Wednesday, December 28, 2011

The Colts Can Not Fool Me

Over the past two months, it has seemed like it was all but certain that Andrew Luck would be taking his pot of whatever-goblins-eat to the City of Fat Humps. Luck is obviously going first overall, we all know this. But now his destination is much cloudier. Actually, it really isn’t. Once the Colts complete the most unlikely three game winning streak ever (because Blaine Gabbert is a pussy wart) and the Rams get murked by the Niners, much like Nelly, you can find Luck in St. Lou-aaaay. And I am going to be the first one to say this because I see all and am most excellent at reading people…

The Colts never wanted Andrew Luck. Never. Don’t believe me? It’s hard to ignore the evidence once it’s all laid out in front of you.

*Why go to Orlovsky before #1 was clinched? Painter is clearly the worst QB in NFL history. Let him roll up the L’s until the first pick is guaranteed and then take him out behind Lucas Oil Stadium and shoot him.
*I am not implying that Dan Orlovsky is good. But he is less bad than Painter. This has nothing to do with my argument but I want to reiterate that Orlovsky blows.
*Peyton Manning’s entirely guaranteed contract (and shaky health) is untradeable. Even for the bad teams like the Browns and Redskins.
*Even if they do convince the Jets/Ravens/Niners to make an offer, they aren’t going to get shit in return since Manning costs 90 million plus. If you think it would be anything more than a first and a third, you are foolish.
*They can’t cut Peyton Manning.
*They can’t afford to keep Manning and Luck around because almost a third of their payroll would be for quarterbacks.
*Do you think it is a coincidence that Joseph Addai’s worthless ass is talking about how Peyton could play today if needed? I don’t. He’s laying the groundwork.
*What happens if Luck pulls an Elway or an Eli and says that he doesn’t want to play in Indy? Boy, that would be some delicious irony, wouldn’t it? I don’t think he would because his dad isn’t a cocksucker like Eli’s…but it would be humorous.  I mean, who wouldn't want to be loved by this fella?

As you can see, the picture I just painted is pretty telling. It makes sense, too. If the Colts can get out of the first slot, they can then draft franchise LT, Matt Kalil, and keep Peyton upright for the next four years. And then they can keep selling 4XL #18 jerseys for the rest of the decade! I think that this is what Jim Irsay and Bill Polian and Jim Tressel have wanted all along. They don’t want to have to be forced to draft Luck and then part ways with their mega-superstar with a laser rocket arm. Changing the QB does not fix any of the HUGE problems in Indy. 75% of that roster is hot garbage. Andrew Luck coming in and Peyton going out isn’t going to make it better. This is sort of typical for life in the Midwest where change is scary and you stick with what makes you comfortable even if it isn’t the best move for the future.

Now let’s correctly assume that the Rams “earn” the first pick. What the fuck do they do? They have to hire a new coach first that is for sure. Do they commit to the frail and comically overpaid Sam “Drew Poopson” Bradford? What the fuck can they get for Bradford? Can they do better than a first and a third (I don’t think so given the money owed and his crippling case of osteoporosis)? But this is where it gets good.

Matt Barkley, we all know, is heading back to LA for one more year of biting boners for no reason that makes any sense considering what we know about EVERY other QB that has made the exact same mistake of staying in school. Rumors are circulating heavily that Landry Jones is wisely staying at Oklahomo and RGIII is going back to Baylor as well. Can anyone fathom why Griffin would go back for another year? He already won the Heisman at a school with no football tradition, what else is there to do? So if those two also head back to college, this draft is literally “Luck or Bust”. And thus the Rams hold all the cards.

Now assuming that STL decides that they would rather build around Bradford and an assload of high picks over Luck and another pick or two, THAT PUTS LUCK ON THE OPEN MARKET! And this draft just got a whole shitload more interesting for this Redskins fan (and should for you Browns fans, too). I don’t know what it would take. I probably wouldn’t offer more than my first round pick in 2012-14 and a 2nd rounder, but the important point here is that if your front office is relatively smart and saavy, some terrible franchise can finally get a QB to build around. Actually, I would rather give up the next two drafts for the Skins over building around Ryan Tannehill.

