Friday, December 23, 2011

Jolly Old St. Prick Lacks Creativity This Year

It's better late than never I suppose but it's time for this site to give out gifts to its faithful commenters once again. Notice that I said commenters. Three years ago, we were blessed by the presence of "Santa Blogs".  The last two years though, he couldn't make it so he sent his evil twin, St. Prick, instead. He was not as gracious.  One of the best things that St. Prick ever gave away was the time machine to Dut last year:
"you use that time machine to go back to when you were a baby and then give yourself SIDS"

And since you are all terrible still, St. Prick is back with more "gifts".  Although, I have to say, things have changed this holiday season.  Prick Diggity was out too late watching crappy college basketball at a hockey arena last night so instead of getting separate presents, you are all getting the same thing.  Consider it St. Prick's version of the Derek Jeter Gift Basket.  What does each and every one of your gift baskets have in them anyway?

*An envelope filled with diarrhea addressed to Chelsea Handler!
*Matt Barkley's severed head!  What the fuck, asshole?  Way to be selfish boner lover, you boner lover.  I hope you die.  Apparently, RG3 is leaning toward another year at Baylor now, too.  Great, more Sex Cannon interceptions for me!!!
*Terry Bowden (coming to Ohio as the new hilarious coach at Akron for some reason)!
*A DVD of my DFL Champion corronation ceremony featuring a director's commentary where I analyze every point that my player's scored this season!  Go fuck yourself, Anquan Boldin, we don't need you anyway!
*Mental images of Bill Conlin molesting his nieces! Remember this guy from the Dick Schapp era of The Sports Reporters?  He used to love to fingerbang the shit out of his ten year old nieces!
*A lifetime subscription to The WWE Network!  A reality show called "Legends House"?  FUCK YES!
*$50 Gift Card to Mr. Ace's 80% vegan restaurant "Soy Un Pindajo"!
*A one year supply of G$ telling you about the time he shook Ted DiBiase's million dollar hand!
*And, of course, a FLESH LIGHT!

Ummm, yeah, that's going to do it.  That will do it for this week.  In all seriousness though, to quote Jack Donaghy, "Happy Holidays...is what terrorists say.  MERRY CHRISTMAS!"  And if you're still looking for something to get G$, well, I still haven't banged Anne Hathaway yet.  Just sayin'.

23 comments:

DarKScoRpioN said...

USC quarterback Matt Barkley is NOT heading to the NFL and will be staying at USC for his SENIOR YEAR. Read more about Matt Barkey USC decision here.

Grumpy said...

Who the fuck is that guy? Happy Holidays to G$ and all the commenters who make this my first and last stop on the internets each day. Even you, Dut.

GMoney said...

Uh, thanks, Dark Scorpion. Way to drop breaking news on us.

How about that atrocious basketball game last night? For some reason, it was about a million degrees in Nationwide Arena which made a shitty game even shittier. Worst Miami team that I've ever seen...although Julian (with his 20 and 10) was arguably the best player on the floor last night. He owned Sullinger. That was a pleasant surprise. Unfortunately, his teammates are about as bad as the players in Teen Wolf.

I was surprised to see a near sellout though. I was not surprised that 20K fake fans just sit on their hands all game though. It was like being at a Michigan football game.

Another monumental collapse by the CBJ...losing with 8 seconds left. They are the RedHawks of the NHL.

Hey Ide/Reba, do you like it when Boldin has surgery and then I slot Reginald Wayne into the starting lineup in his place? I bet you like it. You should love it. ELITE. Fleshlight comin' home wit me, BRAH!

Grumpy said...

We all know you've been using that fleshlight all along, so you may as well keep it.

Anonymous said...

Julian did jack up his share of awful three pointers. To say that he owned Sully might be a stretch. How many shots did it take him to get 20? Not knowing the box score, it felt like about 30 shots.

-Damman

GMoney said...

Mavunga was 8-14. Pretty goddamn good. The rest of his team was 7 for 32 or an elite 22% from the field.

He has a really ugly jumper, that is for sure. Jules should sue Charlie for putting THAT team around him and wasting him.

Craft put a clown suit on our below average PGs. That was some impressive defense by that apple-cheeked ferry.

Prime99 said...

Is Dark Scorpion involved in the straight to DVD sequels of "The Scorpion King?" I'd like to think that he is.

Merry Christmas, G$! My Christmas present to you is a fantastically awful Bears/Packers game on Christmas night. Josh McCown FTW.

GMoney said...

Thanks Prime. I'm going against Packers D in a fantasy semi this week so it would be nice if the Bears stopped giving up pick sixes (since Bears offense ruined my MSFL team last week). I know it's going to be hard though.

