|What do you mean that I can't shove a cigar up your ass?|
1. Pick one event per sport. Saying "every Yankees home game ever" does not count.
2. I avoided ALL football games. I just enjoy football much more from the confines of my own chair and TV. Ready? OK! In no particular order:
*North Carolina @ Duke - This needs no explanation really. It's the best rivalry in college sports and Cameron is the best arena in hoops. Plus, they let you rape black whores there!
*Gold Medal Ice Hockey Game - I would rather see this than a Stanley Cup game honestly. I really really enjoy Olympic hockey.
*NFL Draft - Sure, it would mean that I would have to give up Melvin Kiper, but just once I would love to be in NYC booing whoever the Jets pick in person.
*A Big Boxing Match - I picked this over an MMA event because I find MMA to be white trash and ghey. Boxing needs to make a comeback. Pacquiao and Mayweather need to get their shit together to make boxing relevant again. If not, I'm sure that Stallone has another Rocky script ready to roll.
*AVP Tournament - Chicks only. I'm a sucker for volleyball players with sandy asses. I don't know how long these things last, but I guarantee that I would have a boner the entire time.
*Kentucky Derby - Self-explanatory.
*Wrestlemania - I went to the 2002 King of the Ring PPV in the 'bus which featured Undertaker vs. HHH, Kurt Angle vs. Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair vs. Eddie Guerrero (in which Chris Benoit interfered!), and Brock Lesnar won the crown. Yet it was kind of boring surprisingly. The Super Bowl of Wrestling hardly ever disappoints.
*A Game at Dodger Stadium - I've been to most of the baseball stadiums that I've ever wanted to go to and this place always seemed like a cool park. Bonus points if they play the Giants so I can see who would win a blood war between Mexicans and Homos.
*Daytona 500 - Ah yes, the Wrestlemania of Racin' (which has a much better ring to it than the Super Bowl of Racin'). One of these years, I'm going to attend a race just to see what all the fuss is about. It always seemed dirty and boring to me but that's probably why I need to experience it myself. If anyone wants to give me a free ticket, I'm listening.
*World Series of Poker (final table) - Watching people play cards is boring as shit but it has different meaning if they are playing for 7-10 million dollars. Plus, I'd be in Las Vegas and that would be better than Ohio.
*The British Open - Most people would pick The Masters but not me. Augusta seems snooty to me. I'm not saying that the British aren't, but the birthplace of golf is more appealing in my opinion. More bonus points if the tourney is at St. Andrews.
*The AVN Awards - Oh come on, who wouldn't want to go to this? Don't you want to be in the room when the award for Best Anal Scene is given out? Eventhough you know that Sasha Grey is winning that, you want to believe that Teagen Presley can pull the upset literally out of her ass.
I think that that about covers it. I didn't pick tennis because I don't want to watch that. And to remind you again since most of you have likely already forgotten, I prefer my football watching from the homestead. Thoughts?