|Angelina Valentine is good at what she does. Familiarize yourself with her.|
Tebowmania is starting to get kind of annoying…even to me. I’m not mad at the kid though since it isn’t his fault. It isn’t going to make me ever root against him (because I won’t). But it would be nice if ESPN and—who am I kidding, it’s just ESPN—would take a little break on telling me every little detail of his existence that I already knew anyway. And to those of you who hate the guy, let me ask you this: How awesome is it that Trent Dilfer and Merrill Hoge were wrong? It’s very awesome. I want them (especially Hoge) to continue to be wrong because he is an asshole. And I’d rather keep being beaten over the head with Churchy McGee than find out more details about child molestation. I guess I’m just old fashioned.
That being said, I kind of like Denver to pull the upset on Sunday. If Bill Belichick is this awesome coach then why the fuck is he playing a college QB converted to punt returner converted to wide receiver converted to defense now in the secondary? You can’t tell me that there are ZERO people on the planet that play better nickel corner than Julian Edelman (who apparently thinks he’s good enough to talk shit on the field…he is definitely not). At least he spent two second round picks on terrible RBs and has Ryan Mallet for no reason at all. Belichick sucks. Prediction: Tebow throws for 300 yards and scores three touchdowns in a 27-24 Denver victory.
Speaking of child rapists, how about that new lawyer on the Sandusky defense team? Implying that ol' Jerry was teaching those boys how to properly take a shower is LOLZ. I used to think that Roger Clemens had the worst lawyer ever, but Team Sandusky is ELITE at being putrid.
I like how the Browns are throwing their medical staff under the bus with this whole Colt McCoy concussion fiasco. Apparently, they didn’t see the play because they were tending to other injured players. OK, well when the quarterback comes off the field reciting the alphabet in Martian, a chimp could figure out that he might have something wrong upstairs. I say it every week and I’ll say it again: The Browns are terrible. Damman was telling me that a month or so ago, after another great Browns loss, some guy called into STO or sports talk or whatever 100% convinced that Pat Shurmur was retarded. Best phone call ever?
Did you know that Marshawn fucking Lynch has scored a touchdown in NINE straight games? That sounds like a lie since Lynch blows but I assure you that it is not.
Chris Paul was finally traded. Everyone seems to want to kill Dan Gilbert for his letter to Stern vetoing the CP3 to Lakers deal (like Simmons) yet Mark Cuban voted against it, too. Nobody is saying shit about Cubes giving a big FUCK YOU to the Lakers. I guess what I’m trying to say here is that I want my owner to shut the fuck up.
Anyone else watch the pilot episode for Luck last Sunday on HBO? I thought it was great. Richard Kind sucks like he does in everything but the rest of the cast seemed solid including the crotchety Nick Nolte (still the best mug shot ever). And any time that I can watch a woman stick her arm up a horse’s ass, I’m watching that shit.
The only thing that my wife wants for Christmas is an upgrade on a kitchen appliance that is currently the most frustrating piece of machinery that I’ve ever been forced to use. I tell her that I will get whatever she picks out. But she won’t pick out anything and leaves the final decision up to me. Why? Because she wants to be surprised on Christmas! I am GUARANTEED to fuck this up and get the wrong one. Why does she continue to play mind games with me? JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT DAMMIT! Never get married.
A new business took over half of the first floor offices in my building this week and I swear that they only hire hot chicks. I haven’t even remotely seen one uggo come out of their doors yet. That’s my kind of company.
Urban Meyer is starting to build his DREAM TEAM staff. He has Tom (and Doug) Herman coming from Iowa State to run the offense and Luke Fickell is apparently NOT the DC yet but will be calling plays (I don’t understand what this means). As an Ohio State hater, I’m more than happy to see the Cyclones offense combined with the 2011 terrible anOSU defense. 7 straight BCS titles are all but a formality now!!! For the record, I don’t know if these are good or bad hires, but they don’t feel like DREAM TEAM hires.
Who watched the 24/7 Rangers/Flyers Road to the Winter Classic on Wednesday? This series continues to be fucking awesome. Ilya Bryzgalov might be the most insane athlete ever. I want to no more about his thoughts on the universe.
Those are enough talking points for the day, I believe. Before we exit for the weekend, I would like you all to wish my fantasy football teams (Franklin and Bash Bros, The Million Dollar Men, and Caylee Anthony Makeout Party) the best of luck. We don’t need it, but you should want to be a part of a winning team for once in your life.