Monday, December 12, 2011

The Worst Of Week Fourteen Vol.V

I'm looking for Mike Hunt!
I was watching the Army/Navy game on Saturday because it's my duty as an American and I was reminded of something that has been gnawing at me for the last few years:  Gary Danielson is fucking SHIT as a commentator.  He managed to somehow make me root against both teams.  I don't know if he went to broadcasting school at ESPN or not, but it seems that way as he spends the entire game screaming into the mic.  What an asshole.  And Danielson calls a game like Peter King if his audience is comprised entirely of ten year olds that have never seen a football game before.  I hate Gary Danielson.  An announcing stud like Verne Lundquist deserves better than having to work with that dipshit.

Anyway, on to week 14's crap-a-palooza.  First stop: Heinz Field AKA America's Toilet!

Bruce Arians - The much-maligned and oft-criticized Steelers OC is pretty much rotten.  I'm not even talking about his 4 goalline stuffs either.  STOP RUNNING CHARITY PLAYS FOR HINES WALD.  He's done.  He can't play anymore.  When he does get a catch, he fumbles.  The Steelers have what could be the next Wayne and Harrison with Wallace and Brown, there is no need to waste plays on Smiry Joe.

James Harrison - Killing Colt McCoy was shockingly not illegal...but leading with the crown of the head was.  When will you learn, you big dumbfuck?  I don't think that the NFL should suspend him though.  Speaking of that play...

The Browns Doctors - Good job letting McCoy keep playing!  You do know that it's your job to protect him from himself, right?  Staph infections and now concussions...the Browns treat their players right!  By the way, this football games was a goddamn embarrassment to the NFL.  Shit.

Big Ben haters - You've got to give him credit even if you hate him as a person:  the guy is a fucking warrior.

Pacman Jones - There he is!  There's the man we all know and love committing a huge penalty that led to a late, heart-breaking Bengals loss.

TJ Yates's parents - So nice of their starting QB son getting his folks some seats two rows from the sun.  Was it possible for CBS to show these people any more?

The refs in the Lions/Vikings game - Just going to ignore that obvious facemask on the final play, eh?  Uh, ok.  Joe Webb sick.  Christian Ponder suck.

The agility of Matt Hasselbeck - It's always awesome to see someone get hurt doing nothing.

Dolphins, Chiefs, Bucs, Panthers, and Colts - Doo-doo stains.  Enough said.

The constant wussification of the NFL - I hope that you all saw that bullshit personal foul penalty that Jeff Triplette and crew gave to London Fletcher on precious Tommy Brady.  Brady forgets to slide.  Fletch crushes him cleanly.  Flag thrown for a forearm to the head even though a forearm did not touch Brady in the head.  That is some bullshit.  I was furious when this happened which made me happy that I still cared about the Redskins winning football games.

Trent Williams - According to PFT, The Silverback (currently suspended for 4 games) has failed ELEVEN drug tests this year.  HAIL TO THE REDSKINS!

Game-planning against the Patriots - I don't understand how Rob Gronkowski continues to be so wide open.  He is the only threat in that offense that can beat you beyond 10 yards.  Jim Haslett's defense appeared to not even know who he was.

Pissypants Tom Brady - Awwww, did the pretty boy not like it when his coach called him out for throwing a shitty pass?  Get fucked in the butt, Brady.  You know who throws tantrums on the sideline?  T.O.  I can't wait for New England to lose their first playoff game this year.  I mean, serial, who let's the Redskins score 27 points???

Late game bonanza! - The Raiders look like a bottom-feeding Pac-12 team.  The Packers are still going to run the table.  The Niners lost a classic letdown game that everyone saw coming.  Kevin Kolb The Hut blows.  The Bills are shit.  Now that that is out of the way...

Marion Barber - He lost that game.  Going out of bounds out of sheer stupidity and fumbling when the game was over.  Lance Briggs should kill him on the flight home.  And he might.

TEBOW-FUCKING-MANIA!!! - Holy shit.  This just keeps happening...EVERY WEEK.  Unreal stuff.  I'm buying into it big time.  This is something special that we're seeing.  Yeah, he was butt-herpes in the first three quarters.  Ya know what, doesn't matter.  I am now fully in love with Tim Tebow (if I wasn't already).  I wish that I was a Broncos fan.  Haters still gonna hate, but Tebow is still gonna win.  I still can't believe that that just happened.  UNREAL.

