Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Yancy Gates Splits Wigs (And Other Thoughts)

A truly ELITE Wig Splitter.
I think that it’s more evident than ever that the college basketball regular season is largely pointless. That really sucks because I used to be such a huge fan of the sport. I remember a November game between Sparty and Gonzaga that went 3 overtimes and was sick but you know what, it didn’t mean anything because both teams made the tournament. Unless you care about conference titles or are in a one-bid league (or root for a Charlie Coles-coached team in which your season is over after 5 games because he is a terrible coach that stifles his talent and plays mind games with his players for no apparent goddamn reason yet won’t fucking retire GOD DAMMIT), everything outside of March is a waste of time. And that blows. I need to feel a sense of urgency, a sense of importance and we do not get that from college basketball. But this past weekend, the sport was wildly entertaining even if it may or may not mean much. For example:

The Crosstown Sucker Punch – There are so many things to say regarding this fucking disaster. First of all, I am desensitized to violence so the scene itself was not “shocking” or “disgusting” to me. If anything, it was just a bunch of guys proving racial stereotypes to be true. For the sake of this blog and Ide’s well-being, there’s nothing wrong with that! It’s just a bunch of black dudes with no self-control! So let’s break it down into some bullet-points
*Kenny Frease is a goddamn gargoyle rat bastard with a drinking problem (fact). People (like me) have wanted to knock that big fuck out for awhile now.
*Tu Holloway started it all because he talks too fucking much and must believe that there are never any consequences to his own actions.
*Yancy Gates is a fucking idiot. This isn’t Rosa Parks Park or wherever he plays pick-up games. It’s all televised. You just can’t throw random haymakers because some guy is laughing at your loss and get away with it.
*I think that Mick “Willow” Cronin is a shitty head coach but he was awesome in his postgame press conference screaming about how embarrassed he was and that playing college basketball is a privilege and whatnot. He handled it perfectly.
*Unfortunately, his punishments didn’t match his outrage. Gates and Mbodj (and someone else) only got 6 games and only one of those is during conference play. That doesn’t add up to me. I don’t know if I would have kicked Gates off the team, but I’m sitting his ass at least 10 games. I can handle the brawl, but Middle America (not sure about Middle Earth) probably can’t and likely wanted more than this slap on the wrist.
*Speaking of press conferences, WHY THE FUCK DID XAVIER LET TU AND MARK LYONS TALK? This was a worse idea than Gates cold-cocking a big white asshole. “Come here, guys, you just started (and they did) a massive and ugly brawl against your arch rival that led to the game ending early. How about you go out there and talk to the media.”—This is pretty much what X’s SID did. That guy should be fired and guillotined.
*Gangstas, eh? Tu Holloway should get 10 games for being a fucktard. At least he isn’t a thug though! JUST GANGSTA!
*Fortunately or unfortunately depending on your enjoyment level, X and UC will likely shelf this series for the next few years (at least). It’s probably for the best. UC is terrible.
*I’m sort of disappointed that we didn’t hear about a few Xavier guys driving back to Clifton that night “looking” for Gates in a kamikaze-like attempt to even the score. Then it could have been like that scene in A Bronx Tale where everyone gets Molotov cocktailed. Maybe then Miami would have a chance to beat those two schools. Doubtful. That about covers my thoughts on that.
*Oh! Speaking of “Sucker Punch”, for a movie with no nudity at all, that was about the most boner-ific film I’ve seen in a long time. The DSL’s on the main character chick are firmly entrenched in the ol’ spank bank. Totes recommend it.

Ohio State got Rocked, Chalked, and Jayhawked – Since I don’t actively hate Buckeye hoops, I have no real reason to sit and gloat about a road loss to a good team without their superstar player. It meant nothing. If anything, it probably helped. Getting a bad taste in your mouth and competing less than full strength are good things. I actually like that Evan Ravenel kid. There are only two black guys in the world named Evan and Thad Matta got them both to play for him. Evan is such a stupid fucking name. Bob Knight is fucking terrible at commentating. I am certain that he was asleep for 80% of the game.