By the way, best and most true quote I've ever heard was on The League finale last night:

"Any asshole can be a father. I WANT TO BE A CHAMPION!"

Anonymous said...

You were surprised that the fans sat on their hands? This wasn't exactly a big game and it was over after osu went up 11-0. Not sure why you'd be surprised. Even football games are quiet when we play shit teams.

I'm disappointed in group presents from santa blogs. Are there different types of Fleshlights though? I want a black ribbed one please.

Dut

Anonymous said...

Sorry that I missed NBA day...yesterday was long as fuck for me.

*Four long interviews for a new job.

*Lunch with girlfriend/exchange presents.

*Drive my sister back home to Michigan in pouring rain.

Never got to visit the site really.

My pick to win it all is da Bulls.

G$...you should feel honored that you got to witness the OSU Laquinton Ross debut.

I love that Matt Barkley stomped on your Redskins heart too.

Going to Windsor tonight for the 11th annual December 23rd Windsor trip. Nothing like going home on Christmas Eve still drunk after a night of tons of drinking, gambling and strippers. That's LIVIN'.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Fake fans. If you sellout the place, it shouldn't sound like a funeral. People were barely clapping on made baskets. Embarrassing. FAKE. FANS.

Prime99 said...

I'm a huge fan of Drew's NBA pick to win it all.

The Iceman said...

Dark Scorpion?! Sounds like a guy who drives an oversized truck with pictures of wolves plastered all over the rear glass.

All I want for Christmas is a mail in post...OH! Here it is!

GMoney said...

Iceman, you just lost your flesh light. I am replacing it with a Felch Light.

The Iceman said...

I would prefer a bukkake light...if they even make those.

Brady said...

I like the random capitalization on the Dark Scorpion's handle. That totally lends credibility to his 12hr old breaking news.

I had no idea Terry Bowden was still coaching but apparently he led some DII school to the playoffs 3 straight years. I'm not sure Akron is a step up from that but whatevs. Welcome back to the show Terry!

Merry Christmas to all you guys here in the comments section. Could I say "happy holidays"? Sure, but that would make me a commi bastard. Seriously what the fuck is the big deal about how you greet/wish someone well around the holidays? Somebody could tell me "happy hanukkah" or "happy kwanza" and I wouldn't bat an eye.

Don't let your hatred of OSU take over G$. It was a regular season game in December against Miami. What do you expect? There isn't a fanbase out there that would get hyped over that. OSU could lose 3 more games and still get a #1 seed. A regular season game against the MAC doesn't really excite the masses.

The Iceman said...

"Don't let your hatred of OSU take over G$. It was a regular season game in December against Miami. What do you expect? There isn't a fanbase out there that would get hyped over that. OSU could lose 3 more games and still get a #1 seed. A regular season game against the MAC doesn't really excite the masses."


Yet another reason we hate Brady. He's not even a basketball fan....

GMoney said...

It still doesn't compute to me how 20K can make a basketball arena sound like a morgue. Even at the start, there was very little reaction to anything. Maybe they all assumed they were at a Blue Jackets game...ZING!

Cowherd was just saying that the Broncos have better players than the Patriots. I don't even know what to say about that. Anyone who is adamant about Eddie Royal being a good receiver should be killed. Yes, he said that more than once.

Brady said...

That's not true Ice. I need something to watch over the winter until pitchers and catchers report. I enjoy college basketball. March Madness is one of the most exciting events on the sporting calendar. I don't hate basketball but it sure helps that OSU is in the top 5. It's just not in the same league as football/baseball.

The Iceman said...

I heard the same thing, G$. It was absolutely hilarious even though he wasn't trying to be funny. He also said that the Broncos have more ELITE players than the Pats. What a fuckin sloth.

I kinda want Luck to be worse than Ryan Leaf now. Cowturd said that Luck has zero bustability.

I also can't wait until The Jimmer starts dropping 30 on bitches every night. Just another thing Cowturd is completely wrong about. How does such a troll who is consistantly wrong about so much continue to be employed by such a high profile network? It's no shock he loves Peter King.

GMoney said...

Who just won 2 tickets to see the Mavs and Cavs play on Saturday 2/4 via WFNY's 12 Days of Christmas?

THIS GUY! That should be an interesting game. I would imagine that Dallas gets a standing ovation. I will be happy to join in on that.

The Iceman said...

A standing ovation...then Dirk caves in your anus for 50.

So now that Barkley is back smelling the boners of the USC male population, who do you desire for the Redskins to ruin in this year's draft?

GMoney said...

I have no idea...my big board is ruined now. The war room is in an upheaval.