What the fuck, NFL - Why wasn't New England @ Tebow flexed into the Sunday Night game next week?  Ravens/Chargers isn't bad, I guess, but AMERICA DEMANDS PRIMETIME TEBOW, DAMMIT!!!

Raise your hand if you're pumped for tonight's awesome Rams/Seahawks game!  By the way, ESPN paid over a billion dollars to show games this epic.  As always, I'm going to ask you to keep the comments on the NFL today.  I already have a lengthy post planned about Saturday's Crosstown Sucker Punch but I'm waiting for all the suspensions to come down first.  Deuces.


Grumpy said...

The suspensions have come down douchebag. Pay attention.

Colt McCoy was out of the pocket and had become a runner. Not Harrison's fault he decides to pass and then duck his head.

They're trying to get Hines his 1,000th catch. Then it's off to Canton.

GMoney said...

That was just fancy-speak for "we can't talk about it until Wednesday".

Of course, it's never Harrison's fault.

Who cares about #1000? Win fucking games and stop wasting plays.

Grumpy said...

They are winning fucking games. Wild card in Denver. The end of your Tebow boner.

Anonymous said...

First off, a tip of the cap to Grumpy, MUDawg and G$ for their Miami upset hockey victory over OSU on Friday. Unfortunately, MUDawg's call of two wins on the weekend were ruined by OSU correcting their wrongs and taking down Miami on Saturday.

Fuck Tebow. Yesterday was the first and last time that I hopefully have to root for him. He didn't win it...Marior Barber and terrible defensive play-calling by the Bears lost it. bout' them Bears?

Dut...last Monday you said the Lions were done. Well, look at the Lions the playoffs biatch. GET FUCKED. Stompagain Suh is back next week too.

I like James Harrison.

G$....I don't know why the Pats/Broncos game didn't get flexed. But, I remember reading that both CBS and the Patriots were livid about NBC moving it to night. I have no idea why taht would matter, if NBC has a contract that states that they can do that if they want though.

Have we reached the point where Commentator Daniel and G$ can both admit they were terribly wrong about Da Bills? Ryan Fitzpatrick is fucking terrible these days.


Anonymous said... more thing...if Tebow is doing it "EVERY WEEK"...then what happened the week that the Lions curb-stomped that fool?


GMoney said...

That curb-stomping was an abherration. They must have had a bad chapel service that morning or something.

Sadly, my Billz have been a dead baby dumpster for the last month (ironically, it all went to shit after they MURDERED John Beck). Fear not, I will take out my frustrations on Daniel this coming weekend in the DFL semis. You're going to need to do better than 90 points next week, buckfutter.

Congrats to Lange for ELIMINATING Dut from his own league. You may not win the league (again), but you're a winner in my book.

Drew, I got to see none other than CBJ commentator BILL DAVIDGE at the game Friday night. All the stars come out for OSU hockey!!!

Seriously, how fucking awesome will that primetime Steelers/Broncos divisional round game be? Sure, the first 3 quarters will blow, but man, that 4th quarter is going to be tremendous.

You can shit all over Tebow as much as you want, but I'll tell you one thing: I'd rather be a Denver fan right now than a piece of shit Redskins fan. But that's not saying much.

Anonymous said...

Special grats go to my team that was able to score 160 on a fucking bye week.


Prime99 said...

Drew- how about them Bears? I'm sure the Lions would still be fantastic without Stafford and Megatron. Losing the two best offensive players will wreck a team... Well, besides the Texans.

Brady's INT in the end zone cost me money- and the fact that the Pats secondary is AWFUL.

Tim Tebow owes Marion Barber some Murray's hair cream for that game.

Anonymous said...

I'm going to need a huge night from Seattle's D tonight to overcome a 20 pt deficit against Prime. If that turd Manningham doesn't drop that last TD last night, things would've gotten a lot more interesting.

You're right G$, its never James Harrison's fault. Why does everyone always lower their head when they are about to get tackled by him? That guy has some bad luck.


Anonymous said...

Congrats to everyone still alive in the dfl.. It just got a lot easier with the best team getting eliminated. I had nightmares about the packers d and demarco's broke ass ankle last night. What a lucky ass draw by g$ to get to play Daniel to get to the title. Your season is 2002 osu-esque.

Drew- anyone who watches the lions play knows they're done. Playoffs or no playoffs.. They ain't winnin shit this year.

Steeler fans have to be the worst in sports.


The Iceman said...

Not Harrison's fault he decides to pass and then duck his head.