Indiana Basketball is back? – I realized something on Saturday evening, it’s not a bad thing when Indiana is good at hoops. And they appear to be back after that thrilling win over Seal’s Wildcats. That was a great game. I don’t care much for Tom Crean (he looks like a guy that would delight in farting in your face), but he’s done a pretty sick job in Bloomington; resurrecting that program from the depths of Bolivian that Kelvin Sampson took it to. I’m looking forward to the first Zeller/Sullinger matchup. Oh, and while Indiana is arguably a top ten hoops program historically, that was one of the finest and most deserving floor stormings that you will ever see. Well done, Hoosiers.

Charlie Weis standing ovation? – Easily the most humorous portion of the anOSU/KU game was this blob getting a standing O from the crowd. He can’t even stand up without using a goddamn cane! What a terrible hire. This guy has been a disaster everywhere he’s been outside of New England. I can’t wait for him to fail again.

In conclusion, it’s nice to see that THUGBALL has made its triumphant return to UC Basketball. It has been awhile since they were rightfully portrayed as the villains. Somewhere in Hell (or Morgantown…same thing), Bob Huggins must be smiling like an asshole.

37 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have to agree - Bob Knight is a fucking terrible commentator.

Seal

Anonymous said...

Hmmmmmmm......

*I thoroughly enjoy the college basketball regular season. I do like conference titles though and I like to watch teh big games in the other conferences.

*Gates definitely should have gotten 10 games. If he hit a normal person in the head...not some big retard...it probably would knocked them out. That's a terribly weak punishment.

*Humongous face-palm for those comments by Tu and Lyons. I think my favorite part was "we zipped them up".

*Disappointing loss for the Buckeyes, but you're right that it could be a blessing in the end. Our perimeter defense was still terrible though and taht's not due to missing Sullinger.

*How good is that Terrance Robinson on Kansas? Jesus he's jacked up.

*I like Evan Ravenel, even though he isn't very good. I like that he used to weigh 315 lbs and now is like 265 of muscle. I also admire him for turning into Sullinger's best-friend in the world/roommate. He's got a nice job somewhere in the future in his crew.

*The only basketball program that I currently hate more than Indiana Hoosier basketball is Calipari at Kentucky. So, that was interesting for me to watch...I was happy they won I guess.

*I read from someone that was at the Kansas/OSU game. That during a timeout the cheer-leaders were doing a pizza promotion where they handed out pizza boxes to people in the stands. Common promotion...guy cheerleaders frisbee them into the stands...girls run into the stands and give to kids or wahtever. Well, one girl cheerleader thought it'd be fun to give her pizza box to Fat Charlie. Supposedly, it was hilarious as she didn't get why that was so funny.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I agree the suspensions were weak. Legarette Blount got popped for the whole season and some guy ran up to him and got in his face before he got punched. And they read off the next six games on UC's schedule...not exactly murderers row.

-Damman

Anonymous said...

Yeah I would be jealous of Calipari's number 1 recruiting class every year too.

Seal

GMoney said...

I would be jealous of Calipari's constant sanctions and zero Final Four wins, too!

Sorry about the delayed posting this morning, Grumpy. Blogger sometimes treats me like poo.

How can you see Charlie Weis and not start laughing? Dude is such a joke.

Grumpy said...

I know this post says it was scheduled for 4 something in the a.m., but it wasn't here for my customary 7:15 a.m. viewing. Don't let it happen again.

Ever been in a fight? Adrenaline flows for hours. Sending those kids to meet with the media was a horrible mistake.

I hate that the regular season is totally meaningless. You could almost pick the field now.

Gates should have been told to hand in his jersey. Career over. Keep your schollie and finish school, but never play again. He threw multiple punches. Luckily only one landed.

I'm just going to say it: Drew is the most intelligent commenter on here; I can't understand why he hangs with the rest of you fucktards.

GMoney said...

Answer this:

You are Jared Sullinger. You were not sliding past the 4th pick last year (I will not believe that the Cavs would have taken TT over Jared). With your back issues, you probably aren't a top ten pick this coming draft anymore. Do you have any regrets about staying?

Anonymous said...

Youre a fucking idiot if you think back spasms are going to put Sullinger out of the top 10.

Seal

GMoney said...

Well he's not definitely not going in the top 5! And I thought I heard it was more than just spasms...something disk-related. Drew? Damman? Anyone but Dut?

Anonymous said...

Uhhh....yeah...strong one point to Seal. Fucking back spasms are gonna keep him from the top ten? Evan Turner FRACTURED HIS BACK and was the # 2 pick.

