.

Anonymous said...

"I don't know shit about baseball" + "and i even know" = does not compute. Glad you are on their side though.

So, here's some sweet Indians news....

MLBastian Jordan Bastian
Indians spent $16.11M on 5 players yesterday for 2012 season. Spent $8,038,400 on same 5 players in 2011.

Dude forgot to put the word "shitty" in front of "players" each time.

--Drew

Brady said...

Vic is a devestating loss to that lineup. He is the ultimate "professional hitter". With him out of the way, pitchers can just throw lasers at that fat fuck Cabrera's head. That would be my plan anyway.

The AL Central was up for grabs before this injury but now it is wide open. The only team without a realistic shot is KC but they even have plenty of young talent ready to mature.

See, when you can't just buy your team every year, your organization actually has to evaluate talent and make the right moves. One wrong signing can put your club back 3 years in the real world of Baseball. Those fucking corporations on the east coast can just throw money at the next guy and absorb the loss from the last failed experiment.

The Iceman said...

"I don't know shit about baseball and i even know"

That means you're stupid.

Prime99 said...

The Yankees rotation has potential, but that's quite different than being ELITE or "borderline elite." Do I think the Yankees will go to the Postseason? Yes. Will they win the AL? I don't think so.

A healthy/productive Vlad would be a solid replacement for Victor at DH. I don't know if Vlad's disintegrated knees agree, though. Signing Carlos Pena seems like a good idea as well.

GMoney said...

The White Sox also have no chance.

Victor is not a professional hitter. Ron Coomer and Matt Stairs were professional hitters.

GMoney said...

***TEASER ALERT***

If you've recently been thinking to yourself, "Man, this site has lost it's way. It just isn't the same anymore", first of all, fuck off. And secondly, tomorrow's post is about as vile, sophomoric, and tacky as you can imagine. I'm serious. It is grotesque. You all will love it. It's pretty much my version of an "Aristocrats" joke.

***TEASER OVER***

Anonymous said...

"The AL Central was up for grabs before this injury but now it is wide open"

Don't those two thoughts mean the exact same thing? And no, it's not up for grabs or wide open. The tigers are still the class of the central.

Matt stairs is the most professional hitter of all time. Also, the most country strong hitter of all time is Marcus Thames. I know this, because rod Allen told me so.

Dut

Anonymous said...

Aristocrats, now that's humor. You'd better deliver on this one...

Ide

Anonymous said...

Dut.....don't worry....it's not liek the Tigers didn't win their division by FIFTEEN GAMES last year. HAHAHHAAHHA. Fucking retards think V-Mart is even remotely close to a 15 game swing. The Tigers are still wayyyyyy better than the second best team in teh division.

Just think what these guys would ahve said to Cardinals fans when they lost ADAM FUCKING WAINWRIGHT in spring training last year.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Just think what these guys would ahve said to Cardinals fans when they lost ADAM FUCKING WAINWRIGHT in spring training last year.

Well if Nelly wants to talk, I'll listen.

Anonymous said...

The Tigers were a .500 team last year until August when they got insanely hot. I'm betting they are closer to the team they were from April-July.

-Damman

Anonymous said...

Damman-

Part of the reason the tigers got insanely hot is because they played a shitload of al central teams. It was like men vs boys.

Dut

Anonymous said...

Damman...remember when the Tigers rolled out Brad Penny and then a minor league pitcher for the first 75% of the season in the 5th spot? The Tigers lost almost every single one of those games. Then came DOUG FISTER. A very nice pitcher. Then the division got FUCKED because the Tigers were no longer conceding 20% of the games.

The Sister Fister is back this year....and so will the Tigers butt fucking of the Central (and Yankees).

--Drew