Wednesday, November 30, 2011

This Post Will Be Way Better If Duke Won Last Night

"SUCK MY DICK, GOD!"
I’m not even going to bother writing up anything creative and unshitty today. What’s the point when there are going to be 20+ comments before noon regarding “Duke Sux”, “Fuck Duke”, and “Is Austin Rivers black?”. So we’re running lean and mean on this Wednesday so that you can spew out whatever you want to in the comments without offending your gorgeous author. Since I’m writing this up before the tip of not-a-basketball-school vs. Duke (and the superior Miami/Cincinnati game...which begs the question, why are they playing the varsity game before the JV game?), here are a few other topics to munch on.

*I’m sorry, but if you are in the Eastern Time zone, there is no excuse for 9:36 pm tip-offs. It’s not like I’m going to watch the game anyway (I won’t) because Sons of Anarchy is way better and having a goddamn terrific bounce back season. Still...that's too late and I'm getting too old for this shit.

*Anyone else following this Syracuse story with all the butt play and whatnot? Apparently, ESPN knew about this shit in 2003 and just sat on it. Reason? Because there was only one accuser! Now that there are two, they think it’s a story. Nice morals!  Granted, McQueary was wrong all the way through for doing nothing, but ESPN pretty much did the exact same thing. What am I trying to say here exactly? Kill Cowherd.

*Well, the NBA Lockout is over and that means that our Lockout Arrest Draft is over before it really ever got started. That’s the biggest casualty of this whole saga. We each built tremendous franchises and it ended up being a massive waste of time. And I was so close to Kris Humphries murdering a paparazzo.  You all owe me a flesh light anyway.

*Monday night on Sportscenter (which Mike Golic hosts for some reason), Mike and Mike spent two minutes discussing whether or not Tim Tebow is the NFL MVP. And I here I thought that our Arrest Draft was a waste of time.

*Clones, can we please get a moratorium on Ide and Ape sharing health tips? I’ve seen these mountains of lemon parties up close countless times and they are not even remotely qualified to better your life. Maybe in the future, fellas, but for the rest of us slobs, we’ll be taking nutritional advice from the Dolph Lundgren’s and Glenn Danzig’s of the world. You know, the real beefcakes.

*I’m getting pretty sick and tired of all this goddamn rain. Just turn to fucking snow already. I really, really want to get my snow blower out again. It is easily one of the ten greatest inventions of all time.

Whatever. That’s it. Occupy The Comments. Hopefully, Brady Hoke shows up again.

28 comments:

Anonymous said...

Miami is just as awful as UM in basketball.

Ide

Grumpy said...

But we get to watch Charlie Coles turn senile right before our eyes.

GMoney said...

Miami is just as awful as Urban Meyer in basketball?

Cincinnati's blackness rivals only the 80's Georgetown Hoyas. Nothing is more frustrating than seeing some big stiff from Senegal score 12 points when his lifetime high was 4.

I don't care what anyone says, today's picture caption is the best one ever.

Anonymous said...

I will agree with you on the caption it made me LOLZ.
I only know of a few true OSU basketball fans. So I can't wait to see them all come out of the woodwork and act like they have been huge bball fans. So dumb fo realz.
----Lange

Anonymous said...

The caption made me LOLZ,too!

I have to admit that I thought OSU was going to lose last night for some reason. When the Buckeyes we went on those huge runs in the first half I was a combination of shocked, ecstatic, and erect. OSU looked damn fucking good.

I have to give props to Austin Rivers, though. He has some sick ankle breaking moves. However, right now he looks more suited for teh And1 Tour than ACC basketball, because he doesn't know how to pass.

-Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

Im actually one of the few basketball lovers. Blame it on attending UNC because I certainly wasn't that avid a fan growing up. After seeing how they celebrate games down there it kind of stuck with me. Beating Duke was all that much better. I would say more about how great we are but I sent out at least 30 texts to my Duke fans friends. They are almost as despicable as Steeler fans due to their rabid cheering and the pure fact that NONE of them could actually be accepted there.

Ide

Shook's Son said...

To answer the question on everybody's mind:

Miles Plumlee gives better head than Mason Plumlee. But neither of them compare to Dut.

Anonymous said...

Lange- Don't try to ruin this for us. Most Osu fans will admit that they're not nearly as big of basketball fans as football. That's because it's not possible. Don't try to compare the two to make your generalization that there are no osu basketball fans.

