Monday, November 21, 2011

The Worst of Week Eleven Vol.V

This is not Champions Lane.
You know what's awesome?  Treating cops like shit.  They get to walk around all the time thinking that their badasses and holding guns and telling you to vote down Senate Bill 5, but every once in awhile, they need to be knocked down a peg.  The older that I get, the farther those days are from me.  But I was able to get a little taste of classic insubordination on campus Saturday afternoon.  If you "subscribe" to my Facebook feed, you already know this so deal with it.

Damman, Jeff Jess, and myself were walking back from CHAMPIONS LANE to The Stube.  We decided to cross the street since both sides of Champions were stopped and we saw a couple of port-o-shitters that needed to be pissed in.

Cop (who is just standing around with 8 other rent-a-cops doing nothing): HEY!  You're jaywalking!  Get over here, asshole!
G$ (completing a well-executed Frogger course):  COME GET ME, BITCH!

First of all, why is a cop calling someone an asshole for crossing a street?  Second, isn't it YOUR job to get me?  If I come to you, you wouldn't be doing your job.  Third, FUCK YOU, GUY.  None of those stupid pigs came after us.  I should have voted yes on Issue 2.  Less cops, please.  They clearly aren't doing their goddamn jobs.  But that being said, I felt great after that brief exchange and flee.  It reminded me of how awesome I used to be (and still can be when properly motivated with beer and free Monster energy drinks).  Anyway, on to week 11's poop:

Rex Ryan - I wonder if he's on the hot seat at all?  The internet loves him (rightfully so) but he has hitched his fatwagon to a terrible QB (that Cowherd will defend until the bitter end).  Someone is going to have to take the fall here for the Jets shitty season.  I hope it's not Rex.

Tim Tebow? - Everyone seems to be on one side of the fence here.  You're either "He sucks" or "He just wins".  I'm in the latter.  He is fucking brutal to watch but if for some reason that game is still close going into the 4th, he's going to win.  You need to do what the Lions did and kill them early.  One thing I noticed, ALL of his teammates fucking love the guy.  I do, too.  4-1, faggots.  Haters going to Hell.

Ray Lewis - HAHAHAHA what a little cunt-hair!  Poor wittle murderer got an owie on his toe?  HOW WILL HE DANCE LIKE A CONVICT GETTING OUT OF PRISON NOW?  Get fucked.


Ravens fans - Next time that Baltimore is on and playing at home (like say Thursday night), look at the crowd and find one non-faggot in the stands.  I bet you can't do it.  It's like finding a non-tard at a Steelers game.

Minnesota Vikings - I was asking the dog this yesterday when the RedZone went to the OAK/MIN game: is there a more irrelevant franchise than the Vikings?  I feel like they're the Houston Astros of football.  No one cares either way about the Vikes.  And Adrian Peterson got hurt which makes them even more worthless.

The guy who OK'ed 59 million for Ryan Fitzpatrick - First things first, get rid of the beard already, Harvard-o.  That clearly isn't working any magic.  You see, here's the other part.  Fitz CLEARLY looks like he always has now and isn't a franchise QB like he fooled Ralph Wilson into believing for 6 weeks.  But now, with all sorts of sick QBs available in the Draft, they can't take one!  Awful.  The Bills are going to end up cutting that guy within the next 3 years.

Dolphins sick? - Also amusing that Matt Moore is ensuring himself of a job next year!  He's fucking Marc Anthony out of a real QB with every pointless win!  Hey bitch, the Skins just passed you!!!

AJ Hawk - Because I want to blame someone for allowing LeGarrette Blount to go all BEAST MODE on the run of the year.  The Packers defense sort of sucks balls.  Whatever, they're 10-0 (soon to be 11-0).

Cam Newton - And the slide continues...at least he has a pretty smile.

Commenter Drew - OK, I'm going to give him a break because I think he was drunk as shit at the time, but you should have seen the texts that I got from him after an underwhelming Lions home win over one of the 5 worst teams in the league.  He was doing his normal "you so dumb fo real" shit because I questioned Fat Stafford's glove usage last week when he launched a metric ton of interceptions to the Bears.  Apparently, drunk Drew likes to do what all idiots do and overreacts to the last thing that you just saw.  Yes, Fat played well after two terrible picks.  It was against a horrible defense at home.  He still shouldn't be wearing gloves though.  It doesn't negate the rotten turd that he laid on Soldier Field last week.  CALM DOWN.  Let's see what he's got cooking on Thursday before we start sizing his sausage gloved fingers for a SB ring.

Blaine Gabbert - I couldn't be more happy that the Redskins didn't draft this loser.  He has no accuracy and couldn't even beat the Browns.  The Browns fucking blow by the way.  Never forget that.

