Friday, November 11, 2011

Random Topic Friday

Not pictured: raging boner
Interracial (MAYBE!) molestation is all the rage this week, but I still think that the OJ Simpson murder was the biggest sports story of my lifetime. Penn State is damn close, but since JoePa wasn’t the one doing the fucking, I’m going to have to rank it #2. But other stuff has happened this week that is largely being ignored. No longer. Here’s a list of stuff I wanted to hit on today, brah:

*Drew actually brought up a good point the other day. Why does a tremendous internet journalist such as myself say that every coach sucks? That’s a good question and something I never realized but is so obviously accurate. I don’t know what constitutes greatness to me but I suppose my qualifications are:
1. Do you win all the games that you should while splitting those that are toss-ups/you shouldn’t win?
2. Do I feel like you get the most out of your players?

While Bob Stoops definitely is OK in question 1, he fails question 2 (IN MY PERSONAL OPINION). You know someone that really sucks though that for some reason still has a high profile job? Bo Pelini. Bo, and his idiot brother Carl, should just wear clown suits on the sideline. They are supposed to “bring back the black shirts” yet their defense (other than Suh) has been nothing but average. They both look like gomers. I tried to remember the last time that the Pelini-led Huskers won a game in which they were underdogs. And nothing springs to mind. The Pelini brothers are awful…yet Li’l Strut would take them as Ohio State’s next coach(es). Somebody get LS a pair of clown shoes.

*UH OH SPAGHETTI-O'S!!! According to the Dispatch, the NCAA (who should have figured this out awhile ago) is apparently ready to rule on the Buckeyes.
In a signal that tougher penalties likely loom, the NCAA has notified Ohio State University that it is facing a charge of failing to monitor its violation-plagued football program.
Thoughts? This seems like a pleasant surprise to this Buckeye Hater. I was expecting nothing to happen.

*Nats catcher Wilson Ramos has been kidnapped in his native Venezuela. Jesus Christ! This should be getting much more ink right now but it’s being overshadowed. I can’t believe that this bullshit happens. Why would any Mexican go back to Mexico when this sort of stuff seemingly happens all the time? Latin America sucks.

*Why do I love John Daly? Because the big guy is a goddamn disaster. Take his actions at the Australian Open earlier this week for example:
Then at the 11th, it appeared that Daly gave up, and simply hit the remaining balls he had into a water hazard that he didn't come close to clearing. Daly hit seven golf balls into the water on No. 11 and would have been hitting his 16th shot had he continued.
That is ridiculously funny. Running out of balls on purpose so you can (presumably) head to the nearest Hooters is such a Daly thing to do. How is this guy not dead yet?

*While Michigan State is going to be average this season, I am intrigued by the Carrier Classic (it’s tonight, I think). An outdoor basketball game that counts? I’m in. Unless there’s a 30 mph wind, Carolina is going to slaughter Sparty (like they do every time they meet).

*I’m going to the Blue Jackets/Winnipeg game tomorrow night. They are so fucking bad. I’m hoping that the CBJ picks me out of the crowd to play goalie though. I couldn’t be any worse than Steve Mason. How would I fix this team? I’m not sure why you would ask someone who has only been following hockey for about 4 years, but I’ll answer anyway. Fire Coach Arniel. Kill Kris Russell. Trade Antoine Vermette for a retirement home’s septic tank. BENCH GODDAMN MASON. Tell Rick Nash that he isn’t a Captain anymore. After these moves, the team will still probably suck.

Surely, a good chunk of the comments today will be about Trivia Night last night and I’m fine with that. I’m just giving everyone some additional talking points. Let’s see if we can make it through the weekend without any more disgusting sex allegations (and if the pimp service story is true, apparently it will be made public by Saturday). Oh goodie…


Grumpy said...

Venezeulan catcher gets kidnapped in his "native" Venezeula. What does that have to do with Mexico? Possibly the dumbest statement ever written here, and that's saying a lot.

Please...Trivia Night stories.

Anonymous said...

Baghdad was the right fucking answer. We did ok until we shit 20 points on that last question. My knowledge of famous women writers should NEVER be questioned.

Shoutout to Michael Bush for going off last night.

Fucking Baghdad.


GMoney said...

No, Grump, you are wrong. Everything south of Texas is considered Mexico in this beautiful mind. We've covered this before.

Here's how it went down last night and you tell me if Ide is awful:
-Host asks what the first city to reach one million people was
-Ide jumps up right away claiming to know the answer (he says Baghdad)
-Ide "stakes his reputation" on it
-Dut writes down Bangkok on the slip because he is a moron and will not get anything from me on Administrative Professionals Day
-The table decides that if Ide is wrong, he owes a round of boilermakers
-Ide is wrong. The host says that Rome is the answer.
-Ide pulls out his cell phone to investigate even though this is illegal, finds some weirdo site that agrees with him, runs up to the host, and shoves it in his face.
-The host tells him he shouldn't have his phone out and awards us no additional points anyway
-It was embarrassing to see Ide throw the challenge flag at trivia night
-We're all still waiting on those boilermakers
-Ide sucks

I think that that about covers it. The questions last night were incredibly tough. When are they ever going to ask pro wrestling questions, dammit!

Grumpy said...

Suggest a porn trivia night. We would kill. I cover everything back to the early 20th Century and you everything else.

GMoney said...

In case you were wondering, there were six Penn State-related team names so if you bet the over on the line of 4.5 that I set yesterday, Ide owes you a boilermaker.

And I just want to let Grumpy and Damman know that just because you got insane production from that loser Denarius Moore last night, you will still both be crushed. Make a note of it.

