Thursday, December 29, 2011

Angry Rant Thursday

If you don’t recall, all of my critics and detractors applauded my wise and well-spoken post about the Colts yesterday. It was a wonderful change of pace. Don’t get used to excellent think-pieces though. Those posts are few and far between. I don’t have the time or the energy to worry about pointless shit like “consistency”. So today, instead of debating the merits of sabermetrics in Australian rules football, you get a post filled to the brim with hate. The brim of what, you ask? Go fuck yourself.

So yesterday I’m at the Sprint store getting a new phone. I’m not picky. I walk right in, see the phone I want, some sales cock comes over and asks if I have questions, and I’m all like “No, ring that bitch up…I got shit to do”. It was the easiest sale of all time. While iPhones tend to be all the rage these days, I am a simple man. I’m a Blackberry guy. I know how to use that and it offers the few things that I actually need from a phone. I don’t need an iPhone and I don’t want one. If you have one, that’s great because no one cares.

Anyway, so the salesman is ringing me up and tells me that the phone is $350 with in store savings of $250. I don’t get this. This sort of thing serves no purpose. Why not just say it’s $100 then? Or just go absurd and say that this phone costs $10K but I’m getting it for $100. Make me feel like a big shot. Now I understand why they do rebates (because some morons will forget to send it in) but it still pisses me off. Rebates are unnecessary homework. The cell phone industry is a piece of shit. And this mini-angry rant has started a firestorm or angry rants that will comprise the rest of this post.

*How the fuck has Scott Arniel not been fired yet? Granted, every player on the Jackets is having their worst seasons ever, but the record is 9-23-5 which I believe is the worst in the sport. Six coaches have already been fired but for some reason the worst one has not. In fact, he keeps getting votes of confidence from the GM! The CBJ fucking piss me off so much. They can’t score. They can’t defend. Rick Nash doesn’t even try or care anymore. Bunch of faggots is what they are.

*How annoying are those people on your Facebook feed that wrote posts about how the understand the meaning of CHRISTmas. With caps on Christ. Fucking lame. Those people are retarded. I actually celebrated christMAAS this year which is an appreciation of former Yankees bust prospect, Kevin Maas. But you don’t see me bragging about it.

*For those that listen to 97.1 The Fan, which commercials are the worst: Half Price Books? Three-C Body Shop? BW3’s Table-gating? Or DeMari Trucks. I vote for DeMari Trucks because they go from the son talking about deals on trucks and it morphs into some sort of weirdo football game where the grandson is trying to get his grandpa to run a belly option. It makes no sense and that whole family has to be inbred. I feel bad for The Torg. Who writes these spots anyway?

*Speaking of crappy radio this week, anyone listening to “The Black Herd”? I never thought that I’d miss Colin, but Mike Hill and Michael Smith seem to think that they are filling in on 106th and Park. Awful radio.

*Yesterday, The Black Herd was debating who the best team in the NBA is…after two games. This went on for 2 full segments. Back to ESPNews for you, Mike Hill. You are terrible.

*What is the point of Tony Siragusa?

*I think that the NFL is the most near perfect sport around, but they need to do something about the rules. They need to bring back the 5 yard facemask and stop making pass interference a spot foul. If the refs aren’t going to let defenders hit QBs AND WRs anymore, then there has to be something given to the defense.

*Brady, you were ripping Bengals fans earlier in the week and I thought of a great comparison: they are just like this year’s Indians fans. No faith that the ownership actually cares about the team and waiting for the other shoe to drop. Goddamn I’m smart!

*I don’t particularly care about the Pro Bowl (even though I have won money betting on the NFC the last three years and still cherish DeAngelo Hall’s MVP from last season), but I’m getting sick and damn tired of London Fletcher getting screwed. Fletcher has 163 tackles (leads the league by a LOT) and hasn’t missed one damn game in 13 years. Patrick Willis missed the last month. Brian Urlacher has 92 tackles this year on a sub-.500 team. Stop fucking over my boy, London! And how the fuck did Philip Rivers and Eli make it?

That’s going to do it for the rants today. Feel free to add your own in the comments if something is grinding your gears. Be sure to tune in tomorrow for the last post of 2011. The topic? Oh, no biggie, just revealing THE MONEY SHOT MAN OF THE YEAR.


Grumpy said...

Gurantee you that Mike Brown will announce a ticket price increase for next season the minute this one ends.

Siragusa is totally useless.

