Thursday, December 01, 2011

This One Goes Out To The Ones I Love

No more quoting REM in the title please.
You know how everyone hates ol’ Marmalard Rivers? Do you ever wonder why? Sure, he’s a God-fearing man that preaches abstinence, throws tantrums, and floats passes like a ferry, yet he also has a face that is just begging to be introduced to your knuckles. I have absolutely no opinion good or bad on the San Diego Chargers as a whole, but I do know that I hate Marmalard.

On the other end of the spectrum, there always tends to be a few players that don’t play for your favorite team yet you find yourself rooting for. Fantasy sports help that along and all but I like to think that there is more to it. Like when Aaron Rodgers was finally given the starting job, you wanted him to succeed because FUCK BRETT FAVRE. Drew Brees seems like the nicest guy ever so I like to see him do well. Steve Nash is cool as shit which makes me pull for the Suns. You get the idea. So today’s post is pretty much just me going through my mental rolodex as a sports fan and listing 11 players that I loved despite them not wearing my team’s uniform. Here we go:

*Frank Thomas – I think it helped that I had like 50 of his rookie cards but the dude always seemed like he was twice the size as the next biggest player and could rake.
*Shaq – I loved Orlando Magic Shaq (from Lakers on, eh, whatever). I probably cried when he got swept by Hakeem’s Rockets in the Finals. Stupid Nick Anderson, MAKE YOUR FREE THROWS!
*Barry Bonds – G$ don’t give a fuck. The dude was sick as shit to watch. I remember feeling proud when he hit #70 and broke Hank Aaron’s record. I have no idea why. I just support guys that want to knock out Jeff Kent, I suppose.
*Warren Moon – Who cares if he is a deranged radio interview these days? He was the master of the greatest offense ever: The Run-and-Shoot! I loved playing with the Oilers in Tecmo Super Bowl. They were the freaking best. Goddamn Frank Reich for leading the greatest comeback in football history against my boy, Warren.

*Claude Lemieux – Drew is going to hate me for this one. I started getting into hockey more when the Wings and Avs tried to murder each other every year in the playoffs. I liked Claude because I’m a big fan of instigators.
*Tim Tebow – Duh…I’ve been one of his biggest honks for years.
*Charles Barkley – Out of all the guys in the Bird/Magic and Jordan eras, Sir Charles was always my favorite. He always felt like the underdog which I like to root for. He was not a role model except in the field of trolling for anonymous road head.
*Barry Sanders – I never saw Jim Brown play (only saw him beat up women) but I did see Emmitt Smith play a lot. Barry was far, FAR superior. Sure, Barry could be bottled up for awhile. But when he got free, god damn was he sweet. A part of me wishes that he would have played longer, but at the same time, I’m glad he left when he did to avoid having to watch him play for Arizona like Smiff did.
*Charlie Ward – I was really into those early-to-mid 90’s Florida State teams. Ward was such The Truth.
*Dominique Wilkins – About a year ago, my mom gave me a few boxes of stuff that I had to take or she was throwing it away. I found a bunch of old Starting Lineup figures in there and ‘Nique was one of them. I was pumped. That dude could dunk the shit out of the ball.

*Bo Jackson – Hands down my all-time favorite athlete who never wore my team’s uniform. It’s not even close either. I still remember his leadoff homer in the ASG (followed by a dinger from Wade Boggs!), his catch on the track where it appeared that he was running sideways on the fence, and the fact that he could not be tackled in real life or in video games. You young punks might not remember how nasty this cat was (in two sports) before he busted up his hip. I remember exactly where I was when I heard the news that he got hurt against the Bengals…watching the Harlem Globetrotters at The Grand Canyon! Bo Jackson sick.

Feel free to add your own. I bet the Grumpy talks about Red Grange. This isn’t the most inspired post ever but I think it will pass. Have at it.


Grumpy said...

For me it was Pete Dawkins, the "Lonesome End" for Army. You whippersnappers need to Google him and learn something. Heisman Trophy, Rhodes Scholar, Brigadier General, war hero.

Grumpy said...