Ohio State takes away 5 schollies over the next three years...yeah, like the NCAA is going to be cool with that non-punishment.

Anonymous said...

*You do think wayyyyyyy too many coaches suck. But, I like the fact that you only think Jim Schwartz doesn't maybe I'm fine with that. That being said...Norv Turner is a shitty coach.

*As for the OSU stuff...we'll see, but I didn't like that extra charity/jobs thing getting dumped on top of what I thought we would skate with. The "Failure To Monitor" charge isn't necessarily a death sentence though. Michigan got FTM and only got probation...Tennessee got FTM and only lost a couple scholarships (like we just self-imposed). Worst thing that could happen is a one year bowl ban....I'd say it's a 49% chance we get one now.

*These baseball players are idiots and are obsessed with going back to their homeland. Just look at how players like Pedro Martinez and Miguel Cabrera can still barely speak the English language. I think all they think about is homeland, baseball, money and fucking bitches.

*The Poo Jackets are all sorts of terrible. I bet a buddy they would lose 6-2 last night...they lost 6-3...damn close.

*What was the best trivia name last night?


Anonymous said...

I thought it was "Are you sure you want a balcony, Dr. King?"

It should be noted that the emcee of the night said he owed me one. Deft arguing skills always rule trivia. And it was cnn that I got that info from as we were about to invade Iraq.


Ace said...

And Southern is still in Miami...

"Are you sure you want a balcony, Dr. King?" is a fucking fantastic team name.


Anonymous said...

Again my reputation isn't much currency so ill buy the next rounds.

GMoney said...

Based on my criteria and personal opinion, coaches that don't suck include:

Urban, Saban, Miles, Chris Peterson, Mike Leach, Pat Fitzgerald, Dantonio, Chip Kelly, Gary Patterson, I'll give Beamer a little love, MAYBE Brian Kelly, and not Ron Zook. Let me know if I missed anyone.

NFL - Harbaughs, Schwartz, Rex Ryan, McCarthy, Tomlin, Marvin Lewis (that's right!), Coughlin, Payton, Mike Smiff, and not Andy Reid or Lovie.

More than you think, bitch!

Ide, no one can confirm that the host said he "owes you one". I don't believe it. I would bet that he kicked your ass and fucked you in the alley instead. I stake my reputation on that.

Anonymous said...

I'm still confused on how IDE "knew" it was Baghdad (Bangkok?) when it was the wrong answer, and he also had a source that was incorrect. Was he doing research before trivia night!?

I thought the best team name was "I came to Penn state as a tight end, but Jerry Sandusky made me a wide receiver"

I will take credit for getting the boomer question right.

I don't think the NCAA will add much to the self imposed sanctions. Let's just get this fucking thing over with and move on. Penn state is rapin kids and were concerned over a few players gettin paid 200$ more than they should have!?


GMoney said...

Drew, I also want to reiterate that Antoine Vermette is the worst player in the league. Arniel should be fired because he healthy scratched Ryan Johansen last night eventhough he's been our second best player this season.

Do you think any team would trade their #2 goalie who could be a #1 (like Schneider or Enroth) for Mason and Vermette? I want those two gone so fucking bad.

The Jackets shouldn't be this bad. It's an embarrassment. They should probably trade Nash but they can't which sucks.

At least I know the team is safe in town. I won't get worried about them moving until Phoenix leaves.

Anonymous said...

I like your Vermette hatred. I think a team would be more willing to just trade for Mason than that combo.

That's retarded that he healthy scratched Johansen. He's the only player on that team that has impressed me when I've been bored enougn to tune in/the one game I went to.

I think Pat Fitzgerald is overrated.


GMoney said...

Fitz might be but I feel like his players love him and play better than they should.

Mason needs a fresh start. He looks shell-shocked. He'll probably be a force wherever he ends up next.

Jackets MVP's so far this year:
1. Prospal
2. Johansen
3. Anyone who has paid to see this team get destroyed

1. Vermette
2. Mason
3. Russell
4. Umberger
5. Nash
6. Arniel
7. Aaron Johnson
8. Clitsome
9. Vermette again
10. Dorsett
Should I keep going???

GMoney said...

Someone is listening to me! Kris Russell traded to St. Louis this morning!!!

Prime99 said...

Anthony Jeselnik (from the Sheen and Trump Roasts) has some fantastic PSU related tweets:

"In Jerry Sandusky's defense, he got those kids ready to play on Saturday. And got the clean."

"Isn't Jerry Sandusky's real crime that he didn't teach those kids better defense?"

Trivia night sounded pretty awesome.

Anonymous said...

Remember when Dut and Drew both said there was no way in hell OSU was getting a bowl ban of any kind? Care to take any of that back?

GMoney said...

Let's wait for that to happen first, Ice-diggity.

Grump, you'll be happy to know that when the question about what gas is derived from limestone and acid, I actually said "Grumpy would probably fucking know this." We tried to answer this question with one of our patented table-wide tard-offs where none of us remember basic shit taught in high school. We got it wrong.

Anonymous said...

Fleshlights should have been accepted. When is the next trivia night?


GMoney said...

I would guess after Thanksgiving but knowing how lazy we all are, I'd say January is probably the earliest.

Grumpy said...

Carbon dioxide?

GMoney said...


Anonymous said...

Iceman...those comments from Dut and I were before any of this stuff that fell under FTM broke. I do not take those back. I also still think no bowl ban is more likely than a bowl ban.

Headed to the Varsity Club for a good four hours of pregame boozing before attending Buckeye basketball opening night! I bet G$ wore his buckeye basketball shirt to work today...he's a huge fan.