James Harrison not voted to the Pro Bowl is a travesty. 8 Patriots?

GMoney said...

I read on Deadspin that the Bengals sold out this week by offering buy one/get ones. Holy shit is that pathetic or what?

DEEEEEETROIT BASKETLOSE!!! I'm glad that The Iceman was sitting courtside last night to watch the Cavs run trains on Lawrence Frank. Other than Antawn Jamison, the Cavs aren't that bad. Just sayin'.

Anonymous said...

I'll hit on your points...

*I don't understand the cell phone rebate gift card scam either. It's annoying as hell.

*Not sure how Scott Arniel hasn't been fired. I read some stat the other day that the PJ's have somethign like 7 regulation wins in their last 58 games. That stat blew my fucking mind.

*I'm not on Facebook, so I don't have to see any of that shit that you speak about. You should consider it.

*The most annoying ad on 97.1 is the "Pick and Pull" ad where they talk about how the one dude always wanted to be the driver of a dump truck. That little cunt and her snobby Dad in the 3-C Body Shop ads piss me off too.

*I don't ever listen to Colin Cowherd or his black replacements.

*The best team in the NBA is the Heat.

*Fuck Siragusa.

*Agree on the facemask not on the pass interference. Megatron gets big first downs because guys yank him down....they need to pay for their sins.

*Very good Bengals/Indians comparison.

*Matt Stafford got snubbed terribly for the Pro Bowl.

*I watched a lot of that Pistons/Cavs game last night. Holy shit are the Pistons terrible. At least we don't have to worry about getting a real high pick in a loaded draft. A core of Brandon Knight, Greg Monroe and Anthony Davis would look real good.


Anonymous said...

Sprint? Might as well bought prepaid. Or do what I do and order online. All discounts are automatically included.

I hear that the top prospect to come along since Crosby or Ovechkin is due up in the draft this year. Let's pad that shit record to get him! Seasons a waste anyways.

My only wish with facebook christ posts are that the jews get more pissed by having to read it as much as you.

Snub of the day is leaving out O'Reillys ads from your list.

10-1 everyday I usually just listen to pandora or some music. 1-3 it depends on the topic. Demetrius is awful.

Bulls or Thunder


Anonymous said...

I'm glad you brought up Siragusa. He just mumbles stupid shit all the time during the broadcast. And why the fuck is he on the sidelines? If you're going to have him on the broadcast, fine. Bring him up to the booth. Also, the throwback from the studio to Kenny, Moose and Goose is not cute anymore.


Daniel said...

My biggest Facebook pet peeve is all the fat white trash bitches I went to high school with posting photos and status update about their equally white trash kids (typically they have 2 to 3 and theyre all named something like Dallas). I don't give a shit if your kid is napping so you can clean the trailer and fry up some fish sticks for lunch.

Anonymous said...

Allow me to expand on that gem, Dan, since you really hit on something. The fat asses that make absurd posts like "just got back from the gyn after a 5 mile run!!" Meanwhile, all their pictures are from the shoulder up (you're almost 30, it tortures me not to publicly laugh at your body image issues), and no matter how many gym posts, new pictures come out where they appear to have gained weight.


Anonymous said...

I'll throw in my Facebook pet peeve...People who take pictures of themselves (mainly women) and then post them in an obvious attempt to fish for compliments. "Oh, Sally you are so pretty.". Give me a fucking break. If you need Facebook validation after your new haircut, you need to get a life.


Daniel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
GMoney said...

Ha! Dallas has to be the trashiest name ever outside of Dustin of course.

Another FB pet peeve, when people (like Ace's sis in law) post dozens of updates regarding some fight they are having with someone you don't know and how things need to change. Be funny/random or GTFO.

Ide, I'm thinking of going with burners so that Lester "Black Strut" Freemon can't track my calls.

The Pistons are goddamn awful. It's funny watching Ben Wallace still try to play basketball. But you're right, the lottery is going to be awesome this summer.

I actually like the O-o-o-O'Reilly's jingle! I want to watch Bob and Jade Juniper die.

GMoney said...

I've heard the same thing about the likely #1 pick in the NHL Draft, that he's a stud. It just means that even with the worst record, the Jackets either won't win the lottery or the kid will demand to be traded. I wouldn't blame him.

The Iceman said...

BW3's tablegateing. There is no second place.

The Black Herd is fucking awful but shockingly better than the real Herd. I've never heard so many mispronounced words before in my life. Lotta "Smiff's" and "stremph's" in there and talks about horrible neon colored suits.