Phil Dawson - Good job complaining about a field goal that you CLEARLY missed.  He still eats his own (and other people's) boogers.  I am sure of this.

Graham GaNOT - You Browns and Lions and Bears fans don't understand what it's like to have decades worth of brutal kickers.  The last Redskins kicker that I had any confidence in was Chip Lohmiller in the early 90's.  That's not good.  And this faggot missed two field goals that would have beat the Cowboys.  I hope someone burns down his house.

Rob Ryan - I like the guy but he is SO DISGUSTING.  There is no way that he's showered since 2004.  His defense gave up a rushing touchdown to Rex Grossman and a receiving TD to Donte Stallworth.  In 2011.  The Redskins are shit.

My man-crush for 2012 - It's settled and is becoming a strong possibility.  I want Matt Barkley.  I want him in DC more than I want Kyle Shanahan to be stripped of his play-calling duties.  The way that the Skins are playing, I think they get the 3rd or 4th pick and my dream becomes a reality.


All of the late games - Just terrible.  Jake Locker looked pretty good though.  The Chargers are done.  That was a bad slate of late games.

Andy Reid - I'm writing this before the Sunday Night game and I'm just going to go out on a limb and assume that he loses at least one challenge that he should have never challenged.  The odds are in my favor.

I think that that's going to do it for me this week.  You've got Iceman tomorrow and (hopefully) a special collaborative effort by Drew and Mr. Ace as a preview for the OSU/Michigan game coming Wednesday.  Yes, Mr. Ace is cumming back after he gets done sharing his testimony to Syracuse police about past rapings.

33 comments:

Anonymous said...

Solid post.. Cops suck ass, you know they were those guys that got shit on all through school and now you give them some pepper spray and a badge and holy shit.. look out. And Graham Gano wins the hope choke-o award for blowing those two fields goals. Nuff said.

-Dave

Anonymous said...

STAFFORD WEARING GLOVES YESTERDAY = ELITE!

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Oh...and "Apparently, drunk Drew likes to do what all idiots do and overreacts to the last thing that you just saw." coming from a guy that writes each Sunday night about what he just watched go down in the NFL is rich. You are so dumb....fo real.

Jay Cutler's thumb....NOT ELITE!

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Happy Beat Michigan week everyone!

Fleeing the cops was definitely an adrenaline rush. Although it was the first time I have sprinted at all in about 10 years. Nearly pulled a hammy.

Danny Woodhead is the only thing that stands between me and a likely MSFL playoff berth. That troll better not come through for Prime.

-Damman

Anonymous said...

It's terrible how fans like Drew can make multiple readers of this site from the JBeanie days hate the Lions (who we used to somewhat root for).

Barkley will be a Brown.

Dawson's kick was GOOD.

Seal

GMoney said...

Drew is not smart. Period. The Panthers are atrocious. Yesterday proved nothing. And our Stafford "debate" doesn't relate at all to what I talk about on Mondays which is pretty much just a recap of what happened (you've been around long enough to know this, idiot). Who still quotes Antoine Dodson though? That's so old and unfresh. What a fag.

STAFFORD WEARING GLOVES AGAINST A DECENT TEAM = OVERRATED AND PRONE TO BLAMING THE WIND FOR SHITTINESS

Seal, that was a miss and everyone knows it except you and the booger eater apparently.

The Redskins have 3 wins and won't get another. The Browns have 4. You have just been eliminated from the Matt Barkley Sweepstakes.

GMoney said...

And RIP Jay Cutler's thumb. Someone on ESPN last night through out names like Marc Bulger and (gasp) BRETT LORENZO FAVRE! That would be hilarious.

Anonymous said...

FUDGE PACKERS ARE GOING DOWN ON TURKEY DAY!

--Drew

The Iceman said...

Lotta faggots out there according to this post.

Caleb Hanie is Johnny Unitas. Straight from the mouth of Mike Ditka.

Playoff teams always need 2nd half comebacks to beat horrible teams with rookie QBs, right? Rodgers will be discount double checkin Detroit's defense all day.

Damman sucks.

Prime99 said...

Damman- considering my entire team is off this week, it is awful that I have an outside shot at beating you. You should socially assassinate some of your terrible players.

With the Bears schedule, I think Caleb Hanie can still get them in the playoffs (will be tough.) Cutler going down sucks worse than me working all day yesterday at a "charity" basketball game with most of my Fantasy Arrest team. Don't worry- no arrests or tampering.

Anonymous said...

Iceman....The Lions D is gonna concuss Rodgers just like they did last year when he took his talents to Detroit.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

Never pick an undefeated team to lose...unless you're Drew and wear Matt Stafford pajamas to bed.