I said on Monday that I think the Redskins should try to sign Matt Flynn this offseason. Fuck that. My rational mind just figured out how to get The Cookie Monster to DC. Now all we need is for Blaine Gabbert to just be Blaine Gabbert this Sunday…


Prime99 said...

Very excellent points. I know you have said you don't research but that is a strong argument. Luck on the Skins would give a murder boner the likes of which have never been seen.

And yes, I'm up still because I just won $380 playing poker. Makes up for that pesky tie in the MSFL.

Grumpy said...

That's a whole lot of "what ifs", but you make a compelling argument. The problem could be that Peyton can't play again and the Colts know it.

Fuck Purdue and those terrible on-side kicks that somehow worked.

Grumpy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
GMoney said...

Oh I'm well aware that this was a wasted day if the Jags win on Sunday. But they won't because they blow. I just want the Draft to become an even bigger phenomenon and fiasco by having a Luck auction at the top. That would be incredible.

I mean, look how much the Browns got for Julio Jones. Can you imagine the price tag for Fozzy Bear? Can you even begin to picture what Dan Snyder might do? Very intriguing.

Prime is the King Of Reno. Make sure you go to the Bowling Hall of Fame.

Anonymous said...

Fuck Luck.


The Iceman said...

You're high if you think the Colts trade away Andrew Luck. According to all of the draft analysts, Andrew Luck is rated higher in almost every single QB category than Manning was coming into the draft. If you draft Luck, you literally have your franchise QB for the next 15 years. Don't you think the Colts would rather be sure about their QB for the next 15 instead of the next 4? It's a lot easier to build a team when you don't have to rotate QBs every 3 years.

The Colts were also absolute dog shit when Manning was drafted to Indy. They got better players/Manning made them better players over the years and they eventually won a Super Bowl. If Luck is scoring BETTER than Manning ever did in the categories that are supposed to predict how good a player is going to be, you have to roll the dice with Luck and ditch Manning.

GMoney said...

You're high if you think the Colts trade away Andrew Luck.

I don't believe that I ever said that. I did say that I think that they don't want to make that call.

Yes, AS I SAID, getting Luck and saying goodbye to Cut That Meat is the best decision, but no one in that organization wants to be the guy to get rid of Fetushead. NO ONE.

Which is why the Colts are more than happy to draft second. Change can be scary...imagine how terrified the bumpkins in Indiana are about life after Peyton.

The Iceman said...

If they're too pussy to make the right call then they deserve to be blown back to the stone age & compete for second and third rate QBs like the Browns do every year.

Brady said...

Excellent post G$. It's quite the conspiracy theory to think the Colts would win their last 3 games to get OUT of the Luck sweepstakes. I'm sure there are many within the Indy organization that would rather have Luck at this point but nobody wants to be the guy to send Laser Rocket Arm packing.

The whole situation pisses me off to no end. Indy has benefited from the services of one of the greatest QB's ever for the past decade +. Now, they are turrible for 1 year and are staring at the most NFL ready QB to come out of college in a long time. That shit just isn't fair.

The Luck auction would definitely add another component to the draft. I'm sure the Browns would sniff around the situation but I don't think they can pull the trigger. There are WAY to many holes to fill (fucking shocking) and mortgaging the next 2 years to watch Luck get knocked on his ass for the next two seasons would be counterproductive. I really think that Heckert is the real deal at GM. It's just going to take some more time and pulling Ditka- Ricky Williams draft deal isn't the answer.

The Iceman said...

There are WAY to many holes to fill (fucking shocking) and mortgaging the next 2 years to watch Luck get knocked on his ass for the next two seasons would be counterproductive.

Yes, and no. Offensive line really isn't the issue in Cleveland. The glaring issue is they don't have playmakers on offense...starting with QB. And even if they did, McCoy would just check down to the fullback or tight end every play anyway. I don't think Luck gets destroyed in Cleveland and what they would have to give up would be worth if it meant the Browns can FINALLY build around a franchise QB. Especially if he ends up being as good as Manning. That means it wouldn't matter if the Browns had zero playmakers since Manning has made Garcon, Gonzalez, White and that fuckin mormon Collie look like God damn hall of famers.