Michael Smiff cracks me up but not in a good way. Normally, he acts white as shit so he can move his way up the Sports Center chain, but feels the need to represent his black roots when doing a horrible radio show with Mike Hill. Make up your mind on what you want to be asshole.

Harrison wasn't voted in because they didn't want a homicide to solve.

It felt good to say inapporpriate things PubeHead Varejao and Tit Gibson from the 2nd row. Any team that starts Ben Gordon is always in the running to be the worst team in the NFL. Brandon Knight is ELITE.

Anonymous said...

Ben Gordon in the NFL? That would be a shit team.

The Iceman said...

Ben Gordon in the NFL? That would be a shit team.

NFL, NBA...both my teams are shit so you can see where my confusion comes from.

Prime99 said...

"Allow me to expand on that gem, Dan, since you really hit on something."

I thought Daniel's point was awesome, and Ide's response was LOL worthy as well.

I'm going to agree with Iceman, Tablegating is the worst ad in the history of radio ads. All of the national spots G$ pointed out are awful, but BW3 takes the title.

That sub .500 Bears team was raping the league with Cutler and Forte. It's not Urlacher's fault that the offense can't score more than 3 points against the Chefs or 10 points against the Tebows.

GMoney said...

Ben Gordon is pretty much Rex Grossman but instead of "fuck it, I'm going deep" it's "fuck it, I'm jacking up treys".

Stremph may be my favorite non-word. But you nailed it on Smiff trying to "urban it up" this week while normally being a blerd.

Anonymous said...

Dan may have just made his best comment ever. I'll also add a FB peeve... people who move to a new city where it's warm and give daily weather updates. 9 times out of 10, the reason that person moved away is because nobody liked them. You're not all of a sudden cool because it's 80 degrees and sunny and you're at the beach and don't miss Ohio weather at all! FUCK YOU!!!

As much as I hate the white trash girls on my FB, sometimes it gets to be so pathetic that it's comical to read. It amazes me that they can be sooo in love with their third baby's daddy and then the next day they HATE him and their life. I got an idea.. just kill yourself! Fantastic.

Sprint has the worst cell phone network of all the carriers. Anyone who also subscribes to them is also the worst.


Brady said...

Holy shit! I don't even know where to start on "Angry Rant Thursday". I will hit a few of them.

Cell phone salesman are the scum of the earth. They rarely add anything of worth to the transaction, sport every phone accessory possible on their person like a douchebag and act way more important than they really are. I don't even bother going into these establishemnts anymore. You can do everything online and get free next-day shipping for any phone that you want. Fuck dealing with these guys.

I love Facebook. It is a great way to stay in touch with old friends. I like to peruse my news feed at least 5 times a day just to see whats going on. That being said, the people who constantly post motivational wall photo posts/speeches drive me fucking insane. The occasional atta' boy or go get em' is cool but does it have to be a vag-fest 24/7? You are way less important and clever than you think you are, motivational poster person. Shut the fuck up with the love rhetoric.
The black herd definitely sucks but
I kind of like Colin Cowherd. He can be obnoxious, stubborn and just plain wrong alot of the time but the guy makes me laugh. I know that's not going to be popular in the comments below but whatevs.

Finally, let's address the Indians/Bengals comparison. The Indians sprinted out to a 30-15 start this year. The team was in first for much of April, May and June but the fans never bought in. The Baseball season is really long and most fans knew the Tribe didn't have the staying power to hang in there for the whole season. A slew of injuries and an offense that was MIA for the 2nd half confirmed everyones suspicions. We suck and nobody came out to watch it.

The Bengals were playing for their playoff lives. Every snap meant something during that last game (same situation this weekend). Mike Brown is a joke of an owner but the team has put itself in a position to reach their ultimate goal. If I were a fan of the Bengals, there is no way I would be able to stay away. That's just mje I guess. When the Indians made the playoffs in 2007 (/shakes fist at sky because I'm still pissed about that ALCS) the Jake was packed every night for a month leading up it. Cincy fans are gay.

Prime99 said...

Pet peeve- athletes who compare themselves to Superman. It's overplayed and you are not invincible, bitches. Stop pretending to rip open your Clark Kent suit. This especially goes to players on terrible teams.

GMoney said...

I don't feel bad about someone besmirching my cell phone service of choice. Sprint has good reception in central Ohio, Naptizzle, and Oxford...that is all that I care about.

