|Borderline acceptable but I'll allow it.|
And please, bitch, don't you fucking dare tell the world that you were trying to brace your fall or some shit. NO ONE is buying that. We're you falling down while you kept trying to imbued a Packer's face into the turf multiple times? Or when you were attempting to perform an appendectomy on that same guy with your shoes (a bold strategy indeed)? Look, you're a smart guy. You sound really intelligent in all of your interviews. But the reality is that Ndamukong Suh is a cheap-shotting twat. Period. I'm getting sick and fucking tired of hearing announcers talk about how the Lions are trying to show the world that they won't be bullied anymore or some other braindead horse manure. No, they just aren't a smart team. They are just a bunch of faux-bullies that don't know how to intimidate within the guidelines of the rule book (like say the Steelers and Ravens do). Thursday was supposed to be a coming-out party for the Lions and instead they came across as even more embarrassing than the team that finished 0-16.
Albert Haynesworth got 5 games off for stomping on the neck of Andre Gurode. I hope that Suh gets the same punishment. A guy that is compared to Reggie White shouldn't have to resort to such cunty behavior. And I am absolutely not overreacting to this. On to the rest of the week:
Matthew Stafford - Ironically, I didn't get any stupid text messages from Drew on Thursday. I guess the gloves weren't magical after all. Eat a dick. Although I will admit that I was not aware of his broken finger (shocked that he didn't put himself on IR over that non-injury). So I'll give Bubba a bit of a pass but not those that defend him.
Kevin Smith - That was an awesome 5 quarter comeback before he did what he does best...getting hurt while doing nothing. Speaking of Kevin Smiths, Dogma was a shit movie.
Rob Ryan - We get it, he's some sort of weirdo photogenic disgusting man-blob. But he is a defensive coordinator. STOP SHOWING HIM ON TV.
Dallas? - I swear to Christ that this is a bad team that is skating by on dumb luck. Needing a FG at the gun to beat Matt Moore? Two wins over the Skins by a total of 5 points? I haven't made a wager yet this year but when the Cowboys win the East and host a playoff game on Wild Card weekend, I will be dumping my life savings (42 bucks!) on whoever the Cowboys play.
Harbaugh Bowl - I didn't watch any of this because FagNasty doesn't get the NFL Network. Doesn't look like I missed much unless I'm somehow related to Billy Cundiff (which I am not). Ray Lewis: still gay.
The University of Akron - Prepare yourselves because this is pretty awful. Akron fired head football coach Rob Ianello on Saturday over the phone...while Ianello was driving to this mother's funeral. That is totes weak sauce.
Bengals Fans - Come the fuck on...what's it going to take to get you people into that stadium. I know that Mike Brown and family are greedy fuckers, but that isn't Marvin or Ginger or AJ's fault. Embarrassing to see that many empty seats.
Peyton Hillis - Welcome back, cracker-ass bitch. You're still worthless.
Phil Dawson - You blow. Go eat your boogers.
Michael Turner - I say this all the time but "Burner" might as well change his last name to Molina. He's by far the slowest player in the league. I'd bet that Haynesworth could beat him in a race.
Tampa Bay and Tennessee - Just an awful, awful game.
Commenter Papa Lange - That genius dumped Reggie Wayne in both the DFL and MSFL this past week. Who picked him up in both and watched him be ELITE yesterday...THIS GUY. You suck, Pops!
Steve Smiff and Cam Juice - Where did you go? Oh, you mean I might just have been 100% right when I said that they would taper off? Thought so.
Beanie Wells' Family - I mean, seriously, WHO DRINKS SODA? I wish that someone would call Cowherd out for that, I don't care if he did say it 3+ years ago.
Stevie Johnson's hands but NOT his touchdown dance - So what if he lost yet another game because he dropped a touchdown in the final minute, did you see that celebration!!! I loved it! He'll probably get a hefty fine for mock shooting himself in the leg and that's bullshit. Since when was it wrong to make fun of a guy that shot himself? FINGA GUNZ!!!
Matt Leinart - That was one glorious quarter and a half of his comeback, wasn't it? Jesus, I'm starting to feel bad for the Texans. TJ Yates and Kellen Clemens? You know what they should do is just have Ben Tate and Foster run the wildcat for half the game.
Terry Bradshaw - I watch the Fox pregame show (because I like to feel smart) and EVERY week, when they do their picks, ol' TB never remembers who he picked to win. This will never stop be amusing to me. He only has to pick FOUR winners and he is so inbred that he can't. Hilarious.
Graham Gano - Still the worst kicker of all time. Fortunately, he has a Cannon fueled by Sex on his team. Stupid Redskins winning meaningless games...
DREAM TEAM!!! - They are 4-7 now. Mr. Ace is terrible at rooting for good professional football teams.
Everyone but Janikowski and Gould - I still think that both the Raiders and Bears are good teams. Cutler be damned. It would be nice if DMac took the stitches out of his gash though.
Marmalard - How the fuck can the Chargers be 4-7? This just in: TEBOW RULES!
My In-Laws - Remember what happened a week and a half ago? Sure you do. Guess who made the drive back North yesterday? Yep. Guess who got into town at 7 last night and asked us to go out to dinner with them even though we JUST ate? Yep. Guess who asked during dinner (while I'm just sitting there watching them eat) if they could stay the night? Yep and my reply was a Tim Allen-esque grunt. Guess who stayed the night last night for the 4th time in 11 days while they live a short 2.25 hours away? Yep. Guess who would have been home by 10:30 last night if they just decided to STOP BOTHERING ME? Goddamn right. I'm sick of this. The wife is avoiding me because she knows that I'm ready to blow. This is so fucking frustrating. I can't believe that normal people would behave this way. It sort of ruins the fact that I have wrapped up my division in the DFL and MSFL. Family sucks.
To wrap things up this week, yesterday was 4 years since Sean Taylor was murdered by a bunch of beaners in his own home. 21 will always be one of my favorite football players ever. Play on, playa.