Prime99 said...

I really should go to the Bowling Hall Of Fame one of these trips.

Because of Bradford and Manning's contracts, Luck is the most tradeable piece. Not sure if either team had the guts to pull the trigger, but I definitely agree that the Colts don't want to be in position to make the choice.

Anonymous said...

Are the Browns the only team with two first rounders this year? If so, I think that would make them the most likely trade candidate. I'd be happy if they gave up the entire draft this year along with a 1st rounder next year assuming Luck is really a 'sure thing.' But holy shit, that's a lot to give up to move up 3 spots!

Prime- Where did you play poker?


Brady said...

"McCoy would just check down to the fullback or tight end every play anyway."

God isn't that the fucking truth right there.

Don't get me wrong Ice, I would LOVE to have Luck under center next year. I just don't want to pay the price that it is going to take. Heckert has done a pretty good job in his first two drafts. I think Little, Haden, Sheard have the chance to be special. Taylor, Skrine and Norwood are in the next tier down but were still decent picks. I just don't want to pull the proverbial rug out from under Tommy boy before he has a chance to fill this roster with NFL calibur players.

Bottom line: If the price is right, obviously we are interested in getting Luck. Who wouldn't be? I just don't want to sit with my thumb up my ass for the first three rounds this year and next to get him.

Prime99 said...

Dut- Peppermill Reno. They have a brand new poker room and I know people here who hook up rooms for free. Its quite a great place/situation.

The Iceman said...

I just don't want to pay the price that it is going to take.

Well, fuck. Everything else Cleveland has tried in the past hasn't worked. Why not try something new for once? What's the worst that could happen? Cleveland trades a shit load of picks they would have wasted on guys like Brian Robieske anyway for a shot at a so called "can't miss" prospect and some guys get fired. Like the fans haven't read that book before.

If you sell the farm for Luck and it doesn't work then Cleveland is right back where they started X number of years ago...which is where the fans expect them to be every 4 years anyway. Shitty and rebuilding. I say do it. There is literally nothing to lose at this point.

The Iceman said...

Cleveland trades a shit load of picks they would have wasted on guys like Brian Robieske anyway for a shot at a so called "can't miss" prospect and some guys get fired

...if it doesn't work out.

Forgot to add that in my blind rage discussing the abortion that is Browns football.

GMoney said...

Dut, that's a pretty good package being three first rounders in the next two years and the rest of this year's draft (if the Falcons go one and done in the playoffs, even better). That would barely be felt in the years to come. Teams should be doing whatever it takes to get Luck. If it doesn't work out, oh well, EVERYONE was wrong then.

But Holmgren doesn't strike me as the guy with the stones to pull this off.

Crazy Dan Snyder though...hells yes. That Ross dipshit that runs the Dolphins? Same thing...nuts.

If the Rams put the first pick on the market, my prediction would be either Miami or Washington.

The Iceman said...

Teams should be doing whatever it takes to get Luck. If it doesn't work out, oh well, EVERYONE was wrong then.

This could be the smartest thing you've ever written.

Anonymous said...

Im late on my picks but here it is :

Nasty Nati (Go Votto!)
South Carolina
Okie State

For what its worth I would have picked WMU and NC State.

Sorry the picks were late. Maybe I am a dickhead.


GMoney said...

Must be too busy checking the mail for your MSFL money...

Anonymous said...

There is no maybe about it, Lange.. You ARE a dickhead.


Brady said...

True, our picks have been fucking pathetic over the last decade but those guys weren't selected by Heckert/Holmgren. I have faith that this front office FINALLY knows what they are doing. Luck would be awesome but I just can't fathom giving up the farm to get him. I would much rather take RGIII (if available) then go out and get another WR or LB with that next 1st round pick.

Where did you see RGIII was considering a return to the college ranks G$? I can't find aything on it.

GMoney said...

Around the same time Barkley said he was staying like a faggot, I think maybe some Redskins blog mentioned a tweet from an si guy in the know or something that said he was leaning toward another worthless year at Baylor.

Abouzarwcoj said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.