You will have my fleshlight selection sometime this weekend. And I expect exact change from the $350 you owe me. If it costs $55.55, you will pay me $294.45.

Anonymous said...

Sprint's data doesn't work worth a fuck in Naptizzle. Reception for talking is fine, but who talks on the phone anymore?

I just cooked up some scrambled eggs in the microwave.. topped with cheese, ham, salt, and pepper. Fantastic!

I can't wait to order that fleshlight. Hopefully it's buy 1 get 1 weekend.

Brady- I'm not sure that most Indians fans knew it was a fluke. I have text message evidence from commenter Damman. I guess everyone should have saw the freight train (Detroit Tigers) coming last year...


Anonymous said... know what's also a great way to keep up with old friends? E-mail and Phones. I don't have Facebook, because I don't want people to keep up with me. I know who I like and who I'd like to stay in contact with...and I easily stay in contact with those people. I don't need to read fat whores updates about their children, look up people that I've forgotten about or read stupid religious/political comments that so many people bitch about reading. Fuck all that noise.

Dut...I heard that train coming loudly.

I didn't know people still used Sprint.


The Iceman said...

A couple things about the Pistons/Cavs game last night...

Suh was at the game and I really enjoyed watching him face palm all the little kids who came up for autographs. Pretty sure one kid landed in the 4th row.

Tom Gores is hilarious. Not in a "has funny stories and entertaining anicdotes to the point where you think he could maybe do stand up comedy as a part time job, but more in a "I'm 46, wear v-neck tshirts, purposely ask for the Ben Stiller in Zoolander haircut, give double hang loose hands every time the camera pans over" kind of way.

I like the future of this team if the owner was shithouse hammered on opening night in a suit with about 50 hot chicks.

Anonymous said...

Could not agree more about the people who post inspirational quotes on fb needing to be hit in the face I never knew I was friends so many philosophers.

Brady, its good to have another Tribe fan on board. I'm sure we can drive these guys nuts during baseball season. Ubaldo for Cy Young in 2012?

You being a fan of Cowherd makes me rethink our alliance though.


Brady said...

Don't get me wrong, Dut, it was fun for the first three months. I tried to talk myself into believing the hype but you just knew that the other shoe was going to drop at some point. You can't start 4 rookies on a daily basis and expect to compete into Aug/Sep. If Kipnis/Chisenhall take the next step, our roation stays healthy and Cabrera proves he is a perenial all-star I have hope for this season.

The Iceman said...

in a suite* Not suit. My typing skills today are definitely NOT elite.

Anonymous said...

More rant post please. Maybe a mini rant daily.

I could listen and laugh at facebook pet peeves all day, because I likely have the longest list of them all.

I'll pile on a bit:

- Pile on to the girls fetchin for comments, the guys are the worst...I've seen gym pics of guys in mirrors pretty much flexin but acting like they are taking a picture of something else at the gym. Pathetic.

- The post where people take/upload a picture when they think they are somewhere sweet, and only write 'Yuppp' or 'No big deal'

- People who end their status update with 'I love my life'. Bull shit....

- People who take pictures of the temperature gauge in their car (piling on to Duts a bit, but some people post this daily just when its a hot week. OMG its been over 100 5 days in a row!).

- People who literally post their entire days schedule every morning

- The facebook therapy guy/girl. Those post where something happens in someones life and they IMMEDIATELY post a status about it on facebook. I don't get why with so many people the first thing they have to do it get on FB and write about it. Its usually a compilation of pathetic complaints. (ie. Michigan beats OSU and you can just hear the tears coming from their face as they complain about how many passes were overthrown by a shitty QB, just seconds after the game is over. As if you need to defend the loss to all of your FB friends before they can text you how big of an f'ing loser you and your team is).

Whew, that felt good.

- J Saul

PS - I apologize if I offended anyone via my peeves.

Brady said...

" know what's also a great way to keep up with old friends? E-mail and Phones. I don't have Facebook, because I don't want people to keep up with me. I know who I like and who I'd like to stay in contact with...and I easily stay in contact with those people. I don't need to read fat whores updates about their children, look up people that I've forgotten about or read stupid religious/political comments that so many people bitch about reading. Fuck all that noise."

If you asked me about facebook 3 years ago, this is the response I would've given verbatim. I don't know what happened to me. I hate talking on the phone and checking my email has become a chore because you have to wade through all the spam. I don't know why I like it now but I do.