Stop it. Just fucking stop it already. You're not going to get kicked out of Steeler nation for saying what everyone else knows. Harrison is cheap shotting gorilla with the IQ of lead paint. He's a menace, horrible for the game and not and even worse human being. You say that fans of other teams would love him if he were on their team...maybe, maybe not, but try and tell me you would be defending this asshole if he were playing for someone else. It's okay Grumpy. You're allowed to hate assholes even if they're on your favorite team.

Anonymous said...

"Drew- anyone who watches the lions play knows they're done. Playoffs or no playoffs.. They ain't winnin shit this year."

Huh? They easily could make the playoffs and win a wild card round. As a Browns fan you would cut your nut off for that season.


GMoney said...

Any team that plays Dallas is going to win in round 1. Fact.

Jerry Jones and his tard son screaming "CALL A TIMEOUT, JASON" last night was one of the greatest moments of all time. Jason Garrett handles the 2 minute drill like Andy Reid's sons handle sobriety.

Your season is 2002 osu-esque.
--If that's true then I can't wait for Buckeye Nissan to call me up seeking my endorsement!

I still stand behind my statements from yesterday: I can't wait to buttfuck Daniel next week and I will make his wife watch. Yes homo.

D, 20 points from Seattle D tonight is do-able. Night ideal, but it can be done.

Daniel said...

What a horse-shit break for Dut. Are you and Cam Juice splitting up now? I will admit that I am relieved that his team is no longer around.

I really did get lucky this week by drawing Grogan and his all-star line up of Megatron (4 points), BJGE (1.9 points), Willis McGahee (3.6 points), and Heath Miller (-0.9 points). How I won a playoff game with 1 TD for my whole team is beyond me. I'll probably get blown up next week because my QB situation is a complete cluster (Freeman or Fitzy - bad).

Daniel said...

In the Bills defense, they have had three very significant injuries that were going to be hard to overcome. Kyle Williams, STUD DT, and Eric Wood, STUD center, both out for the year between weeks 5 and 8. Hard to compete when you are a young team and you lose the anchors on both lines. Combine that with FJax getting hurt, you get what you see now. I'm hoping they lose out and get a RG3 in the draft! Cut Fitzy, he's an embarrassment to all of us proud bearded men.

Grumpy said...

G$, you do know Davidge coached at Miami. His wife is SUPER hot.

Grumpy said...

Oh, and Dut and Iceman can get fucked. Drew is ELITE.

GMoney said...

I knew that about Davidge AKA John Larroquette. I thought that his wife died from cancer awhile ago? He must have remarried.

Here's a question for you, Grump: Why Charlie Batch and not Dennis Dixon? Batch is putrid and can't make plays but likely more careful with the rock. Dixon is a wild card that I would think gives you a better shot to win. Thoughts?

Brady said...

Only the fucking Browns would put in a dazed and concussed quarterback after their backup zipped a perfect pass to the 5 making it 1st and goal. The game was 4 days ago and I am still livid. Naturally, that 1st and goal from the 5 turned into a 4th and goal from the 16. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried. I want to thank my father once again for making me love this shit team.

James Harrison can die in a fiery crash any time now. Are you listening karma? Staight up fucking cheap shot thug. I will side with the defensive player 95% of the time but I am convinced this guy is out to hurt people. I haven't hated somebody this much in a long time.

Tebow is gay. That is all.

GMoney said...

How freaking sweet is it that...


Prime99 said...

I just read that Hulk Hogan's ex-wife is accusing him of having an affair with Brutus The Barber Beefcake?!? What up with that?

Go Rams? Yes, yes... Go Rams!

Anonymous said...

ESPN took away 2 points from Prime today. The comeback has already started!


GMoney said...

Ed Leslie is suing her though, Prime. NO ONE accuses a shirtless but bow-tie wearing fake barber of being a homo!

I want no part of Brees/Colston/Jimmy G at the Vikings next week. I freely admit this. I would have no chance. Go Seahawks D!!!

Prime99 said...

Looks like an Arian Foster fumble wasn't counted... Fuck!

I will gladly trade those points for the Manningham drop, though.

Grumpy said...

If you're talking about last Thursday, Dixon was inactive. Inactive every week because he sucks. Batch gives them a better chance to win; remember he went 3-1 last season.

GMoney said...

I know that Dixon was inactive but you can't tell me that anyone is worse than Charlie Batch. He can't even throw the ball 15 yards anymore.

Grumpy said...

Dixon hasn't learned the plays in, what, 3-4 years. He is actually #4 behind Ben, Leftwich and Batch. If Batch goes down Hines is next up with Polomalu behind him.