Grumpy....tell us about your fights.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

He has an irritation of a disk which has caused the back spasms. They say he is likely to play at South Carolina this Saturday. We can win every game without him until 12/31 @Indiana, so he's got time to rest.

--Drew

GMoney said...

All I know is that back spasms destroyed Larry Bird's career so they can for somebody inferior and less-white, too.

Time to put on my Iceman Hat which is just a big scrotum:

Since Kyrie Irving will certainly be a bust in the pros due to William Avery and Bobby Hurley and other crappy Duke point guards, using the transitive property for making no sense, I can deduce that Sullinger will slide in the draft due to going to the same school as Oden, KoKo, and Byron James DirkGarnettAmareMullens. FACT!!!

Anonymous said...

"Ever been in a fight? Adrenaline flows for hours."

I think grumpy thinks "fight" is short for "fleshlight"


College basketball is meaningless until the tournament and conference titles. Osu had an amazing season last year, but will be remembered for not making it out of the sweet 16. Wake me up in march.

Daily osu recruiting update: brionte Dunn (5 star rb) has gone from a soft verbal to a 100% commitment for osu. Suck a dick, hoke.

My friend was at the x-uc game Saturday and said the players and fans started getting into it. That would have been tremendous if it boiled into the stands.

Dut

Anonymous said...

The argument that NCAA basketball is meaningless is a bit absurd. You're a rabid NBA fan and half (HALF!) of those teams make the playoffs in an 84 (66) game season. NCAA teams play 30ish games and have a far less chance of making it into the tournament. The carrier classic, B1G/ACC challenge, Maui Shootout, and various huge non con games like UNC/UK or OSU/KU are monster games that are far from meaningless. Ill take a UK/IU game in Decemberthe any day over a Lakers/Heat game in December

Ide

Anonymous said...

IDE- your argument was also absurd. The only non meaningless games are in the lower conferences. If you're in a major conference (which is what you enjoy watching), all you have to do is finish in the top half (HALF!) of your conference. Dumb.

Dut

Anonymous said...

I'm giving two points to Ide.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Unlike Trivia Nights, Dut is right. Two big name schools playing may be entertaining, but it means very little. The only games that actually mean something are when mediocre teams like VaTech and Alabama play because the winner gets bumped up the bubble come March.

UK and UNC play a great game...so what? They are both one or two seeds in March anyway.

Hopefully this Dunn guy is half as good as that Rod Smith you were pimping 6 months ago!!!

I'm a "rabid" Cavs and whoever-is-playing-the-Heat fan, but not the league itself. Stop stereotyping me.

Anonymous said...

Really Dut? Are you including the NIT in that neat factoid? If so, then touche. If not, I remember only 4/11 (36%(36%<50%)) making it from the Big Ten in 2008, when OSU won the NIT.

Ide

Anonymous said...

IDE- we can sit here and discuss anomalies all day long. In 2011, 7 big 10 teams (63.6%>50%). Now shut the fuck up!!!!

Dut

GMoney said...

Ide, I still am not really getting your argument using percentages of tardery to prove some sort of dumbass point.

Probably around 70-75% of the D1 teams (mid and low majors) only have one shot at making the tournament...winning their conference tournament. Which means that their entire season boils down to four games in one week. Everything else is sort of pointless. I'm not saying that it's boring, it just doesn't carry much importance.

The only teams that can say that every game matters are those that are historically constant bubble teams (like the Hokies and probably 15 others at most).

Anonymous said...

So let's just suffice it to say it has everything to do with the games to play, making them not meaningless. That's the point. I won't argue that games aren't more meaningful in the smaller divisions, they are. But I would argue that games aren't meaningless for the big teams either.

These small November and December losses can come back and haunt bubble teams and the bigger teams with seeding issues. I would say brackets overall, but OSU got raped last year with UNC and UK.

I know the scope of things are a bit askew as of late since OSU is doing so well, but traditionally, these early games help shape the outcome of the season.

We can argue the merit of these early games all day long, but ask the NIT teams if they wish they'd beat Wofford/Duke/whomever earlier in the season. Those can be the games that do count. It's no where near the same as football, but I wouldn't call them meaningless.

Ide

GMoney said...

Dut, there are 11 teams in the Big Ten...YOU FAIL! Fix yo percentages!

Anonymous said...

Gmoney first of all 12 teams in the Big Ten.