Damman, I have an unhealthy relationship with the Tribe so I look forward to many spirited discussions this summer. I'm not sure about a Cy Young for Ubaldo just yet. I would take 15-8 with a 3.oo ERA right now if it was offered. The rotation has a ton of talent if they can just stay healthy (along with the rest of the team)

Anonymous said...

Brady...I've found e-mail to be much more enjoyable withouth the spam. I always had a hotmail address and had everything sent there. It filters out a lot of spam, but I still get some shit there. So, what I did was a few years ago signed up for a gmail address. The only thing I use that for is communicating with friends/people. I don't have shit setn there...bills, groupon shit, etc. all goes to that hotmail account. I get ZERO of anything else to my gmail. It does make email wayyy more enjoyable.


Anonymous said...

I do have a facebook guilty pleasure with status updates. I have two "friends" that have no business being associated with me, but I can't delete them.

Guy one: His name is Billy Deleon, and I played a bunch of sports with him growing up, so when he added me, I kinda felt bad ignoring him, so I accepted. Now he has three kind of posts: The inspirational quotes, the endless YouTube posts (god thats fucking annoying), and his normal posts. Here is one as follows, and hopefully this proves why I still keep him around:

"You no something came to mind about that guy thats been running his mouth and i found out today that he like lttle boys. So let that fucker keep on running your mouth to me now I got a fucking reson to snap your fucking neck now. I dont no why people do that shit for the kids are so inacent and someone wants to do that shit and mess them up for life come one now that shit is fucked up. YOU ARE FUCKING MINE NOW YOU LITTLE FUCKIN BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I forgot to mention, he had/has a learning disability. This is the peak of his grammar and spelling skills. I laugh heartily every time he posts something.

Girl: Some girl that I apparently went to high school with. I never knew her, but I think I recognized her name from a yearbook or something. Id have guessed she would have killed herself. Apparently, after school she turned into quite the heroin whore. Since I get a kick out of other peoples misfortunes and addictions, I laugh hysterically when she posts something about her coke daddy or something followed by an onslaught of coked out whores (all with computers, surprisingly), it's like watching a terrible tv show about the streets. It's glorious. She wallows in self loathing, and deletes almost all her posts, so I don't have any juicy ones to post.

And fuck facebook chain status updates. "I know 99% of you won't repost this terrible story about cancer, but I want to see who my real friends are." I swear to god, if this bullshit wasn't posted by my cousin who's mom died of cancer (my aunt), I'd unleash hell on her.


Brady said...

So I jumped the gun in an effort to post and didn't read all of the facebook complaints until just now. Fan-fucking-tastic Ide and Daniel.

The Iceman said...

I love it when people delete me and think I give a shit. This one bitch deleted me because I guess I pissed her off but I had no clue that she deleted me until a year after it happened.

Facebook is hilarious because you get to watch people slowly erode into madness as small pieces of them die every day.

GMoney said...

(ie. Michigan beats OSU and you can just hear the tears coming from their face as they complain about how many passes were overthrown by a shitty QB, just seconds after the game is over. As if you need to defend the loss to all of your FB friends before they can text you how big of an f'ing loser you and your team is).

SLOW FUCKING CLAP. Facebook tough guys (like Damman!) are just as pathetic as the rest. JSaul, if I would have known that you were bringing the thunder today, I would have given you a handy at Rick's last week. No homo.

Drew, I'm not trying to sell you on Facebook even though most of us here would love to have you on board, and I get your arguments about people you give no fucks about, but let me pile on Ide's stories.

There is this dumb Mexican that I went to high school with who used to throw his beef burrito in Dut's siter (FACT!). We'll call him Q-Tip. I don't know if I ever talked to him but we managed to become FB friends at some point. About a year ago, he posted the single greatest status update that I've ever seen...


That sentence will forever justify my FB existence.

The Iceman said...

/adding Q-tip as a Facebook friend.

Anonymous said...

Haha, I wasn't actually picturing Damman when I wrote that, but as you can imagine going to OSU means that probably 40-50% of my FB friends are OSU homers, so there was plenty of it.

Can't beat a good night at club Ricks...

My posting absence has largely been due to a new project...but I still catch you on the shitter! In truth, your blogs are the perfect toilet humor, figuratively and literally.

- JSaul

What is a Load Board said...

This fact was something of which Scott Arniel was unaware, which proved to be embarrassing in the postgame news conference.