Coach K said that his butt hurts last night.

Shook's son- you're just not that funny anymore. Stop trying so hard.

Dut

GMoney said...

Where's Drew? Is he dead? Did Grumpy outlive him? That would be awesome if he was dead.

Dut, no one is saying that you all don't put up a good front, but it would be nice if you actually started consistently selling out your shitty arena for every game. But then again, your coach looks like the former AD at NHS which has no bearing on my argument but is one of my best lookalikes ever.

GMoney said...

"Old Man Yells At Cloud" would also be a terrific caption for the pic.

Anonymous said...

Ohio state was 6th in total attendance in basketball last year..

Dut

Anonymous said...

Dut- Please tell me why it is not possible to become just as big of a fan? I was happy you guys took Duke to the woodshed. Maybe its just because you were a superior Nosetackle in 7th grade that makes you like football so much more than basketball.
I was flipping between the game and victoria's special last night.... Did the crowd or ESPN make a big deal about Lebron or Wade at the game?

---- Lange

GMoney said...

Way to polish a turd. 6th in total perhaps (let's see what the percentage of capacity says though) but you were #1 for a decent chunk of the season last year and had 2 or 3 sellouts. That's not impressive. That is overrated and not elite. I understand that most would love to just stay home and play Buckeye Basketball Drinking Game, but not all the time.

Anonymous said...

ESPN showed LBJ and Deaden a bunch and the crowd booed the fuck out of them.

Ide

Shook's Son said...

Stop trying so hard.

I said the same thing to Roger last night when he lost his erection in my butt. He got it back though. They always get it back.

Anonymous said...

Lange- it's the culture. Ohio is a football state. You should understand that even though you live in Detroit jr.

Dut

Anonymous said...

Fear not gentlemen...I am alive and well! I just woke up about 45 minutes ago...took today off months ago in lieu of Duke. Got to Varsity Club at 5 yesterday...partied hard..atmosphere was tremendous.

Lange...I've had OSU season basketball tickets for ten years now...is that good enough for you.

Dut...pay no attention to G$...he is nothing but a troll on this issue. I just looked and OSU had six sell-outs of 18,809 last year and a handful of other games 17k plus. He is too dumb for real to understand that that would sell-out almost all college basketball arenas. It didn't help that last year the non-conference slate was filled with shit-tastic schools like Miami of Ohio and North Carolina A&T...the best non-conference foe was South Carolina.

The Buckeyes are fo realz.

I'm on Team Boeheim in this sex abuse matter.

Being too tired for a 9:35p.m. start isn't being too old...it's being too big of a pussy.

The NBA Lockout is technically not over yet, so the game should still be played.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

"Got to Varsity Club at 5 yesterday...partied hard..atmosphere was tremendous."

Didn't Ape say you were 37??

Any of you fags interested in fantasy basketball this year? I have a league started already and we need 2 possibly 3. $50 buy in.

Anonymous said...

Dut - I didn't realize that I was ruining something for you since you aren't as big of a fan. Im sure you've never tried to ruin a victory for other fans. Hypocrite. Quit being a little bitch.

How about those red stag warriors..... tim tebow has resurrected my team.

----

GMoney said...

Game on then!!! I'm even going to allow tampering!

You want a troll, I'll give you a troll:

The only reason that anOSU won last night was because Duke had a hangover from that long trip to Maui glory. Trolling at it's finest right there!

Anonymous said...

Lange

Anonymous said...

Iceman....I'm 29. By partied hard, I meant we drank a bunch of pitchers of beer, ate some pizza and took a couple shots before going to the game.......so yeah.......not really partying hard. I should have just said drank a bunch of beer.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

Then I will allow it. Not sure where Ape got the whole 37 thing.

Anonymous said...

Estrogen from gay diets effect coherent thoughts.

Anonymous said...

That's a good point anon.

--Drew

GMoney said...

I literally have nothing to write about tomorrow. This blows. Urban Meyer has sucked the life out of the news cycle. Any thoughts/ideas? Because right now we're looking at Mr. Ape's 80% vegan recipes.

The Iceman said...

How about an interview with Jim boeheim so you can find out if he supports child porn.

Anonymous said...

An anti-vegan post is exactly what is needed around here. Also more college basketball entries too.

Ide