|This is not Champions Lane.|
Damman, Jeff Jess, and myself were walking back from CHAMPIONS LANE to The Stube. We decided to cross the street since both sides of Champions were stopped and we saw a couple of port-o-shitters that needed to be pissed in.
Cop (who is just standing around with 8 other rent-a-cops doing nothing): HEY! You're jaywalking! Get over here, asshole!
G$ (completing a well-executed Frogger course): COME GET ME, BITCH!
First of all, why is a cop calling someone an asshole for crossing a street? Second, isn't it YOUR job to get me? If I come to you, you wouldn't be doing your job. Third, FUCK YOU, GUY. None of those stupid pigs came after us. I should have voted yes on Issue 2. Less cops, please. They clearly aren't doing their goddamn jobs. But that being said, I felt great after that brief exchange and flee. It reminded me of how awesome I used to be (and still can be when properly motivated with beer and free Monster energy drinks). Anyway, on to week 11's poop:
Rex Ryan - I wonder if he's on the hot seat at all? The internet loves him (rightfully so) but he has hitched his fatwagon to a terrible QB (that Cowherd will defend until the bitter end). Someone is going to have to take the fall here for the Jets shitty season. I hope it's not Rex.
Tim Tebow? - Everyone seems to be on one side of the fence here. You're either "He sucks" or "He just wins". I'm in the latter. He is fucking brutal to watch but if for some reason that game is still close going into the 4th, he's going to win. You need to do what the Lions did and kill them early. One thing I noticed, ALL of his teammates fucking love the guy. I do, too. 4-1, faggots. Haters going to Hell.
Ray Lewis - HAHAHAHA what a little cunt-hair! Poor wittle murderer got an owie on his toe? HOW WILL HE DANCE LIKE A CONVICT GETTING OUT OF PRISON NOW? Get fucked.
Ravens fans - Next time that Baltimore is on and playing at home (like say Thursday night), look at the crowd and find one non-faggot in the stands. I bet you can't do it. It's like finding a non-tard at a Steelers game.
Minnesota Vikings - I was asking the dog this yesterday when the RedZone went to the OAK/MIN game: is there a more irrelevant franchise than the Vikings? I feel like they're the Houston Astros of football. No one cares either way about the Vikes. And Adrian Peterson got hurt which makes them even more worthless.
The guy who OK'ed 59 million for Ryan Fitzpatrick - First things first, get rid of the beard already, Harvard-o. That clearly isn't working any magic. You see, here's the other part. Fitz CLEARLY looks like he always has now and isn't a franchise QB like he fooled Ralph Wilson into believing for 6 weeks. But now, with all sorts of sick QBs available in the Draft, they can't take one! Awful. The Bills are going to end up cutting that guy within the next 3 years.
Dolphins sick? - Also amusing that Matt Moore is ensuring himself of a job next year! He's fucking Marc Anthony out of a real QB with every pointless win! Hey bitch, the Skins just passed you!!!
AJ Hawk - Because I want to blame someone for allowing LeGarrette Blount to go all BEAST MODE on the run of the year. The Packers defense sort of sucks balls. Whatever, they're 10-0 (soon to be 11-0).
Cam Newton - And the slide continues...at least he has a pretty smile.
Commenter Drew - OK, I'm going to give him a break because I think he was drunk as shit at the time, but you should have seen the texts that I got from him after an underwhelming Lions home win over one of the 5 worst teams in the league. He was doing his normal "you so dumb fo real" shit because I questioned Fat Stafford's glove usage last week when he launched a metric ton of interceptions to the Bears. Apparently, drunk Drew likes to do what all idiots do and overreacts to the last thing that you just saw. Yes, Fat played well after two terrible picks. It was against a horrible defense at home. He still shouldn't be wearing gloves though. It doesn't negate the rotten turd that he laid on Soldier Field last week. CALM DOWN. Let's see what he's got cooking on Thursday before we start sizing his sausage gloved fingers for a SB ring.
Blaine Gabbert - I couldn't be more happy that the Redskins didn't draft this loser. He has no accuracy and couldn't even beat the Browns. The Browns fucking blow by the way. Never forget that.
Phil Dawson - Good job complaining about a field goal that you CLEARLY missed. He still eats his own (and other people's) boogers. I am sure of this.
Graham GaNOT - You Browns and Lions and Bears fans don't understand what it's like to have decades worth of brutal kickers. The last Redskins kicker that I had any confidence in was Chip Lohmiller in the early 90's. That's not good. And this faggot missed two field goals that would have beat the Cowboys. I hope someone burns down his house.
Rob Ryan - I like the guy but he is SO DISGUSTING. There is no way that he's showered since 2004. His defense gave up a rushing touchdown to Rex Grossman and a receiving TD to Donte Stallworth. In 2011. The Redskins are shit.
My man-crush for 2012 - It's settled and is becoming a strong possibility. I want Matt Barkley. I want him in DC more than I want Kyle Shanahan to be stripped of his play-calling duties. The way that the Skins are playing, I think they get the 3rd or 4th pick and my dream becomes a reality.
All of the late games - Just terrible. Jake Locker looked pretty good though. The Chargers are done. That was a bad slate of late games.
Andy Reid - I'm writing this before the Sunday Night game and I'm just going to go out on a limb and assume that he loses at least one challenge that he should have never challenged. The odds are in my favor.
I think that that's going to do it for me this week. You've got Iceman tomorrow and (hopefully) a special collaborative effort by Drew and Mr. Ace as a preview for the OSU/Michigan game coming Wednesday. Yes, Mr. Ace is cumming back after he gets done sharing his testimony to Syracuse police about past rapings.