Since I’m not getting anything of substance anymore (and have accepted this fate), I am going to look to the heavens and ask for things to happen in my favor.
2. Miami beats UC on Saturday (will absolutely not happen)
3. The Yankees send the Tigers home. I’m not even asking for a World Series win because that would be greedy. I just want the residents of Food Stamp Nation to be silenced. Preferably forever but I’ll accept an ALDS defeat instead.
I don’t know who the hell I expect is listening to or answering these requests (maybe Santa Claus?), but I would like them to happen anyway. I might even be willing to share a Hanes undershirt with anyone helping out with #3.
Anyway, time for some Division Series predictions. Yes, I have compared each series to an adult film star. If you would like to “bone” up on your knowledge of porno, might I suggest Mr. Ace’s treasure trove of info or my Live Journal of the 2011 AVN Awards. Both posts are safe for work (I think). On second thought, you better not. I could use the site hits though so click away.
Tony LaRussa is an asshole. Just once I want to see what his ears look like. I guarantee that they’re creepy as fuck. This one won’t take long. Phillies in 3.
This could be pretty damn fun as long as neither team plays scared and nervous. Gallardo/Greinke and Kennedy/Hudson is pretty much a wash to me. Damn, I kind of think that the D-Backs are going to advance here, but I sort of picked the Brewers to win the NL. I’ll take Milwaukee in 5 with the home teams winning every game.
I thought that this was going to be a great series last year and it was putrid. Texas is hot as shit right now but so are the Rays. If the Rays were smart, they would start Matt Moore in game 1 instead of Jeff Niemann or Wade Davis. Who knows, by the time this posts, Maddon may have announced this anyway. I will never ever admit that Texas has good starting pitching. Revenge time…Rays in 4
OK. I am of the belief that every time I open my mouth and start talking shit, those same damn words get shoved back in my face. So I’m not going to do it. I'm so serious about this that I'm not even going to take any shots at your game 1 starter! I’ve said a bunch of times before that I was hoping that we would draw Texas. Now that that is not an option, maybe it isn’t such a bad thing. Most teams don’t have success pitching in Yankee Stadium against our lefty-heavy lineup with only RHP. This sort of makes us a bad matchup for Detroit if you think about it. Here are a couple other things that I’m looking for in this series:
1. The Yankees will not let Miguel Cabrera beat them. This I am sure. Someone else is going to have to do it.
2. The world will hopefully be introduced to Jesus Montero in this series. The ball jumps off this 21 year old’s bat just like it does for Cabrera. He’s going to be a good stick in the bigs, I just hope that Girardi plays him in every game.
3. Speaking of which, Joe Girardi will do at least 2 or 3 stupid things. But you already knew that.
4. After the aces, both pitching staffs are totally question marks. Girardi has announced that he is going with a 3 man rotation for this series (GOOD ANSWER, Unfrozen Caveman Manager!). While I don’t know what to expect from Nova, Fister, and Scherzer on such a large stage, I’m pretty confident that Freddy Garcia will give a quality start just based on experience.
5. Game 1 is ridiculously important. Whoever wins tonight, IN MY PERSONAL OPINION, has about a 90-95% chance to win this series
Sorry, but I’m not making a prediction here. I feel better about this series than I did a week ago. I’d say that I’m 55% certain that we advance to the ALCS. Like I said though, whoever loses tonight is fucked.
UPDATE: God-fucking-dammit! Dumbass Girardi has announced that none other than Jorgible Posada will DH this series instead of better options like Montero, Chavez, and Andruw Jones. Nobody hits flamethrowers better than a guy with gray hair apparently. This is so stupid. FIRE GIRARDI! Tigers in 1 is my new prediction.
We better win. The Tigers deserve some payback for how they and their fans embarrassed the game 5 years ago after the Division Series. No one wants to see that shit again. NO ONE! Happy Birfday to me and GO YANKEES!!!