I'll call foul on myself before one of you do so. My memory is a little fuzzy; Dawkins wasn't the Lonesome End, he was a halfback.

GMoney said...

I don't think that you had anything to worry about there. And way to live up to my expectations!

Before anyone can add him to the comments, Ken Griffey Jr can get fucked. Between the 1995 ALDS and his shocking heel turn in Little Big League, The Kid can eat shit.

Anonymous said...

This is an interesting topic.

*Claude Lemieux??? -- You can go fuck yourself for that one.

*Mateen Cleaves -- I liked him a lot even though he turned out to be a terrible NBA player. It could just be that I respect him for being the recruit in the roll-over accident that brought down Michigan basketball.

*Greg Maddux -- Always had a lot of respect for him and enjoyed his dominant years.

*Mike Alstott -- Pretty much what Peyton Hillis wishes he was. Loved that brute white Rhino.

*Kevin Durant -- How can you not like Kevin Durant?

*Jason Chimera -- I use the Blue Jackets in Columbus to watch other teams/the Red Wings play hockey in person. I finally found a Blue Jacket that I really liked the way he played....thought he was completely undervalued...then they traded him to the Capitals and how he's an Alternate Captain there. Can I PLEASE be the GM of Columbus?


MuDawgfan said...

I always thought Tony Gwynn was one helluva player. One of the smartest hitters ever and living life comfortably 40 bills heavier than he should have been.

From a coaching standpoint - I always thought Rick Majerus never really got much love. Who fucking wins at Utah? Those teams were pretty good and it looks like his SLU team this year might make the NCAA's too - total turnaround king.

Anonymous said...

100% agree with Barry Sanders, loved the guy.

Rickey Henderson was a badass - had just about every one of his rookie cards.

Seattle Supersonics Ray Allen - who doesnt love Jesus Shuttlesworth?


GMoney said...

Dawg, have you read the SI story about Majerus from a few years ago? It's top notch. Let's just say he doesn't feel it necessary to wear clothes. And I assume he farts a lot.

Speaking of Sparty ballers, I was a HUGE fan of Shawn Respert back in the day. That cat could ball.

Anonymous said...

JR Richard - He could bring it despite wearing those awful Astros uniforms and dealing with a brain that was going to explode.

Nolan Ryan - DOMINANT

Greg LeMond and Lance Armstrong - loved seeing them take it to the frenchies and the rest of the world

Phil Neikro - knuckleballers are cool and he was awesome - he could probably get people out still

Ralph Samson - not really sure why

Anonymous said...

Yeah, Shawn Respert was great. Dude could flat out shoot the rock. I also liked Mo Pete in college.

MUDawg...who wins at Utah? URBAN wins at Utah.


Anonymous said...

Cam newton.


GMoney said...

If I liked cyclists, I would post anonymously, too. HOMO.

And those Astros unis were badass.

Oh, Dut, you poor dumb bastard. When you don't get Cam on any of your teams next year, you will loathe him again.

Anonymous said...

Growing up, I was always a big fan of Kirby Puckett. The non-assaulting women in public bathroom Kirby Puckett that is.


Anonymous said...

Merton Hanks. Funky Chicken Dance.

Anonymous said...

"Steve Nash is cool as shit which makes me pull for the Suns"

And because he's white.

What position is Thomas even playing in that card? No matter what bag it is, he's on the opposite side of it. I remember the image on that card always bothered me.

I always liked Mark Price and as a Pistons fan felt no remorse for cheering for him. Much like today, back then the Cavs posed zero threat to win anything. Might as well cheer for a whitey to get his.

I grew up a Reds fan until I got old enough to realize that baseball is just a socially acceptable way for 80 year old men to sit 9 year old boys on their laps. Outside of Chris Sabo and the Reds, I was a huge Ricky Henderson fan. Still have his rookie card to this day. He's a little bat shit, but he always seemed like a cool dude.

I don't care who you are, after that 86 dunk contest you all loved Spud Webb. He made every 5'6" kid out there think he could dunk.

I also really liked Wayne Chrebet. He made it cool to be from Hofstra before Colston went there and made it cool to get mutilated over the middle of the field. King of the smelling salts, Wayne Chrebet! Guys like Wes Welker exist only because of Wayne Chrebet.

