|On the set of an early-90's Color Me Badd video shoot???|
Derek Jeter is in the news this week for his less than chivalrous behavior. Apparently, since he is single again he has resumed the role of “Supermodel Pussy Destroyer”. If this is true, he likes to take them back to his house, use them, abuse them, call them a car, get them the fuck out of his apartment, and leave them with a lovely gift basket filled with autographs and scented fleshlights and God knows what else. I don’t see what the problem is. Bitches get to receive a superstar’s seed AND they get presents!
I think that this is really funny and cool. If I could do it, I would. And that is the topic for today:
What would you leave in a gift basket for your piece of ass after you’ve shown her the door?
Damman – A “YES FAT CHICKS” t-shirt
Prime – Copies of his CD’s, guitar picks, and a plaster mold of his johnson
Naptown Wolverine – a box of Hungry Jack instant mashed potatoes and Just For Men
Seal – A jar of Tony Delk’s sweat and a handful of wetnaps to wipe the shit off their chest
Beanie – Is he still alive?
Drew – He would have his driver kick her in the ribs and then claim that every one of us would want him as their driver…also instructions for cleaning a Cocoa Stroker
Grumpy – Ben Gay, hard candy, and a pamphlet on osteoporosis
Ide – Pig’s feet, grape soda, and a Best of the Source Awards DVD
Mr. Ace – Whatever it is it will be 80% vegan and probably a baggy of his dog's shit
Li’l Strut – His brother’s old political yard signs and a 19,000 word thesis on the benefits of recruiting
The Iceman – Brady Hoke sunglasses and a ton of terrible analogies
Lange – Swisher Sweets and a guidebook for excellent fantasy football play
Dut – A note stating, “Sorry, I thought you were a guy” and a couple of mid-80’s Playgirls
Brady – I haven’t figured Brady out yet…he’d probably ask the skank to stay and cuddle
And me, well, I only give out the finest: Pictures of Tim Tebow, miniature American flags, a Hot Rod Williams Starting Lineup figure, and vibrating cock rings.
I feel like this is a topic that we can have fun with. Have at it. What are you putting in your Jeter-esque giftbag? And how could any man dump Minka Kelly? And do you think Jeter is a robot in the sack or does he bring out nipple clamps and speculums? Needless to say, Derek Jeter (even approaching 40) is still one of the coolest guys on the planet.
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