I heard there was a caravan of UC and XU players headed to Wayne to settle this once and for all. Maybe it was Myerholtz, oh wait I mean Hell. The Napoleon police department is all over it.

It would have been fun to watch Sullinger and Robinson go at it for 40 minutes though. But, I think Matta was smart though. Hopefully they can meet sweet 16, elite 8 and watch that.

KU must have a whole closet full of big pants from there previous coach that they did not want to go to waste. You know times are tough so you have to save money somewhere

The OSU vs. IU games should be mildly entertaining. There are rumors that Crean and Matta do not like each other.

Finally, Dut you are an idiot for cheering about recruiting. Even though I follow it, I will never brag about this guy or that guy because nobody has an f-ing clue if they are going to be any good. Outside of a random Jadvean Clowney or random stud reciever it takes 2-3 years to see them play. By, that time recruiting geeks are drooling over new 5-star.

Hoffman

Anonymous said...

Actually Duts percentages were right Gmoney. I am wrong because for b-ball there were only eleven teams.

Hoffman

Anonymous said...

Hoffman....Crean definitely does not like Matta. He's done 2 or 3 terrible drive-by handshakes to him after we've whooped that ass the last couple of years.

--Drew

GMoney said...

I heard there was a caravan of UC and XU players headed to Wayne to settle this once and for all. Maybe it was Myerholtz, oh wait I mean Hell. The Napoleon police department is all over it.

--Possibly the greatest comment ever.

GMoney said...

Crean does the dickhead walk-by handshake because he probably just farted and wants to get to the locker room so he can laugh about it.

Ouch babe, apparently I can't read. I totes botched Dut's percentage comment. I must be focusing too much on my 4 fantasy football teams fighting for glory.

Almost 30 comments and no Iceman?

Brady said...

"If anything, it was just a bunch of guys proving racial stereotypes to be true."

Favorite line I have read all day regarding this situation. Thats why blogs are so much better than ESPN or some bullshit sports news outlet. People can speak their mind and illustrate a point that is obviously true. You know everyone is thinking it. Just say say it! Props G$.

What on earth gave Xavier the idea that letting these hoodrats speak to the media was a good idea? Did you think they were going to bust out some poetry or issue a sincere apology? Somebody should lose their job over that decision. You got just what you deserved in that press conference Xavier. How on earth are these guys able to pass basic college courses to remain eligible? Save your Ohio St. football jokes Ice. Your too predictable.

Anonymous said...

Hoffman- if it's pointless, then why do you follow recruiting?

GMoney said...

Hey anonymous dipshit, he never said it was pointless. Since you are likely too unintelligent to scroll up, here is the quote:

Even though I follow it, I will never brag about this guy or that guy because nobody has an f-ing clue if they are going to be any good. Outside of a random Jadvean Clowney or random stud reciever it takes 2-3 years to see them play. By, that time recruiting geeks are drooling over new 5-star.

Try again, faggot.

Anonymous said...

Hey dipshit (g$), I didnt say that Hoffman actually said pointless. I used the word "pointless" to describe his thoughts on recruiting:

"nobody has an f-ing clue if they're going to be any good"... That's pointless.

If nobody has a clue about these rankings, then WHAT'S THE POINT IN PAYING ATTENTION!?!? It's POINTLESS!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Hey, Anonymous its like you spanking it to gay porn. You might enjoy it but you dont want to go around bragging about your exploits everyday.

Or Damman banging fat chicks. He enjoys it but there is no reason to post it on the internet. Sorry, man.

Hoffman

GMoney said...

Anonymous, let me put on my Drew hat...

YOU SO DUMB. FO. REAL.

Grumpy said...

I'll tell you all about my fighting career in person when I get invited to Trivia Night.

The Iceman said...

I had a work meeting today. It was the worst day of my life. There is way to much to process here in the next five minutes so I'll just say that people who comment Anonymous are pussy faggots who masturbate to pictures of their parents fucking. If you're gonna talk shit to someone, locate your testicles (most likely resting in your mother's purse) and attach your name to your comment like grownups do. Bitch.

Anonymous said...

Hoffman out of nowhere today...And commenting twice!

I was going to say you that your mom and dad are no longer cooler than you are, but the fat chick comment took care of that.

-Damman

GMoney said...

Hoffman has been ELITE today.