Anonymous said...

MuDawgFan, I always had a "Majerus Rule" when filling out my NCAA bracket. Take whatever team he's coaching to at least the second round of the tourney. Very underrated coach.

Anonymous said...

While he was in college, I was a bit of a Vince Young fan. Even though he beat Ohio State, watching how he was so indefensible and how he would singlehandedly take over games was a sight to see. It helped that he was very complimentary of Ohio State's defense by saying they were the best he faced all year even after he faced USC in the National Championship. I especially rooted for him against USC and I was not disappointed.

-Lil' Strut

Grumpy said...

Charlie Coles completely outcoached Majerus in the Dance. Negates Majerus' whole career. Living in a hotel is cool though.

Prime99 said...

Majerus seems like the real life version of Peter Griffin.

I've always liked Drew Brees for whatever reason.

Going back further, though: Cal Ripken, Jr., Will Clark, nd almost any player with a 1989 Pro Set rookie card (NFL.)

GMoney said...

Great call on Peter Griffin/Majerus. Bad call on liking Ripken. I HATE Ripken. You've been suspended from commenting even though I have no way of doing that.

It's pretty obvious that Iceman is a racist. He's probably burning a cross right now.

I'll see your long-necked Merton Hanks and raise you Ernest Givens' electric slide.

I THINK that The Big Hurt is playing 3B there. Maybe.

Prime99 said...

I'd just appeal that suspension, anyway. Art Shell would re-instate me ASAP.

Craig Ehlo is a bitch.

Anonymous said...

I liked Nick Fariley at Auburn...then loved him when the Lions drafted him. I like my DL to be I'm pretty happy with Stompagain Suh, Fairly and Avril.


GMoney said...

I am currently working on another food-related open forum post for tomorrow. We haven't done of those in awhile. Prepare yourselves.

Anonymous said...

"Craig Ehlo is a bitch."

I don't know why this made me LOL so much, but it did.

I just have mad respect for white athletes, G$. Just because I have a burning cross in my yard does NOT make me racist...the Confederate flag on my garage does.

GMoney said...

Craig Ehlo is why I never could fully embrace that show-boating nobody, Michael Jordan. SHOW SOME RESPECT!

You know what's funny, other than Nash (and Wally), I can't respect a white basketball player. In my mind, they all suck and don't belong on the floor. Every time they do something well, it's pure luck. I'm a reverse racist in that aspect. FUCK WHITE GUYS.

Anonymous said...

Is Jason Williams considered white? Questionable at best.

He's German, but still white. I'm a pretty big Dirk fan. And it's impossible to hate Gordon Hayward. He's so God Damn innocent if you stuck him in the middle of Mardi Gras his heart would explode like a water balloon.

Anonymous said...

If you guys are discussing white basketball players, how can you not talk about Kevin Love? He set all sorts of PPG/RPG records last year...and he's as white as they come. He's the second best white player in the world behind Dirk.

I tend to show very well in the open food threads...I excite.


GMoney said...

RichRod is the greatest:

When he got to (daughter) Raquel, he issued a warning. “She’s only 15,” Rodriguez said. “I had to tell my guys at the other school not to Facebook her.”

“One thing I assure you. There will not be anybody in this program that I think is a turd,” Rodriguez said. “You know what a turd is? A turd is a bad guy. If you’re a good guy and you work hard, I can put up with a lot of stuff. But if you’re a turd…”

Anonymous said...

Ape's a turd.


Brady said...

Thunder Dan Majerle... and I fucking hate the NBA. Dude was lights out from beyond the arc and he was the whitest dude this side of Powder.

Mr. Ace said...

David Boston...

Anonymous said...

Thunder Dan was money from 50.

David Boston sucks cock for steroids.

Mr. Ace said...

And beats the shit out of women and gives them 10 stitches. I was kidding about Boston.

Mine was always Barry Sanders.

I used to pull for Sosa, but then he turned white.

GMoney said...

David Boston roofies himself. Is that considered a PED???