GMoney said...

Phil Simms yesterday: "Lance Briggs is the most unsung hero in the NFL".

WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS EVEN MEAN, FEEEEEEEEL? Everyone that watches football knows who Lance Briggs is!

Anonymous said...

Phil Simms is wrong. CALVIN JOHNSON IS THE MOST UNSUNG HERO IN THE NFL!

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Prime, if Eli wouldn't have gone all Eli Manning last night, it wouldn't be an issue. My team is ELITE.

-Damman

The Iceman said...

Ditka also called Caleb Hanie, Jacob Hanie and said there are only 3 or 4 QBs in the NFL that throw the ball better than Jay Cutler. I love it when I get to watch old people slowly slip into insanity.

Anonymous said...

That kick by Dawson was good.

I was actually pissed when the browns held on at the end. Hurts our chances of being able to trade up for Luck!

The skins have Roy helu and Fred davis.. They will win at least 2 more games .

Anyone going to Jen-a-palooza Wednesday?

Has urban been announced yet?

Dut

Prime99 said...

If ELITE, in this case means "Lucky as fuck," this yes- your team is ELITE.

Anonymous said...

Lions @ Saints two Sundays from now just got flexed to be the Sunday night game. ELITE teams play at ELITE times like that.

--Drew

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
GMoney said...

What was the game that got the boot? That should be interesting. First team to 40 wins?

Megatron hasn't scored in two weeks. Piece of shit!!!

WALKING DEAD TIME:

Nothing beats driving your green Hyundai around, killing a few zombies, having a relatively attractive yet unstable chick grab your junk while driving, and then railing the shit out of her on the road. SHANE 4 PREZ!

Sophia...still not found. Terrible plotline.

GIVE YOURSELF AN ABORTION, YOU IDIOT.

Midseason finale next week? The fuck?

Anonymous said...

I've said from day one that the old fuck with the beard needs to die. I hate him with a passion. But good for super slope for getting some of that hot ass. If this whole season is about finding that retarded girl, I'll be pissed. She better be dead.

Ide

Anonymous said...

The game taht got the boot was IND/NE. Colts are not ELITE without Peyton.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Ide...that's not a nice thing to say about Grumpy.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

I love what Shane says to Andrea when she starts grabbing his stack. Something to the effect of, "Well, go get it." Classic Shane move. He's quickly becoming the best character on the show. Rick's too big of a snatch to lead the group and will eventually get everyone killed if he doesn't knock off the whole boyscout routine.

Kudos to farm slut for telling Data what everyone else already knows. He's an Asian and expendable. That's why he gets the shit jobs.

Has anyone else noticed how fucking huge Dale's nostrils are? Christ, you could take a bath in those things.

Yeah...this midseason finale can suck it's own cock. I guess season 2 is gonna start back up in February. Laaaaaaaaame.

Someone told me season 2 was supposed to be more gory than 1. Lies.

Prime99 said...

Someone is falling into that barn... Or the barn is getting opened. Either way- can we get some mayhem going on that farm?!

The lost girl is the worst dragged out story ever.

The Iceman said...

That barn door is for sure coming open at some point and Colonel Sanders will be the first to eat it. That's what he gets for being a fucking moron.

Mr. Ace said...

Free Mountain Dew for everyone!!!

Anonymous said...

JUSTIN VERLANDER WINS THE AL MVP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SUCK ON THAT G$!!!!!!!!!!!

--Drew

Anonymous said...

MVP! MVP! Woooooo!!!!!

Dut

GMoney said...

Congrats to SteelersFanlander. His MVP award AND Cy Young will look great next to the World Series ring that he'll never win. Who cares. Hopefully he finds the same fate as that Dutch guy on the Mariners who got killed by his broseph.

I was just listening to Demetrius while walking the dog and he dropped this gem:
"The NFL is a talent-based league".
Dynamite analysis, D!!!

Worse story: Lost little girl or Lori's fetus?

I want to see Dale actually step up to Shane and challenge him to a duel. But then again, WHO WILL DRIVE THE RV THAT ALWAYS BREAKS DOWN???

Anonymous said...

So the Tigers have the Cy Young winner and MVP and they don't even make it the World Series, let alone win it. What a shitty team.

-Damman

Brady said...

I don't know if Matt Barkley is the answer man. I feel your pain as a Browns fan in wanting... no needing to get a franchise qb in place but Barkley feels a little sex-cannonesque to me. A marginal quarterback that is surrounded by superior talent who is going to end up holding a clipboard in the pros. Plus his hair is WAY to dreamy to succeed at a high level in the NFL. Just look at Gabbert.